You Get What You Pray For (21 page)

At this point Lorain was drained, and she realized that she wasn't going to get anywhere with her husband, not right now. And that conversation Korica had had with him, which had been festering all these years, was the nail in the coffin of her dead marriage. Lorain looked at her mother, defeated.

“Come on, Mama. Let's go,” Lorain said as she picked up one of the suitcases.

Eleanor looked at her child like she had two heads. “What do you mean, let's? You the one getting put out, not me. I ain't got nothing to do with this trifling mess. Y'all can do what y'all want to do. Stay married, get married twice, get divorced. My name is Bennet, and I ain't in it. And if anybody think about putting me out, you gon' have to go downtown and evict me. Ain't nobody got time for that. . . .” Eleanor shook her head and mumbled to herself the entire time as she walked away and headed back to her place.

The couple just stood there.

“I can't believe you're doing this to me,” Lorain said.

“Baby, you did this to yourself,” Nicholas said.

“My girls.”

“They'll be fine, and you know it. Besides, enough people have been used already. You don't need to try to use them as well.”

“How dare you say that?” Lorain snapped, offended.

“Do you blame me? Lorain, look at how far you went to make sure you got to be the one to raise Heaven and Victoria. You rushed into a marriage with me. You practically blackballed your firstborn, or did you not think I noticed?” Nicholas replied. “Just because I don't speak about a whole lot doesn't mean I'm clueless. Enough is enough. I've watched you—”

“Stop it. I know.” Lorain buried her head in her hands. “You don't have to tell me what I've done. I've done wrong. I've done you wrong, and, baby, I'm sorry, but if you'd let me explain everything, it will all make sense.” Lorain walked over and threw her arms around Nicholas. “You know I love you. You know my marrying you wasn't a lie. I loved you then, and I love you even more now.”

Nicholas felt for his wife as she bared her soul and cried on his chest. He wanted nothing more than to put his arms around her and let her know that everything was going to be all right. But he wasn't sure if it was. She wasn't some toy that he'd picked up at the store and that had broken. She was broken when she came to him. Fixing her wasn't a job for him, Leon, or any handyman. This was a job for God. And there was one thing that as a doctor, Nicholas had vowed never to have—a God complex. People could not fix people—not their spirit, anyway.

“We'll discuss what we'll tell the girls later, but for now, good-bye.” Nicholas walked away.

As drained as Lorain was, she couldn't give up without putting up more of a fight. “Baby, Eugene is—”

Nicholas stopped abruptly and turned in his tracks. He threw his hand up and shouted, “Stop it!” He was fed up and furious with his wife. He couldn't bear to hear her speak one more word.

Lorain tensed up. Never had Nicholas raised his voice that much and spoken with such authority. She was afraid, not of her husband and not that he would get violent. She was afraid that if she tried to explain the situation, Nicholas was so worked up, he wouldn't hear a word she was saying . . . or believe her. So with great reluctance, Lorain watched as Nicholas disappeared up the steps. She could hear their bedroom door close, as she'd heard in Nicholas's voice the sound of his heart closing her out.

Eleanor was still fussing when she made it back over to her place. She went straight to her kitchen, opened her cupboard, and grabbed a bottle of Stella Rosa wine. She looked up while gripping the bottle. “See this, God?” She shook the bottle slightly. “They got me over here drinking, and not in the memory of your son's name.”

Eleanor pulled out her kitchen drawer and grabbed the corkscrew. After opening the wine, she went into the cabinet and grabbed a long-stemmed wineglass with gold trim around the rim. She filled the glass with wine. She lifted the glass to her lips. As she was about to take a sip, her front doorbell rang. She sighed, placed the glass on the counter, and then went to answer the door.

The doorbell rang again as Eleanor was on her way. “I'm coming. I'm coming,” she said. When she made it to the door, she looked out the peephole. She then sighed. “I knew I should have taken me a drink first.”

Eleanor opened the door and found Lorain standing there, surrounded by her suitcases, which she'd struggled to carry.

