Year of the Monsoon (10 page)

“Well that certainly created a warm and fuzzy atmosphere for dinner,” Leisa giggled later that evening when she and Nan were finally alone. “I think for once, your mother didn’t know what to say. And your brother and sister are charming.”

“Told you.”

Bradley and his wife, Tammy, arrived first at the country club with their two children. Bradley had retained his athletic build and good looks, but Tammy looked as if her plastic surgeon had supplied quite a bit of assistance. Leisa tried not to stare at the overly plump lips, the stretched skin between hairline and eyebrows or the impossibly prominent boobs. Their children, a girl of thirteen and a boy of eleven, were quiet, owing largely to the fact that they texted the entire time they were seated at the table, hiding their phones on their laps under the table cloth in deference to the club’s no-cell-phone policy.

If they were surprised to be introduced to Leisa, they hid it much better than Nan’s sister, Miranda, who responded with “Oh” when Nan made the introductions. Leisa could still see hints of the homecoming queen in Miranda’s beautiful face, but it was a cold, haughty beauty. Leisa couldn’t help feeling a stab of pity for Miranda’s husband, Ted. Balding and pudgy, he seemed like a man who had made a deal with the devil to get a beautiful wife. Their daughter, also eleven, didn’t bother trying to hide her earphones or phone, looking enormously bored to be there.

At the funeral home, Linda and Stanley were busy receiving visitors who had come to pay their respects, or, rather, Linda was receiving them as Stanley dutifully stood near-by.

Leisa couldn’t help but compare the frigid atmosphere of this funeral with the warmth of Rose’s only a few weeks ago. Despite the tragic suddenness of Rose’s death, there had been hundreds of visitors at the funeral home and again at the funeral. Nearly everyone had a story of some kindness Rose or Daniel had done them over the years, and there had been more laughter than tears as people reminisced.

“Look at her,” Nan whispered to Leisa. “You’d think she actually liked the old lady, the way she keeps dabbing at her eyes.”

“Why are you even here?” Miranda hissed, startling both of them as she appeared from out of nowhere.

“Well, unlike you,” retorted Nan, still whispering, “I’m actually here for Grandmother.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that for all her crankiness, she was good to me,” Nan said. “She was the only one who encouraged me to escape this place. I’m probably the only one who loved her, and the only one who doesn’t care what she left me in her will.”

Miranda’s nostrils flared. “That’s a terrible thing to say. You’re not here – you don’t come home for years, and then you have the indecency to show up with your lover at a time like this –”

“If you ever bothered to notice anything outside your own life,” Nan shot back, her voice getting a little louder, “you would know that Leisa isn’t my lover. She’s my partner and has been for over ten years. Ten faithful years, I might add.” Nan felt a little stab of triumph at the angry flush that colored her sister’s cheeks. “And you wonder why I don’t come home more often,” she added scathingly.

Bradley came over at that moment. “Mom wants to introduce you to some people,” he said, eyeing Leisa in a way that made her edge away from him.

She followed Nan as they all shuffled in Linda’s direction. Miranda grabbed Ted by the arm on her way to her mother where Linda introduced them to several older couples gathered near the closed casket. Linda turned, reaching a hand out to Nan when her eyes met Leisa’s for a fraction of a second. She immediately turned her back on them, directing her friends’ attention across the room to Miranda’s daughter who was sitting sullenly in a far corner, still listening to her music.

Nan spun on her heel, taking Leisa by the hand and leading her outside. The evening air was misty and cool, refreshing after the stuffy warmth inside.

Nan closed her eyes and bowed her head as she leaned against the iron railing. Her hair fell forward, shielding her face from view.

“Are you all right?” Leisa asked softly, brushing Nan’s hair back behind her ear. When Nan didn’t answer, Leisa said, “I think this time at the funeral home is the only time I’ve seen your mother without a drink in her hand since we got here. Does she always drink this much?”

Nan nodded, still not looking at Leisa. “She never gets falling down drunk, or out of control. She just… No one wants to deal with it, certainly not my father. That was a big part of why my grandmother wanted me to get away. She saw everything, and knew it wouldn’t change.”

She picked her head up, swinging her hair back, and looked at Leisa, her eyes shining. “I’m so sorry you had to be subjected to this,” she said. She took Leisa’s hand and kissed it. “But I’m so glad you’re here for me.”

As Nan entered the church the next morning for the funeral, she stopped on the threshold of the sanctuary and took a deep breath. They took a seat in the pew with the rest of the family. Nan looked around, toward the choir loft. Leisa reached for her hand.

Nan blinked the tears from her eyes, looking down at Leisa’s fingers wrapped around hers. Even as she dimly registered her mother’s indignant huff of disapproval, she clung desperately to Leisa’s hand, like an anchor holding her in the present, refusing to let the ghosts of the past pull her under.

Chapter 8

IT SEEMED THAT THEY
had no sooner returned to Baltimore than it was time for Nan to pack again for Williamsburg. Leisa carried an armful of clean laundry upstairs to the bedroom.

“Here’s some clean underwear and socks,” she said.

“Thanks.” Nan’s voice echoed a little from the bathroom. Leisa was sorting clothes into piles on the bed when Nan emerged.

“Have you decided what –” Leisa began as she looked up. “Have you been crying?”

