Year Zero (40 page)

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Authors: Rob Reid

BOOK: Year Zero
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“Or at least, there’s a seventy-five percent chance that he did.”

“Did you seriously just do that in your head?”

Manda smiled at our running joke. “And you know there’s no way Judy’ll put up with this,” she added. “Not with all her space dollars tied up in escrow.”

I considered this. “So you think she’s going to try to make him back down?”

“As opposed to living out her years stuck on Earth, kissing congressional asses, and suing file sharers? Of course she will.”

I nuzzled Meowhaus’s cheek with my index finger, and nodded. Manda’s right, of course. There are enough loose ends out there that this whole mess is probably just beginning.

1.
 When Judy howled about the lenience of this, it was decided that the term would be served without any possibility of parole.

2.
 Pugwash, meanwhile, ended up buying an awful lot of multigrain Wheat Thins for someone who was hosting a cracker-loathing carnivore.

3.
 At first I figured he was just sticking around to get into the Willow Smith video that Judy had mentioned. But they taped his part weeks ago, and he’s still here.

4.
 It would indeed be a lot of work for two
million
lawyers if we didn’t have access to Refined analytics tools that can handle labyrinthine instructions like, “figure out the precise sums owed to all of the ultimate beneficial shareholders of the Warner Music Group based on its entire catalog of music and territorial rights, and add those amounts to the individual accounts that the shareholders’ respective Cellular Infringements are being charged against.”

5.
 Judy’s first action back on Earth was to poach Manda from her law firm.

6.
 Our desk used to be her desk. Although made from a cheap kit, it’s much bigger than my old one, so we kept it when we consolidated our furniture into one apartment.

