Worth the Risk (5 page)

Her hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail and a light sheen of sweat dampened her hairline
.
She moved without a word, stopping at a small room off to the left. A brown horse stretched his head over the stall door next to him and Stephen gave him a pat while he waited. Hannah returned, arms full.

“Need some help?”

“No.”

There was an air of confidence about her here he hadn’t seen before, and she seemed to have hardened since the other night, which was good. He’d rather her be hard than hurt.

She stopped beside a beast of a horse and talked softly to him as she untied his rope from an iron hook. She looked so small beside him. He opened his mouth to tell her to be careful.

“Watch yourself,” she said, beating him to it, then wheeled the horse around to face an arch of light at the opposite end of the barn. She led the animal outside to a horse-size shower, and positioned him on the slab of concrete.

Stephen scanned the open fields, the trees beyond. Not really a farm, that he could see. Just a modest barn with a few horses. Without property lines, it was impossible to tell if this place butted up against the piece Dave wanted or if a strip of land lay between.

When she bent to turn on the water, he couldn’t think about anything. He was…entranced. By the pull of soft cotton over her breasts, the way they swayed every time she moved. He pictured those breasts in his hands, imagined holding her tight ass and running his palms up her back and around to cup her, tug at her nipples.
Shit.
Her brothers were right to try to protect her from him
.

She picked up a back hoof and cradled it between her thighs while she used a small metal tool to scrape out clumps of mud and grass. Competent and skilled, but he didn’t like her so close to something that could hurt her. “Can’t your brothers do that?”

“My brothers? Why? It’s my job,” she said without looking up. “Not theirs.”

The animal shifted his weight again and Hannah worked, giving no sign she cared why he was there or that he was there at all. He had to remind himself he didn’t want her to. “You ride him?”

“That’s part of boarding; feeding, bathing, exercising. He’s not so bad, are you, boy?” She reached to pat his head, but he jerked away. “A little moody.”

And, as if to prove it, his thick, black tail lifted, and he let loose a foul blow of air so strong, Stephen squinted against it. That was followed by heavy chunks of manure, each piece landing on top of the other with a plop.

“Sorry about that. Roma’s not much on manners.”

Stephen didn’t miss her smirk or the affectionate pat she gave his neck. Definitely a different side of her here in this setting, on her ground. “That’s some powerful shit. Is that where he got his name?
Aroma?
”

Hannah smiled, wide and beautiful, even if it was aimed at the horse and not at him.

“He tries, and, no. It’s Aromashodu. His owner’s a big football fan.” She picked up the hose and the animal danced a nervous sidestep, his hindquarters quivering under the drops of water.

Time to get to it. He hadn’t exactly planned this, but now that he was here, he couldn’t let it go. “I wanted to apologize for the other night. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

“You didn’t.”

Well, shit.
He rubbed at the back of his neck. He wanted her to accept his apology,
needed
her to. “Hannah, I’m really sorry. I didn’t—”

“I heard you.” She continued the bath, sluicing off the excess water with some kind of fancy plastic card.

He’d been about to say he didn’t mean it, not at all the way it had sounded. But maybe it was better left alone. Better if she didn’t care.

“Everything okay?” Nick asked, standing in the yawning doorway of the barn.

“Yes,” she answered, then looked right at Stephen. “We’re finished.”

And they were finished. He hadn’t come here to change that, except…they were finished before they’d even started.

She led the horse back into the barn and he followed, waiting for her to close and secure the stall door. She took her time hanging the rope just so, then finally faced him. He hadn’t kissed her, hadn’t made her smile again the way he’d wanted to that first day.

So beautiful. He could picture her in a castle tower like something out of a fairy tale. And in that same story he’d be the villain. The one who scared small children and dreamed of far worse.

“Stephen!”

They both turned at the sound of a female voice. Camila wobbled on spiky heels next to his car, fanning a bug from her face. “You said a minute. It’s been almost twenty.”

Had it been that long? Didn’t seem like it.

“I have meetings and so do you.”

