You Are Mine (29 page)

But it was Alex who answered, that terrible understanding in his eyes. Like he knew. “Show him you're not afraid,” he said. “That he didn't take everything from you. That you're stronger than he is.”

Katya and Honor remained quiet, but Eva was sure they got the subtext. Neither woman was stupid.

Silver lace on her skin. The look in Zac's eyes as he'd stood in front of her, gazing at her … “Beautiful. You're beautiful, angel.”

There had been no denying that look. And now that she thought about it, she'd felt a kind of power in it too.

Do you really want to show Fitzgerald that you're a girl to be used and discarded? That he broke you?

Slowly, she sat back on the couch. Yet it wasn't Alex she stared at, but Katya. “What kind of strength are you talking about?”

“Being a woman is a powerful thing,” the bodyguard said.

“And a woman wearing the right dress is even more powerful,” Honor added. “I can help you choose something if you like.”

“Oh, Christ,” Alex muttered. “Shopping? Now?”

“I thought you liked shopping.” Katya looked up at him slyly. “Or at least, I seem to recall one occasion that you enjoyed in particular.”

He smiled at her, a very private kind of smile. Another communication in that new language. One that made her chest go tight for some reason.

She looked away from them, meeting Honor's gaze instead. “I'm not being dragged down Fifth Avenue if that's what you're thinking.” At least, not without Zac at her side. Even the thought of being outside among all those crowds made her palms sweaty.

Honor tapped her chin with a meditative finger. “We don't have to go anywhere. I know a couple of people who can bring things to us.” She gave Eva a smile that Eva didn't trust one inch. “Give me five minutes.”

An hour or so later, Alex having left on some errand or other, or maybe just to get away from all the girly stuff that was happening, Eva was staring dubiously at the rail containing different gowns that had been couriered over and was now standing in the middle of Alex's lounge.

Honor was sorting briskly through them, shoving some down one end of the rail, the rest at the other. She'd taken charge of the whole process instantly, calling up a personal shopper she'd been using since Gabriel hadn't wanted her going out often while this stuff with the Seven Devils was still up in the air. Honor had given the woman Eva's measurements plus a description and a “money no object“brief, and sure enough, an hour or so later, the rail of dresses had turned up.

Honor pulled a floor-length strapless number from the rail. “This one.” She held it up for Eva to look at. “It's simple, edgy, and yet it's feminine too. What do you think?”

It was silver, the material glittering in the light, reminding her of the lacy lingerie Zac had bought her.

Eva eyed it, an unsettled feeling sitting in her gut. Clothes had never been what she was particularly interested in. When she'd been little, her parents had been unable to afford them anyway, and once she'd escaped to the streets, the most important thing about clothes was whether they kept her warm or not.

After she'd escaped the House, she hadn't wanted to wear anything overtly feminine, and jeans and Docs projected a certain tough, fuck-off exterior that was useful. It kept people at a distance, especially men. There was also the added bonus of helping her blend into the background.

But this gown, with its glittery fabric and lack of straps, wasn't tough. Nor was it a gown that encouraged blending. It seemed to be designed for attention, for standing out in.

Gritting her teeth, Eva made herself walk over to Honor to examine the dress. “It's very nice,” she said, which was the best she could come up with.

Honor held it out. “Go try it on.”

“Use the bathroom down the hall.” Katya, still sitting on the couch, waved in the direction of the hallway. “And if you need help with the zipper, let me know.”

Eva didn't want to try it on. She didn't want to wear it at all.

And yet …

What would Zac think of her in the gown? He'd liked the lingerie. Would he like this?

God, she must be crazy, thinking of Zac when it was Fitzgerald she should be worrying about. A gown like this was going to draw attention and if he was indeed The Man, then it would surely draw his attention. And he'd know exactly who she was.

Not that wearing jeans and Docs was going to hide that anyway.

She took the gown out of Honor's hand. “Fine. I'll try it.”

