You Get What You Pray For (7 page)

Lorain didn't want Unique to feel as though she needed to replace her lost boys with the girls. Every day Lorain repented for this, but the next day she would wake up thinking about it and go to bed thinking about how to keep Unique from bonding with Victoria and Heaven. As manipulative as she thought Korica was, deep down inside, Lorain figured that she wasn't any better. That was something she'd have to live with, and she justified it by her love for the twins.

It pained Lorain to share with her mother that she was relieved the day Unique moved to West Virginia. It had given her some breathing space and time to breathe, period. She had always felt she was waiting with bated breath for Unique to decide to tell the girls the truth about who their biological mother was. Even though Unique's move to West Virginia wasn't permanent, it put both a physical and a mental distance between Unique and the girls. Yes, it meant there was a distance between mother and daughter, as well, but it was a sacrifice Lorain was willing to make.

“I felt like I was throwing Unique away all over again,” Lorain confessed to Eleanor. “I'm the devil.”

“Oh, girl, hush on up with that nonsense. I'm already at the pity party, and you don't have to entice me to stay by pulling out the top-shelf liquor.”

“But even today you saw me. I couldn't get Unique out of here soon enough. The girls begged me to read them another book—I usually give in to their pleas for more—but I knew Unique would want to tell them good night, so I cut the reading short. I couldn't risk having her tuck her kids into bed, a moment a mother relishes. I couldn't.” Lorain shook her head and began to weep again. “I'm going to hell.” Lorain waited for Eleanor to say something positive and encouraging, to disagree with her and tell her she would spend eternal life in heaven with all the rest of the saints.

Eleanor sat there with her lips poked out, twiddling her thumbs and scanning the room as if she was looking for something.

“Really, Ma?” Lorain spat. “Did you not hear what I said? I said I'm going to hell.”

Eleanor remained in the same position.

“I knew it. You think I'm going to hell too. You hate me.”

“Stop it. I don't hate you. You hate yourself. Well, at least you hate the way you've acted,” Eleanor said. “It was wrong. It was bad. I'd feel awful, too, if the shoe was on the other foot. A mother is supposed to—”

Lorain couldn't sit there any longer and listen to her mother tell her what a bad person she was. “I shouldn't have said anything. You said right or wrong, you would still have my back,” Lorain said and then stood up. “You're beating me up like I've been beating myself up all these years.”

Eleanor rose and stood next to her. “And I do have your back, right or wrong. But if you're wrong, it's my job to help you get it right.”

“By beating me up with your words?”

“I spotted a good switch out back the other day, when I was walking up to the house. I'm old school, so you know I'd rather use that to beat your behind with, anyway. But I'm getting old, and you're getting bigger by the bite, so I ain't got time for that. My words is all I got left to beat you with. But like a good mama, I'ma beat ya, and then I'm going to tend to the wounds. Now come on here.” Eleanor took Lorain in her arms again. “I love you, and we're going to get through this. We're going to make things right between the women in this family.”

“Thank you, Mom,” Lorain said, truly believing it was possible. She released her mother and then straightened herself out. “Let me get myself on upstairs. I have to face the music tomorrow. Aka Unique.”

Lorain watched out her bedroom window as Unique and Eleanor put the twins on the bus. Lorain's mornings usually consisted of getting up, then heading to the kitchen to get Nicholas's and the girls' breakfast cooked. While they ate, she packed their lunches. After they finished eating, she would see Nicholas off to work, then make sure the twins washed up, brushed their teeth, and got dressed. Next, she would do their hair: one ponytail for Heaven and two pigtails for Victoria. This was a request the girls' teachers had made in order to tell the identical twins apart. After that Eleanor always took over, getting the girls safely on the bus, which stopped at the foot of their driveway to pick them up. By then Lorain was usually getting her own self dressed and prepared for the day. But today she hadn't even started to get herself together and stood in her robe and watched a scene fit for a movie on the ABC Family network.

While they'd waited for the bus, Unique had managed to play patty-cake with the girls, pick them up and swing them around, and make a fuss over their lunch, which was healthier than it was delicious. Whatever Unique had said had put a smile on the girls' faces. Heaven and Victoria had squeezed her tightly, eyes closed, before climbing on the bus. Now, as the bus drove off, Lorain watched them wave at Unique through the bus window, the biggest smiles she'd ever seen on their little faces.

She closed the curtain and went and sat down on the bed. She replayed times spent with the girls over and over in her head. Had she ever seen them smile that big at her? How had Unique gotten them excited about fat free cheese sandwiches on wheat bread, with Wheat Thins and cucumber slices as a snack, along with flavored vitamin water for their drink? They'd frowned and complained just an hour ago, as they watched Lorain pack their lunches.

“Becka's mom gives her Lunchables that got Oreo cookies in 'em,” Heaven had fussed.

