Wrapped Around My Finger (13 page)

“Much.” I reached for his hands. “What happens next? My heart is already breaking at the thought of getting on that plane and leaving you here. Alone.”

“I’m not alone,” he insisted. “I have you. Tell me what you see happening next.”

“I see you taking the job I offered you. Eventually, you’d move to Washington. It would be a lot easier for us to travel when we weren’t always going to each other. Then all the big things can turn into the little things.”

Jagger didn’t seem convinced.

“Tell me what you see.”

“I see you coming down here, as a way for you to get away from work, and figure out what you really want,” he said, nodding at what must’ve been my shocked expression. “Did you get into design because you loved it, or because you wanted to be on TV?”

“Because I loved it.” Holy shit. I thought he was being stubborn or proud by not wanting to work with me, but now it made sense. The thrill of TV was long gone, replaced by the reality of long hours, and the fact that it was like a weed, invading every part of my life. Everything had to work around my filming schedule. I couldn’t remember the last time I took a new design client outside of
Great Start Today
. And poor Raven. No wonder she wouldn’t talk to me half the time.

“Someday, if you decide to walk away from the parts you don’t love anymore, maybe you can find inspiration here.” Jagger took advantage of my silence by leaning over and kissing me. I parted my lips and let him in. The kiss was slow and soft and almost enough to convince me to stay.

I couldn’t worry about what we didn’t have yet when what we did have was so fucking good.

“How do you know everything without me having to tell you?” I trailed my fingers along his jawline when we broke the kiss.

“All I have to do is look into your eyes. They tell me everything I need to know.”

L
eah

Throwing myself into work felt good. Jagger’s words had rocked me like an earthquake. He saw what I couldn’t. I was moving too far away from what I really loved. Making things pretty. Not the endless meetings, or the travel, or the worst part—staging everything to make it look like I really did it.

Usually, I sent my production assistants and interns to do the shopping for our
Great Start Today
projects, but Reno’s house makeover was personal on so many levels.

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been to the Design Center. I always started my searches there, since the showrooms were like a fashion show for interiors. All the latest trends and concepts. Like the clothes the models wore on the catwalk, what we saw might not work for everyday use, but it could be the catalyst for me to create the perfect design for Reno. He wanted something bold, clean, and cozy. It wasn’t an easy combination, but I was confident I could pull it off.

My entourage included Shannon from the office, because she put her all into every project we worked on. Her opinion was one of the most valuable on the team, and it was time for her to start making some actual design decisions. It was school vacation, and Raven shocked me by asking to work with us for the week. She’d been accepted to Emerson College in Boston. Even though she was interested in designing video games, Emerson had a huge film production department. I loved that she was thinking big, keeping herself open to all possibilities.

At least
someone
I loved wanted to work with me.

“This is what I’m thinking.” I turned to the girls, we were still in my SUV in the parking lot. “Bold colors, soft fabrics, clean lines. Reds, oranges, yellows. Shannon, I know you’ve studied color theory. To bring Raven up to speed with how I came up with that idea, I’m basing the design around red because it’s believed to stimulate the appetite. But other than that, no obvious references to food. That’s the only hard and fast rule. I’m thinking a sixties, seventies feel brought into today. Any questions?”

“What do we do if we see something good?” Raven asked.

“Grab me if I’m in the same showroom, or text me a picture of the suite you’re in. They’re all numbered. We won’t find everything today. I’m hoping we get one big piece, like the sofa or the table. But if you find an accessory that you think might knock this project out of the park, don’t be shy about it. This is the first time either of you has shopped with me. You’ll start to get a feel for my style. Share everything that inspires you. I know I gave you a color palette, but don’t let that restrict you. And be prepared to explain your choices.” I grinned at both of their stunned expressions. “You might say one word that inspires us to find the perfect thing.”

Shannon turned back to Raven. They were probably only about six years apart. “Does she do that at home? That thing where she points at you and makes you repeat the word?”