Stephen turned from Camila back to Hannah, a million possible things to say flying through his mind and none of them right.

“Bye,” she said softly.

Right. He nodded, repeated it, since it was really the only thing to say. And then he walked to his car, feeling like he’d just lost something really important.

Hannah refused to watch Stephen drive away in his sporty silver car with his red-hot companion. She couldn’t even wrap her mind around the fact he’d wanted to apologize or that he’d even known where to find her. Lizzy, she assumed. And she hated that on top of being shocked at seeing him again, it hurt.

She stepped into the shoe box–size office crowded with large men. Nick was still here, and now Zach as well. She’d heard his truck a few minutes ago as she finished with Roma.

“Wow. I’m so popular today. Three brothers in three hours. Lucky me.” She eyed Nick sitting near the door, then slid her gaze to Zach, leaning back in a metal folding chair in the corner. “What’s up?”

“Just brought you lunch.” Nick tossed her a bag.

She caught the bag, peered inside. “And you?” she asked Zach, knocking his feet off her desk. “No fires to put out? Women to chase?”

Zach grinned. “I heard there was lunch. Plus, chasing women is what usually starts the fires.”

“Right.” She sat in the worn desk chair and took out her sandwich.

Zach grabbed three cans of soda from the small fridge in the corner and tossed her one.

“Don’t throw it like that,” Hannah said. “It’ll spew.”

“Like a spew would hurt this ratty room.”

“It does the job.” Though he was right. Old wood paneling, aged pictures of horses and blue-ribbon cows covered the walls. The flooring was some sort of outdoor carpet so used up it was impossible to discern the original color. Decorating wasn’t high on her priority list. The boarders paid the bills. Any money made from students was invested in special equipment for the kids.

Nick stared at her with his most serious face. “We need to talk.”

Here we go. She lowered her drink and faced him head-on. “No. We don’t. I went to a little girl’s party, end of story.”

“Well, since he was just here, I’d have to argue about the end
, but,
”—he raised his drink to cut her off—“I won’t. What did he want?”

With her sandwich almost to her lips, she paused. “To apologize.”

Nick went on instant alert. “Apologize for what?”

“For being a
guy,
” she said pointedly.

Nick grunted. “I don’t like him.”

She eyed the magazine tossed on her desk, an obvious gift from one of her concerned siblings.
Stephen McKinney, Norfolk’s Most Eligible Bachelor.
“Fine. Neither do I.”

Nick shook his head. “Should have known someone smart enough to head up a billion-dollar company before he was thirty wasn’t so dumb he’d let a girl like you slip away so easily.”

Zach made a noise under his breath. “What a tool.”

“I mean it, Han. You need to stay away from this guy.” Nick leaned forward and tapped a finger on McKinney’s photo gracing the cover.

She already knew. In a weak moment, she’d googled. Had read about his company, seen pictures of his elaborate home, of him, hot and handsome at events with sequined women on his arm. Of course she wouldn’t start out slow, work her way up. No. She’d started “being normal” with a thirty-two-year-old millionaire playboy.

Zach reached for his drink, the legs of the chair knocking to the floor. “Rich, playboy, prick.”

Nick agreed, tossing out his own opinions. She took the opportunity to slide the recent notice from the city under a student’s insurance papers. The one that said her inheriting all this might not have been official. That it might all be taken away. The land, the barn, her home. Everything. But the last thing she wanted was her brothers trying to fix it.

“You should talk,” she said, turning the attention back on them. “You’re all bachelors. And I’d say you’re pretty eligible. Maybe you guys don’t like him because you’re so much alike.”

Zach choked on a mouthful of sandwich. “Have you seen where I live?”

Hannah rolled her eyes. “Yes, unfortunately. I’ve also seen the parade of girls.”

Nick smiled. “She’s got you there, bro. All you need is a float and some clowns.”

“Ha-ha.”

“I’m serious. You might want to pick one someday.” She looked pointedly at both of them. “I’d like to be an aunt while I’m still young enough to be cool.”

“No worries here,” Zach said. “I’ll always be cool.”

