Wrecked (The Blackened Window) (37 page)

There was a flash of a smile as I read that, thinking,
I know.
She settled at my feet like she knew just where she should be, and I opened the package. “What’s this, little girl?”

She had such a big, beautiful smile on her face, it stole my breath. “Merry Christmas, Boss.”

The box was small, looked like jewelry and I had a moment of thinking how very funny it would have been if we’d shopped at the same store. I opened the lid and it was a key, with a stylized heart-shaped keychain. I smiled at her, pulling her toward me for a kiss, but she forestalled me with her fingers on my lips.

She knelt, directly in front of me, face angled toward the floor, looking at me through her lashes. “So, I want you to have this.” She paused and I waited. There was more. “So you have access to me, anytime you want me.”

I couldn’t fucking breathe. She knew exactly what she was giving me with this. She was giving me permission to invade her space whenever I wanted to. She knew it was another level of submission to me. That she would never be unavailable. Never be off limits. And when I could breathe again, I smiled and pulled her into my lap. “Girlie, you are just about perfect, you know that?”

I kissed her for a few minutes, wanting for all the world to just get inside her again. But we had shit to do, flights to catch. So, I ran home to get my things while she packed. When I came back, she met me at the curb and we went to the airport together, somber again, still nearly silent. Once we were checked in and seated in her gate, it almost got awkward.

She huffed a big sigh and I glanced at her. She had a bizarre, but huge, smile on her face. Forced. “Okay, this is silly. It’s only ten days! Why are we acting like this?” She turned toward me more. “You doing anything exciting with your family?”

I smiled at her. She was good for me, keeping me from the shittiness in my own head. “Not really, other than the fundraiser.” I paused, then added, “Well, every year on Christmas Eve, my dad rents the ice rink and we have a fun, low key hockey game and then just skate for a few hours. We get a pretty big group of the Senator’s staff and their families. It’s a nice change from the political bullshit they’re always doing. Next year, you should come.” I smiled wider. Her ploy had worked and my mood had lifted.

“That would be great.” She smiled again, this time genuinely.

“What about you. Any plans?” We had already talked about all this, but it filled the time and I liked how happy she got when she talked about her family.

“Just a few dates.”

What the what?

“I’m just kidding, killer! No, we don’t really have a lot of specific plans. My siblings have kids now, so it kind of changes things. Before we had the little ones in the family, we used to do an afternoon movie on Christmas Eve, then Mass at midnight. Then, Christmas morning in PJs and a big breakfast. Now, the family is getting too big to stay in one house and the kids are too little for midnight Mass. Soooo, who knows?”

“Well, I kind of can’t wait to meet all of them.” The stories of her family sounded too perfect to be real—not unlike herself. Of course I thought about my parents. How they only had the thinnest veil over their hate for each other. How they were still married because they couldn’t afford how ugly their divorce would get. How they both cheated and that it wasn’t really even cheating anymore.

She must have sensed that my thoughts were going dark again because she leaned into me, a little mischief in her eyes. “Yeah…yeah. I really miss them. I’m excited to get home and see them, but I’m really going to miss you. Even though it’s only a few days. However, maybe it will give me a little break to recover some because you, sir, are a little demanding.”

I smiled, liking the sound of the word ‘sir’ on her lips. “Hey, I warned you. But, are you okay? Last night was intense.”

“I think so. I’ll keep you posted if it changes though.”

I smiled wider.
What a good girl.

She added, “Thank the sub whisperer. She told me about aftercare and how it goes both ways.”

Her flight was called and cut off whatever conversation that might have triggered. I leaned into her, a low, dark croon in my voice as I remembered her tied and screaming for her release. “But, I think you loved it, didn’t you?”

She held my gaze and her pupils dilated, lips parting.

“Didn’t you, Leda?”

A soft blush colored her cheeks and she whispered, “Yes.”

I held her face and kissed her. “I’m gonna miss you, too, little girl. Text me when you get there.” I stood and pulled her up with me, gave her a big hug and turned her to the door.

As she waited, she turned back to me, bratty-cute little smile on her lips and mischief in her eyes. “Bye-bye, Boss.”