Everyone in the office made fun of me for that. Raven laughed. “Sometimes.”

“Never question the creative process.” I laughed as we all got out of the car. “If the two of you want to team up, go for it. I’ll probably lag behind, in case I want to talk to one of the vendors or if I see something that might work on another project.”

The girls took off together. I was always thrilled to see Raven open up around other people, but it hurt my heart at the same time because I wondered what the hell I was doing wrong. Shannon had something to prove, and I was glad that she wasn’t clinging to me, yessing me to death. Unless her suggestions were totally awful, she was getting a promotion when the show started. That was the other reason I was glad the girls went off on their own. I wanted to see their style without being influenced by what I picked.

My plan was to head straight to my favorite vendors, but instead I lingered, popping in whatever showroom drew me in. Being there felt so good; seeing everything that was new up close and personal instead of on a screen, actually being able to touch the fabric, and letting the texture be the make or break factor. Interior design was so much more than visual—it was tactile. People would be living on the surfaces of whatever I created.

I took a few pictures with my phone and frowned at how crappy they looked. I wished Jagger was there. Well, I always wished Jagger was there. I missed him terribly. I sent him the picture with the message
I need you.

He answered right away.
I always need you. I want to go back to the beach.

My cheeks burned, thinking of Jagger in a sea of topless women.
Say hi to my friend
. I followed it with
we have beautiful beaches here, too.

I prefer you here, and topless.

Raven’s text brought me crashing back to earth. Thankfully she attached a photo or I would’ve sent her a pretty salacious response by mistake. And then died from the mortification.

I widened the picture of the couch.
What do you think?
she asked
. It’s not the right color, but we both love it.
It was moss green, looked like velvet, and had a tufted button detail. It would work just as well for a cocktail party as for Sunday night snuggling under a blanket.

I met them in the showroom. It was even better in person, a nice plush velvet that could actually stand up to some wear, and it was long enough for a man to be able to stretch out on.

“I already asked if they can make it in one of the colors you asked for, and they can. They need a couple weeks lead time.” Shannon bounced a little as she talked. She was so getting promoted.

“I’m pretty much in love with this one.” I ran my hand over the arm one more time. “It’s perfect.”

Raven narrowed her eyes in confusion. “But doesn’t that screw up your whole plan?”

“No, it makes it better.” When we got home that night, I’d give her a crash course in color theory. “You can’t always stick to the plan or you’ll miss all the good stuff.”

**

“T
his looks amazing,” Kari gushed, stepping back from the wall to admire her work. At first, she balked when I asked her to come help us paint, but once she started, she got into it. “I can’t wait to see everything come together.”

There were two reasons I’d recruited close to home. We were short staffed with the new show coming together. Half of my crew was working on
Second Chances
, and the rest were here. I need to hire more people, and I would, but I wanted to spend every second with Raven that I could. Signing all the college paperwork and writing the deposit check to Emerson made her leaving a little too real for me. And I could count on one hand how many times I’d seen Kari since the reunion. Plus this was a place she and Reno would both be spending time in; she should have a hand in making it a home.

“I’m still on the hunt for a few things, but this is my best work in a long time.” Of course it was. I was actually doing it.

Kari dipped her paint roller into the pail again. She had streaks of ice gray paint in her hair, which she’d freak out about as soon as she saw. Both of us had a strict no gray policy. “I’m not surprised. You’ve totally relaxed since your trip to Miami. I wish I had time to get away this winter.”

“Make the time.” I climbed the ladder to work on the ceiling. Even though the house had been renovated before I took my turn, we had to scrape that nasty popcorn stuff off the ceiling. Now it needed a fresh coat of paint. “I’ve been thinking about how I can spend more time down there.”

Kari stopped mid-roll. “Is that a good idea?”

“Yes, it is. It’s not fair to ask Jagger to come up here every single time we see each other. And if we’re serious about this, we have to spend more time together, or it’s never going to work.”

