Yearning Devotion (12 page)

 “Let’s go get some fresh air before
the craziness starts,” McKayla pulled Gwen by the arm out the door after she
finished her final model fitting. They walked hand in hand down the street.  Gwen
was a bundle of nerves. She hadn’t spoken more than a handful of words to
anyone that didn’t have to do with the show all day.  It was just two hours
before the show and the perfect time for them to slip off for a few minutes.
Gwen had been going since very early in the morning. She wanted the show to go
off perfect. Not to mention she’d thrown herself even more so into work since
the appearance of Cole the night before. Anything to push those memories back.

Why had he decided to show back up
in her life again on that night of all the nights he could’ve? She hadn’t heard
from him or seen him in so long. As badly as she wanted to see him, it still
hurt her deep down to see that handsome face, those green eyes that had sucked
her in and hurt her so badly.  

With all the stress she was under,
in the last couple weeks, she lost at least 10lbs, but that worked in her favor
being around all these stick thin models. She never wanted to be thin like when
she had been held captive again so she purposefully stayed a more average size.
She still kept her hair long but most of the time it was pulled back in a high
ponytail so she could work without it getting in her way. She rarely wore
makeup anymore as no one really cared what the designer looked like, just what
the clothing looked like. 

The couple walked down the streets
of New York for a few minutes before returning to the venue. The brief reprieve
had been exactly what Gwen needed to regain her focus, her calm. McKayla was
swept off to get ready for the show as soon as they returned. Gwen popped in
her earbuds and turned on music. She looked around the room filled with half
naked beautiful women. Some were getting their hair done, some their makeup,
some were getting into their first outfit already.

This was her dream, and she was loving
it. She moved about making sure each dress was fitting and looking exactly the way
she desired. Before she knew it, the first model was heading down the runway. 
The models were flying out and coming back. She needed to get dressed for her appearance
on the runway so she made sure the last few models were good to go before
quickly stripping out her clothes and putting on one of her own gowns.   It was
a single shoulder black gown that had a silk slip that stopped high on her
thighs with a see through black lace overlay that fell all the way to the floor
with a high slit on one side nearly to the hip. The makeup artist gave her a
quick smoky eye with heavy mascara, dark blush and a deep red lipstick while
the hair stylist swept her hair into a messy up do with a few strands left
around her face.

She waited until the last model
went out before she got into her spot behind the curtains. At her queue, she
stepped out onto the runway. McKayla was at her side as the lead model for the
show. The crowd went wild, cheering and clapping for her. She walked halfway
down the runway giving a small bow. She looked around at the crowd in amazement
taking in the praise they were giving. Turning to head back down the runway,
her eyes landed on those green eyes. She tripped but McKayla steadied her.  Gwen
recovered and quickly headed back behind the curtains. As disturbed as she was
at seeing him twice in two days, she didn’t have time to dwell on him. There
were cameras in her face and questions being thrown at her from the media. She
was questioned and directed from one interview to another for nearly three
hours after the show. She sat gracefully and answered all the questions. She
wasn’t used the being the one in the spot light, but she knew it was something that
came with being a designer.

Once she was finally done, she was
sitting back stage in a chair with her feet up, her earbuds in.  Almost
everyone had already gone home for the night. She was enjoying looking at the
room where her clothes were hung and the row of mirrors where the girls had
been prepped. ‘Don’t You Worry Child’ was being piped through her earphones and
it made her smile. All her hard work and determination had paid off. The show
had gone off without a hitch. All the interviews had been positive, spouting
praise about her designs. She’d never been more pleased.

 McKayla came through door and
walked to her with a smile. “You ready to go?”

“I suppose so.” Gwen slipped her earbuds
into her handbag along with her phone. She had taken a moment after the
interviews to slip her leggings back on and a tight tank since she was hot from
running around. She stood and slipped her feet into the 4 inch plain black peep
toe heels. She grabbed her sweater dress from earlier and slipped it on to keep
warm. She laced her fingers with McKayla’s as they made their way out of the
building chatting about how the show and interviews had gone.

“You know, we should go out
clubbing tonight.” McKayla said as they entered the lobby of their apartment
building.

“I don’t really feel up to it. I’m
tired.” Gwen yawned unintentionally but it made her point. “You go ahead.”

“You sure you don’t want to go?
Celebrate your success!” McKayla spun in a circle with her arms out. Gwen
smiled at her. She was always up to party. Gwen, however, was looking forward
to curling up in a nice soft bed and being alone after all the people she’d
been around today.