Chapter Thirty-Four

Leda

Coldplay,
Always In My Head

It was relaxing to be at home, but predictably, my family wanted all the details about my first semester.

“School’s great. I even made the Dean’s list. I hated histology, but I really liked anatomy.” I flushed thinking about Xander tutoring me and my sister caught it.

“What was that? Who is he?” Her eyes sparkled and she grabbed her husband Evan’s hand across the table.

“Yeah. I met a guy—Xander.” They all leaned in, expectant. “Sheesh, all right! He was my anatomy tutor. He’s a second year.”

I laughed when they hit me with the predictable barrage of interrogation.

Mom asked, “What’s he like, honey?”

Dad asked, “How long has this been going on?”

Luke’s wife, Angie, leaned in, “How serious is it?”

My sister, Julia, echoed my mom, “What’s he like?”

Her husband, Evan, murmured, “Where’d he go to undergrad?”

But everyone hushed at Luke’s question. “What’s his specialty going to be?”

As if that was the most important thing about him.

“Something surgical, I think. But he’s planning to wait a bit, do some rotations before he really settles on something. But, I mean,” I gushed, “his ties are so perfect. I can’t imagine him doing anything else.”

Evan, who was a general surgeon, and Dad both offered to have Xander come rotate with them, though only Evan looked excited. Dad’s face was a bit stormier, like he’d fix this somehow by making Xander operate on kidneys and balls.

I answered, noncommittally, “I’ll let him know you offered.”

My sister interrupted me, “Enough about that crap,” earning her an exasperated look from Dad and Mom. “Give us the details, Leeds.”

“Well, he went to West Point for undergrad. He served in the Army and worked in intelligence.” Scoffs and jokes about military intelligence being an oxymoron. “His dad is the chief of staff for Senator Noe.”

Julia’s head snapped up. “The guy who actively tries to get Planned Parenthood shut down. The guy who’s against contraception and abortion, even in the case of incest! That fu…” My mom shot her a look. “That fricking guy?”

“Ummm. We don’t spend a lot of time discussing his father’s boss’s politics, so I don’t specifically know his platform.” I tried to answer diplomatically, but was a little alarmed at what she was saying.

My mom gave her a look of ‘tone-it-down’, and said, “Sorry, Leeds, tell us more about Xander. What’s he like?”

“He is, well…he’s intense. He studies hard, is doing really well in school, at the top of his class. He’s learning Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and has shown me some of it. He has a friend from high school that lives down there too, Jason. Jason owns a few places—a coffee shop, a bar and a night club. And has been dating Christy for a long time. She’s a meteorologist. And, like, the funniest person I have met in a long time.”

Evan made a mock sad face and pouted a little. Jules interceded, “Yes, honey, you’re very funny. You were saying, Leeds?”

“I don’t know. What else do you guys want to know?”

My dad, leaning back in his chair, asked, a little sternly, “How long have you been dating him?”

I felt like I was in trouble. “Well, I guess he asked me out after the first tutoring session, so…pretty much the whole semester. It doesn’t hurt to have the tutor studying at the same table as me, pretty much every night,” I added smiling, trying to alleviate his concerns.

“Every night, Leda? Really?” His face was a cross between pissed and worried.

My mom interceded again, smoothly carrying the conversation on, “So, he went to West Point, and then served in the Army before med school.”

My dad’s head snapped up again. “How old is he, Leda?”

I had hoped to avoid this.

“He’s thirty-four, dad. He left the Army after his first tour and then transferred to FBI and worked at the Pentagon for a few years before deciding to go to medical school.” Everyone tried to cover their shock at least a little. “What? It’s not a big deal.”

My mom looked at me with compassion on her face. “But, Leeds, don’t you think he might be looking for something a little different than you? I mean, he’s probably ready to settle down and start a family. You don’t want all that pressure, do you?”

“Umm, why not? Jules and Evan met in med school. Lukie met Angie at his friend’s wedding,
during med school.
Lots of people get married in med school. Hell, Jules, you had a baby at the end of med school! Why would it be any different for me? Maybe I do want to marry him!” The room went silent and my interior voice was screaming at me.
Shut the fuck up, Leda! Don’t go down this road with them, and… Did I just say something about marrying him?