“Dang, he wouldn't even let you wait there for the taxi to come pick you up and take you where you need to be?” Eleanor shook her head. “You must done really did it now.” She stepped aside. “Come on in and wait for the taxi, 'cause I know if the man won't let you stay in his house, he sure as heck ain't gon' let you drive his car off into the sunset to be with another man.”

“There is no other man,” Lorain told her mother. She didn't move from her spot in the doorway.

“According to those pictures on the cell phone, there is,” Eleanor retorted, begging to differ. “Now, I didn't get a good look, but it sho' nuff looked like a man to me . . . and without a shirt on.” Eleanor began to squirm. “Then again, I might not be the best judge of that, seeing I ain't been that close to a shirtless man since forever. And the one in the pic looked like he had some muscles. Ooh, child, I don't blame ya for letting him get it.”

“Nobody gets
it
but my husband. Like I said, there's so much more to this story than you could ever believe.”

“It ain't me who needs to believe it.”

“I know.” Lorain slumped her shoulders. “If only he'd let me explain.”

“Give him time. That's all I can say. Now, get on in here,” Eleanor said, wrapping her arms around herself, signifying that she had a chill. “It's spring, not summer. And you know the weather here. Monday you got on shorts, Tuesday a rain jacket, and Wednesday your snow boots. Heck, I almost turned my heat on today.”

Lorain started carrying her suitcases inside.

“Hold up!” Eleanor put her hand up. “Ain't no need for you to bring all that stuff in here. You can leave the luggage on the porch until the taxi comes. How long did they say they were going to be, anyway? I'm ready to get my Olivia Pope on and drink me a fishbowl full of wine and relax. ”

“Mom, really? Your daughter's life is in shambles, and all you can think about is sending me off in a taxi so you can drink some wine?” Lorain brushed by her mother as she entered her home. “There is no taxi. I don't have anywhere to go. I figured I could stay here until . . .” Lorain didn't know until when. All she knew was that her husband had put her out, and she had nowhere to go. She'd distanced herself so much from her grown daughter that she wasn't even comfortable in the same room with her for five minutes, let alone living with her. Besides, all of this would blow over once Nicholas calmed down and listened to reason. No, he wouldn't be happy about everything Lorain had gotten herself caught up in due to her own selfish actions, but he'd know that she loved him and was no cheat.

“Oh, heck to the naw. I don't do roommates.” Eleanor shook her head adamantly. “Besides, Nick said you had to get out of his house.” Eleanor looked around. “Well, the last time I checked, this was his house too. So humph, humph. You can't stay here. And besides, what am I gon' do with you when I got company?”

“Company?”

“You heard me. You think your mama ain't gon' ever get a man?” Eleanor put her hands on her hips and began twisting and turning, striking poses. “I been playing hard to get with that Mr. Lawson for years now. I've been thinking about finally giving in.”

“Mr. Lawson?” Lorain said, recalling the favor he'd asked of her in the dry cleaners. But now wasn't the time to try to play matchmaker. Her own relationship was on the brink.

“Yeah. I know he ain't the finest man on the planet, but he's a nice guy, and he ain't half bad looking when he puts his teeth in. Besides, he owns his own business,” Eleanor said. “Plus, I lost a hundred and fifty pounds with that bariatric surgery all them years ago, and I've managed to keep it off. Why let a hot body like this go to waste?” She made her best attempt to twerk.

“Mama, I can't right now.... I just can't.” Lorain shook her head and put her hand up. “Are you going to let me stay here or not?”

“Sorry, but like I said, I don't do company.” Eleanor was adamant. “You can stay here until your taxi comes.”

Lorain couldn't believe her own mother was doing her this way. First, her husband, and now her own mother. She didn't know how much more of this she could take. “Mama, you wouldn't do your daughter like that, would you?” Her eyes moistened and her bottom lip trembled as she fought off the tears.