Nick balled up his bag and looked at her with all his big-brother authority. “Trust me on this, Hannah. He’s not your type.”

Hannah look down at her sandwich, folded the corners of the wrapper just so. “Well, seeing as I’ve never dated, I don’t guess I have a type, do I?”

Though the colors of the waiting room were meant to be soothing, the seating soft and inviting, a psychiatrist’s office was never a comfortable place. The cool air couldn’t combat the sweaty palms or the silence accentuated by the swish of alternating leg crossings and turning magazine pages.

Even in the silence you could hear the loud thoughts.

Why are
you
here?

Were you forced? By the court? By your family?

Are you crazier than I am?

And the smells, similar to all doctors’ offices, brought flashes from the past. Nick carrying her, or sometimes Zach or Dallas, while she bit her lip against the pain, fought back the tears because the look in her brothers’ eyes when she cried was even worse.

When her name was called, she rose for her monthly standing appointment. After years without, she’d recently decided to get back to therapy. But not with just anyone.

Dr. Mia James met her at her office door looking both professional and feminine. A stunning woman, Mia stood several inches shorter than her own five-eight, with glossy black hair that brushed her shoulders.

“Hannah.”

The door closed and she was enveloped in a warm hug from Mia the friend before Mia the doctor. She’d known Mia a very long time, though until last summer there’d been no contact in almost twelve years. At one time Mia had been like a mother to her, like Nick had been a father. Then everything had fallen apart.

“Sit down. How are you?”

Hannah sat in one of the two chairs in front of a wide desk. Mia took the other, to make her patients feel more comfortable, she figured, though nothing could confuse who was broken and who wasn’t. “I’m good. Fine.” Mia studied her with dark eyes, the ones Hannah always felt missed nothing. “Except…” She might as well tell her about Max. It never did any good to keep things from her.

“I’m sorry,” Mia said when she’d finished. She offered her a tissue, then reached for something on her desk, giving her a minute. “How are your students? Anything new?”

“I have a new student who’s blind. It’s a different challenge, but it’s going great.”

Mia listened about her job and the kids, a familiar dance, giving her time to ease into talking about herself. Which was the point, but still not easy.

“And what about you? How are you sleeping?”

“Good.”

“Nightmares?”

“Some.” And still every bit as terrifying.

“Do you remember more?”

Hannah traced the curved grooves in the wooden arm chair. “No.”

Mia waited a beat before speaking again. “Have you given any thought to what we discussed last time?”

“Actually…” And here was the reason she’d decided to talk to someone again. The last hurdle. “I’ve given it more than thought. I went out with someone. On a date.”

Mia’s eyes widened before she caught herself.

“I figured that would surprise you.” Hannah had to smile as it was difficult to catch Mia off-guard, even harder to get a reaction.

“Yes. I am surprised. Hannah, that’s remarkable.”

“Or crazy.”

“Sometimes it takes a little bit of crazy to make ourselves step out of our comfort zone. Was it someone you’ve known awhile?”

“No.” She took a deep breath and braced herself for Mia’s professional opinion. “I met him Friday, at the grocery store, and he asked me to dinner.” She held up the hand and quickly added, “I met him there.”

Mia sat back.

“I know, okay? He caught me off-guard. And…I didn’t want to hang around the guys. You know how they’d be after Max.”

“And it was something you needed to do.”

“Yes.” She met Mia’s eyes. “If I don’t start stepping out on my own, how can I ever expect them to think I can?”

“Good question. Though what they think and how they act isn’t all on you.”

Isn’t it?

“So, how did it go?”

“Good.” Too good, considering what had meant so much to her had meant nothing to him. “It was great until…”

“Until?”

“Until I went out with him again on Saturday. Not
out
exactly, but to his niece’s birthday party. Of course, Luke insisted he drive me, which was awkward because he didn’t want me to stay. I almost dropped the present and left.”

“But you didn’t.” Mia smiled. “I’m proud of you, Hannah. You took a chance, what for you must have felt like a huge risk. And you stood up to Luke. I’m sure neither was easy.”

