You Only (Cameron Farms Book 1) (16 page)

He nodded in understanding. “You planned a sleepover.”

“I ran into the parlor where Poppy and Lydia were having tea, and asked if I could go home with Jasmine. I knew that I wasn’t supposed to run in the house, but I was so excited, I loved going to Jazz’s house. I guess I forgot.” She was talking so quickly, rushing to explain.

“Sure, that’s what a little kid would do.” He assured her.

“Lydia flipped out. She grabbed me by my throat and held me against the wall. She was holding me up so that my feet couldn’t touch the floor.”

He dropped to his knees in front of her, taking her hands. “Oh God, baby.” He was shocked by the scene she described.

“I couldn’t yell, I couldn’t breathe. She was holding my neck so tight. She was yelling at me so hard that she was spitting on my face. I was bleeding because her nails were digging into my throat.” She raised her hands to touch that area.

“Oh dear Lord, Hale.” He wrapped his arms around her. God, he could feel her body shaking. He held her tighter.

“I tried to love her, she was my mom, but God, I hated living with her. I was terrified when I messed up and sometimes, I didn’t even know that I had made a mistake.” She sobbed into his neck.

“Jesus, Hale, why didn’t you ever tell me any of this?” He couldn’t even begin to understand what her home life had been like.

“How could I? I still don’t know how to explain that she tried to kill me.” She squirmed so he loosened his hold. “Why I wasn’t good enough and she wanted me dead.”

“I knew about the wreck, but you never seemed to want to discuss it.” He stood and moved to sit beside her.

She leaned into his body and he automatically wrapped his arm around her. “The first thing I did when I got to Florida was find a therapist. Honestly, I wasn’t lying when I told you that I felt broken.”

He said nothing, hoping she would keep talking. He continued holding her to his side.

“I still obsess and worry about making mistakes. I’m better now, I learned to use coping exercises, but that fear is still there.”

“I can’t believe that this was happening to you. Didn’t anyone step in to make it stop? Where was Joe? Jesus, what was Poppy thinking? They left you with that woman?” He wanted to march back into the family room and yell at Moe. They’d left Hale, a little girl, alone with a monster.

“I didn’t tell my dad. They fought a lot and he would stay out in the fields working. When she was away in treatment, things were so nice at home. Then she would come back and it would turn to shit. It was confusing, and you know small towns and their secrets. Nobody wanted to see or talk about the terrible things a woman from one of the best families was capable of doing.”

“Don’t take responsibility for any of it.” He shook her gently while fighting hard not to show her his anger. He couldn’t remember being this furious.

“Finn it was a long time ago. I understand the avoidance of dealing with her. I don’t like it, but I understand it.” She was holding onto his forearm that he had wrapped across her stomach tightly.

“How did you come back, knowing that so many people let you down?” Christ, why didn’t anyone tell him about this? It changed everything.

“I had to come back. This is my home. It’s where the people that I love live.” She laid her head on his shoulder.

Fuck, could it be that simple? How could she live through that and forgive? “Jesus, I don’t even know what to say, Hale. I mean, I didn’t know any of this.”

“In the beginning, I didn’t want you to know about it. It felt so good that you didn’t know all of that when you looked at me. Then when I started to notice that I wasn’t handling things very well, that parts of me were broken, I wanted to tell you, but I was… I don’t know, ashamed. I was so embarrassed that I was such a weak victim. And, Finn, I was scared. I was so scared that I was getting sick like my mom. They said that it all started slowly in her early twenties.”

Holy Fuck
. “Jesus, Hale, you were going through all of that and I didn’t even notice?” God, he was such an idiot, he’d been so wrapped up in the trial and himself.

“I didn’t want you to see it. I didn’t want anyone to see it. I was terrified that it was starting and soon I might be screaming and banging my head against a wall until it bled.” She held his arm tighter. “For years I couldn’t tell anyone how scared I was. I finally told Dad and he cried.” A sob escaped and she turned and buried her face in his chest. “He begged for my forgiveness.” He heard her muffled words.

“As he should have.” He kissed to top of her head. God, he wished that Joe wasn’t dead so he could punch him.

She turned her head and rested her cheek against his chest. “He didn’t know what to do. I mean we can say, ‘Joe should have done this or that’, but he’d never dealt with mental illness. It wasn’t something that was discussed openly. It was a dirty secret.”

“You forgave him?” He knew the answer, but he had to ask.

“I did. I honestly believe that he did the best he could. He made mistakes but he loved her. It was terrible for him, too.” She sighed. “At the end, when he was getting close to dying, he was sort of fading in and out.” She paused to clear her throat. “He kept asking me to forgive him. He would cry and plead. The end was near and he was still worrying that I was carrying that with me.”

Finn felt like he had run a marathon. He was overwhelmed and exhausted. She had stopped talking and he couldn’t think of where to start or what to say. His brain and emotions were on overload. He just held her in his arms.

Minutes passed. Finally, she shifted away from him. “I should go, it’s getting late.”

He let her pull away and watched her stand. He stood also. “I’ll drive you home.” He wanted to pick her up and take her to his house and lock the door.

“I’ll be all right.” She ran her hand down his arm. “It sounds crazy, but I feel kinda energized. Like telling you all of that, made me better.” She gave him a brave smile, “But I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

“You sure that you’re OK to drive?”

“Honestly, yes.” She held his hand as they began to walk toward where her SUV was parked.

“Call me when you get home.” He thought about following her to make sure she was safe.

“I’ll call when I turn in the drive.” She gave him a small smile as they stood beside the driver’s side door.

“I’d rather you called when you were naked in bed,” he teased, wanting to hear her laugh.

