Word of Honor, Book 2 (46 page)

Aaron Jr. looked at Mia as if she were the epitome of all that was right in the world, and he couldn’t agree more. The tiny baby could not have any idea that his existence was an unbelievable miracle. Not simply because he was a baby that had been conceived and born without a hitch, but because his parents were designed by a society that intended for them to never meet, let alone fall in love.

Aaron had been a tormented man, pretending he didn’t care about all that he had lost and suffered. He once thrived on the pain of others, loving the infliction and breaking down a spirit until nothing was left but a whisper of dust. He’d been addicted to hardship, agony, and bereavement – any form of pain would do. Now, he was drawn to healing, sensuality, and love, and he was selective about the quality of such. He ran his hand over his shoulder, where the zipper tattoo was neatly covered with a crisp, white shirt.

Yes, the zipper tattoo stayed, just as he’d intended. He was not a Frankenstein monster; he was a man, and he’d fallen in love. Someone had seen beyond his creature-like exterior and reached within, pulled the zipper down and exposed a shielded heart, covered in shame and heartbreak. Mia knew she’d married a fiend, but she loved him all the same, and that was all he needed in the entire world…

From her, he needed to be taught.

From her, he needed to be loved.

From her, he needed forgiveness.

And he received all of that and more. There was no more hatred, just a state of bliss. He was finally at peace. The ‘N’ word was no longer in his vocabulary, nor was the word, Nazi. In their stead, he coveted another ‘N’ word, kept it close to his heart…

Nirvana,

Exactly what he felt when he looked at his beautiful wife, the descendant of African slaves, tribal kings and queens, and his son, a perfect blend of their humanity, frailty, and strength.

Chapter Twenty-One

H
E’D GOTTEN DOWN
to one pack a day – a much-needed improvement, and Laura’s constant badgering about his smoking had caused him unbelievable stress. Business was so good that he had to hire more guys. He now had a couple more ex-cops under his belt, and they proved to be a perfect addition. His days were so busy, he ran on only a few hours of sleep most nights.

Aaron took another toke of his cigarette, swallowed harshly, and looked down at the tombstone. His boot sank a little in the soft earth as a weathered leaf, worn and torn from a life cut too short, circled at the base of the grave. Bending low, he placed the white roses down, covering part of his father’s date of birth. He looked to the left, taking note of his mother’s grave; she, too, had a dozen white flowers, wrapped in a red satin sash. He flicked the ashes in the wind, peered up at the sun, then back down at the tombs. His mother had been dead for quite a few years. He’d heard about it, but had not previously cared enough to visit.

…Until he’d spoken to Julian. The strange man convinced him to make peace with them, to say goodbye. Initially, he’d balked at the notion, but then he remembered other sage advice he’d received from the most unlikely of sources. His way of dealing with his parents’ memory wasn’t exactly working, so, he took the words of wisdom, and put them into action. He looked back towards the graves, this time focusing on his father’s.

He’ll never know his grandchildren…

Aaron’s third and fourth child had come into the world two months prior. He and Mia now had three sons; their house was full and truly a home. Laura was growing so fast – eleven going on thirty. She was tall, adorable, sassy, and intelligent as ever, and had a wicked sense of humor. He fell on his knees thanking God when he realized she wasn’t damaged forever, that the racism he and her mother had infected her with was washed away within a rather short time period.

Regardless of his protests, she wanted nothing to do with her birth mother after a couple of years of living with him. Being as headstrong as she was, she begged her father to petition the court to cancel her mother’s visitation rights. Sarah seemed to stay drunk more times than not, and due to this, as well as her being on a continued downward spiral, Laura’s wish was granted.

Laura didn’t seem fazed either way – devoid of concern or reaction, though Aaron knew she was simply stifling it, not giving it any due attention. Instead, she’d clung to Mia from the day she arrived after he’d won custody, desperate for a strong mother figure, filled with delight to finally have one, regardless of the fact that Mia had not given birth to her. It didn’t seem to matter, for the two were inseparable, peas in a pod.

But, the facts of the matter still disturbed him. He hated that history had repeated itself; now, his child was experiencing a similar despair to the one he’d felt growing up. Notwithstanding, they were a close-knit family, working together as a whole, and he was determined to keep that situation intact.

Aaron Jr. was changing every day. The boy was smart as a whip, and had a smile that could make the sun covetous of the way he beamed on a daily basis. He was an excellent big brother to his fraternal twin brothers, Cayden and Chandler, bringing bottles to Mia without being asked, a change of diapers, and religiously kissing them goodnight.

His and Mia’s schedules were hectic, but they still made time for one another and their marriage was stronger than ever. He was more in love with her than the second before the last and at times, he had to pause, take a deep breath… because it frightened him. He’d never felt so strongly about someone before, and that meant she had control…

He had to relinquish his jurisdiction over the matter – for love was not governable. It could not be bossed around or told what to do, and made to bend to his whims. It simply had to be allowed to exist, and run its course. Yeah, that’s how love worked.

And, he realized at that moment as the sun burst through the slender branches of the trees in the graveyard, and he stood before his parents’ hidden remains – at one point in his life, he’d loved both of them tremendously. When he stopped loving them, he’d become a person he no longer recognized and that was when revulsion for all things decent moved into his heart. He’d needed a placeholder, something to help him survive, get through the days, weeks, months, and years. But, abhorrence was a beastly thing to hold onto. It had a way of contaminating and perverting the host, and eating them from the inside out, leaving a gaping hole.

