Works of Ivan Turgenev (Illustrated) (404 page)

VERA
[flushing],
Alexey Nikolaitch? I like Alexey Nikolaitch.

NATALYA PETROVNA
[watching her].
Yes, he’s a nice fellow. But he’s so shy with everybody. . . .

VERA
[innocently].
No. . . . He’s not shy with me.

NATALYA PETROVNA. Ah!

VERA. He talks to me. Perhaps you fancy that because he ... he’s afraid of you. He has not got to know you yet.

NATALYA PETROVNA. How do you know he’s afraid of me?

VERA. He told me so.

NATALYA PETROVNA. Oh! he has told you.... So he is more unreserved with you than with other people?

VERA. I don’t know how he is with other people, but with me . . . perhaps it’s because we are both orphans. Besides ... he looks on me ... as a child.

NATALYA PETROVNA. Do you think so? But I like him very much too. He must have a very kind heart.

VERA. Oh! the kindest! If only you knew . . . everyone in the house likes him. He’s so friendly. He talks to everybody, he’s ready to help anyone. The day before yesterday he carried a poor old beggar - woman in his arms from the high road to the hospital. He gathered a flower for me one day from such a high crag that I shut my eyes in terror, I kept thinking he would fall and be hurt, but he’s so clever! You saw yesterday in the meadow how clever he is at that sort of thing.

NATALVA PETROVNA. Yes, that’s true.

VERA. Do you remember the great ditch he jumped over when he was running after the kite? It was nothing to him.

NATALYA PETROVNA. And did he really pick a flower for you from a dangerous place? He must be fond of you.

VERA
[after a pause].
And he’s always good - humoured . . . always in good spirits. . ..

NATALYA PETROVNA. It’s strange, though. Why isn’t he like that with me? . . .

VERA
[interrupting her].
But I tell you he doesn’t know you. Wait a little, I’ll tell him. . . . I’ll tell him there’s no need to be afraid of you, shall I? That you’re so kind. . . .

NATALYA PETROVNA
[with a constrained laugh].
Thanks so much.

VERA. You’ll see. . .. He does what I tell him though I am younger than he is.

NATALYA PETROVNA. I didn’t know you were such friends. . . . But mind, Vera, be careful. Of course, he’s an excellent young man . . . but you know, at your age. . . . It’s not suitable, people may imagine things. ... I mentioned that, you remember? ... in the garden yesterday. [VERA
looks down.]
On the other hand, I don’t want to check your inclinations either. I have too much confidence in you and in him . . . but still. . . you mustn’t be angry with me for my scruples, my dear ... its the duty of us old folks to worry young people with our lectures. Though I really need not say all this, you simply like him, don’t you -
 
- and nothing more?

VERA
[timidly raising her eyes].
He. . . .

NATALYA PETROVNA. Now there you are looking at me like that again! Is that the way to look at a sister? Vera, listen, and lean down to me. . . .
[Caressing her.]
What if a sister, a real sister whispered now in your ear: ‘Verotchka, is it true, you don’t love anyone, do you?’ What would you answer? [VERA
looks uncertainly at
NATALYA PETROVNA.] Those eyes want to tell me something. . . . [VERA
suddenly presses her face to
NATALYA PETROVNA’S
bosom.
NATALYA PETROVNA
turns pale -
 
- and after a pause goes on.]
You do love him? Tell me, do you?

VERA
[not raising her head].
Oh! I don’t know what I feel. . . .

NATALYA PETROVNA. Poor child! You’re in love. . . . [VERA
huddles still more closely to
NATALYA PETROVNA.] You’re in love . . , and he? Vera, he?

VERA
[still not raising her head].
Why do you ask me questions? ... I don’t know. . . . Perhaps ... I don’t know, I don’t know. . . . [NATALYA PETROVNA
shudders and sits motionless.
VERA
lifts her head and at once notices the change in her face.]
Natalya Petrovna, what’s the matter?

NATALYA PETROVNA
[recovering herself].
The matter . . nothing. Why? Nothing.

VERA. You’re so pale, Natalya Petrovna. . . . What’s wrong? Let me ring. . . .
[Gets up.]

NATALYA PETROVNA. No, no ... don’t ring. It’s nothing. ... It will pass. There, it’s over now.

VERA. Let me fetch somebody, anyway.

NATALYA PETROVNA. No, don’t, I ... I want to be alone. Leave me alone, do you hear? We will finish our talk later. Run along.

VERA. You are not angry with me, Natalya Petrovna?

NATALYA PETROVNA. Angry? What for? Not at all. No, I’m grateful to you for your confidence. . . . Only leave me, please, j ust now.

[VERA
is about to take her hand, but
NATALYA PETROVNA
turns away as though not noticing her movement.]

VERA
[with tears in her eyes].
Natalya Petrovna. . . .

NATALYA PETROVNA. I ask you to leave me alone. [VERA
slowly goes out of the study.]

