Won't Let Go (25 page)

“I’m good,” I whisper. Not quite the truth, but not quite a lie.

“I was so worried. I don’t think I’ve ever been so worried before.”

A low rumble works its way up my throat. “You can’t remember anything, so that doesn’t count.” Then I say, “It’s wasn’t your fault.”

As I continue to cling to the real Embry, I reach towards his spirit with my right hand. I trail my fingers down the side of his face, down his neck and push my palm against his heart—or where it should be—there’s no thump, thump, thump. It doesn’t matter, even if I can’t feel it. I know it’s there. It has to be. “You know you’re a hero, right? I mean, sort of. You saved our lives back there. They should give you a medal.”

The quick shake of Embry’s head allows his long strands of hair to fly back and forth. “If it wasn’t for me, this wouldn’t have happened in the first place. I’m no hero.” His bangs flop this way and that and fall into his eyes. The dim light makes it impossible to see if they’ve returned to their usual bright blue instead of that dark, dark gray from before.

“But did you hear me? It’s not your fault. All of this. It wasn’t because of what you did to Danielle. She—she told me you wanted to keep the baby, not—not walk away from it. So you are my hero,” I say, but it’s covered up by a yawn. I feel so tired. I thought he’d smile, his eyes would light up.

Embry gives my hand a squeeze. “No. You’re mine,” he whispers. “Without you, I’d have never found out the truth.” He releases my hand.

“What’s wrong?”

His thumb gently swirls around the top of my hand. “Nothing.”

Even his tone is cut with a miserable presence. “You can tell me what’s wrong.”

Embry stays silent. Maybe he’s still beating himself up. He’s discovered so much,
done
so much since I came to town. I decide to ignore his ominous expression.

“I have to go,” he whispers.

My thoughts immediately halt. “What?”

“I have to go.”

“Go? Go where. Why do you have to leave?” Tears well in my eyes.

Embry’s hand moves to my head, methodically stroking my hair. “It’s time.”

“Time for what? I—I don’t—don’t understand.”

Taking in a big breath of air, Embry exhales slowly. “It’s time for me to go. To move on.”

“What? No. You can’t. You—you promised,” I breathe. The tears that welled in my eyes grow to be too much. I can’t hold them at bay anymore. They slowly spill over the edge.

Embry cups my cheek. Taking his other hand, he entwines his fingers with mine. “I thought I could stay but—” his head slides to the right and tilts up towards the ceiling. “Don’t you see it?”

I follow the direction of his eyes. All I see is a ceiling, those foam like tiles, two rows of lights, walls and nothing else. “I don’t see anything.” But the way he stares so intently, it makes me believe he sees something I can’t, that there’s something really there.

“It’s so beautiful, Alexia. It’s so bright, warm, and it’s pulling me to it. I can feel—I know it’s where I’m supposed to go.”

I squeeze his hand tighter. “No. No, you can’t—you promised. You promised you wouldn’t leave.”

In an instant Embry leans forward and pulls me to him. I let go of the real him as he presses my head against his chest, wraps his strong, cold arms tightly around me. “I know, but I realize now, maybe it wasn’t my place to make that promise.”

I can’t hold it in anymore. Sobs force their way out, and I cry into his chest, clutching his shirt. “I don’t want you to leave. Please.”

He squeezes tighter, pressing his lips to my head, and then Embry rests his chin against it. “Alexia, my Alexia,” he says into my hair. “My work here is done. The reason I stayed, why I didn’t cross over, it was because I needed to help my brother. And now I have.”

“No, it’s not over. He still needs you—
I
still need you.” I bury my head deeper, forcing myself to get as close as I can to him, to hold on as tight as I can. “Please, just not yet, wait. Wait a month, or a week. I’ll take a day, just one more day. Please, just don’t—not yet. I’m not ready to let go.” I pull away from him. Instantly the hurt in his eyes, the glossiness they’ve taken on, it breaks my heart, just as much as him telling me he can’t stay. He brushes away the tears on my face.

“Please don’t cry. You’ve given me so much. I can’t bear to see tears fall from those beautiful eyes of yours.”

“Then don’t leave. Stay. Stay here with me.”

“I wish I could. God, I wish I could. But—I—I can’t, I can’t hold on much longer. Don’t you see? There’s so much more out there, for you, for me.”

I’m doing everything I promised I wouldn’t. I told myself I’d let go. I’d be happy if there was a better place for him. That I’d do whatever it took to get his brother free. And now that the moment’s finally come, I just can’t seem to accept it. I thought there was still hope. I clung to it as hard as I’m clinging to Embry now. Parts of me honestly didn’t think Embry would ever have to go. That I could keep him forever.

Embry places his hands on my cheeks. The coolness of his touch soothes my hot, inflamed skin. The contrast of temperature almost burns. “This is the way it has to be. I know it hurts. It hurts me too—” Quickly he presses his lips against mine.

I kiss back, urgently, hoping if I pour all my emotion into it, if I hold on tight enough, he won’t let go. But I knew this was a possibility. I knew how falling for him didn’t mean he’d be mine. That he was never mine to keep, but I did it anyway, and my heart, it’s breaking because I fell for someone I knew, I just knew I couldn’t have.

