Worth Dying For (27 page)

Amber went to bed, still unsettled but unable to come to any conclusions. She woke the next morning, surprised she had slept at all, never mind so well. She couldn’t have explained it if she wanted to, but she’d felt safe for the first time in over a month. Maybe she
was
going crazy.

But following her mother’s sighting, Amber knew she was far from crazy. Whoever was watching her was playing a game with her sanity. Bane would never do that. He wouldn’t have left her feeling terrified and confused, which meant it had to be someone else. If not, then why would she be up in her apartment on the fourth floor and suddenly get the urge to spin around and look through the window to see who was there? And why didn’t it happen constantly and why never during daylight hours?

The fear began to build steadily and not just for herself. If they were coming for her, they would get her mother too. Amber remembered only too well what had happened to David. If she brought that kind of horror down onto her mom’s head, she would deserve whatever Katerina’s assassins did to her.

Amber couldn’t say exactly what or when, but she knew something would happen, and soon. The thought of dying finally, after all the times she would have done so before had Bane not been there to save her, didn’t frighten her so much once she accepted it. In fact, she only hoped for two things. First, she wanted Dorothy to be nowhere near when it happened and second, that she got to visit the island one more time.

She put her plan into action the following weekend. “Mom, come sit down. We need to talk.”

Dorothy smiled and settled next to her daughter on the sofa. “You want me to go home don’t you?”

Amber tried not to let the guilt her mother’s words caused deter her from what she had to do. “Of course I don’t want you to go but I think it’s time things got back to normal around here. They won’t do that while I have you waiting on me hand and foot.” She wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “I’ve loved having you here though.”

“I’ve loved staying with you but you are right. I need to get back to Kittery. I miss my church. These big city places just don’t feel right to me.”

“A church is a church Mom.” Amber smiled. Only her mother would have a favourite. “Although I’m sure Father Murphy will be glad to have you back.”

Dorothy nodded, making no immediate comment but keeping her gaze fixed on Amber for a long time. “Are you sure everything is okay?”

Amber blinked to dispel the tears threatening to let her mother know this was more than a simple goodbye. “I worry about you. Do you ever get lonely back there in that house by yourself?”

“Not as much as you might think. I keep busy, you know that. What with my friends and the church, I don’t have much time to myself.”

“What about romance, Mom?” Amber gave her a gentle nudge, trying to make it seem like a tease more than a serious question. “There must be some gentleman around those parts who would love to take care of you.”

“I’ve had offers you know.” Dorothy seemed proud of the fact.

“I don’t doubt it. You’re still a good looking woman.”

“Oh hush,” she said, brushing off the compliment. “The thing is, my darling—there’s only ever been one man for me. I never wanted anybody but your father, and I’m content to wait for him until we meet again. You know, up there.”

Tears overwhelmed Amber then and she let them flow, knowing her mother would assume that talk of her dying and reuniting with her husband in Heaven had made her daughter weep. And it had, but so too had the knowledge that she’d thrown away her own chance at such love. Bane had been prepared to die for her—she hadn’t been willing to do the same for him.

Her mom reached out and grasped Amber’s face between her soft palms. “You will find that kind of love one day Amber. I’m sure of it. Don’t let what happened with Tom stop you believing.”

“Oh, I believe in love, Mom. If I doubted it before, I don’t now.”

“You’re not talking about David, are you?” Amber shook her head. “I knew you weren’t in love with him.”

Amber closed her eyes, afraid she had already revealed too much. “What if I found it and I let it go? What if I wasn’t brave enough to reach out and grab it?”

“The daughter I raised isn’t scared of anything. What on earth would stop you being with someone you loved and it makes you this sad to be away from?” Dorothy’s voice shook with conviction. “I knew there was something more than this business with the police going on. Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

“What if being with him had meant you would never see me again?”

“Well I can’t imagine that would ever happen. Isn’t he from around these parts then?”

Amber smiled at the irony of the question. “Not really. But what if my being with him
had
meant that?”

Dorothy sighed, dropping her hands into her lap and gazing down at them. “I’d be sad, of course, but your happiness would be the most important factor. You didn’t end it with him because of me, did you?”

“No, there were many things keeping us apart.” Her mom looked horrified at the idea she’d been the reason for her daughter’s decision. Amber rubbed her hand, trying to elicit a smile from her. “And no, he isn’t married, before you ask.”

“Was he a decent young man?” Amber nodded. “Then you need your head examined, my girl. I’m not going to be around for too many more years. Why would you sacrifice your future happiness for me? God blessed you with this man yet you sent him away. I don’t understand you at all.”

The outburst surprised her and Amber didn’t think before she replied. “God blessed me? Huh, that’s funny.”

“Don’t talk that way, Amber Louise. You know I won’t tolerate blasphemy.” Dorothy turned away, composing herself. Her voice still held a note of disapproval and she wouldn’t meet Amber’s gaze. “Isn’t he a Christian then?”

“That’s not the point. What if it went against God for me to be with him?”

She surprised Amber by laughing. “How is that even possible? Why would God send him to you otherwise?”

Amber decided to draw a line under the conversation. Her mother would never understand and she had no intention of shattering the woman’s deeply held beliefs by telling her what really lurked in the shadows of their world.

“Forget it Mom. I don’t want to waste our last evening talking about things I can do nothing about. It’s too late now anyway.”

Dorothy let it drop but Amber could see that she spent a lot of their last evening together lost in thought. After a fitful night with very little sleep, Amber got up early to find her mom already in the kitchen with a cup of coffee. She joined her at the counter and they sat together in quiet companionship as the sun came up. Then it was time to say goodbye.