Stalking down the hallway, she went into the bathroom and shut the door firmly. It was a surprisingly understated room, given Alex's taste. Lots of white tiles and stainless steel. A glass-walled walk-in shower stood in one corner opposite a giant floor-to-ceiling wall mirror.

Eva undressed down to her underwear, draping her clothes over the vanity. Then she took the gown off the hanger and wiggled into it.

The fabric was surprisingly heavy as she pulled it on, glittering silver sequins catching the light. It was very fitting around her breasts, hips, and thighs, a split up the side of it allowing her to walk.

She very purposefully didn't look at the mirror as she struggled with the zipper, nor did she bother with asking for Honor's and Katya's help. She wanted to first see it on herself in private.

As she managed to get the zipper up the last little bit, the fabric closing snugly around her, she took a short, hard breath. When was the last time she'd even worn a dress? She couldn't remember. Had she
ever
worn one?

Her heart was racing for some reason and she felt weird about looking at her reflection. As if it wasn't her she was going to see but someone else. A person she wasn't.

Setting her jaw, she moved slowly in front of the mirror.

A pale-looking woman in a sparkly dress looked back at her. Okay, so she looked ridiculous with the beanie still on. Pulling the black woolen hat off, Eva shook her hair out.

Better. But still …

She frowned in the mirror.

The silver fabric glittered, enhancing the white skin of her shoulders and arms. Drawing attention to the black strap of the bra she'd left on. Shit.

A couple more moments of struggling and Eva got her bra off, tugging the dress back up again.

This time when she looked, a fragile, ethereal creature stared back and she felt an odd sense of dislocation. As if she were truly looking at someone else, not herself.

Zac would like the dress.

She found herself staring, following down the shape of her figure, the swell of her small breasts, the curve of her hips, the slight roundness of her thighs. Imagining seeing herself through his eyes, and she didn't know quite how she knew, but she understood that yes, he would like the dress.

There came a tentative knock on the door.

Eva swallowed. She wasn't sure she wanted anyone seeing her like this. It made her feel exposed in the same way that the lingerie had made her feel exposed. Then again, it was only Honor and Katya.

“Come in,” she said a little hoarsely.

Honor poked her head around the door, gave her a quick look, then pushed the door open more fully and stepped into the bathroom. “Good God, woman,” she said, staring. “You look amazing.”

Eva didn't quite know how to feel about that. Did she want to look amazing? Did she care?

Katya had followed Honor and now moved past her, blonde brows pulled together as she stalked in a circle around Eva. “You do look very good in that dress,” she said slowly. “There's a split too, which will mean you can move around easily if you need to.” Then the Russian woman looked up and met Eva's gaze unexpectedly. “The jeans and boots make you look tough. But the dress makes you look proud.”

It was a strange thing to say, and yet something shifted in Eva's gut. “What do you mean, proud?”

Katya came to a halt. “You are afraid of being seen as a woman, I think. And I say this as a woman who was afraid of that too,” she added before Eva could protest. “I don't know how or why you're linked to Fitzgerald, but I do know that if you turn up at that party in what you normally wear, it won't look like you don't care, it'll look like you're defeated. You want strength, you want pride. And you can't find that in denial, Eva. Believe me, I know.”

For a second Eva stared at her, taken aback by her honesty, not to mention her perceptiveness.

She's right. You are afraid of being seen as a woman. Because of Him. And if you go to that party wearing jeans and Docs, it means He still has a hold over you.

Christ, was that true?

She didn't speak, looking away from Katya to the mirror again. To the woman reflected in it. Silver hair and silver sequins, slight curves …
Beautiful, angel …

Wasn't that why she'd chosen her handle Void Angel all those years ago? Because angels could be strong. Because they could fly. Because they carried swords.

Zac had never stopped calling her angel even though after escaping the house, she hadn't wanted him to.

Because that's how he sees you.

An electric shock of realization shot straight through her, pinning her to the spot.