“I’m beat, really. Have fun.” Gwen
said as they stepped into the elevator. McKayla stepped behind Gwen to rub her
shoulders as they rode the elevator up.

“Do you want me to stay home with
you?” She asked as she continued to dig her thumbs into Gwen’s knotted
shoulders.

“It’s okay. Really. I’m going to
shower and go to bed.” Gwen rolled her head forward and groaned as she felt some
of the tension leave her shoulders.  Once they got to their apartment, McKayla
changed quickly and left after giving Gwen a quick kiss.

 After scrubbing off all the makeup
they’d caked on her face, Gwen took a long hot bubble bath while drinking a glass
of wine. The stress from getting through her debut was starting to fade, her
mind turned back to seeing Cole at the restaurant the night before. She remembered
just how handsome he looked in his tuxedo. The way his jacket had hugged his broad
chest and arms.  His hair was a bit longer than before and looked like he had
just been running his hands through it, sticking up in various places. The
moment her eyes had locked with his had been like a jolt to her system. His
eyes were her biggest weakness. They were the most beautiful thing about him.

She pulled on a pair of pale purple
yoga pants and a black sports bra after her bath. She did a bit of yoga to help
calm her body and mind before climbing into bed. Her mind was still stuck on
Cole though and she couldn’t seem to get comfortable.

After tossing and turning for an
hour, she got up and slipped on a tight white t-shirt that showed just a sliver
of her belly and a pair of sneakers. She ran a brush through her hair before
pulling it up into a high ponytail. She walked down to the lobby and stood just
in front of the building. Gwen looked either way down the street debating on
where to go. She decided she’d go to the gym just down the street and get in a
work out. The gym was fairly busy for it being ten at night, but she was able
to find a treadmill. Cranking up The Pussycat Dolls, she started at a steady
jog. As images of Cole popped into her head again, she cranked up the treadmill
until she was at a full out run. Eventually her mind cleared and all she could
think about was her pumping muscles and lungs as they sucked in air. She had to
slow after 30 minutes to a slower jog. As she was finishing the last 30 minutes
of her run, she looked up at the televisions hanging along the walls. The news
was on. She noticed they were talking about the fashion show and the other
designers that had shown as well as her designs. She hit the stop button and
stepped off the treadmill.

The TV was recapping the day’s
event. The next day was the final day of the week, a few more designers would
have their time on the runway. To end the whole week of events, in the evening
there would be a big party, where they would serve dinner and the few designers
who were picked as favorites would have a couple of their designs walked for
everyone to see them once more.

Gwen stood there, arms crossed over
her chest watching their assessment of all the designers that had shown their
designs that day. She was pleased that they seemed to have really enjoyed her
show.  She left the gym once the news moved onto other topics that depressed
her too much to continue watching.

As she pushed open the doors of the
gym, she looked across the street that was still bustling with cabs and other
cars even after 11pm. She watched as a crowd of people in suits exited the
building directly across from her.
Kinda late for a business meeting
Gwen thought watching as they all gathered into a small circle to give their farewells,
or so she assumed. She was just turning to head back to her apartment when the
tall guy that had his back to her turned around. It was Cole. How had she
managed to not see him for over a year and all of a sudden she was running into
him everywhere she went? He locked eyes with her and the look on his face sent
a shiver of lust down her spine. He took a step away from the group of people
he was with towards her. Gwen turned on her heel and ran down the block and a
half to the front of her apartment building before quickly slipping inside.

She knew she had to avoid him. It
had been over a year, yes, but she knew he would be able to get her to give in
to him if he simply took her in his arms. She would have to fight herself to
push him away if he got close to her. Although she knew he lied to her, her
body was a traitor and craved his touch. Her mind knew she couldn’t be around
him, couldn’t trust him to not deceive her and break her again. He was an
enigma for her, something she couldn’t even explain to herself. She had tried
many times over the last year to tell herself he wasn’t worth her time, her
tears. Yet with a simple look from across the street, he had her knees weak and
her body wanting.

The next morning, Gwen woke after
only getting a few hours of sleep. She had tossed and turned all night, even
after McKayla had come home. She finally had moved to the living room when she
made McKayla started tossing and turning too. 

