Worse Than Boys (6 page)

Now she’d said it, she couldn’t stop everything else from tumbling out. ‘I still wet the bed. Almost every night. I hate myself. I don’t know why. My mum even had me at a child psychologist … Nothing worked. I still wet the bed. It’s so embarrassing.’

For a moment I didn’t know what to say. It was the last thing I’d expected. Then before I could stop myself, I started laughing.

Erin was horrified. She tried to spring to her feet till she remembered she was drunk. She was almost crying. ‘Hannah!’

I couldn’t stop laughing. I lay along the floor of the toilets. ‘I thought you were going to tell me something earth-shattering … You’ve got two weeks to live … Your mother’s had a sex change operation and she’s really your dad … Anything … And what do you tell
me? … You wet the bed … I’m nearly wetting myself now …
pssssh
…’ I made a sound like running water.

Erin didn’t know what to do. She was watching me, hate and puzzlement in her eyes. I pulled her close and hugged her.

‘Erin … It’s not the end of the world. And I promise I’ll never tell. Cross my heart and hope to die.’

Erin smiled, unsurely, then she began laughing too. ‘But you’ve really got to mean it. You’ll never tell. I’d die if anybody else found out.’

At that moment I wished so much I had a secret I could share with Erin. But even my mother’s secret was something everyone knew of, but never talked about. My life was an open book. I couldn’t come up with a thing. ‘I’ll never tell,’ I said. ‘Never in a hundred million years. I swear on my mother’s grave.’

‘Your mother’s not dead,’ Erin reminded me.

‘I’ll go home and murder her tonight and bury her. OK?’

That made her laugh again. ‘You promise? Oh, please, please, don’t tell.’

‘Never,’ I said, as I helped her to her feet. ‘
Pssshhhh
…’ I said again. ‘
Psshhh
.’

She stopped me. ‘You’ve got to promise this is the
last time we’ll ever talk about this. You’ll never mention it again. It’ll be as if I never told you in the first place.’

I knew then I could never joke about it with her. Not ever again. It was too embarrassing for her. I pulled a zip across my lips. ‘Never again.’

We were arm in arm as we came out of the toilets. I’d never felt so close to Erin as I did that night. Erin had trusted me with her secret. A secret never to be told. No one else. No doubt about it now. I was Erin’s best friend.

Heather was waiting for us at the door of the toilets, ready to drag us back into the middle of the dance floor. ‘They’re going to play “Loch Lomond”!’ she screamed. ‘I thought you were going to miss it.’

We all gathered round in a circle ready to sing and dance. I grasped Erin’s hand as the music began and squeezed. Our secret, a secret never to be told. My best friend had trusted her secret to me. And I would never break that trust.

Chapter Fourteen

My mum wanted to know everything about the wedding next morning at breakfast. I had a splitting headache and a mouth like the bottom of a budgie’s cage. I kept thinking about the vodka Calum said he’d put in the punch and wondered if I might have a hangover. If this was a hangover I promised myself I would never drink again.

‘Did you have a wonderful time?’

I nodded, and felt as if a brass bell was clanging inside my head. ‘Great,’ I muttered.

‘Erin looked lovely,’ Mum said dreamily. ‘She fair suits that colour with her lovely golden hair. She’s a real strawberry blonde.’ She looked at me then, at my hair, and I knew she was comparing us and I was coming off worse. My hand automatically moved to my head. Mousey, my mum always called my hair. I told myself I didn’t care. I could dye it when I was older.

‘Never mind,’ Mum said. She was obviously reading my mind. ‘You can dye yours the same colour when you’re older.’ Then she carried on as if that shouldn’t hurt me. ‘I’m glad you enjoyed yourself. Your first grown-up night out without your mother tagging along. That’s a night to remember.’

And of course, it was a night to remember, but for a different reason.

Erin’s secret. No wonder she was ashamed to tell anyone. Erin was always so sure of herself, so cool. If anyone found out about that, she’d never be cool again. Everything about Erin fell into place now. No school trips, no sleepovers, never a night away from her mother.

And I was the only one she had entrusted with her secret. It made me feel special.

I phoned her later that afternoon, didn’t mention what she’d told me. We’d never talk of it again, I had told her, and I meant it. But it had brought a closeness between us that we didn’t have to put into words.

