Writers (4 page)

GALLO
pulls a roll of bills out of one
of his pockets, peels off a couple and
hands them to the
WAITER
.

GALLO

These are for
you.

WAITER

Thank you,
Mr.
Gallo. Will your friend be coming
back?

GALLO
peels off two more bills from
his roll and places them in one of the
WAIT
ER
's
hands.

GALLO

If he does, this should cover
him.

WAITER

Certainly.

The
WAITER
walks
away.
GALLO
stands up and faces the audience.

GALLO

In
ten
years,
at
just
about
this
time
of
the
morning,
the
Columbos are going to gun me down in front of my
family,
right here
in
Umberto's
Clam House. Kerouac will have drunk himself to
death three
years
before,
twelve
years
after
he
became
a
best-selling
au
thor.
I
never
wrote
a
sentence,
but
I
never
served
one,
either.
How's
that for
closure?

END

 

 

THE
PITH
HELMET

 

 

CAST OF
CHARACTERS

B
. Traven
, aka
H
al Croves
, writer, a man in his late forties/early fifties, provenance uncertain, author of many novels, one of which,
The Treasure of the Sierra Madre
, is about to be made into a feature film, starring Humphrey Bogart, that will make Traven's fortune and him world famous.

John Huston
, Hollywood director and screenwriter (
The Maltese Falcon
, et al.) set to embark on the making of the movie based on Traven's novel. Son of the actor Walter Huston, who will co-star with Bogart (and win an Academy Award for his performance). John Huston's reputation as a drinker, brawler and womanizer precedes him.

Humphrey Bogart
,
an
actor

SETTING

The year is
1947
. Traven and Huston are about to meet for the first
time at the Hotel Reforma in Mexico City. Traven, however, is masquerading as Traven's “agent,” Hal Croves, for reasons unknown by Huston. The play takes place in the director's hotel suite.

 

 

A knock at the
door.
JOHN
HUSTON
,
a
tall,
lanky
man
in
his
early
thirtiess,
opens
it.

HUSTON

Ah,
Mr.
Croves, I
presume.

TRAVEN/CROVES
enters.
He
is
wearing a slightly soiled white sportcoat, white trousers and a beige pith
helmet.
HUSTON
is dressed casually, slacks
and open-collared shirt; half an unlit
cigar protrudes from one corner of his
mouth.
TRAVEN/CROVES
surveys the
front room
of
the
suite,
then
stands
by
a
window overlooking the
Paseo,
his eyes
inspecting the
director.

HUSTON

I'm
quite alone here at the moment, if
that's what's
worrying
you.

TRAVEN/CROVES

(with German
accent)

I
am
not
worried,
Mr.
Huston,
just
suspicious.
There
is
a
difference.

HUSTON

Nothing to be suspicious about, Croves.
Would
you like a
drink?

TRAVEN/CROVES

I never drink when I am
negotiating.

HUSTON

It's
the lawyers do the negotiating, not us. Have a seat,
won't
you?
I've
been looking forward to meeting and having a
conversation with
you.

TRAVEN/CROVES
sits down in a
chair.
HUSTON
sits on the couch and
pours himself
a
drink
from
a
bottle
of
tequila
on the coffee table in front of
him.

HUSTON

When in
Mexico.

(He takes a sip of
tequila.)

Now,
Mr.
Croves,
I've
been given to understand that you are
an agent for
Mr.
Traven.

TRAVEN/CROVES

That is
correct.

HUSTON

Why
don't
you take off that pith helmet?
There's
not much sun
in here.

TRAVEN/CROVES

If it is all right with you, I will leave it on for the
moment.

HUSTON

When do I get to meet
Traven?
I've
got a few questions to ask
him.

TRAVEN/CROVES

You
can
ask
questions
of
me
and
I
will
relate
them
to
Señor
Traven.
If he wishes to answer your questions, I will deliver his
replies.

HUSTON

See
here,
Croves,
I
don't
work
for
the
FBI.
I
just
want
to
make
a good movie out of
Traven's
book.
I'm
here to discuss any
concerns he might have regarding how I go about it and to tell him what
I have in
mind.

TRAVEN/CROVES

Señor Traven has read your screenplay and is quite satisfied that you have made a proper understanding of his novel. He is experienced in these matters, having written several screenplays for films made here in Mexico. As I make clear, it is Señor Traven's request that anything you wish to tell him you will tell me.

HUSTON
finishes off his drink,
then pours himself
another.

HUSTON

Sure
you
won't
have a shot
Mr.
Croves? This is top-notch
tequila,
from
Guerrero.

TRAVEN/CROVES
waves
his
hand
dismis
sively.

TRAVEN/CROVES

I
don't
wish to appear impolite or ungrateful,
Mr.
Huston, but
I must decline this aspect of your
hospitality.