Nan didn’t answer as she pulled open a dresser drawer and rummaged through it for sweaters to bring. “It’s always so damned cold at these things.”

Leisa went to her and took her by the shoulders. “What is it?” she asked, concerned.

“I just don’t want to go to this conference,” Nan replied moodily.

Leisa smiled in relief. “It’s only for a few days.” She pulled Nan to her and kissed her neck. “We could send you off with some good reasons to hurry home,” she said suggestively, as her hands slid under Nan’s t-shirt.

Nan grabbed Leisa’s wrists and stopped her. “Not now. I’ve got too much to do,” she said a trifle impatiently as she pulled away.

Leisa’s face burned as if she’d been slapped. She turned back toward the laundry on the bed. Nan realized what she’d done and reached for her arm, saying, “I’m sorry.”

“What is wrong with me?” Leisa asked, hurt tears welling up in her eyes.

“Nothing. Nothing is wrong with you,” Nan insisted, pulling Leisa down to sit next to her on the edge of the bed.

“Do you know how many months it’s been since we made love?” Leisa asked. “I try, and you don’t respond. There must be some reason,” she gasped as she started to cry in earnest.

“How did you expect her to react?” Maddie asked days later when Nan’s world blew apart and she finally told Maddie everything.

“It’s me,” Nan said, trying to put an arm around Leisa’s shoulders, but Leisa shrugged her away. “I just can’t… I can’t be that for you right now.”

Leisa turned to look at her with tears streaming down her cheeks. “I don’t understand.”

“There’s so much I need to tell you –”

Leisa stood suddenly, her eyes cold and accusing. “Is there someone else? Because if that’s it, don’t you dare give me this ‘it’s all me’ bullshit.”

“No!” Nan exclaimed. “There’s no one else, I promise. Not… not like that. Please,” she pleaded. “We need to talk. I tried before my grandmother died, but… I just can’t get into it right before I leave. I’ll explain everything when I get back.”

Leisa’s eyes remained distrustful. “Fine. Maybe when you get back, I’ll sleep with you again. But not tonight.”

She left the room and went down the hall, slamming the door of the guest room.

Friday afternoon found Leisa stuck in rush hour traffic on I-95 South. Jo Ann and Bruce were watching Bronwyn for the weekend so Leisa could drive to Williamsburg and surprise Nan.

“Are you sure surprising her is a good idea?” Jo had asked. “Isn’t she going to be busy with her conference?”

“She’s been there since Wednesday, and if I know her, she’s probably been eating every meal alone in her room.” What Leisa couldn’t tell her aunt was that they hadn’t spoken since their argument Tuesday night.

Traffic began to move.

“Come on,” she urged, watching the speedometer needle creep up to forty.

The past three days had been hell. She’d barely slept. She and Nan had never slept apart out of anger, but even worse, she’d gotten up early Wednesday morning and left for work without seeing Nan off. Now she couldn’t shake the guilt she felt. They’d never gone this long without speaking, but “I don’t even know what to say to her at this point,” she would have said because she was afraid to imagine whatever it was Nan hadn’t been ready to tell her.

Finally, on Thursday, unable to stand it any longer, she’d gone to Maddie. “I need to speak with you if you have a minute.”

“Sure,” Maddie said. “Come on in.”

Leisa closed the door and sat, clamping her hands between her knees to control her fidgeting.

“I’m sorry to bring personal things to work,” she began.

Maddie leaned forward. “What is it?”

“I don’t know exactly,” Leisa admitted. “Nan… something is wrong and she can’t tell me what it is. I thought maybe you might know what’s going on.”

Maddie frowned. “What makes you think something’s wrong?”

Leisa shrugged. “Everything. She’s been distant for months. She was working like seventy hours a week until Mom died. But even when she was home more, she wasn’t there with me.”

She blinked back the tears she could feel stinging her eyes. “We had an argument the night before she left. She said there was something she needed to tell me when she got back, but…” The tears spilled over. “I’m really scared,” she said as she swiped her sleeve across her eyes.

“Hey,” Maddie said, getting up and coming around her desk to sit next to Leisa. She laid her large hand gently on Leisa’s shoulder.

“You’re her oldest friend,” Leisa said, sniffing. “Do you have any idea what’s bothering her?”

Maddie shook her head. “I honestly don’t. I’ve talked to her about working so much, but she hasn’t said anything about any other problems.”

“Why didn’t Nan tell her years ago? When they first met?” Lyn asked incredulously when they finally knew the whole story. “And why didn’t you tell me?”

“It wasn’t my story to tell,” Maddie mused. “I’m not really sure why Nan didn’t tell her. I think it had a lot to do with the garbage Leisa’s old girlfriend had pulled on her. Nan was afraid Leisa would walk if she told her the truth.”

Lyn shook her head sadly. “And now Leisa may walk because she didn’t.”

By six-thirty, Leisa was getting off I-64 at Williamsburg. Nan was staying in the hotel where the conference was being held. Scanning the hotel signs cropping up amidst all the pancake houses offering cheap breakfasts, she spied the one she sought. She pulled into the parking lot and found Nan’s Mini. She parked next to it and entered the hotel lobby, her heart pounding. She tried Nan’s cell phone, but, as she expected, got her voice mail immediately. Leisa walked over to the registration desk.