Wrestling Against Myself (33 page)

The lack of a response took Tony by surprised. He was expecting an immediate no and they could have both laughed at how gullible the student body was. “You are a girl,” he asked slowly. “Right?”

Courtney mouthed the word yes and nodded her head, but no sound came from her lips. 

“That's what I thought. Phew! You had me going there for a moment.”

“I was afraid this was going to come up,” Courtney said, her voice still shaky. “Ever since I saw you and that idiot Peter and his brother talking to you last week. They were all standing by the locker room waiting for you to do something to me, weren't they?”

“They're morons. I wouldn't worry about them. People spread lies all the time.”

“They're not lying,” Courtney blurted out as a tear drifted down her cheek.

Tony's mouth dropped open but he didn't know what to say. His mind tried to wrap around the conversation but it eluded him. “What weren't they lying about,” he finally managed to ask.

“I don't know how to tell you this.” Courtney was on the verge of sobbing, her chin quivered and her knee bounced uncontrollably. “You've been so nice to me and now you're going to hate me.”

“Try me. You said you are a girl, they say you are a boy. Am I missing something?”

“I am a girl,” Courtney said. “But I was born in the wrong body.”

Tony cocked his head sideways. “Okay, you're a girl, but you want to be a boy?”

“No!” The tears freely flowed down Courtney's face. “I'm a girl but I was born in a boy's body.”

Antonio was at a loss for words. His mind spun. Courtney was a boy. That didn't seem right. Didn't sound right when he said the words inside his head. She didn't act like a boy, didn't talk like a boy, didn't look like a boy, and didn’t walk like a boy. There was nothing about her that said that she was a boy at all. “You're joking, right?”

Courtney shook her head no. She reached over and pulled on the door handle.

“Where are you going?” Tony asked, even in his confusion he made sure not to come across as angry.

“I'm sure you don't want to be seen with me again. After all I'm a freak, right?”

“I never said that.”

“Come on. You're Tiny.”

“That's what people call me, and you're Courtney, I think. What's that have to do with anything?”

“Everyone knows Tiny; the guy who does everything right, stands up for good and destroys evil.”

Antonio found the statement amusing. “I don't recall destroying anything evil.”

“I've heard the stories about you,” Courtney said, fear still in her eyes.

“What stories are those? Most of the tales about me are fiction, you know.”

“I heard that last year you put a kid through a wall for being on drugs.”

“That one is true,” Tony said with a chuckle. “But it's not what you think. I didn't put him through the wall because he was doing drugs; I did what I had to do because he was high and was throwing desks and books around the room and almost hit the teacher. In my defense, I wasn't trying to put him through a wall either, I was trying to pin him to the wall so he wouldn't hurt anyone. Besides, the wall was drywall, not brick so it's not as impressive as you think. That doesn't apply in this situation does it?”

“Yes it does. You're going to do what's right and that means you're not going to want to have anything to do with me.”

“How do you figure?”

“My last church said that I was evil, that I was an abomination and if I didn't repent of my sin that I would wind up going to hell.”

“Ah.” At least that explained her recent fallout with the church. “I don't recall reading that part of the Bible. I thought everyone was going to hell unless they accepted Jesus in their heart. Must be a new doctrine, one that I would have a hard time following.”

“That's what my church said and your church will say the same thing and you always do what's right.”

“You keep saying that,” Tony said, trying to sound sympathetic but was afraid he came off harsh. “I try to do what is right, I won't apologize about that.”

“Then I better go,” Courtney said as she reached for the door handle once again.

“Would you quit that?” Tony knew his frustration was showing and silently berated himself for not being calmer.

“Why? It's how it's going to go, isn't it? You're Tiny and I'm the freak and the two can't be friends.”

“We can't?”

“See, that's what I thought,” Courtney said as she opened the door.

Antonio wished he had power locks, but he didn't. “That wasn't a statement, it was a question. Why can't we be friends? I'm missing something.”

“Come on Tiny,” Courtney matched his frustration. “Everyone is looking at you to do what is right and everyone thinks that getting rid of me is the right thing to do. Why should you be any different?”

“I do what is right, not what is popular. Sometimes the two go hand in hand, but not always.”

“Maybe you don't call me names and sing that stupid song, but everyone is going to say being my friend is wrong and sooner or later you're going to agree with them.”

“I don't operate that way.”

“Sure you do,” Courtney said with uncharacteristic anger. “You're Tiny; all the girls want to date you and all the guys want to be you. The whole school looks up to you to do the right thing and they're expecting you to get rid of me or, at least, avoid me.”

“I'm going to disappoint them. It won't be the first time.”

“Yeah right. When have you ever disappointed anyone, you're...”