HUSTON

I
like
a
man
who
drinks
with
me.
It's
a
good
way
to
get
to
know him.

TRAVEN/CROVES

I have no reason to doubt that you are well-acquainted with
many men who share your
opinion.

HUSTON

Women,
too. The trouble with women is that the better they
hold their liquor, the better they
lie.

TRAVEN/CROVES

Down.

HUSTON

What's
that?

TRAVEN/CROVES

Down.
They
lie
down.
Is
that
what
you
mean,
Mr.
Huston?

HUSTON
laughs.

HUSTON

You're
clever,
Croves. Is
Traven
as clever as you?

TRAVEN/CROVES

Señor
Traven
is a humanitarian. His desire is through his books
to reveal
the
ultimate
futility
of
greed
and
avarice
so
that
the
unnecessary suffering caused by exploitation of the common man shall
be eradicated.

HUSTON

Are you sure you
won't
imbibe,
Mr.
Croves?
It
makes the
Wobbly
credo go down
better.

TRAVEN/CROVES
shakes his head
no.

HUSTON

Let's talk about
Treasure
. The way I see it, it's Howard, the old man, who's at the center of things. He wants to get rich but he's not greedy, nor is Curtin, though Curtin can be manipulated. Dobbs lacks character and the confidence that goes along with it, so he's dangerous. Traven means Howard to keep the peace but only to a point. He's seen enough to know that sometimes the only resolution to a sticky situation comes out of the barrel of a gun, like Goering said about culture. Either that, or to skedaddle while the skedaddling's good.

TRAVEN/CROVES

You
make no attempt to disguise your cynicism,
Mr.
Huston. I like that. And the precise words of Herr Goering, I believe,
were, “When I hear the word culture, I reach for my
Luger.”

HUSTON

Call me, John, please.
My
father—who, by the
way,
has agreed
to play
the
role
of
old
Howard,
without
his
false
teeth—told
me
when I
was
a
boy
that
it
was
impolite
when
in
civilized
company
for
a man to wear a hat
indoors.

TRAVEN/CROVES

Ah, my pith helmet annoys you, does
it?

HUSTON

The helmet
doesn't
annoy me, only your keeping it on while
we talk.

TRAVEN/CROVES
takes off the
pith helmet and places it down on a chair
next to his.

HUSTON

Traven's
a German, I
understand.

TRAVEN/CROVES

He
was
born
in
Chicago
and
is
of
Norwegian
parentage.
He
has been living in Mexico for many
years.

HUSTON

Why?

TRAVEN/CROVES

Have you ever been in Chicago,
Mr.
Huston?

HUSTON

I
have.

TRAVEN/CROVES

Then
you
know
that
it
gets
extremely
cold
there.
Señor
Traven
prefers the climate in
Mexico.

HUSTON

And you, Croves.
You
speak English with a German
accent.

TRAVEN/CROVES

My
parents were from a part of Poland that was taken over
during the
war.
They
were
ethnic
Teutons
who
spoke
German
in
our
house. German was my first
language.

HUSTON

How
did you and
Traven
become
acquainted?

TRAVEN/CROVES

Quite by chance. But this is not the point of our meeting, Mr. Huston. Señor Traven wishes me to be present as an advisor during the filming. I believe this is stipulated in his contract with the Warner brothers. When are you scheduled to begin?

HUSTON

Next week. Most of the principal cast has arrived and
we're
doing
a run-through the day after
tomorrow.

TRAVEN/CROVES

Señor
Traven
is pleased that Gabriel Figueroa will be the
cinematographer.
I'm
sure you know that they have worked together
and are close
friends.

HUSTON

I do.
Well,
then,
Croves.

(HUSTON stands
up.)

I think
we're
finished here. I'll have my assistant contact you
about the shooting schedule. Gabe and I are going to
Tampico
tonight.

TRAVEN/CROVES
rises and
shakes hands with
HUSTON
.

TRAVEN/CROVES

It
has been a pleasure to meet
you.

HUSTON

Same here. Give
Traven
my regards. He wrote a great book. I
hope my movie will do it
justice.

TRAVEN/CROVES
leaves.
Huston pours himself another shot of tequila but before he can drink it, there is a knock at the door.

HUSTON

Come in!

HUMPHREY
BOGART
enters,
looks around.

BOGART

Croves
gone?

HUSTON

Just
now.

(He drinks the
tequila,
holds up
his glass.)

You
want
one?

BOGART

Sure, so long as it
doesn't
cost me
anything.

HUSTON
pours them both
drinks. Hands one to
Bogart.

HUSTON

You're
already in
character.

BOGART

I like Dobbs. He
can't
hide his real feelings.

HUSTON

The saints be with
us.