Eleanor pulled the door closed and glared at Lorain. “Absolutely not. I wanted you to see what it felt like for your own mama not to want to be bothered with you, is all.” Eleanor cut her eyes so hard at her daughter that Lorain felt split in two. “You know where the second bedroom is,” Eleanor said, walking toward the kitchen, mumbling. “Child think she V. C. Andrews on some
Flowers in the Attic
ish.” Eleanor disappeared back into the kitchen to get her drink on.

Carrying two of her suitcases, Lorain headed to the second bedroom. She had to make two trips in order to get all of her luggage. She then started the task of going through her suitcases in order to find some pajamas. The first suitcase she looked into was full of outerwear. Next, she opened the medium-size trunk. She moved a couple items around, and then her eyes locked on the memory box the girls had made her in preschool. It was where she kept her most precious keepsakes. It was just like Nicholas to know what was important to her. But on the same note, that didn't sit too well with Lorain. Did the fact that he'd sent her packing with all her memories mean that this was the end of any memories the two of them could ever possibly make together?

That thought caused a lone tear to fall from Lorain's eye. She quickly brushed it away, opened the box, and went through it. There were pictures of her, Nicholas, and the girls from their trip to Vegas to get married. It pained Lorain to think that Nicholas thought she'd married him only for her own selfish reasons and not for love. Korica had planted a seed in her husband's ear the same way she'd planted a seed in Lorain's to make her want to run off and marry Nicholas on a humbug in the first place. She would have married him eventually, though.

She remembered what Korica had said to her at the time. “Yeah, I know about that so-called doctor you've been dating. Got him running in and out of your house. What kind of example are you setting for Victoria and Heaven? Me, I don't have no man. My focus is my kids, even now that they're grown. So do you see now? That's the difference between you and me, boo. I'm a real chick who takes care of hers. While a ho like you spreads and dumps her baby for any ole body to take care of.”

If Korica had been able to give the courts that kind of impression of Lorain, without a doubt, she wouldn't have been allowed to adopt the twins. What judge in his or her right mind would give a woman who had thrown one of her babies in the trash two new ones to take care of? But she'd been unstable back then, a young single mother. She wondered, though, if the courts still would have found her to be just as unstable when she was seeking custody of the twins. Lorain hadn't wanted to risk it, so she'd convinced Nicholas to elope in Vegas quick, fast, and in a hurry. She could admit that rushing the wedding was all about her being selfish, but the marriage itself was based on nothing but genuine love. Korica's manipulative words had carried so much power. It wasn't going to be easy to convince Nicholas of the truth.

Lorain wiped away a tear and continued looking through the box. There were special birthday cards, one that had touched her so much that she wanted to keep them and reread the words. There were little trinkets the girls had made in school for her for Mother's Day. She sifted through the box a little more and came across a drawing that completely took her breath away.

Lorain gasped and covered her mouth with her hand as her eyes filled with tears. The work of art shook in her trembling hand as she looked at the drawing her middle grandson had created before his passing. It was a picture he'd drawn of her and Unique. The two women were standing hand in hand and holding a Bible, and each was wearing a cross necklace. That was how he'd envisioned his mother and grandmother. Lorain's heart stung as she thought of the injustice she was doing to her grandson's memory. How disappointed he must be up there in heaven, looking down at her, she thought. Lorain quickly and roughly wiped her tears away, shoved the items back in the box, and put the lid on it. She grabbed her purse and dashed out of the room.

“Where you going in such a hurry?” asked Eleanor, who was sitting on the living room couch with her feet propped up, drinking wine.

“I'm going to get my baby,” Lorain said, then ran out the door.

Eleanor took a sip of wine, smiled, and said, “That's my baby.” She looked up to the heavens. “I knew she'd get it right eventually.”

Lorain pulled up in front of Unique's apartment, got out of the car, and rushed to her door and began knocking. She knew that it was late and that she hadn't called before coming over. There was a chance Unique might not even answer the door. She knocked again. There was still no answer. She turned around and looked into the parking lot. Unique's car was nowhere in sight. It wasn't that she simply wasn't answering the door. She wasn't home.