 Embry pulls away, taking his hands with him. “I have to go. Now.”

“No,” I breathe.

Once more, Embry captures my lips with his, bringing his hands up to cup my cheeks. The kiss is soft and gentle and doesn’t last nearly long enough before he tears himself away again. “It’s okay. Trust me. This is the way it has to be.”

I shake my head, not wanting to listen. I pinch my eyes shut, not wanting to look. His body shifts. His hands fall from my face. A loud sob fills the room, more tears spill from my eyes. I pinch them tighter, hoping the tears will stop. That the pain frantically possessing every part of my body, replacing every other emotion, will go away. I have to open my eyes because I no longer feel his hands against my skin. He’s let go.

Embry’s standing now, I reach out and take his hand, even tug it, eager to try and get him to come back. He pulls free from my grasp and walks towards the light he sees. His unusually human form begins to fade, blurring around the edges, and with each step, he looks less clear. He’s that badly tuned TV now, his body flickering in and out. And when he reaches the wall, he turns slightly. “Alexia?”

I wipe my arm across my eyes, soaking up the tears. “Yeah?”

“You’re still
my
favorite part of this world.”

Before I get a chance to respond, he turns into a million tiny grains and falls to the floor.

My head falls into my hands.

Uncontrollable sobs rake my body.

The only way to account for time passing is the beat of our hearts. It’s not even worth measuring because I’ll stay until the end.

Until Embry, the
real
Embry breathes his last breath.

And I’ll continue to hold on, to squeeze his hand until—

The End

You’d think these things would get easier to write the second time around—not the case. So, if I've forgotten anyone—I am truly sorry! You are all important. 

I continue to thank my family, friends and my husband for taking this journey with me, feeling my excitement, sharing my achievements and showing me unconditional love and support.

A special thanks goes out to my mom, Carol Haller, for her creativity—past, present and future. She's often the one behind my fun advertising campaigns, swag and giveaways. And to Ron Hoefsloot, for supplying me with the necessary tools and supplies to help me create many of my swag items.

There are some
very
important men in my life, whom are very deserving of a mention. They’ve done so much and mean the world to me. This is my second novel, and I still feel I couldn’t have gotten here without them. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, Daniel Souillet; for your patience and willingness to overlook a few of my flaws as I continue to realize my dream of being an author, Michael Young; for your unwavering amount of support and encouragement, Steven Whibley; for always being around, for
always
listening and for always reading everything I write, William Sobel; for giving your comments, even if it pains you to read yet another romance laced novel of mine.

My dear friend, Erin Forbes, needs a mention, too. Though I'm not sure she knows this, having her listen to my ideas, my frustrations, and having me talk in circles about whatever I'm working on has truly helped.

Like always, there is a group of beta’s and critique partners that have given freely their time, their wisdom and their advice. Thank you, Brandy B, Sheila H, Dana-Lynn M, William S and Steven W. If you hadn’t read Won’t Let Go and helped me with it, it might not have made it to print.

My editor has been so patient with me, and kind, and helpful. Without her I wouldn’t have been able to take Won’t Let Go, and make it even better. So thank you, Judy Roth. I had so much fun teaching you some Canadianisms and ridding this novel of them! 

A cover is the first thing you see when you pick up a novel, or find it while surfing the web. I owe Taria Reed a million warm fuzzies for giving me a breathtaking cover.

I’ve also been able to find a home here with Crescent Moon Press, whether it be with the owners, my editor, or the many amazing authors they represent. They’ve shared in this journey and have made the experience that much better! Thank you fellow CMP'ers!

Of course I need to thank the many authors, bloggers and reviewers, local and across the globe, that have befriended me over the last few of years. There are too many of you to mention, but trust me, knowing that you are taking this ride along with me is so important! And I hope we continue to support each other!

I’d like to give a shout-out to Desiree S-A for taking the time to come up with a new fictional name for this novel. Staying true to my little quirk of naming towns after cemeteries, I’m happy to be able to use Willard Grove!

And lastly, but maybe most importantly, I need to thank the readers. You may have found your way back to me after reading A Stiff Kiss, and you may have just found me with Won’t Let Go. But it’s for you that I continue to weave stories that will appeal and that I hope won’t disappoint!

Avery Olive doesn't kiss and tell. Except when it comes to writing about hot supernatural guys. She lives with her husband and son in Red Deer, Alberta, where she spends way too much time reading, writing and avoiding house work.

Currently, she's the author of A Stiff Kiss, a young adult novel with a morbid twist on a classic fairytale, in reverse, and Won't Let Go, involving an amnesic ghostboy who just won't move on.

What she is sure of is that writing will always give her the chance to escape and hopes to release many more novels in the future.

You can find Avery on social media sites like
Facebook
,
Twitter
(@AveryOlive),
Tumblr
,
Goodreads
and on her website,
http://averyolive.blogspot.ca/

Other Books by Avery Olive

A Stiff Kiss

ISBN: 978-1-937254-33-9

ASIN: B0075M4KA2