“You know.” He took another puff his cigarette and peered back up at the sun. He narrowed his eyes to slits to protect them from its blinding light, then turned away, his vision temporarily impaired from the glare. “I don’t have any bad feelings for y’all anymore.” He paused to take a deep breath. “It just ain’t worth it. You’re gone, and I’m here. That has to stand for somethin’. I have no idea if either of you loved me or not. You didn’t love yourselves; that much is certain. Mama, Arnold.” He took another draw of his roll-up and looked off in the distance at the miles of lush, green grass, dotted with headstones. “Something went wrong with me. I don’t know if it first started while I was a fetus, growin’ inside you, Mama, or if it happened later, but
somethin’
wasn’t right.

“I’ve never really had a conscience, an internal meter that told me right from wrong or how to treat people. I had to
learn
to have a conscience; it had to be taught to me by Patti for it didn’t come naturally. I needed help, but I didn’t get it until it was almost too late. I’ve changed, but some things just can’t be obliterated. I’m goin’ to my grave with secrets. I’m goin’ to my grave with blood on my hands.” He glanced down at his palms. “I’m gonna go to my grave just like you’re in yours, knowin’ I’ve done wrong many times in my life. But… to this day, if I feel like someone is tryna threaten my happiness, mess up the good thing I got goin’, my crazy shows up.” He laughed lightly. “I ain’t never had nothin’ like this before… bein’ in love with a woman…a beautiful, black, fascinating woman…a damn
good
woman at that. That woman bore my children, and she gave birth to my daughter’s peace of mind.

“I have a beautiful home, a thriving business where I call the shots, and real friends now, too. We go to church on Sundays, have dinner together, and play video and card games on family night. I ain’t never had this type of normalcy before, and you two know it. So, when a motherfucker steps to me, I still have that same quicksilver reaction. I want to make ’im go away… make sure he don’t come back.” He took another slow draw of his cigarette. “I like doing it. I
like
to make my enemies suffer…and
that
, parents of mine, is what makes me a Frankenstein monster…

“Some have called me a sociopath. Some have called me narcissist or psychotic. I’ve called myself those things a time or two, too. A few have even said I am demonic, evil through and through. I ain’t much into titles, puttin’ people in little boxes and stickin’ a tag on them, but I’m somethin’… that is for sure.” He wrapped his lips around his cigarette and exhaled loops of smoke. “I’m somethin’ alright…and I know what I am now. I understand myself, and I don’t feel I owe
anyone
an explanation. I’ve accepted myself, and I know how to handle me, now; it’s all under control. You see, you two never really knew me. Family is the most important thing to me, and since I didn’t have a family, just a couple of adults that made it their job to kill my and my siblings’ wellbeing, I made sure to get me a genuine dynasty, make my own.

“I needed to meet the right woman for me in order to accomplish this. She had to be able to show me something I didn’t already know, and she had to somehow make me want to stay in the light, understand my dark side but not embrace it. I’m not lost anymore, Dad.” He shook his head. “You left me in the woods, but I found my way out…

“Regardless of me wishin’ you both would rot in Hell for eternity, I want to thank you for givin’ me life. I celebrate my world, filled with things I’d never seen as a little boy – like laughter from a newborn baby, joy, happiness, things like that. I thank God my kids ain’t like me, too. Yeah, they all have some of my physical features, but they ain’t like their old man, hurtin’ and makin’ an example out of everyone that gets in my way. They got goodness in them, they’re pure, but I’m polluted. I’m broken, but they’re in perfect working condition, and all I care about is helpin’ to keep them that way, their future, and keepin’ my woman happy… ’cause her happiness makes
me
happy, too.” He tossed his cigarette down and stomped it like a roach, extinguishing the flame.

“You both thought I was troubled, a hell raiser in desperate need of correction. You tried to break me, tried to exterminate my disposition, and you
almost
got your wish…but then, someone found me in the Lost and Found bin. She found me, dusted me off, and made me into something respectable, helped me reach my full potential. Through the course of some events, some of them forced upon me, others voluntary… I
changed
, Mama.” He fixed her headstone with a hard glare. “I put down my torch, and I told my master I didn’t want to do his bidding no more. I wanted a bride, and if I wanted to invite the love of my life into my heart, I had to let go of hate. I wasn’t allowed to have both. So.” He shrugged. “I gave it up, and all sorts of doors opened for me. I’m no longer afraid to be human.

“That means sometimes I’ll be right, and sometimes I’ll be wrong, and I’m okay with that. I had to get rid of my bad feelings towards you two, as well. No one can choose their parents; it just happens. But, enough is enough. I’ve held onto this resentment long enough. You created nightmares for me. But, you aren’t allowed in my dreams; they’re too good for the likes of you.”

“My ol’ lady is a saint. When she looks at me, you can see the love in her eyes. Everything that came before her in my life was nothing but death. I’m alive now. Her love? That’s what I
live
for. Y’all rest in peace, you hear? I’m not coming back here. This is the first and last time.” He slicked his hands in his pockets. “I needed to pay my respects and say goodbye.”

He threw up two fingers, forming the peace sign, and slowly walked away until he reached his rental car parked at the end of a steep hill. Soon, he’d be boarding an airplane to fly back to West Virginia and rejoin his family.