You Might Be a Zombie . . . (34 page)

Peter Hildebrand
(Numbers 1 and 2 of Five Conspiracies That Nearly Brought Down the U.S. Government) is a student, freelance writer, and minister (technical y).

David King
(Third Reich to Fortune 500: Five Popular Brands the Nazis Gave Us) is a world-renowned expert at the art of being mediocre. When he’s not being sorta-funny at parties or hitting on chicks who think he’s “pretty cool,” he’s busy being so-so in university.

Ben Joseph
(Four Ticking Time Bombs in Nature More Terrifying and Likely Than the Ones in Disaster Movies) is a writer and producer on staff at Col egeHumor.com. He’s also had his work published by McSweeney’s and written for the upcoming Cartoon Network sketch show based on
MAD 
magazine, which kind of makes him a traitor, don’t you think?

Richard Kane
(The Six Most Depressing Happy Endings in Movie History) has been writing Internet comedy since he was sixteen years old. He lives in California with his family.

Jeff Kelly
(Five Movies Based on True Stories [That Are Complete Bul shit]) graduated from Syracuse University in 2003, is happily married to his wife, Sara, and enjoys Mexican beer, shiny things, and fighting crime. well, most of it anyway.

Stuart Layt
(The Gruesome Origins of Five Popular Fairy Tales) is a journalist and writer from Australia. With the publication of this book, he is now a “professional comedian” and will become insufferable at parties.

Alex Levinton
(The Five Most Horrifying Bugs in the World, The Six Cutest Animals That Can still Destroy You). It remains unproven whether Alex Levinton is in reality a glass jar filled with bees. About him, there is nothing more to say.

Daniel O’Brien
(The Four Most Badass Presidents of all Time, Five Famous Inventors Who Stole Their Big Idea) is the senior writer of and a columnist for Cracked.com. His Web series, Agents of Cracked, is available on every Internet.

Jack O’Brien
(Introduction, The Four Greatest Things Ever Accomplished While High) is editor in chief of Cracked.com, and tries not to talk too much about how Cracked.com was better “back before everyone liked it and it was still all about the music, man.” He is mostly successful.

Colm Prunty
(The Six Most Depressing Happy Endings in Movie History) learned to read and write by examining the backs of household cleaning products. His early writing was known to kil 99 percent of germs.

Tom Reimann
(Five Fun Things That will Kil You) was a nerdy high school student when he was bitten by a radioactive spider and contracted leukemia. He is a freelance editor for Cracked.com.

Ned Resnikoff
(Numbers 1 and 2 of Five Conspiracies That Nearly Brought Down the U.S. Government): a Philosophy major at New York University, a writer, a lit nerd, a lapsed Jew, and a politics junkie.

Levi Ritchie
(The Five Most Frequently Quoted Bul shit Statistics) is a col ege student from west central Texas who is passionate about writing, because it helps support his gaming addiction.

Seanbaby
(Five Fight Moves That Only Work in Movies) invented being funny on the Internet, and like all writers, he was soon replaced with videos of kitty cats. But their time is coming.

Michael Swaim
(Five Awesome Things You Didn’t Know Could Make You Sick, Five Classic Cartoon Characters with Traumatic Childhoods, Five Beloved U.S. Presidents the Modern Media Would Never Let into the White House) is cofounder 
-
of Those Aren’t Muskets! and the host of Cracked TV and Does Not Compute. As Cracked.com’s Head of Video, he only dimly understands the object you are currently holding.

Brian Thompson
(Five Stories about Jesus’s Childhood They Had to Cut from the Bible [to Avoid an NC-17 Rating]) is an aspiring writer from Minneapolis, Minnesota. He is currently writing a novel that will be on store shelves as soon as the devil gets the paperwork for his soul in order.

Brian Walton
(Five Ways Your Brain Is Messing with Your Head) spends his time in Florida all igator fishing and trying to live to regret the things he does. Like all igator fishing.

David Wong
(Four Brainwashing Techniques They’re Using on You Right Now, Five Scientific Reasons Why a Zombie Apocalypse Could actually Happen) is the senior editor of Cracked.com and the author of the horror novel
John Dies at the End
, currently available everywhere except the seventy-two countries in which it has been banned.

Matt Barrs
(illustrations on pages 51, 104, 138) is a cartoonist and comedian living in Los Angeles, where he regularly col aborates with Cracked.com on art and video projects.

Robert Bogl
(illustrations on pages 21, 27, 108, 147, 265, 270) is an up-and-coming artist who hopes to one day create something more popular than
Star Wars
. However, he doesn’t want to milk and destroy his creation like George Lucas did.

Anthony Clark
(illustrations on pages 7, 13, 17, 20, 41, 47, 49, 54, 56, 60, 94, 97, 100, 123, 126, 130, 131, 136, 146, 151, 159, 176, 180, 218, 236, 280, 284) is a cartoonist and il ustrator from Indianapolis. You can find more of his art, comics, and hidden torpedo launch codes at nedroid.com.

Ben Driscoll
(illustrations on pages 205, 209) makes
Daisy Owl
, the world’s foremost comic about a speaking owl that raises human children. He lives in San Diego with his cat.

Val Gallardo
(illustrations on pages 145, 193) is a French-born il ustrator living in Belgium. She loves drawing, worships Morrissey, and has a coffee addiction.

Christopher Hastings
(illustrations on pages 102, 117) is the creator of
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
, a comic that has been online since 2005.  He lives in Brooklyn with his fiancée, Carly, and dog, Commissioner Gordon.

Randall Maynard
(illustration on page 71) is a graphic designer based out of a secret fortress in Los Angeles, California. His free time is spent playing video games and mixing the perfect soundtrack in preparation for the zombie apocalypse.

Brendan McGinley
(illustrations on pages 156, 197, 204, 213) writes comics and tell s jokes in New York City. He is the terror of the Internet at brendanmcginley.com.

Jordan Monsell
(illustrations on pages 1, 5, 34, 35, 73, 79, 87, 116, 155, 157, 166, 168, 184, 189, 217, 242, 247, 258) was born in New York and now resides in Los Angeles. He il ustrates the Web comic
Alyster & Buttercup
, performs Shakespeare, and hikes the trails of Griffith Park.

Shannon O’Brien
(illustration on page 22) is an interaction designer and il ustrator living in Brooklyn, New York.

Brian Patrick
(illustration on page 86) is the creator of Akimbo Comics.

Manuel Rebollo
(illustrations on pages 221, 228, 229, 234, 261) also goes by elgatoazul and is a freelance graphic designer and illustrator based in Salamanca, Spain.

Winston Rowntree
(illustrations on pages 9, 28, 29, 31, 38, 62, 63, 64, 91, 109, 111, 114, 141, 162, 169, 171, 183, 191, 206, 220, 243, 249, 250, 254, 272, 274, 276) is known for his overly verbose online comix, which can be found at viruscomix.com. In the real world he can be found in Toronto, Canada, slightly west of downtown.

Michael Swaim
(illustration on page 267) is made of lasers and hate. Once he tried to get into a kid’s pool party, and they wouldn’t let him in. Yeah he draws, too. Now he’s just showing off.