“That
have
Oreo cookies in them,” Victoria had said, correcting her.

“Well, I'm not Becka's mom,” had been Lorain's comeback.

What had Unique said to the girls about their lunches that made them smile after she sealed their lunch bags back up tightly? That was when it hit Lorain. Unique had probably told them what a mother, a real mother, would say to her children. After all, that was who Unique was: their real mother. Lorain shook that thought right out of her head and went into the bathroom to shower.

She pulled the frosted-glass shower door open, reached her hand inside the roomy stone shower stall, and then turned on the shower spigot. While the water warmed, she walked over to the his-and-her double sinks and rubbed Noxzema on her face. “
I
am their real mother,” she said to herself as she looked in the mirror, which took up the entire wall where the sinks were stationed and went all the way up to the ceiling. “
I'm
the one raising them.
I'm
the one taking care of them every day, making sure they are clothed and well fed.” The more she talked, the harder she rubbed in the skin cleanser. “It doesn't matter that I didn't go nine months with them in my womb. It takes more than that to be a mother. . . .” Lorain's words trailed off, because for a moment there, she couldn't decide whether or not she was talking or replaying words Korica had said to her.

A twinge of guilt flowed through Lorain. She rinsed her hands, disrobed, and got into the shower. She did a quick wash-up, got out of the shower, dried off, and unwrapped her hair. Less than fifteen minutes later, she was dressed and fingering her hair out while heading downstairs. Eleanor and Unique were waiting in the living room so that Unique could say her good-byes.

“Ah, there you are,” Eleanor said when she saw Lorain coming down the staircase. “I was about to call for you.”

“I know. It took me a minute. Sorry,” Lorain said, apologizing. “Did the girls get off to school okay?” she asked, knowing darn well they had, because she'd witnessed them doing so.

“They sure did,” Eleanor said excitedly. “Unique here even made the girls feel like that manna and honey water you packed them was like pizza and Coke.”

Eleanor and Unique laughed. Lorain remained straight-faced.

“Is that so?” Lorain managed to force a smile. “Well, I have to keep them nice and healthy. Can't weigh them down with a bunch of junk. Besides, they have a dance competition this weekend.”

“Awww, I'd love to see them perform,” Unique said.

“Well, hopefully, when you move back,” Eleanor said, “you can see them perform all the time.”

“Their competitions are on Saturdays,” Lorain said, jumping in. “You know that's typically when Unique has her biggest gigs . . . parties, weddings, and all.”

Eleanor shot Lorain a look that said, “You're doing it again.”

Getting the hint, Lorain took Unique by the arm. “Come sit down. Let's talk.” Lorain guided Unique toward the living room.

“Well, yeah, for just a minute, though. Mommy is waiting on me. I promised her I would meet her for a quick breakfast on my way out of town.”

“Oh.” Lorain paused. Inside, she was feeling jealous, disappointed, and cheated, cheated out of the time she'd pumped herself up to spend with Unique before she got back on the road. Time in which she was going to express to Unique how she'd been feeling since taking in the girls.

Opening up to her mother last night had taken a load off of Lorain. She had thought about it all night and knew that she needed to have the same conversation with Unique. She needed to apologize to her firstborn, repent, and start fresh. She'd planned on doing so today, but with all that needed to be said, she knew that if Unique had to run off to meet with Korica, there wouldn't be sufficient time. She didn't want Unique to make an exit after hearing only half of what she had to say. She didn't want her to come to any conclusions or judge her based on partial information. This was serious, and Unique deserved to be able to process it all at once, and not in bits and pieces.

In addition to that, there was no telling how Unique was going to feel after hearing what Lorain had to say. The last thing she wanted her to do was run off into the arms of the woman who had raised her. Lorain was well aware of the powerful bond the two shared. All it would take was for Korica to get into Unique's ear at a vulnerable time, and Lorain could lose Unique forever. Lord knows, Korica would love nothing more than for that to happen.

“Just give me Unique. You can have the twins,” Korica had pleaded with Lorain years ago. Those very words were part of what had motivated Lorain to put a distance between herself and Unique. That Korica was the devil, as far as Lorain was concerned, and there was no telling how she'd use her evil devices to make good on her underlying threat disguised as a plead.

Lorain was torn, though, because she didn't want just Unique and she didn't want just the girls. She wanted them all. She wanted to be Unique's only mother. She wanted to be Heaven and Victoria's only mother. But Korica had made her feel as if she had to choose. And now, if Lorain didn't play her cards right, she could end up being nobody's mother. Eventually, Lorain would have to sacrifice something. There was no such thing as having it all, anyway. If that were the case, then what would be left for the rest of the world? Lorain couldn't have her cake and eat it too. She'd settle for a slice . . . as long as it was the biggest.