“No,” Lorain said, disappointed. She'd told herself that she wasn't sleeping one more night until she fixed things with her oldest daughter. She couldn't see how continuing to run, hide, and lie was ever going to make things right. Maybe Lorain couldn't have everything she wanted, but she could have everything she'd ever prayed for, which was a great husband and a wonderful relationship with her children. Hopefully, after setting things straight, admitting her faults, and quitting them with both Nicholas and Unique, she could get what she'd prayed for.

Lorain raced back to her car. She'd set out on a mission to talk with Unique before she rested her head, and that was exactly what she was going to do. And she knew exactly where she might find her daughter.

 

 

Lorain knocked on the door and waited impatiently. It was close to midnight, but she didn't care. Whether it was twelve noon or twelve midnight, she was 100 percent certain she'd get the same not so warm welcome.

It was pitch black outside, but suddenly the porch light came on and the front door flung open. All Lorain heard was, “If it isn't Mama number two. What the devil are you doing here?”

“Funny you should ask that,” Lorain said, “considering I came to see the devil . . . and here she stands.”

“Wait a minute. You're at my house now—”

“The house my daughter bought you.”

“Your daughter? You keep believing that because you gave birth to her, you deserve the right to call her your daughter. But need I repeatedly remind you who raised her?”

“Look, Korica,” Lorain said, seething, forcing the words through her teeth. “I couldn't care less about you. I actually came to see if by chance Unique was here.”

“She's not, so you can exit stage left. But don't worry. I'll tell her that her wannabe mother stopped by.” Korica went to close the door, but Lorain pushed it back open.

“You have gone too far, and I will not sit back and watch you destroy my family. You have caused strife between me and my husband, me and my daughter, and it stops now.”

Korica stepped out of the house and got nose to nose with Lorain. “Anything you got going on with your husband is your own doing. Same with Unique.”

“Don't you dare try to pretend your hands are clean in all of this. My husband told me about the little talk you had with him at Unique's event when she first got out of jail.”

Korica thought for a minute, recollecting the conversation to which Lorain was referring. She wagged her hand upon recalling it. “That little convo. Please. It was the truth, so don't be mad at me. Don't you want your husband to know the truth? What kind of relationship starts off on a lie?”

“You mean like your relationship with Unique? All lies and deceit.”

“Here we go.” Korica rolled her eyes.

“It was about money then, and it's about money now. What? Are you afraid Unique is going to want to spend all her money on me and won't be able to buy you anything else? News flash, I got my own.”

“No, you got lucky and married money with your broke self.”

“Oh, I've never been broke. But guess what?” Lorain pointed a finger in Korica's face. “You still ended up broke and broken. Anybody who acts like you has to be hurt and broken, because you know what they say. Hurt people hurt people. But you keep it up, and while you're trying to ruin my relationship with Unique, you're going to ruin your own. Surely, you've heard the saying ‘What goes around comes around.' So be careful that the hole you think you're digging for me isn't your own grave.”

“Go on somewhere with all that rah-rah,” Korica said, putting her hand up in Lorain's face.

Lorain steered her hand around Korica's and stuck it in Korica's face. “Mark my words. And God forbid you ruin your relationship with Unique. Lord only knows how you're going to keep up with the taxes on this house when all you've ever known is Section Eight housing.”

Korica hit Lorain's hand out of her face. “Don't you ever talk down to me like that, ever! I deserve this right here.” Korica pointed behind her at her house. “You have no idea what I sacrificed to take care of the daughter you threw away. I earned this here.”

“Earned?” Lorain couldn't believe Korica had let that word come out of her mouth.

“You heard me. And what have you done to earn anything? All you did was meet up with Unique again by chance after I had already reared her. You weren't even a decent enough human being to try to find out what happened to the baby you threw in the garbage. Humph. Sounds to me like that makes you the trash.”