Angie saved me. “Well, it sounds like you have made a great connection with him. I’m glad you’re happy, sweetie. Too bad he lives far away. Would’ve been fun to meet him.”

Luke laughed at that and turned to her. “Honey, you are so sweet, but that guy’s gonna be in trouble when we meet him, don’t you think? Listen to how overprotective we all are of our little Leeds.” He smooched her cheek as he got up to check on the kids, who had started to get a little rowdy in the play room, and my interrogation session was over.
Thank Christ.

* * * *

As much as I enjoyed being with my family, in the back of my mind, I was counting down the time until I would see Xander again. I was scheduled to leave on New Year’s Eve and needed to get some things together, a dress at least.

I had already told my parents about the fundraiser and that I would be leaving a few days early. They didn’t mind at all. Jules and Lukie and their families were leaving before New Year’s as well, so my parents were planning to go to a party with friends and had thought I’d have to tag along. They may have even been relieved.

Tiffany and I were going to go to the Magnificent Mile to look for a dress. My mom, Jules and Angie all decided to come with us and it turned into a full girl’s day, while the men took the kids to the children’s museum. I got the dress from an emerging designer that Tiffany loved, who had an edgy new store in the Garment District. It was a deep midnight blue, almost black, draped in a Grecian style but with accents of bare metal, studs and a bare zipper. It grazed the floor and left most of my back exposed, begging the question of undergarments.

My mom had been going to hospital and charity fundraisers long enough that she had a bra shop she loved, where we found a functional, beautiful bustier. I bought the matching thong and thigh high stockings that attached to the clips on the bustier, which earned me a saucy thumbs up from Tiffany.

Fortunately, the bruising from my last night with Xander was well-healed so no one asked any uncomfortable questions.
That seems super-fucked up.

Angie loved the Christian Louboutin collection and insisted that she help me find the ‘right’ shoes. She found an amazing pair, dark silver with studding all over and a solid metallic stiletto. I had to practice walking in them, but I loved the whole look.

Once we finished shopping, my mom, sister and sister-in-law went back to the house with my purchases. Tiffany and I stayed downtown to have a night out. After the rest of them left, Tiffany grilled me about Xander.

“Listen, bitch. I love your family, but I did
not
just endure a day of shopping with them for zero reward. Help me out here. I need something for the spank bank. Because, I will note, you still have not sent me a dick-pic.”

I barked out a laugh. “I can’t even imagine having that conversation with him. I’d be all, ‘hey, honey,
lemme take a selfie
with your junk’.” I fell to giggles and after a minute of trying to keep a serious face, Tiffany joined me.

“All right, how about a regular picture?”

I pulled out my phone and showed her a few pictures of him that I had taken over the last few months. When she looked up at me with a smile, I just shrugged.

“So, do you love him?”

“Yeah, I think I do. Shit, I think I could marry him. Is that crazy?”

“Well, yeah. But only because marriage in general is crazy. Like, I’m in my twenties and don’t know shit about life. How about I promise to love someone forever. Seems legit.”

I laughed again. “I’m really happy though. I just feel like everything is easy with him.”

She cocked her head to the side. “Really? Because I seem to remember some phone calls about feeling slutty.”

“But you were right! Why shouldn’t I enjoy my sex life? Seriously, what a fucked up question.” I dropped my voice to a more hushed tone. “And the kinky stuff is just fun. Maybe that’s not right. It’s intense and wild. And
so
much better than sex in college. I mean, an entirely different universe. Can’t even explain it.”

“Well, try.”

I changed the subject with an apologetic, but pointed glance around the diner at the other patrons. “What else should we do tonight? Wanna hit Boys’ town?”

“Honey, I don’t look nearly good enough for Boys’ town.” She laughed. That said, we were both in jeans and sweaters. Not exactly clubbing clothes. We made kind of a funny pair. She was
much
taller than me, nearly six feet tall. Her hair had been various shades of red in the time I had known her, but since graduating college, she had gone a dark, reddish blond and it suited her well. It brought out her green eyes and the dusting of freckles across her nose. She had a straight up and down body—not thin or heavy really, just in the middle.