Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom (57 page)

O’Hara surveyed approximately 150 women—enough to make her study statistically reliable. Here’s how one survey respondent described sex with an uncircumcised partner: “Sex with a natural partner has been to me like the gentle rhythm of a peaceful but powerful ocean—waves build, then subside and soothe. It felt so natural, as if it were filling a deep need within me, not necessarily for the act of sex, but more in order to experience the rhythm of a man and woman as they were created to respond to each other.”

The Sexual Consequences of Male Circumcision

After circum cision, the exposed head of the penis thickens like a callus and becomes less sensitive.
²⁸
Men who have been circumcised later in life and who therefore know the difference report a decrease in their sexual sensations.

Also, because erotically sensitive areas of the penis have been removed, the circumcised penis must thrust more vigor ously with a much longer stroke in order to reach orgasm through stimulating the less sensitive penile shaft. In her study of women who have had sexual experiences with both natural and circumcised men, O’Hara notes that respondents over whelmingly concurred that the mechanics of coitus were different for the two groups of men. Seventy-three percent of the women reported that circumcised men tended to thrust harder, using elongated strokes, while uncircumcised men tended to thrust more gently, to have shorter strokes, and to maintain more contact between the mons pubis and clitoris.

What If You’re with a Circumcised Man?

As with the millions of women who’ve suffered from genital mutilation, it’s important for all of us to acknowledge the damage that has been done by circumcision on the body, mind, and spirit of men— even though men “don’t remember the procedure.” Believe me, their bodies do! Obviously, despite this wound, men are capable of a great deal of sexual pleasure. And though I’ve no doubt that na ture designed our genitalia to facilitate the kind of physical intimacy so many women crave, it’s important to know that it’s possible to experience deeply satisfying sex with any kind of penis when you have true intimacy with and respect for each other.

RECLAIMING THE EROTIC: CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

As women, we need to consider becoming “virgin” again by being true to our deepest selves. We must do and be what is true for us—not to please someone else but for the sake of our own truth. The original meaning of the word
virgin
had nothing to do with sexuality. It referred instead to a woman who was whole and complete unto herself, belonging to no man.
²⁹
It’s time for all of us women to reestablish our virginity in that sense.

Acknowledge that you have access to eros, to the life force—the erotic, ecstatic energy of your being. It is part of being human.

Imagine what your sexuality would be like if you thought of it as holy and sacred, a gift from the same source that created the ocean, the waves, and the stars.

Reconnect with your sexuality simply as the expression of this creative life force.

Learn to experience and then direct your sexual energy (with or without actually having sex) for your greatest possible pleasure and good. Secondarily, imagine how you can use it to benefit other people in their lives as well.

Think of yourself as a goddess. Allow your life to change by completely embracing your innate sexuality without guilt, shame, or fear. There. Isn’t that a relief?

9 Vulva, Vagina, Cervix,
and Lower Urinary Tract

This . . . is dedicated with tenderness and respect to the blameless vulva.

—
Possessing the Secret of Joy,
by Alice Walker, from which this quotation comes, names and bears witness to the extreme suffering of tens of millions of women around the world whose external genitalia have been cut off and who have otherwise been mutilated in girlhood because of the dictates of their patriarchal cultures. This practice still goes on, even in some areas of the United States.

T
he vulva is known in Sanskrit as the
yoni,
which means “gateway to life.” It consists of all the parts that make up the external female genitalia. As an essential gateway to life, symbolic of a sacred portal, the vulva should be celebrated, not maligned, mutilated, or considered shameful in any way. After all, this is the area of the body through which the seeds of human life are planted and later harvested through birth. It is also the area associated with the most exquisite pleasure that women are capable of experiencing.

More than 80 percent of the human immune system cells are at the mucosal openings in the body, including the vulva, vagina, cervix, and urethral openings. When this area is intact and healthy, it affords effective protection against sexually transmitted disease, including AIDS. Keeping the genitals healthy is also essential for optimal fertility, sexual functioning, and elimination. The very first step that a woman must take to achieve this is to lovingly accept this area of her body.

OUR CULTURAL INHERITANCE

It’s crucial that we tell the truth about the cultural programming that makes the lower genital areas so problematic for so many women. Western culture has considered the genital area “dirty” and defiles it by this attitude. Every function associated with the genitals—birthing, bleeding, sex, and elimination—is
highly
charged emotionally and psychologically. Since childhood, most of us have picked up the idea that this part of our body is different from other parts: It is taboo, dirty, and unworthy. Over the years, many patients of all ages and backgrounds have asked me during their pelvic exams, “How can you do this job? It’s so disgusting.” One woman recalled visiting her college health service to be treated for a yeast infection and being told by a young male M.D., “The female genitalia are like a cesspool.” The most common reason that women douche, moreover, is their mistaken belief, handed down from mother to daughter, that this area of the body is offensive and requires special cleaning. It is now well documented that douching is not necessary and can even be harmful (it can irritate tissues, making them more susceptible to infection). The practice is on the decline. Still, the promotion and sale of feminine hygiene deodorants and deodorant-impregnated tampons and sanitary pads give women the impression that the vagina in its natural state is unacceptable, that it must be sanitized and deodorized.

The very word
vagina
comes from Latin and originally meant “sheath for a sword”—or the sheath for a penis, an example of a woman’s body being defined only in reference to men.
¹
In prehistoric egalitarian societies, vulvas and pubic triangles were frequently drawn or inscribed on cave walls to symbolize a sacred place, a gateway to life. And as already mentioned, sexuality and spirituality were appreci ated as intimately connected, an idea that is now reawakening in our culture.

Perhaps the most shocking and extreme evidence in our global culture today of blatant disrespect for the vulva is the practice of female genital mutilation (euphemistically called circumcision), which is routinely carried out by elder women in cultures in which it is practiced. The tribal wisdom is that the young girl will be considered “tainted goods” if she hasn’t been circumcised. The entire tribe shares in this belief system, so those who have had it done don’t necessarily feel abused. From our Western cultural standpoint, this is barbaric. Because consciousness of the physical, psychological, and spiritual effects of female circumcision is now growing, the entire subject is being brought out into the open, discussed, and reevaluated. Incest and other human rights abuses have been the norm for the last five thousand years. “These did not become the crimes they are today,” says theologian and medical intuitive Caroline Myss, “until we began to reevaluate our personal boundaries within our tribal settings.” In my view, this collective reevaluation constitutes recovery from the addictive system in which we have been caught up.