She started painting again. “I think it’s a lot, all at once. That’s all. Two shows, and now you want to split your time between two cities? I’m thrilled for you, I really am, but I don’t see how you can possibly juggle everything.”

I climbed off the ladder. It wasn’t the time to be hovering above the ground. “You’re not acting like you’re thrilled. Things change when you add someone new to your life. You know that.”

“Just remember what happened the last time you put a man first.” Kari frowned. “You were miserable.”

“Bullshit. I put Raven first.”

“Okay. So you spend more time in Miami. How are you going to work on both shows? There’s only so many hours in the day. And then where does Raven factor in? Is she still first?”

Raven thankfully had her earphones in and was oblivious to this conversation. Her accusations about Christmas were still a fresh wound. My hands shook, I was so pissed off. “She’s always first. And it’s important that I show her she can have anything she wants. A successful career and a loving relationship. It doesn’t have to be one or the other.”

Kari softened. “You have the world in the palm of your hand. I don’t think you can see how huge this really is from the outside. I’m proud of you, Leah. You wanted this for so long. I don’t want to see you go on cruise control because someone’s telling you everything you want to hear.”

“Don’t have to worry about that with you, do I?” Paint splashed when my roller hit the tray too hard.

“Nope.” Kari didn’t take the hint. “I know Jagger’s not escorting anymore, but he’s used to a certain lifestyle. One that you’re not. He’s going to expect you to take care of him. That’s the type of thing I can see you falling into way too easily.”

“Stop right there.” I leaned my paint roller against the wall and didn’t say anything else until she’d stopped painting. She’d gone way too far. This was my first serious relationship since Rich, which Kari also had plenty to say about, and most of the time, she’d been on point. Everyone was screaming at me and Jagger to stop, but we had no reason to listen. I glanced back at Raven. Nope, still no idea what was happening. Good. “You’re telling me I have to find a man who makes more money than me, who won’t bitch when I work all the time, lives in Washington, and you don’t want me to hire him. Do you want me to be a side piece for a politician? No thank you. I’ve looked for a man who treats me better than Jagger in this city. He doesn’t exist.”

I could’ve pointed out that Reno hadn’t lifted a finger in this project, okaying everything I ran by him without asking any questions. I could be creating a home he hated. I was almost past the point of caring, but I didn’t give up that easily. I wouldn’t point it out because this wasn’t about who had the better boyfriend. This was about my best friend respecting my decisions.

Kari put down her roller. “Come here.” She held out her arms in a hug and laughed when she wrapped her arms around me. “My hands are covered with paint. I didn’t get it on you. I’m glad you’re happy.  But I’ve seen you when you aren’t. It broke my heart. I’m not sure either of us can handle that again.”

Kari was not a hugger, so this was strange but actually comforting, even if she couldn’t put her hands on my back. “That’s a chance we have to take,” I said.

J
agger

I’d been dying for Leah to come to Miami, but there was no way to prepare myself for the emptiness she left behind. I saw a different side of her that weekend. A woman who could let her guard down, who didn’t have to look over her shoulder before every kiss. The one who laughed in the sunshine and begged me to take her on a road trip on the back of my motorcycle. I needed more of that Leah, and so didn’t she.

She jumped back into work as soon as she got home, like the whole thing never happened. Working even harder to make up for the lost time. Don’t get me wrong, I was proud of her. I couldn’t say I knew how hard it was to be creative at that level because I wasn’t able to achieve it. But every night, I watched the weight of those expectations crush her a little more.

I didn’t want her to stop what she was doing. I didn’t begrudge her success—without that passion, I might have never fallen in love with her. I wanted her to give herself a chance to enjoy it.

Without her here, I had nothing to do but figure out what the fuck was next. There was no such thing as a help wanted ad for a photographer job. One that paid any money. I had a decent portfolio, but my photography had been a passion project. It didn’t have any commercial value. I had no equipment other than my camera and even worse, no contacts in the industry.