They hugged on the doorstep as the cab waiting to take her mom to the bus terminal honked his horn. Amber had wanted to drive her home but the thought someone might follow and know where her mother lived stopped her. Dorothy hadn’t questioned her on it.

“Call me as soon as you get in okay?” Amber smiled through the tears streaming down her cheeks, determined not to cling to her mother in fear of never seeing her again.

“Amber, I don’t want to leave you like this. You’re not ready to be alone.”

She struggled to get a grip, ashamed of her weakness. The plan had been to stop her mom worrying but she couldn’t even manage that. Amber sniffed and smiled. “I’m fine, really. Have a safe trip.”

Dorothy didn’t seem convinced but she allowed Amber to walk her to the cab and hand her bags to the driver. Rolling down the window, she reached for Amber’s hand. About to speak, she turned around and bellowed at the cabbie when he tried to pull away. “Wait! I’m saying goodbye to my daughter.”

Amber almost laughed at his shocked expression. Dorothy didn’t look capable of making that much noise but Amber hadn’t inherited her temper from her father. “It’s okay, Mom. We’ll talk later on the phone.”

Her mother dragged her furious gaze away from the back of the terrified driver’s head to smile at her again. “I thought on our conversation last night and I wanted to tell you something.” She fell silent for a moment, only continuing when Amber prompted her. “I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I didn’t tell you that I would do anything—give up anything—to be with your father again.”

A wave of emotion stole the words from Amber’s lips and she could do no more than smile through her tears and press a last kiss to her mother’s hand before the cab pulled away, but only when Dorothy said it could.

Although her mom’s words had been intended to help, they’d done nothing but taunt her. Even her mother wouldn’t have turned Bane away, but the knowledge did Amber no good now. She walked back into her apartment, anger mounting with every step, feeling like more of a fuck up than she ever had before.

She spent the day waiting for her mother’s call by putting her affairs in order. Amber gathered together any important documents someone might need if anything happened to her, and placed them in a folder. With them she placed two letters. One of them was for Richard, thanking him for his support during difficult times and apologising for leaving him short one member of staff. She joked that, if he was reading her letter, it hadn’t been her fault she didn’t get to work out her notice.

The other, more important one to her mother took much longer. She didn’t finish it until after her mom had phoned. The journey had been fine and Amber had managed to sound so happy and carefree that the call had ended with them laughing at the cab driver’s disappointment when Dorothy hadn’t tipped him. Crying the minute she put the phone down, Amber had picked up her pen and put onto paper everything she’d wanted to say.

Then, she wrote a letter to Bane. This one, she intended to deliver by hand, if the fates kept her alive long enough. It may take him a lifetime to find it but one day, when he returned to his island home, he would know she had loved him—and that she knew she’d been unworthy of his sacrifice.

Chapter Sixteen

Bane uprooted yet another tree, frustrated that the task he had set himself did nothing to distract him. The forest had become so dense in recent years that it blocked his view of the mainland and any approaching vessels. So he’d decided to start the job in the hopes it would keep his mind off Amber.

Her mother had seen him outside her door and he had heard her telling Amber about it. Bane hadn’t hung around to listen to their conversation, already ashamed at how weak he’d allowed himself to be. He’d almost broken his promise to stay away from her when the urge to see her close up, just one more time, had become almost overwhelming.

Bane knew she deserved to know what had happened—that Katerina no longer posed a threat and that he was free of his obligations—but he hadn’t decided yet how best to tell her.
 
A phone call or a letter would be the safest way but he’d wanted to see her again before severing all ties with her forever.

He had no clue as to how she even felt about him now but he hoped she had moved on. No matter how badly he needed her, the fact remained that Amber did not want to be a vampire, and that meant he had to give her up. Her life would be in danger every minute he was with her otherwise. Bane could not afford to antagonise Ulrich by resuming a relationship with the human who had started the chain of events which resulted in his daughter’s death.

But the idea Amber might actually love him was the one he couldn’t bear to think about. To have to refuse her love in order to save her from future harm when he wanted her so badly, would hurt too much to contemplate. Leaving her with Solomon—terrified and desolate—had been hard enough the first time and he couldn’t bear to do it to her again.

The moment he had left Vechea, he’d been making his way back to her. Bane hadn’t even consciously thought about it. He simply found himself outside her window a day and a half later, watching her sleep. After Amber’s mother had almost caught him, he’d returned to his hiding place through the service hatch in the elevator and waited until dusk before heading back to the island. Bane made a promise to himself then to stay away, to stop following and watching her—but less than twenty four hours later, he was already struggling with his decision.

With no other option but to keep working, he completed the task by dawn the second day. He worked nonstop for two nights, unable to trust himself to fight the urge to go to her until his body screamed with exhaustion. Sapling oaks, maples and spruces had been torn from the ground, turned to pulp in his hands then used as mulch around the base of the other trees. By the time Bane fell into his bed, his body ached from the abuse he’d subjected it to. But any hopes that his exertion would chase the thoughts from his mind and numb his hunger for her had been naïve.

Amber’s scent still permeated the brightly lit interior of the cave. Bane couldn’t bring himself to turn off the artificial lights he didn’t need. Shutting them down would make it seem like she had never been there. He was in no rush to return to the bleak, dark existence he had lived before she came.

The few items left behind from her time with him had her smell all over them. Bane had tried to throw them away more than once but he couldn’t. A T-shirt—forgotten in the haste to put Amber somewhere safe—was the worst item of all and caused him the most discomfort. One moment, he wanted to sleep with it bunched in his hand and pressed to his face, the next, he’d find himself on the water’s edge, trying to find the strength to let it go and hurl it out to sea.