She quietly snuck into their
bedroom to grab some workout clothes. She changed in the living room, leaving
her pajamas folded on the couch. She put in her headphones and started walking.
She walked in the gym and went straight to the treadmills. She cranked it up
and went quickly to a jog then into a hard run as was her normal habit. She
only had a pair of green eyes on her mind, but the pain wasn’t burning a hole
in her. It had started happening over the last few months, where she could
remember just the good parts of being with Cole without remembering his
ultimate betrayal.  After her hour long run on the treadmill, she got off.
She’d grabbed a towel when she’d come in the gym and used it to wipe the sweat
that streamed down her face now. Flipping her towel over her shoulder she moved
over to the free weights in the very corner. Most the other people used the
weights towards the middle of the wall. The weight racks ran the whole length
of one of the walls and most of the people wanted to watch themselves in the
mirrors as they worked out. Gwen was content to get the small weights she used
and just work out away as far from everyone as she could get. She ran through
her circuit of triceps and chest workouts. She didn’t do many chest exercises,
just enough to help her girls stay perky. She put up her weights and headed for
the locker room to relieve herself before heading home for a shower. 

As she walked out of the bathroom,
she ran right into a firm body that was walking past. Gwen fell back into the
door that had clicked shut behind her “Ooof” she gasped as her back hit the
door.

“Oops. Sorry. Didn’t expect someone
to be running out of the bathroom.”  A very muscular man with a dark tan and
dark brown hair said as he grabbed onto Gwen’s shoulders. Gwen looked up into
his dark brown eyes and smiled.

“And I didn’t expect there to be
someone right outside the door.” She smiled shyly before pushing off the door,
thinking he would step back but it just brought her closer to his very broad
chest. He didn’t move, just slid his hands over her shoulders and down her
arms. He wasn’t much taller than her so she was almost looking directly into
his eyes. “Sorry about that.”

“Hm, I don’t really mind being
bowled over as long as it is by such a fine ass woman like you.” Tall, dark and
handsome replied. His fingers tightened slightly right above her elbows.

“You need to move back so I can get
out of the doorway.” Gwen said patting his chest with a hand. He didn’t move.
He looked down her body as much as he could from less than six inches away. He
licked his lips and Gwen felt a shiver slide up her back.  “Please?”

“Here I thought we were both
enjoying being so close.” He stepped a tiny bit closer to her. Gwen started to
get uncomfortable, but before she could do anything about it, the guy was gone
from right in front of her and shoved against the wall across the hall. She had
been jerked forward slightly and she stumbled and had to blink a few times
before she could fully focus. She was surprised to realize it was Cole that had
a hand against the man’s chest pushing him against the wall, while talking in
such a low tone that Gwen couldn’t hear what was being said. Cole stepped back
from the guy, who mumbled an apology before he disappeared down the hallway.

“Well, now that was interesting.”
Gwen put her hands on her hips staring at Cole. It was a bit of a shock for her
to see him standing there in a tight tank top, gym shorts and sneakers. Heck it
was surprising to see him in her gym at all. She came here every day, sometimes
multiple times a day and had never seen him before. “Thanks for the rescue but
I had it handled.”

“Well, now he won’t be bothering
you ever again.” Cole said crossing his arms over his chest, his arms bulging
as he looked at her. She could feel his eyes run over her tight workout top and
tiny shorts, then down over her bare legs and back up again. “Been a long
time.”

“Not really. I’ve seen you a few
times in the past couple days.” Gwen crossed her arms over her chest too. As
much as she enjoyed taking in his fantastic body, she didn’t have to let him
know. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, I have been trying to get
you to talk to me.” Cole took two steps, closing the distance between them.
“But for some reason you keep disappearing on me.”

“That’s because you hurt me, Cole. I
don’t want you to get close enough to repeat it again.” Gwen tried her best to
look at his nose or cheek bones or chin, anywhere but those eyes of his. She
turned from him and started to walk away speaking over her shoulder, “I’m not
sure I’ll ever recover from the first time, let alone be open for a second time.”

She walked a few steps before Cole
grabbed her hand to stop her.  His voice was low and laced with pain. “Please
let me explain. There is so much you don’t know. It’s killing me that I hurt you
so badly and I never got to explain or make things right with you.”

