You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: The Classic Self-Help Book for Adults With Attention Deficit Disorder (9 page)

Similar to a distorted sense of time, an altered sense of space might be related to excessive speed and deficient planning. It can also result from the impaired information processing of a specific learning disability.

Spatial problems aren’t limited to
sports activities and directionality. They also have an impact on organization. An ADD adult often lives with a daunting amount of clutter and disorganization. Even when he slows down to take the time to tidy up, he faces a nightmarish task of figuring out what to do with his chaotic surroundings. He may dream of having enough money to hire the right person to organize all the
stuff
in his life
so he can get on with the business of living.

The ADD brain seems to have trouble
sorting and filing
. We ADDers tend to focus on all the exceptions to the orderly rules of the world. We play a perpetual game of “But what about …?” It’s difficult to organize either space or a filing system without an ability to decide which things belong together.

Memory also plays a role in an ADDer’s space
troubles. Before he
can organize his belongings, he has to remember where they are. After he finds them he still has to figure out what to do with them!

Some of us dismiss the effect of clutter on our lives, assuring ourselves that tidiness is simply a waste of time. Others become obsessed with putting things in order and have time for little else. Although neither course of action is particularly
helpful, problems with spatial organization are common for many of us with ADD.

The ADDer’s environment is a confusing one over which he constantly struggles to gain a semblance of control. A certain degree of order is important for emotional well-being. Preventing the overwhelming feelings of confusion that result from untamed piles of junk is an important goal.

Information Processing

Some
of the differences of ADDers can be understood within the context of information processing. How do we think about and act on the information we receive from the environment? Do we have unique ADD thinking and acting styles? To answer these questions and examine other differences in ADD adults, we’ll use the theory of systems as a working model of the brain’s functions.

Systems consist of assorted
parts organized into a whole to serve a function or reach a goal. Every system uses energy and resources from the environment as its input. It transforms, or processes, the input into an alternative form called output and sends it back to the environment.

A computer system takes input from humans by way of the keyboard. It processes it and produces new information as output on a printout. Similarly,
the human brain receives input from the outside world through the senses, processes it and produces output in the form of words or actions.

If a computer malfunctions, we look at the three parts of the system to find out what’s wrong. Human error can interfere with input if information is keyed incorrectly. A problem in the
information processing of the computer itself may also exist. Finally,
the output function can be flawed if there is a mechanical problem with the printer.

Breaking down the workings of the brain into these three components can help us better understand what’s happening when things go wrong. A significant problem for many of us with ADD is mismatched input, information processing and output capacities.

An ADDer can often process internal information rapidly but
has a less efficient capacity for the input and output functions. Problems with selective attention and filtering compromise the quality of input—getting information into his brain. Difficulties with impulsivity, activity levels, memory retrieval, motor control and rambling speech compromise the quality of output—effectively communicating or acting on the processed information. Let’s take a look
at how input/output weaknesses and internal processing strengths create some unique ADD differences.

Action and Inaction Imbalance

We know that as ADD adults, we have problems with attention. That’s why our disorder is called an Attention Deficit Disorder. We have trouble with
selective attention
—focusing on one part of the vast array of information that bombards our senses. This is just the
first step in processing information, however.

We also have trouble with the second step,
selective intention
—selecting one response from a variety of possible action choices. Melvin D. Levine, M.D., examines the interplay of selective intention and selective attention in his book
Developmental Variation and Learning Disorders
. He makes the point that it’s rare to find a person who has difficulty
with attention without also having difficulty with intention, or action.

When your teacher complained that you weren’t paying attention, was he observing the neurological process in your brain? Of course not! He was observing behavior. Your action—looking
out the window rather than at your math book—resulted from listening to the blue jay instead of your teacher.

The action part of attention
depends on balancing the forces of action,
facilitation
, and inaction,
inhibition
. The brain needs to facilitate, or support, helpful actions while it inhibits, or blocks, the harmful ones. Many of the differences unique to an ADDer result from an imbalance in this area. When he should be in his inaction mode, he blurts out a hasty, sloppy response he should have inhibited. When he should be in
his action mode, he fails to answer a question he should have facilitated.

In tennis, facilitation helps him react quickly to return a shot and inhibition prevents him from reacting too quickly and moving when he should be waiting. A bad game of tennis is one thing, but social errors pack a bigger punch.

Disinhibition causes many of the social problems an ADDer experiences. He says things he
shouldn’t say, interrupts conversations and intrudes on a friend’s personal space. Because he has trouble slowing down enough to stop and think, he may not even realize his mistake. Sometimes he may realize it but is too embarrassed to apologize.

Failure to restrain or inhibit can cause problems far more serious than a social faux pas. An ADDer tends to react quickly and intensely to his impulses.
He may strike out at his children or let loose a stream of verbal abuse. Arguments with his spouse can quickly get out of hand as he says things in the heat of the moment only to regret them later.

He doesn’t mean to lash out and is ashamed of his behavior. The hasty words or actions were neither planned nor intended.

If behavior is judged by intentions, we ADDers are
blameless—we didn’t mean it!

While it’s true that we’re not calculating criminals, we need to look beyond good intentions. These impulsive words or actions can impact relationships and psyches. We have to consider the impact of our behavior on other people, especially our loved ones.

A failure to inhibit one’s words isn’t always a negative quality—an ability to say just about anything can come in handy. Talking about
personal experiences and problems can open doors for others to share confidences. Most people are enormously relieved to discover that others share their fears and insecurities. The mushrooming number of support groups is evidence of this need to share and be intimate. Many people seem to be starved for connections to others.