“Well, don’t be too proud. It didn’t end well.”

“Why do you say that?”

Hannah flicked her eyes to the framed certificates lining the wall, tried to hide the hurt. “I mean, he wasn’t really interested.”

“He must have been at least a little interested, to have asked you to dinner and then invited you to a family event.”

“I thought so.”
But I was wrong. Again.
She sucked at reading people. A deficiency that had long ago been established. She looked down at her lap, shrugged. “I guess he changed his mind.”

Mia waited.

“I overheard him talking to his sister. Evidently I’m not his type. I mean, it’s not like I really thought I was. He’s gorgeous and successful and I’m—”

“And you’re what? Beautiful, smart, and also successful.”

“Ha. After feed and vet bills, I barely pay for food.”

“There are many ways to measure success.”

“Maybe.” She considered mentioning the letter and just how unsuccessful she might soon be. But she didn’t. “It doesn’t even matter, but…today he shows up at the barn. Yeah,” she added, seeing Mia’s reaction. “Just out of the blue, says he wants to apologize for hurting my feelings.”

“How did you feel about seeing him again?”

“I don’t know. Surprised. Embarrassed.” Sad. Attracted. And a weird sense of loss for something she’d never had. There’d been no cocky grin on his handsome face, no smile at all, but still, she’d sensed…something. Or maybe not. Who the hell knew.

“Could you have misunderstood what you heard before?”

“No.”

“Well, the fact he wanted to apologize says a lot. He cared that much at least. And Hannah…” Mia leaned forward. “You do realize what a huge step this is? Something we were only talking about a few weeks ago and here you’ve already done it. And not once, but twice.”

Hannah nodded, trying to see the positive.

“And nothing bad happened.”

She gave Mia a wry smile. “I guess that depends on your definition of
bad.
”

“I mean nothing dangerous. All the things we both know you’re afraid of. If nothing else, you learned you can go somewhere, be with a man, and it doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be hurt physically.”

True. Except she’d still read the situation all wrong. The looks, the touches. The burst of happiness when he’d smiled at her.

“Hannah…do you
want
a relationship with a man?”

She’d thought about that, and took a minute to think about it some more. For a long time she’d wanted to hide completely, unable to stand anyone looking at her. Cringing at anyone touching her. But a part of her dreamed of loving someone, having someone love her back. There was a very good chance that wasn’t possible. “I don’t know.” She swallowed hard and pulled the cuffs of her shirt down farther. “I have a lot of scars.”

“Everyone has scars, Hannah. Even if you can’t see them. Maybe this man isn’t
the one,
but don’t write people off before you give them a chance.”

“But they’d have to see me if I ever…” The thought of a man seeing her naked body made her stomach turn.

“It’s okay if you’re not ready for that. Baby steps. Trust with a man is developed just like trust with anyone. When you find the right person, you’ll know.”

A cardinal landed on a feeder outside the window, pecked at the seeds before flying off again. “How will I know? If I always misjudge—”

“How many people have you really misjudged? Because if it’s only one—”

“It was a pretty big one.”

“Hannah, you were fourteen years old.”

“Old enough to know better.” She’d trusted him. Thought he was her age. Thought he was her friend. He’d been neither.

“You have to stop blaming yourself.”

Hannah almost laughed at that. There was so much blame circling over and through her family, it seemed to clog everything.

“There are people who lie, people who are evil. They’re to blame, not you for believing them. And when it comes to this man you met? So maybe you misjudged his feelings, but trust me, you’re not the first man or woman to stumble through that minefield and you won’t be the last. Everyone gets their heart broken.”

She wondered if Mia was thinking about Nick. What they’d had, what had ended.

Mia reached out and covered her hand. “It would take a lot of trust, but when you feel safe enough to try, you will. And when someone means that much to you, you’ll want to.”

A sinking feeling settled in her gut. Because, for the first time ever, a man other than her brothers
had
meant something to her. And she
had
wanted to try.

But he wasn’t interested. And he didn’t even know all the reasons he shouldn’t be.