She shook off her same old selfish thoughts, which were creeping back. She had to get it right this time. Unfortunately, the right time was not now.

“Okay, well, maybe the next time you're in town, we can have lunch or something,” Lorain told Unique. “Just me and you.” Lorain looked down.

“Is everything okay, Mom?”

Lorain looked up at Unique.
Mom.
Lorain was Mom. Korica was called Mommy, the more endearing term.

“No, it's not,” Eleanor answered on Lorain's behalf. She took both Unique and Lorain by the elbow. “You two need to talk. Sit yourselves on down somewhere and have a long talk. I believe that Lorain wanted to have a talk with you today, before you left town.” Eleanor looked at Lorain for confirmation.

“Uh, yes. But you go on and meet with your . . . with Korica,” Lorain said. “We'll talk another time, when you're not rushed.”

“Are you sure?” Unique asked with concern. “I can cancel breakfast.”

“Oh, no, no.” The last thing Lorain wanted was for Unique to set off the woman she called Mommy by telling her she was canceling breakfast with her to spend time with her mom. Lorain was not trying to give Korica any reason to retaliate. It wasn't as if she feared the woman. She feared her own actions as a result of dealing with Korica.

“Are you fine? Are the girls fine?” Unique asked Lorain, worry now etched on her face.

“Well, heck, I'm the one getting up there in years,” Eleanor said. “Ain't you wondering if I'm fine?”

“Oh, Gran.” Unique smiled and laid her head against Eleanor. “I know you're fine. Your feisty self is going to outlive us all.”

“Oh, no. Y'all ain't dying first on me. Black folks ain't never got no insurance, and I ain't pawning my good jewelry to bury nobody!”

Unique laughed, while Lorain shook her head, cracking a smile.

“Anyway,” Lorain said, pulling Unique away from trouble, “please let me know ahead of time when you come back to town. Everybody is fine. I just want to share some things with you that have been heavy on my spirit, is all.”

“All right. Well, the next time I come back, it might be for good, so we can take all the time you'd like for our talk,” Unique said. “But let me get to going. I'll talk to you guys later.”

Unique gave each woman a kiss. They said their good-byes, and then Unique left.

“Well, you can't say I didn't try,” Lorain told Eleanor after closing the front door.

“I know, baby,” Eleanor said as she and Lorain stood next to the fountain in the foyer. “But you and that child needs to talk and talk fast. 'Cause you ain't the only one acting phony. That girl is hiding something too, and we ain't never going to get to the bottom of it unless you two quit treating plastic like it's a fashion statement.” She put her hands on her hips and struck a model's pose. “Plastic, it's the new black.”

“Oh, Mother, stop it,” Lorain said.

“All right. I'm done messing with you for the day. I'm gonna head back over to my place and whip me up something to eat.”

“You can eat here. I've got some leftovers from this morning's breakfast.”

Eleanor huffed. “Child, please. Hay is for horses. And in your case, I really mean that.” Eleanor moseyed on into the kitchen so that she could exit through the side door and head straight over to her own dwelling. “I'll see you this afternoon, after I get the girls off the bus,” she called from the kitchen.

“All right, Ma. I love you,” Lorain said and then headed to her home office.

Lorain sat down at her DMI Rue de Lyon Right Executive L Desk, which was crafted from maple solids and other select hardwoods. It wasn't handmade, nor had it been shipped in from Italy. But she had got free delivery from Staples. She opened her desk calendar to make sure she didn't have anything scheduled that she had forgotten about. After confirming that she didn't, she logged on to her computer to check her e-mails. That was where the latest gossip from the wives would be. There was always far too much drama taking place to text it all.

Lorain clicked on a couple of e-mails, but she couldn't really focus. She found herself wondering what Unique and Korica were talking about. After the last couple of conversations Lorain had had with Korica, there was no telling. Lorain remembered one comment in particular.

“Will you listen?” Korica had said in an almost normal tone, which was unusual for her loud and obnoxious self. “Look, you've already got the twins. You're attached to them. They know you as their mommy. Leave me Unique. She's mine. She's been mine. I don't care if she is a grown woman. She's mine. So I'll tell you what. You fade out, and I'll help Unique get over her loss of the boys, you know, so she won't try to fill the empty void with something like, you know, wanting Heaven and Victoria back.”

It had been clear to Lorain at the time that Korica was issuing a veiled threat. At the time, though, Lorain didn't let on that she felt threatened by her. She simply walked away and left Korica standing there, looking and feeling stupid for even daring to threaten her. However, all the while Korica's words had penetrated Lorain like a bee's stinger.

“All right,” Korica had yelled at Lorain's back. “Have it your way, but the day you're packing up Heaven and Victoria's things and handing them over to Unique, don't say I didn't warn you.”

For the rest of the day Lorain couldn't help but wonder if Korica ever planned to make good on her threat.