“It’s killing YOU? Right.... No, you
don’t get to hurt me the way you did, then just show back up in my life more
than a year later and think it’ll all just be forgiven. None of your pretty
words will make it right. It doesn’t work that way. I’m not the same girl I was
then. I’ve learned a lot about who I am and what I need from the people in my
life. You, Cole, don’t have what it takes to be in my life. So, you can go to
hell and leave me alone.” Gwen closed her eyes to pull together what little willpower
she had against him. She took a quick moment to savor the feeling of his fingers
laced with hers again before she pulled her hand from his. He reached to grab
her again, but she slapped him as hard as she could across the face, “Fuck
off.”

He was saying something but she
wasn’t listening. She jogged out of the gym before full out running to the
apartment. Once inside she slid down the door and burst into tears. Seeing him,
hearing his voice, feeling his hand… She missed it and she hated it. She hated
him for his lies. She hated herself for not being able to get over him. Gwen
thought she was at least starting to get over him, but now all the old feelings
and pain rushed over her again.

“Oh my god, Gwen. What on earth?”
McKayla came out the bedroom, obviously she’d still been sleeping. But the
sounds being ripped from Gwen’s body must have woken her. Gwen curled her knees
up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them and rocking back and forth. She
continued to sob as tears flooded down her cheeks. McKayla nudged her until she
could slip behind her and hold her close from behind while whispering loving
words. Eventually, Gwen had stopped the body wracking sobs and the tears let up
to a small stream. McKayla helped her to the bedroom. She pulled back the
covers and motioned for Gwen to climb into bed, which she did. McKayla circled
the bed and crawled in next to her before pulling Gwen over to lay on her
chest. “Gwen, what happened?”

“I ran into Cole.” Gwen spoke
softly. She felt much better since she had cried out some of the pain. She
still felt the burn of the betrayal but it was long ago and Gwen had been
carting around all of it for so long. She came to the realization that she
wanted to talk to Cole, she wanted to demand an answer for why he had did what
he had. She wasn’t lying when she said she was a different woman than she had
been back then. She was learning to handle her emotions with a more healthy
response than the way she had growing up.

She explained to McKayla what had
happened at the gym. About how seeing him again and how he had made it seem
like it would be oh so easy to explain away the situation that had wrecked her
and destroyed their relationship. As she spoke, she felt a new resolve come
over her. It was time to force herself to move past this. She had given him a
year of complete and utter heartbreak. That was over, she would prove to
herself and him that she was strong enough to not need him or any answers from
him. She didn’t expect to get the truth from him anyway.

She gingerly kissed McKayla on the
lips before rolling out of the bed. She dug in her panty drawer then moved
around the room. Before long, she was fully dressed. McKayla was still lying on
the bed with only a pair of panties and a tank top on.

“Well, come on now. We are going
shopping. Mama needs new accessories for our final gala tonight and I’m going
to look hot as hell.” Gwen motioned for McKayla to get up and moving. She had received
a message on her phone this morning informing her that she had been selected as
a favorite and would need to have a couple dresses ready for the final show.

McKayla quickly dressed in jeans
like the ones Gwen had pulled on and a sweater top like the one Gwen had one.
They’d be cute and almost matching, the thought made McKayla smile. 

They strolled the streets of New
York, wandering into many of the stores. They had hours to waste and there was
no better way to spend that time than looking at beautiful dresses and
accessories. By the time they made their way back to their apartment, Gwen knew
exactly how she wanted to alter one of the dresses she’d designed that was
hanging in her closet.

When they entered the apartment
building the clerk let them know he’d received a vase filled with flowers for
McKayla. He handed over a huge bouquet of red roses. McKayla grabbed up the
bouquet sniffing deeply and flipping the card out to Gwen. McKayla had many
admirers from her modeling work. Gwen followed her into the elevator as she
opened the card. It was a silly love note from some random fan asking for her
to marry them.

When they entered the apartment,
Gwen threw the note on the counter before taking all the bags filled with her
and McKayla’s purchases into their room. McKayla had refreshed the water for
the flowers and set them on the window sill in the living room so they could
get some sun before heading into the bedroom to help put up all the items they
bought. Gwen had already finished and was pulling out a white satin gown with
ruching over the breast then fell straight down to the floor.

“Is that the dress?” McKayla asked
and Gwen nodded before taking it into the guest room where she had all her
sewing materials. It was her work room where she played and created. She popped
in her earbuds and got to work turning the dress into the one she envisioned.
She had only two hours before she had to start getting ready for the gala.
McKayla left her alone because Gwen didn’t have much time and she didn’t want
to distract her.