‘Want to come over to my place later?’ she asked me.

‘Sure. Want me to phone the others?’

‘No,’ she said. ‘Just for a change, it’ll be you and me.’

And now I knew I was really special.

It seemed to me that I was on top of the world when I went to school next day. The whole gang of us met at the front gates as usual, but it was my arm Erin linked in hers. And if Heather and Rose noticed, they didn’t say.

Wizzie and her gang were waiting for us in the corridor, blocking our way. ‘Heard the bride was a dog,’ Wizzie said.

Lauren had to get her bit in too. ‘She was nothing to the groom. It was not so much losing a daughter, as gaining a monkey.’

I remembered then that Lauren’s sister had been one of the waitresses. She probably told them everything about the wedding. ‘Jealousy’s a terrible thing,’ I said, and to Erin I added, ‘Wizzie hasn’t a hope in hell getting married. Who’d have her?’

Heather came charging up to me after registration. ‘Were you at Erin’s last night?’

Rose was right behind her. ‘Without us? How come you didn’t phone us?’

‘It was a last-minute thing,’ I said. ‘We don’t have to do everything together.’

But I knew I would have been miffed too if I’d been the one left out.

‘Sorry,’ I said. ‘I should have thought.’ I took the blame and was immediately angry at myself. It was just what my mum would have done, always the first one to apologise. So I added. ‘But for goodness’ sake, we’re not joined at the hip.’

It took the rest of the day for them to come round. In a way, I understood, but still I told myself, it wasn’t as if I’d committed murder.

But by the time we linked up after school we were all friends again, laughing and joking as we walked home.

I didn’t know then that it would be the last time we would ever be together … as friends.

Chapter Fifteen

It began like an ordinary day. I got up, had breakfast, went to school in the rain. I had an argument with Zak Riley. Not a hint anything was about to happen. I can’t be very psychic, can I? Or I would surely have felt it, seen it coming.

I was in the changing room in the gym, just finished netball practice. It was the only thing I did without the others. I was sweating buckets, laughing with the rest of the team, when suddenly, the door swung open and Erin stood there. She was blazing with anger, her eyes locked on mine. I leapt to my feet.

‘What’s happened, Erin?’

A silence fell in the changing room. What you might call ‘an ominous silence’. I know that now. It seemed an age before anything happened.

I asked again, ‘What is it, Erin?’

I saw then that her eyes had tears in them. As if she
was desperately wanting to cry and determined not to. I took a step forward, sure it had to be a problem with Wizzie and her gang.

Erin didn’t answer me. As I moved, so did she, leaping towards me, bringing her hand up hard and slapping me right across the face. She took me so much by surprise I stumbled, lost my footing and fell back across a bench. My face stung.

‘Erin!’ It was all I could say. ‘Erin!’

‘You bitch!’

And then Rose was behind her, pulling her back. She was glaring at me too. ‘She’s not worth it, Erin,’ she said.

‘Is this a joke?’ I got back on my feet unsteadily, totally confused about what was going on.

‘Maybe it is to you.’ And with that Erin broke free of Rose and rushed at me again. She gave me such a punch that once again I went down in a tumble of arms and legs. Now it wasn’t just Rose who was holding Erin back. The rest of the netball team were grabbing at her too. Erin couldn’t hold back the tears then. They popped from her eyes like bubbles and tumbled down her cheeks. ‘I hate you, Hannah Driscoll. I’ve never hated anyone as much as I hate you.’

Then Rose dragged her out of the changing rooms and slammed the door shut behind her.

‘What was that all about?’ someone asked.

‘Oooo, annoyed your leader, have you?’

‘She’s not my leader!’ I snapped the words out. I was almost crying myself. She’s my friend, I wanted to say, but after what had just happened I wasn’t so sure any more. I scrambled to my feet, didn’t even bother changing out of my shorts. I ran out after Erin. I couldn’t see her, but I could hear the noise coming from round the corner. Lots of noise, laughing and jeering, and Wizzie’s voice was above it all.

‘Keep back, it might be catching!’ I heard her say.

As I turned the corner, Erin was surrounded by Wizzie and her gang. Rose was hugging her, shielding her, trying to steer her through the giggling crowd of girls. I ran towards them, ready to do battle, protect Erin too – stopped dead when I heard what they were all shouting.

