Women and Other Monsters (12 page)
Read Women and Other Monsters Online
Authors: Bernard Schaffer
I cannot recall what kinds of books she read when I was a kid. It pains me to admit it, but I suspect they were of the Jackie Collins variety. We had an enormous seven-shelf wooden bookcase in the living room, filled with her books and some Time Life collections that my parents acquired through television commercial advertisements. My father had only two books on that bookshelf, and they were consigned to the very bottom right corner: I AM NOT SPOCK by Leonard Nimoy and CHARIOTS OF THE GODS? by Erich Von Daniken.
My father has one of the most singular belief systems I’ve ever encountered. He will tell you that the Bible is the gospel truth and Revelations is upon us. He loves the NRA, America, Republicans, and Jesus Christ…except he also thinks we might have been brought here by aliens.
Through the course of my life we have had many discussions about religion that ranged from gentlemanly debates to vicious screaming matches. Those talks normally end with him calling me a liberal and me calling him a delusional nutcase. In print, the word “liberal” just doesn’t have the venom it does when he says it. Imagine someone saying “Baby killing domestic terrorist intent on handing over everything we have to China” and you might be close. As far as right-wing maniacs go, he’s okay though. After every one of our arguments, we sit down and have a beer. At his house the beer is Keystone Light and I say, “What is this, piss- water?” At my house, the beer is Modelo Negro and he says, “I feel like I should be outside cutting someone’s grass when I drink this.”
As I look back, “Nazareth” clearly originates from our family dinner table discussions where my dad described “Ancient Astronauts” coming to earth and teaching pre-historic man their ways. He’d always qualify the story by saying, “That isn’t what’s in the bible, though.” It was almost as if he was apologizing for having such radical thoughts that ran contrary to everything he was taught to believe. He’d be silent for a long time after that, and when everyone else left the table, he’d lean in real close to me and say, “But that sure as hell would explain a whole lot.”
The house I grew up in was torn down and replaced with a custom-home that has a fire-pit in the backyard and two-car garage facing the street. The fields have all been plowed under and replaced by one of those developments my mom coveted for so many years.
Old men with missing fingers don’t go riding a lawnmower down the street there anymore. Boys don’t spend their days walking in the woods anymore, and whatever ghosts and mysteries that used to inhabit that mysterious place are all lost to time.
Sometimes I still dream of that stream and those moss-covered rocks, ever the questing Knight. I create these stories in that place, wondering what monsters are waiting in the woods for me. They wait for little boys that venture alone into the darkness.
But this time, I had you with me.
The complete sage of Agent Sean Price is available in the
Codename: Omega novella
for just .99 on Amazon.
To read the story deemed too explicit by Karen the Angry Hatchet,
follow this link
to view the Ancient Rituals (The Erotic Stories of Alejandro Flores) novella. Warning, it contains adults-only material.
This collection was edited by Karen S., or as I affectionately call her, “The Angry Hatchet.” It is due to her patience, insight, and wonderful editorial advice that I am able to do what I do. Advice is a polite way to say insistence, which is also a nice way to say that Karen is a cruel and demanding taskmaster. But one I would never think to try doing this without. She is my Irene Adler, most aggressive critic, and most sincere friend.
Even after reading my words of thanks, she insisted that I let people know how much she hates “Cold Comforts.”
Frank Zubek encouraged me to publish a book on Kindle (Nook, etc). I wouldn’t have attempted this without him. Donna Laing provided invaluable help regarding life during Civil War times and over three decades of guidance both literary and otherwise. Tony DePaul, Angie Avilla, Kevin Stebner, and Brooke Rosen were the first to read these stories and provide feedback. I am eternally grateful.
My beloved Izdehar and my children, Brandon, and Julia. Each of you suffers in your own unique way so that I can pound these things out on my computer. In my own fashion, I am doing this for each of you.
And finally, to those who chose this book, whoever you are, wherever you are. I hope you enjoyed our time together.
As a teenager, Bernard Schaffer starred in Nickelodeon’s “Don’t Just Sit There,” musical productions, television commercials, and a skit on Saturday Night Live. He left acting to pursue a career in law enforcement. Since 2000, Schaffer has worked as a patrolman, detective, and narcotics officer in the suburbs of Philadelphia.
In 2012, he released a series of books titled SUPERBIA about a dysfunctional police department. As a result, he was stripped of his detective rank.
Schaffer is the founder of the Kindle All-Stars. The project’s first release was an anthology titled RESISTANCE FRONT that starred Harlan Ellison and Alan Dean Foster. All profits from that book are being donated to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.
Connect with Bernard Schaffer Online
www.BernardJSchaffer.blogspot.com
EMAIL
Twitter
The work of Bernard Schaffer is being assembled into Collected Editions to make it easy for readers to acquire. These new titles are the best place to start.
The Superbia Collected Edition
This volume includes the first two best-sellers as well as interviews with the author and the Way of the Warrior Essay. Available on Kindle for one low price of $4.99.