He'd always seen her as strong, had never stopped telling her. And two days ago, he'd shown her own strength to her. With a blindfold and ropes, and the heat of his body. Treating her as a woman, not the cold, sexless being she'd been trying to hide behind.

The doll The Man—no,
Fitzgerald
—had turned her into.

Fuck. That.

Eva put her shoulders back, lifted her chin. Stared into the silver eyes of the woman in the mirror, glittering as bright as the sequins on her gown. “I think I need a second opinion,” she said thoughtfully. “I think Zac needs to see this.”

*   *   *

The elevator came to a stop with a jerk, the doors opening. Zac stepped out into the cavernous floor of a half-built office building, one of a handful Woolf Construction was currently in the process of working on in Lower Manhattan.

Gabriel was standing in the middle of the massive concrete space along with a cluster of men in hardhats, all of them peering down at a set of building plans unrolled on a makeshift table—a large piece of wood sitting on a couple of trestles.

Zac's boots crunched as he approached them, the dusty floor littered with wood offcuts and pieces of metal, pipes and rolled up coils of wire. There were no walls yet, the wind blowing coldly through the space, bringing with it a few flakes of late winter snow.

Gabriel looked up from his plans all of a sudden and met Zac's gaze.

“Everyone out,” he ordered, cutting off one man who'd started to speak. “We'll continue this tomorrow.”

The gathered men, obviously used to their boss's authoritative ways, didn't protest, starting to make their way to the elevator, talking among themselves.

Zac waited until the elevator doors had closed on the last of them, then walked slowly over to where Gabriel stood. The other man watched him, dark eyes opaque.

“You've found something,” Gabriel said flatly.

“Yes. It's not much but it's more than we had initially.” Zac came to a halt on the opposite side of the table. “I've called Alex in. He'll need to hear this too.”

A flash of irritation crossed Gabriel's face. “You couldn't have waited to organize a Circles meeting tonight? That meeting was fucking important.”

“No,” Zac said, not bothering to elaborate. Calling a Circles meeting would have involved Eva and he didn't want to be near her right now. Even after two days he could still feel the heat in his veins whenever he thought of her. The heat of anger and desire and need and hunger and all the other primitive, driving emotions he couldn't allow himself to feel.

That was the thing about an addiction. You had to starve it in order to kick it. And he hadn't starved his enough.

At all.

Unfortunately that was true. He'd hoped one night would end it for good, purge her completely from his system. He never thought he'd end up more addicted than ever.

Gabriel stared at him. “What about Eva?”

“Eva has other things to worry about,” he said shortly.

“Yeah, she does.” The doors of the elevator had opened, Alex now crossing the empty space toward the table where the other two stood. “Some kind of shopping thing with Katya and Honor. I thought discretion was the better part of valor and fucked off as soon as I could.” He came to a stop at the table, looking around with some distaste. “Jesus Christ, could we not have had this in the Second Circle? It's fucking cold up here.”

“I realize that,” Zac answered, turning to face him. “But at least there's no chance of anyone overhearing.”

Alex raised a brow. “Are you questioning the security of the Second Circle? I hope to God not.”

“There were bugs in South's casino, correct? I seem to recall that mercenary you met doing a sweep for them.”

Alex frowned. “Didn't you do a similar sweep of the Circle's room a week ago?”

“We're really going to have an argument about this now, Alex?” Zac had done the sweep and had found nothing. But he wasn't going to justify why he'd chosen to avoid their usual rooms, especially when that reason was Eva.

The other man rolled his eyes, sticking his hands into the pockets of his suit trousers. “Okay, okay. So tell us what news you've got that requires all this secrecy.”

“I've been investigating the other players in that game of yours, as you know. And haven't found anything substantial on any of them, at least nothing that would be of interest to us.” He paused. “At least until this morning. I got an email from a contact of mine who has some information about the sheikh who played.”

Alex moved closer to the table. “What information? I have to say, the guy wasn't into the game at all. Now that I remember, he was
very
uncomfortable with aspects of it even.”