NATALYA PETROVNA
[alone, remains for some time motionless].
Now it’s all clear to me. . . . These children love each other. . . .
[Stops and passes her hand over her face.]
Well? So much the better. . . . God give them happiness!
[Laughing.]
And I ... I could imagine. . ..
[Stops again.]
She was not long blurting it out. ... I must own I did not suspect it, I must own the news has startled me. . . . But wait a bit, it’s not all settled yet. My God . . . what am I saying? What’s wrong with me? I don’t know myself. What am I coming to?
[A pause.]
What am I about? Trying to marry the poor girl to an old man!. . . I used the doctor as a go - between ... he suspects, he drops hints . . . Arkady, Rakitin .. . while I...
[Shudders and suddenly raises her head.]
But what does this mean? Me jealous of Vera! Me in love with him!
[A pause.]
And you still doubt it, do you? You’re in love to your misery! How it has come about ... I don’t know. It’s as though I’d been poisoned. . . . All at once everything’s destroyed, scattered, swept away. . . . He’s afraid of me. They’re all afraid of me! What could he see in me? . . . What use is a creature like me to him? He is young and she is young. While I!
[Bitterly.]
How could he think much of me? They are both foolish, as Rakitin says. ... Oh! I hate that clever friend! And Arkady, my good trusting Arkady! My God! my God! It’s killing me!
[Gets up.]
But I believe I’m going out of my mind! Why exaggerate? Yes . . . of course . . . I’m overwhelmed. . . . It’s so strange to me . . . it’s the first time ... I ... yes, the first time! I’m in love for the first time now!
[She sits down again.]
He must go away. Yes. And Rakitin too. It’s time to come to my senses. I’ve allowed myself to take one step . . . and see! See what I’ve come to! And what is it in him attracts me?
[Ponders.]
So this is it, this dreadful feeling. . . . Arkady! Yes, I will fall into his arms, I will beg him to forgive me, to protect me, to save me. . . . He . . . and no one else! All the others are strangers to me and must remain strangers. . . . But can there be ... can there be no other way out? That girl -
 
- she’s a child. She may be mistaken. That’s all childishness really. . . . Why should I. ... I will talk to him myself, I will ask him. . . .
[Reproachfully.]
What? What? You are hoping? You still want to hope? And what am I hoping for? My God! don’t make me despise myself!
[Drops her head on her arms.
RAKITIN
comes in from the study, pale and agitated.]

RAKITIN
[going up to
NATALYA PETROVNA]. Natalya Petrovna....
[She does not stir.] [To himself.]
What can have happened with Vera?
[Aloud.]
Natalya Petrovna....

NATALYA PETROVNA
[raising her head].
Who is it? Ah! you.

RAKITAN. Vera Alexandrovna told me you were unwell. ...I...

NATALYA PETROVNA
[turning away],
I am quite well. ... What made her?. ..

RAKITIN. No! Natalya Petrovna, you are not well, you should see yourself.

NATALYA PETROVNA. Well, perhaps not. . . but what’s that to you? What do you want? What have you come for?

RAKITIN
[in a voice of deep feeling].
I’ll tell you what I have come for. I have come to ask your forgiveness. Half an hour ago I was unspeakably stupid and rude. . . . Forgive me. . . . You see, Natalya Petrovna, however modest a man’s desires and . . . and hopes, it is hard, for a moment anyway, for him to keep his head, when they are suddenly snatched away from him; but I have come to my senses. I understand my position and my fault, and I want only one thing . . . your forgiveness.
[He gently sits down beside her.]
Look at me . . . don’t you too turn away from me. Beside you is your old Rakitin, your friend, a man who asks nothing but to be allowed to serve you, as you said ... to help you. Don’t deprive me of your confidence, rely on me and forget that I ever. . . . Forget everything that may have wounded you. . . .

NATALYA PETROVNA
[who has been all the while staring fixedly at the floor].
Yes, yes.... [
Stopping.]
Oh! I’m, sorry Rakitin, I haven’t heard a word of what you’ve been saying.

RAKITIN
[mournfully].
I said ... I begged you to forgive me, Natalya Petrovna, I asked you whether you would let me be your friend still.

NATALYA PETROVNA
[slowly turning to him and laying her hands on his shoulders].
Rakitin, tell me, what’s the matter with me?

RAKITIN
[After a pause].
You’re in love.

NATALYA PETROVNA
[slowly repeating it after him].
I’m in love.. .. But it’s madness, Rakitin, it’s impossible. Can such things happen all of a sudden. . . . You say I’m in love. . . .
[Breaks off.]

RAKITIN. Yes, you’re in love, poor dear woman. . . . Don’t deceive yourself.

NATALYA PETROVNA
[not looking at him.]
What am I to do?

RAKITIN. I can tell you, Natalya Petrovna, if you promise . . .

NATALYA PETROVNA
[interrupting, still without looking at him].
You know that girl, Vera, loves him. . . They are in love with each other....

RAKITIN. If so, a reason the more...

NATALYA PETROVNA
[interrupting again].
I’ve long suspected it, but she acknowledged it herself. . . just now.

RAKITIN
[in a low voice, as though to himself].
Poor woman!

NATALYA PETROVNA
[passing her hand over her face].
Come. ... I must pull myself together. I believe you were going to say something. . . . For God’s sake, Rakitin, advise me what to do. ...

RAKITIN. I’m willing to advise you, Natalya Petrovna, only on one condition.