‘
Pssh
…’ Wizzie giggled and the rest took up the chant. ‘
Psssshhhh
, Erin.’

‘Better go and empty your incontinence knickers!’ Grace Morgan shouted.

‘
Pssshhhh!
’

They knew. They all knew. But how?

I ran after Erin, shouting her name over and over. ‘It wasn’t me, Erin. Honest. It wasn’t me!’

And suddenly, Erin turned on me and spat right in my face. ‘Who else could it be? I’ve never told anybody else in my entire life.’

Heather came hurrying up the corridor, pushing everyone aside to get to Erin. She must have heard the commotion, but she didn’t seem to understand what was going on. All she could see was a friend in need. She put her arms round Erin, and I watched her face drain to grey when she heard what the others were chanting.

‘Who else could it be?’ Erin said again. ‘I should never have trusted you.’

Heather’s eyes darted to me – me, separate from my friends, left out in the cold – and her arms went tighter round Erin.

My friends were suddenly gone. They moved away, and I was alone in the corridor with my enemies.

I swirled round to Wizzie. ‘It’s a lie! What you’re saying about her, it’s a lie!’

Her eyebrow, and the pierced ring that was in it, shot up. ‘Who are you trying to kid? It’s all round the school. You only have to say one wee word …
Pssssshhhh
.’ She made the sound again, the sound I had made myself in
the toilets at the wedding. ‘And your pal knows exactly what everybody means. As soon as she heard it she wet herself.’ Then she began to laugh like a hyena. She turned to her friends. ‘Get it, girls. She wet herself.’ Then she looked back at me and her face became serious. ‘No lie, Hannah, old chum. Miss Perfect ain’t so perfect.’

‘Who told you?’ I wanted to know, had to know. I had to tell Erin, then we could get whoever it was, take them on together.

But all Wizzie said was, ‘Good news travels fast.’ And she was gone, swaggering off with her giggling friends. They were all enjoying the joke.

How could they be so cruel? It wasn’t anything to laugh about. Who could have told them? And Erin’s words came back to me like a slap in the face.

Who else but me?

Erin had told me her secret. A secret she had never shared with anyone else. We’d been alone, sitting on the floor of the hotel toilets. No one else had been in there.

But someone must have been there. Someone must have overheard.

And I was going to find out who!

Chapter Sixteen

Erin wasn’t in the next class. Neither was Rose. There was an outright laugh when the teacher told us that Erin wasn’t feeling well and had to be sent home. Heather sat in front of me, back straight, ignoring me no matter how I tried to get her attention. I even sent a couple of rubbers flying in her direction – but nothing would make her turn round to me. She couldn’t ignore me in the corridor. I stood in front of her and wouldn’t let her pass.

‘Heather, you’ve got to convince Erin that I never told a soul. Not a soul.’

Heather kept glancing around her. She looked scared, as if she was afraid someone would catch her talking to me and pass the word back to Erin. ‘Erin says you’re the only person in the world she told. Only you.’ She paused. ‘Who else could it be?’

She tried to move round me but I blocked her way.

‘I would never have told anybody. It was a secret. You have to make her see that.’

Heather pushed past me. She couldn’t even look me in the eye. ‘I’ll try,’ she said.

‘Please, Heather. Please. You’ve got to convince her.’

She looked back at me for a second. I felt she wanted to stay, to say something else, talk to me, be my friend. Then she bit her lip to stop any words from spilling out. Only as she hurried away I heard her mumble again, ‘I’ll try.’

It was the most miserable day of my life. I went over the night of the wedding again and again in my head. Erin being sick, both of us running to the ladies, sitting on the floor, telling secrets. Could anyone else have been there? Hiding in one of the cubicles?

I closed my eyes, remembering every detail. The doors were all open, no feet hidden underneath, and there was an empty feel to the place. I could still hear in my head the sounds of the music playing in the hall, people laughing and singing, and in the toilets, our voices echoing in the emptiness, just me and Erin and her secret.

Someone else had to have been there. But who?

I tried constantly, every spare moment I had, to
phone Erin on my mobile. Each time there was no answer. I knew she would see my number displayed and not pick up.

As soon as I got home I used the land line, withholding my number this time. It was her mother who answered the phone.