Coordinates to Unmapped Places: The Collected Fiction of Bernard Schaffer
This volume collects the assorted short-stories and novellas currently available, including the Guns of Seneca 6 prequel "Old-Time Lawmen" from Resistance Front, assorted stories from Women and Other Monsters, and the Kyoshi Scroll, Ancient Rituals, and Codename: Omega novellas. Available on Kindle, Nook, and Smashwords for $4.99,
Chambered Rounds: The Collected Non-Fiction of Bernard Schaffer
This volume collects all of the essays and non-fiction pieces Bernard Schaffer has written about a wide variety of subjects. Includes selections from Knife Fights, Regarding Freemasonry, Way of the Warrior, and Resistance Front. Available on Kindle, Nook, and Smashwords for $4.99
$2.99 Kindle, Free on Amazon Prime
"Ed McBain for the 21st Century."
Matt Posner, author of School of the Ages
"Schaffer is the very best independent author I have ever read...with Superbia, Schaffer has taken his game to an entirely new level."
David Hulegaard, author of Noble
“Step to the side, Joseph Wambaugh."
5-Star Customer Review
"Schaffer's writing is top notch. He is funny, dark and tortured throughout. I was laughing at one page and then crying the next."
The Book Nook Club
A deadly shooting leaves police officer Frank O'Ryan with a shattered knee and a growing addiction to Percocet. Upon his return to duty, he is assigned to assist the most despised person in his police department, Detective Vic Ajax.
Together, the two officers will encounter everything from drug stashes hidden inside dirty baby diapers to geriatric child molesters. They will journey into a world of madness, crushing isolation, and unsung heroism from which so few return.
Superbia is the funniest, scariest, most brutal account of what police officers truly experience, written by the only author in the world who could take on such a task.
Official Book Website with More Info, Links, etc
$2.99 Kindle, Free on Amazon Prime
"Superbia 2 is the knockout punch from the new heavyweight champion of police procedurals. With this book, Schaffer cements his place among the all-time greats and silences anyone who ever tried to stop him. In the face of oppression, he came back swinging and this book stands defiant. It is a true testament to his love of the police profession, those who (really) do the job, his hatred of those who don't, and his blistering talent at telling a damn good story. Welcome back, champ."
Cheryl G., reader review.
"The Postmodern Hamlet,"
reader review Amazon.com
"I did wonder if this book could equal the first one, Superbia. Well it did. It took me just 8 hours to read Bernard Schaffer's latest offering. I poured through it like a reader possessed,"
reader review, Amazon.com
"Bernard Schaffer must be my favourite author at the moment,"
reader review Amazon.com
"Just finished Superbia 2 and all I can say is 'WOW'. This storyline is getting better with each book,"
reader review Amazon.com.
After the publication of the first Superbia, Schaffer faced incredible resistance from his "other" profession, and instead of backing away from writing about what he knows best, vowed to come back swinging harder than ever. Superbia 2 continues the story of the men and women of his infamous unnamed suburban police department.
The end of the first book saw Detective Frank O'Ryan vowing to take revenge for his dead partner, Vic Ajax. Superbia 2 is a masterful journey into the heart and soul of one man, willing to do to whatever it takes to set things right...even if it means doing something terribly wrong.
Official Book Website with More Info, Links, Videos, etc.
$2.99 on Kindle, Free on Amazon Prime
"Take Firefly, add a little steampunk, and throw in some classic Western mythology such as the story of Wyatt Earp and the Gunfight at the O.K. Corral, and you've got Seneca 6"
FringeScientist.com
"If you enjoyed Cowboys & Aliens, or Firefly you will most likely find this book to be right up your alley. It has been a long, long time since I have enjoyed a good Western read."
Reader Review Amazon.com
"In fact the story is full of little gems. They come as part of the Bernard Schaffer book package - he being a master of the `visual writing'. And in Jem Clayton, Marshal James McParlan and Doc Halladay you have three very engaging characters - the brilliant threesome. The defenders."
Reader Review Amazon.UK
"Outlaws, savages, aliens, and a town under martial law: This is not the Wild West as you know it, and author Bernard Schaffer wouldn't have it any other way...A cast of strong characters that are so distinguishable and well-crafted that you could almost label any of them as the "main" character."
HulegaardBooks.com
Guns of Seneca 6 is a trailblazing, gun-slinging, high-octane adventure of the Old West set on a distant planet in outer space. For years, the mining settlement of Seneca 6 was kept calm and peaceful by its steady-handed sheriff, Sam Clayton. That all ended on the day he was murdered in the wastelands, deep in the heart of Seneca’s native people, the Beothuk.
Twenty years later, an intergalactic Marshal crash lands on Seneca transporting one of the galaxy’s most ruthless, despicable criminals. It is only a matter of time before his brother, Little Willy Harpe, arrives to murder the Marshal and kill everyone and everything he finds inside Seneca 6.
Jem Clayton has turned into the infamous outlaw, “Gentleman Jim.” Upon his return to Seneca, he is joined by legendary scoundrel Doctor Royce Henry Halladay, and together, they make a stand against the Harpe Gang and a weapon they possess of unholy power.
Fans of “Firefly,” “Tombstone,” and “Star Trek,” get your guns ready. These are the Guns of Seneca 6.
Official Book Website with More Info, Links, etc
WHITECHAPEL: THE FINAL STAND OF SHERLOCK HOLMES
$4.99 on Kindle, Free on Amazon Prime