“Don't say it,” Tony interrupted. “I know what people call me and I know who I am. I've disappointed people, I'm not perfect. Besides, I rather you not call me Tiny, I told you that once before.”

“Oh. And I guess you want to call me Corey, which is the name on my birth certificate.”

Antonio stared at his passenger. His eyes took a slow voyage from her hair, to her face, to the cotton dress over her slim body, all the way down to her white and pink sneakers. “I don't know. You don't look like a Corey and you don't sound like a Corey. Despite what's on your birth certificate, I doubt you believe you are Corey. I think you're a Courtney, that's how you introduced yourself to me and I don't think anything has changed.”

“But you don't want me calling you Tiny?”

“That's not on my birth certificate either.” Tony laughed. “Most people don't remember this, but the nickname Tiny started as a joke my Freshman year. There was this Senior wrestler, he came up with the nickname midway through the season and at first I was against it. But it stuck and it spread through the school and there was nothing I could do about it. Instead of fighting a losing battle, I accepted it and now it's no longer an insult. In fact, when I got saved, Pastor Bob prayed with me for God to come into Tiny's heart. ”

“People made fun of you?” Courtney was surprised.

“Who would have thunk it, huh? I wasn't always this larger than life figure. I use to be a short, dumpy, fat kid from New York, remember? Things changed. Life goes on.”

“But if I don't call you Tiny, what am I suppose to call you.”

“You could try Antonio. That is my real name. My mom gets a kick when people call the house asking for Tiny, she'll be surprised if someone uses the name she picked out for me.”

“Okay, Antonio.” Courtney tried out the name; though it didn't seem natural she was willing to make that concession.

“And you're still Courtney and now you know we can be real with each other.”

“This isn't the way I figured things would go when you found out the truth about me,” Courtney said as she closed the door and settled back in her seat.

“How did you think it would go?”

“I figured you would be mad and beat me up for not being truthful to you.”

“Now that would be wrong, and you know me, I always do what's right.” Tony grinned and raised his eyebrow at the girl as he put the Firebird back into gear.

“You're not angry about me being a different kind of girl?”

“What's there to be angry about? You're you, I'm me, the world hasn't come to an end and life goes on.”

“Guess I was wrong. I figured you would've thrown me out of the car and never speak to me again.”

“Nah. The whole thing is interesting though, but who am I to judge.”

Courtney didn't know in what way things were interesting and was afraid to pursue things any further. She was certain there would be future conversations, but at least there would be one person left at school who would speak to her.

Tony pulled into Courtney's subdivision. The ride turned silent, but he didn't want to press the girl into a conversation as she processed all that had transpired. He was doing some thinking himself. He never met a girl that was once a boy, it sounded like science fiction, but he made a conscious decision a long time ago not to judge others. It wasn't as if she was harming others, but, at the same time, he couldn't say he understood the decision.

“Here you go, Courtney,” Antonio made sure he emphasized her chosen name. It was the one way he could think of to show he didn't disapprove of her life without getting into a lengthy conversation.

“Thank you, Antonio.” Courtney said his name with a giggle. “For everything,” she added as she placed her hand on his forearm.

Tony nodded. “Go, I see your mom peeking out of the blinds.”

Courtney smiled. “I'll see you Monday.”

“See you then.”

Tony watched as Courtney made her way inside her house. Even though she admitted to him that the rumors were true, he found it hard to believe that there was a part of her that wasn't female.

As soon as the door closed behind her, Tony put the car in reverse and backed out of the driveway.

“That was interesting,” Antonio spoke out loud, choosing not to turn up the radio on the short drive home. “Peter and his brother weren't lying, doesn't make them right for what they're trying to pull.”

Tony rolled his head in a circle to relieve some of the tension that built up in his neck. He never came across such a situation and didn't know what he believed. Was Courtney wrong for trying to live as a girl? It wouldn't change the fact that he would be her friend, but he had never considered such an action before. What if it were him? He shuddered at the thought of putting on woman's clothing, growing his hair long and wearing makeup.

“I certainly wouldn't do it,” Tony said to his steering wheel. “Then again, I'm not her. But, what if I was who I am and was born in the body of a girl?”

That thought was equally unpleasant to the wrestler.

“If I had a woman's body, I would still want to live as a dude,” he said as his mind tried to make sense of a situation that was new to him. “Maybe it's the same thing with her. She is who she is. How could that be wrong? She is who she is and I'm her friend. We'll let those facts remain firm and everything else will fall into place.”

Tony got to his house. He walked into the living room and sat in silence.

Courtney was a girl who had a boy's body and everyone knew about it. The only question he had was how he was going to fix things, if it was even possible.

“I'll definitely have to tell the guys at the table,” Tony said as he closed his eyes and plotted a course of action. “I'll tell them the truth and that we still need to be her friend. I'll deal with any objections as they come up, if I can.”