People laugh when the truth is exaggerated, twisted or expanded to
the level of absurdity. An ADDer who doesn’t inhibit the flow of his thoughts can dream up outrageously funny things to say—things that others wouldn’t dare to utter! If he can learn to monitor himself sufficiently to keep from stepping over the line into offensiveness, he can contribute a sparkling sense of humor.

The Supersonic Brain

Stated simply, the ADD brain goes fast! Although we’ve listed
it separately, the supersonic brain is closely related to the action/ inaction balance.

An ADDer’s
altered cognitive tempo
can translate into unmonitored rapid-fire speech. Without pausing for breath, he may prevent someone else from getting a word in edgewise. Handwriting and other aspects of task performance can also suffer as he fails to slow down enough to balance his internal processing
and physical capabilities (output). As a result, he makes careless errors and has trouble with motor tasks. The authors, for instance, have had a long-standing love/hate relationship with tennis that has resulted in part from the supersonic brain phenomenon.

PR:
“Kate and I should have our names listed on a plaque of notable accomplishments, a kind of
Guinness Book of Records
. We
merit inclusion
on the basis of our record-setting number of years in beginner and advanced beginner tennis lessons! Regardless of how hard we worked at our game, we never seemed to make much progress. After we both started taking Ritalin, we experienced a startling improvement in our skills on the tennis court.

“Lest struggling athletes read this and race to their pharmacies for their physical skill pills,
I need to emphasize that the improvement we experienced was one of
mental
skill. We were playing better because we were thinking better, or at least more slowly and with better planning.

“Taming our runaway thinking tempos gave us a more accurate sense of time. Our abilities to strategize and s-l-o-w d-o-w-n improved our game. With relief and a sense of accomplishment, we finally graduated from
our beginner lessons.”

Applying the brakes to our supersonic brains often gets easier by the time we become adults. Many of us manage to achieve some degree of balance and an ability to stop and think—at least more often than we did as children. Unfortunately, as soon as we start feeling complacent, something invariably goes wrong.

KK:
“I’m certainly no whiz at higher mathematics, but I can accurately
add long columns of figures. I prefer doing my addition without a calculator so I don’t have to worry about pushing the wrong buttons.

“Years ago, however, I made the mistake of rapidly calculating our household budget to figure out if my former husband and I could afford a major renovation. I didn’t recheck my figures before assuring him that the project was financially do-able. I swept away
his natural caution with my enthusiasm and energy and implied that he was a stick-in-the-mud for raising questions and objections. After we had committed to the project and were up to our ears in plaster dust, I found a glaring omission in my figures. I had neglected to add the mortgage payment to our monthly budget!

“My grandmother bailed us out. If she hadn’t given me a portion of an inheritance
we might still be in debtors’ prison—assuming such places still exist!”

This anecdote is illustrative of an important balancing act for many of us with ADD. We have to put the brakes on our racing thoughts gradually enough that we don’t come to screeching halts, paralyzed by fears of making impulsive mistakes. Alternately, we don’t always apply the brakes when we should, especially when we’re
working on something easy or familiar. When we’re feeling overconfident we may “put the pedal to the metal” and send our racing thoughts careening out of control!

Paralysis of the Will

The balance can also tip in the other direction, with a failure to act at all—something like a paralysis of the will. The output function totally stops working. When this happens, the ADDer may find himself in
a frozen state, unable to take appropriate action. He may watch the softball whiz by as if he were a spectator instead of the player responsible for intercepting it. When it’s time to answer someone’s question, he may stand back feeling stupid, because he can’t think of a response. Input problems probably also play a part in this paralysis of the will. If he hasn’t input the information he needs
to properly respond, the quality of his output will be impaired.

Did you know that this little section on the paralysis of the will sparked a thread on about.com that ran to over four hundred postings? Obviously, it struck a nerve with many ADDers. As of the writing of this second edition, you can still find that thread on add.about.com. You might want to go there to check out what others have
said about paralysis of the will.

Reaction Time Irregularity

Our discussion of the fast-thinking brain may seem puzzling. You may be thinking, “That’s crazy! My brain moves with the speed of a glacier and it makes me feel pretty stupid.” This is
another of the ADD paradoxes. Your brain moves both very slowly and very rapidly, depending on the task.

If an ADDer is free to direct his own thoughts
and actions, the rapid freewheeling aspect of his brain takes over. When he has to fit into someone else’s agenda either with words or actions, he finds it more difficult to function well. In other words,
it’s easier to act than react
. Reacting depends on the problematic input and output functions of an ADD brain. If you can rely on your ability to process information internally, you can often
take swift and decisive action.

Fluent self-expression is independent of the ability to respond to questions. A person with the gift of gab who ignores you when you ask direct questions, might not be rude or uninterested. He might simply have trouble retrieving things from memory in a demand situation.

PR:
“I have a particular gift for speaking and conduct workshops without missing a beat. When
I get ready to share information with an audience, I become energized and focused. I thoroughly enjoy this work and am never at a loss for words. But informal gatherings are a totally different matter. Even in a group of friends, I often find myself groping for things to say in response to questions.

“This baffling behavior confused me until I understood my ADD. Now it makes perfect sense. I
am in charge of my thoughts and the direction of my work during my conferences. I rely on the wealth of my knowledge and my excellent long-term memory to orchestrate these sessions. The question-and-answer period isn’t a problem either, because the focus is something I know well. But at the social gathering, I have to react and respond to conversation generated by other people. My brain often doesn’t
work fast enough to find what I need to say. On the way home from these gatherings, I usually think of many things I could have said.”