Lorain shrugged her shoulders. “You can stop trying to say that with such venom. It doesn't hurt anymore. I've repented and atoned.”

Korica threw her hands up. “God, you Christians kill me with that nonsense! You think that because you say ten Hail Marys, do three laps around the church sanctuary, and throw up in a bucket while someone slings a prayer cloth over you, the things you've done in your life will have no consequences. Can't you see that you're still paying for everything you've done?”

Lorain took in Korica's words. Did they have some validity? Sure. Lorain had repented and done her best to atone, but then she'd tried to run off like a coward before she ever really had to face the music. God had given her a second chance to connect with the baby girl whose childhood she'd missed out on, and then what had she done? Let some hood rat bully her into giving up Unique all over again, and for what?

“Why, Korica?” Lorain asked her, exhausted and tired of fighting with her. “I did what you asked. You told me I could have the girls as long as I gave you Unique. But then money comes into the picture, and you renege? Is that all you're going to do the rest of your life? Manipulate people, pretend that you love and want them whenever there's a financial gain for you?”

“Don't you dare act like you know me, my story, and why I do what I do, Mrs. . . .” She looked Lorain up and down. “Mrs. Doctor's Wife. I bet you never went a day in your charming little holy life without.”

“Now, I ain't been saved all my life,” Lorain replied.

“That's apparent,” Korica shot back. “But have you ever lived in the projects? Ever been on food stamps? Welfare? Medicaid? Ever had the eye doctor bring out a box of ten pairs of ugly glasses to select from because that's all Medicaid would pay for? Ever worn the same pair of jeans every week with a different shirt and hoped no one noticed?”

The more Korica spoke, the more emotional she got. “Ever had to take cold baths in the dead of winter because there was no gas? Ever had to cook all yo' meals in Crock-Pots and on hot plates? Use a cooler instead of the fridge because the electric bill never got paid, so you pretending with your kids y'all camping indoors, trying to make it fun? You got the little ones who don't know no better and the older ones just playing along to keep from seeing the shame in my eyes.” Korica swallowed her tears and continued. “You ever have to sleep with your mama's boyfriend while she watched so he'd pay the rent so you and your brothers and sisters wouldn't get thrown out in the streets?”

Lorain had no words for the scenarios Korica was throwing at her.

“Witch, you have no idea what you'll do for money unless you've been in one of those predicaments. Don't mean I'm a bad person. Just means I'm sc . . .” Korica halted her words. She couldn't say what she really wanted to say. No, she was way too strong for that. So Lorain finished her sentence for her.

“Scared.”

A tear slid down Korica's face as Lorain said the word.

“I get it. I get it, Korica,” Lorain assured her passionately. “No, I might not be scared of doing without, but I am scared of another thing—the truth. Girl, my truth is so raggedy and messed up, I don't think it could ever get repaired and be made to look decent.”

Korica let out a harrumph. “Is that so? I thought y'all's God could fix anything.”

“Why do you say that?” Lorain asked in a perturbed tone. “Why are you always saying y'all's God? Don't you know that He's your God too?”

“Huh. Yeah, right.” Korica folded her arms and rolled her eyes. “Let me guess. God loves me. God will give me my heart's desires. God will never leave or forsake me. God will provide for me. Well, where in the devil's hell was God when my daddy left us for dead? When all my mother was doing was telling us kids how much she hated us? When men were using me and abusing me? Staying with me long enough till I could give 'em a baby? When all I wanted was a regular house to live in and not some drug-infested, prostitute-, pimp- and gang-infested project? When I was being molested? Raped? When my stomach cramped at the end of the month, when my stamps ran out, and I could make sure only that my kids ate? I couldn't risk eating 'cause then one of them might not have get enough.

“Where was God when I had to use paper towels for pads when it was that time of the month because it was either a pack of diapers for my baby or a pack of maxi pads for me? God wasn't loving me then. Providing for me. Forget about giving me my heart's desires. What about my stomach's? What about the basic necessities of life? I sure felt forsaken, unless God was sitting right there in the room, like some big ole pervert, while them dirty old men was running up inside of me?”