MANDA’S PLAYLIST

1   Intelligentactile 101 (Acoustic)

Jesca Hoop

2   Daddy’s Car

Cardigans

3   Nightlight

Little Dragon

4   Voice Yr Choice

The Go! Team

5   Dance Anthem of the 80’s

Regina Spektor

6   Hit

Sugarcubes

7   Silly Fathers

Rubblebucket

8   Combat Baby

Metric

9   One Divine Hammer

Breeders

10  Rill Rill

Sleigh Bells

11  Same Rain

Sam Phillips

12  The Real End

Rickie Lee Jones

13  Elijah

Alela Diane

14  Stoney End

Laura Nyro

15  Hurricane Drunk

Florence & The Machine

16  The Apocalypse Song

St. Vincent

17  Speak for Me

Cat Power

18  Holy Holy

Wye Oak

19  Mushrooms & Roses

Janelle Monáe

20  Written on the Forehead

PJ Harvey

21  Don’t Talk to Me About Love

Altered Images

22  Duel

Propaganda

23  The Mummers Dance

Loreena McKinnit

24  Central Reservation (The Then Again Version)

Beth Orton

25  Undress Me Now

Morcheeba

26  Evening

Vanessa Daou

27  Ronco Symphony

Stereolab

28  5:55

Charlotte Gainsbourg

29  Occident

Joanna Newsom

30  Teardrop

Massive Attack

ÖZZŸ’S PLAYLIST

1   You Shook Me All Night Long

AC/DC

2   Living After Midnight

Judas Priest

3   Pour Some Sugar on Me

Def Leppard

4   Dude Looks Like a Lady

Aerosmith

5   Too Daze Gone

Billy Squier

6   Beautiful Girls

Van Halen

7   Round and Round

Ratt

8   Rock You Like a Hurricane

Scorpions

9   Like Never Before

Steelheart

10  Crazy Train

Ozzy Osbourne

11  Wild Flower

The Cult

12  Paradise City

Guns N’ Roses

13  Not Gonna Take It

Twisted Sister

14  Cum on Feel the Noize

Quiet Riot

15  Tonight I’m Gonna Rock You Tonight

Spinal Tap

16  Rock and Roll All Nite

Kiss

17  There’s Only One Way to Rock

Sammy Hagar

18  School’s Out

Alice Cooper

19  Godzilla

Blue Öyster Cult

20  Turn Up the Radio

Autograph

21  Looks That Kill

Mötley Crüe

22  Unskinny Bop

Poison

23  One Way Ticket

The Darkness

24  Blue Collar Man (Long Nights)

STYX

25  Mother

Danzig

26  Paranoid

Black Sabbath

27  Run to the Hills

Iron Maiden

28  Metal on Metal

Anvil

29  Enter Sandman

Metallica

30  When the Levee Breaks

Led Zeppelin

PUGWASH’S PLAYLIST

1   Le Rai C’est Chic

Cheb Mami

2   Nefertiti’s Fjord

Nefertiti’s Fjord

3   Africa

Amadou & Mariam

4   Panis Et Circenses

Os Mutantes

5   Twiggy Twiggy [Twiggy Vs. James Bond]

Pizzicato Five

6   Chocolate

Pacifika

7   Tunak Tunak Tun

Daler Mehndi

8   Rabba Remixed

Falu

9   Bananeria

Bebel Gilberto

10  Eple

Royksopp

11  Ana (Hisboyelroy Smooth Dub)

Vieux Farka Touré

12  Narayana/For Your Love

Krishna Das

13  Azul

Natalia Lafourcade

14  Tinindo Trincando

Novosbaianos

15  Aquas de Marco

Rosa Passos

16  Sodade

Césaria Évora & Bonga

17  Makambo

Geoffrey Oryema

18  Lam Tooro

Baaba Maal &
Mansour Seck

19  Svefn-g-englar

Sigur Rós

20  Money

Sharon Jones &
The Dap-Kings

21  Money, Money

Grateful Dead

22  Money

Pink Floyd

23  Taxman

The Beatles

24  Money

Flying Lizards

25  Gimme Some Money

Spinal Tap

MEOWHAUS’S PLAYLIST

1   Cat People (Putting Out Fire)

David Bowie

2   Up on the Catwalk

Simple Minds

3   The Lovecats

The Cure

4   Make a Circuit With Me

The Polecats

5   He War

Chan Marshall

6   Lucifer Sam

Pink Floyd

7   An Cat Dubh + Into the Heart

U2

8   Panthers

Wilco

9   Superficial Cat

Edwyn Collins

10  Tiger Lily

Luna

11  Year of the Cat

Al Stewart

12  Honky Cat

Elton John

13  Another Saturday Night

Yusuf Islam

14  Stray Cat Blues

The Rolling Stones

15  Rumble in Bhangingon

Stray Cats

16  Panther Dash

The Go! Team

17  Photograph

Def Leppard

18  Cat Scratch Fever

Ted Nugent

19  Back in Black

AC/DC

20  Teenage Pussy from Outer Space

Buck Naked & the Bare Bottom Boys

CARLY’S PLAYLIST

1   Lost In Space

Fountains of Wayne

2   Bitch

The Rolling Stones

3   Rock Music

Jefferson Starship

4   Take It Off

The Donnas

5   Walkin’ on the Sun

Smash Mouth

6   Killer Queen

Queen

7   Venus

Bananarama

8   Planet Earth

Duran Duran

9   Bike Ride to the Moon

The Dukes Of Stratosphear

10  Stars

Hum

11  Drops of Jupiter

Train

12  Saturn 5

Inspiral Carpets

13  Back Door Man

Doors

14  Sing to Neptune

Tribe

15  Hallucinating Pluto

The B-52’s

16  Star 69

R.E.M
.

17  Star Shaped

Blur

18  It Don’t Come Easy

Ringo Starr

19  I Touch Myself

Divinyls

20  Trick or Treat

Peaches

21  Sex (I’m A …)

Berlin

22  Space Age Love Song

A Flock of Seagulls

23  Surfing on a Rocket

Air

24  We Are All Made of Stars

Moby

25  Sudden Stars (EP Version)

Stereolab

26  Universal Speech

The Go! Team

27  Astronaut

Blitzen Trapper

28  Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space

Spiritualized

29  Under the Milky Way

The Church

30  Have You Seen the Stars Tonight

Jefferson Airplane

FRAMPTON’S PLAYLIST

1   Money’s Too Tight (To Mention)

Simply Red

2   I’m Not the Man I Used To Be

Fine Young Cannibals

3   Love of the Common People

Paul Young

4   Skin Deep

The Stranglers

5   Stars

Simply Red

6   Be Near Me

ABC

7   Silver

Echo & the Bunnymen

8   Communication

Spandau Ballet

9   What Have I Done to Deserve This?

Pet Shop Boys

10  Fascination

The Human League

11  Vienna Calling

Falco

12  Wonderland

Big Country

13  The Last of the Famous International Playboys

Morrissey

14  Temptation (Original Version)

Heaven 17

15  Never Gonna Give You Up

Rick Astley

16  Hymn

Ultravox

17  Things Could Be Beautiful

The Colourfield

18  King for a Day

Thompson Twins

19  Europa and the Pirate Twins

Thomas Dolby

20  A New Flame

Simply Red

21  New Gold Dream (81-82-83-84)

Simple Minds

22  Arizona Sky

China Crisis

23  Do You Really Want to Hurt Me

Culture Club

24  Head over Heels

Tears for Fears

25  Father Figure

George Michael

26  This Is the Day

The The

27  Careless Whisper

Wham!

28  If You Don’t Know Me By Now

Simply Red

29  Heaven

Bryan Adams

30  Holding Back the Years

Simply Red

FOR MORGAN

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I’d like to thank my wife, Morgan, for believing in
Year Zero
when it was just a wisp a of story. I never would have started writing it if it weren’t for her. I also certainly wouldn’t have finished it without the steady feed of encouragement, edits, advice, caffeine, patience, treats, cajoling, laughter, and love that she sustained me with. I may have been the one at the keyboard, but this was a two-person project from start to finish. So thank you, Morgan. This is our book.

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