“Enough!” Lorain said. “Stop it!” She couldn't take any more. She had watched Korica speak with such pain, hurt, and agony. It was almost as if she was standing there, watching herself. She, too, had once felt that broken. But God? When and why had Lorain strayed so far away from God? When had she forgotten about His mercy and amazing grace? Why had she turned to the father of lies, worshipping him by continuing to live lies? She should have been a reflection of God's glory to women like Korica, but instead, a woman like Korica was reminding her of this fact. Before Lorain knew it, tears were streaming down her own face.

Korica tilted her head from side to side, looking at Lorain. “Are those tears for yourself?”

Lorain wiped her tears away, shaking her head. “From hearing your story,” Lorain admitted. “I didn't know—”

“Don't you dare cry for me!” Korica snapped. “You save those tears for your own darn self.” Korica turned her back to Lorain. “Like I need your pity.”

“You're right. You don't need my pity, but, sista, something we both need is God's grace and mercy. And He's not just my God, in spite of what you might think. He's your God too, Korica. I know you've struggled, I know you had it hard, and the fact that my selfish act resulted in you having one more mouth to feed, which meant one more burden on your already heavy load . . . I'm . . . I'm sorry. And not only am I sorry, but I thank you, my sista. Thank you. You did what I couldn't. You did what I didn't. Thank you. God knew you were the chosen one to teach Unique how to be a fighter, how to make it. It's because of you that my baby girl survived jail and the death of not one, but three of her babies. And then she was strong enough to let the other two go.” Tears were now streaming down both Korica's and Lorain's faces.

Slowly and hesitantly, Lorain placed her hand on Korica's shoulder. Korica looked down at Lorain's hand and then over her shoulder at Lorain's face.

“Thank you for raising the baby I threw away and left for dead,” Lorain said. “Thank you for being the strong black woman that you are. Thank you for holding me accountable with my child, and with my husband, for that matter. Although it felt like a thorn in my side, you were pushing me, testing me, and I failed miserably. Now here you are, back again, and I'm still failing.” Lorain removed her hand from Korica's shoulder. Korica still didn't turn her body completely around to face Lorain. “Well, you know what? No more. Not this time. Never again will I sit around on pins and needles, waiting for someone else to pull the rug out from under me, revealing all the mess I've been sweeping up under it. I will not be a puppet to the lies and a prisoner of my truths.” Tears fell like a stream from Lorain's eyes. “Glory!” she shouted.

Korica turned around and looked at her.

“Hallelujah! In the name of Jesus, I repent for the lies, secrets, and wrongdoings. And, God, I come to you not because I've been revealed and caught, but because I owe you that. You've given me too much and done too much for me. And I pay you back by grieving you.” Lorain stomped her foot and shook her head. “Please forgive me, God. Wash me, God. Give me a clean heart and a clean mind. I know the world likes to hold our past against us, but, God, you are a God of second chances, third, fourth, and fifth ones. You are a God of fresh starts. And I thank you. God, I thank you.”

With each word Lorain spoke, she felt as if chains were falling off. She felt like she could float. A huge weight was being lifted as God received her prayer. “Yes, God!” she shouted as her feet, with a mind of their own, began to move. And she jumped and she leaped right there on Korica's porch.

“Oh, my goodness! Is this that Holy Ghost stuff they be talking about?” Korica said, not knowing what to do with the woman who was happy in the spirit right there on her porch. She attempted to grab hold of Lorain, but Lorain's arms were just a-flailing as she cried out to God. Korica was in a panic as she watched Lorain flop around, speak in tongues, her head bobbing up and down and her arms waving at the ground while her feet moved faster than James Brown's at a concert. When all her attempts to grab hold of Lorain failed, she did the only thing she could think of. She cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled out, “Somebody call nine-one-one!”