She moved into his body. “I know that was hard to hear, but thanks for listening.” She stood on her toes and his lips met hers.

“Drive safe, honey.” He watched her climb into the driver’s seat and continued standing in place as he watched the red taillights fade into the night.

He heard the Benton’s backdoor open and close, then footsteps on the deck.

“Want to come in for a drink or do you need to be alone?” Jasmine was wearing one of Izzy’s sweatshirts that hung to her knees.

“How much did you hear?” His voice sounded raw.

“I kept the others out of the kitchen, but I checked a couple of times on you two. I caught a little. I can guess the rest.” She ran her tongue over her lips nervously,

“I had no idea.” He felt like crying.

“I know. I knew that nobody had ever shared that with you.” She laid her hand on his arm, comforting him. “Change anything?”

“Jazz, it changes everything.” Their eyes met and she nodded a few times.

“I’m going to head home.” He wanted to be alone to process what he’d heard. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do with all of this information. He really hadn’t known Hale at all. Christ, she’d been so brave even though she was terrified. Now so much about her made sense.

“Get some sleep. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” She kissed his cheek and walked to her back door.

He knew it would be a long time before he fell asleep.

October

“Goddamnit. This cannot be happening.” Hale slammed the chair back from her, jumped out of it, and started pacing around the room. “Christ, this sucks.” She glanced at the clock. It was four in the morning, too early to call Wes. Moe would understand her waking him, but there was little that could be done at this hour. She’d run the numbers multiple times and each time the outcome was the same. Over one hundred thousand dollars was missing.

This was going to be a huge problem for the department and Finn. Her concern was that the embezzlement had been going on for some time, and Wes didn’t catch it. That department’s budget and bookkeeping had many carryovers from prior years, so monies could be hidden easily. She reached for her phone to text Finn, but Matt’s words rang in her head. “You must recognize the chain of command.” She wanted to warn Finn.
Fucking chain of command
. She had to wait to talk to Wes; her hands were tied.

Five days later, Ashley and Hale were having dinner, sitting at the farmhouse’s huge kitchen table.

“This is really good. I didn’t realize that you could cook so well.” Ashley took another bite of the chicken breast stuffed with sausage and rice.

“I’m trying to make up for the last couple of weeks. I was so bad.” Hale motioned to the last chicken breast. “I’ll split it with you.”

Ashley held out her plate. “Thanks. According to Maria, you survived on Red Bull and cereal, kinda like a finals week that wouldn’t end.”

“Oh come on, I had popcorn and some peanut butter sandwiches for variety,” she teased, but it was true.

“I know that you can’t discuss what the problem is, but can you tell me anything?”

“I found something that Wes needed to review. He agreed with my findings, Moe had to be notified. I had to break it down, and that took a good bit of time. Almost like preparing for a court case.” She still felt that she needed to catch up on all the missed sleep.

“Your findings, are they gonna cause problems between you and the mayor?” Ashley’s head tilted and she watched Hale closely.

“I shouldn’t think so. I just followed the numbers, which is my job. Why?”

“You two seem to be getting along. You take his calls and you know, um, you smile more.”

Hale frowned. “Do not.” She sounded like a teenager. Finn had been calling, and had stopped by to say hello a few times. It was nice, but she wouldn’t allow herself to read anything into it. Everything was too new and fragile.

“Yeah, you do.” Ashley gave a very satisfied smile. “I’ve been watching you.”

“Yuck, stalker much? That’s creepy that you’d admit that.” Hale shivered dramatically.

“It’s not creepy, it’s interesting watching you two deal with one another. I might use you as a case study for a research project.” Ashley defended.

“So, what does my stalker see?” She put her fork down and gave Ash her full attention.

“He watches you. No, it’s more like he’s studying you, trying to figure you out.”

“I thought you were studying marketing, not psychology.”

“Then, there are the times that you smile when you say his name or when I give you his messages. Your body relaxes and you do a real smile, not the one that you plaster on your face for meetings, or when people stop by.”

Wow, Ashley was perceptive. “Whatever you do, don’t tell Jasmine about this behavior that you claim to see. She will demand that you follow me with a camera.”

“Too late, we compare notes all of the time.” Ashley gave a huge, shit-eating grin.

“Enough. Time to change the subject. Tomorrow, I need to go over all of the arrangements for my trip to Tampa. I need to look at my clothes and make sure everything is ready.” She let out a groan. “I can’t tell you how much I hate the thought of having to wear a business suit and hose again.”

“Buck up, it’s only for a few days. Think of it as an extended costume party.”

“I’m not looking forward to making this trip. I’ve known about it for months, but the timing really sucks.”

“Are you worried about working with your old team? I mean, you obviously haven’t lost your skills.”

“No, the work part is easy. I think it will be a little weird. I mean, they work together all of the time and I am out of the loop. I was with my team ten or twelve hours a day for weeks at a time and now I’ll feel like an outsider.” She was feeling some nerves, wondering if she would be able to work smoothly with the team.

“Are you getting tired of always being the outsider?”

Hale’s head jerked as if Ashley had smacked her.

Ashley hurriedly held up her hands. “Hang on, what I mean is, that it has taken you a little while to get into the groove here. I understand, you don’t want to be the center of attention, but I have to think that there have been times that you get lonely. You used to be surrounded by people, co-workers, friends, and now you spend a lot of time by yourself.”

She could feel the muscle in her jaw jump as she considered her words. “Sometimes it’s better to stay home. I worry that I won’t be welcome with some groups.”

“I get it. Being the daughter of the town whore doesn’t always make me welcome at the soirées.” Ashley gave a sad smile and held up her hand, pointing her index finger and made circles.

“We aren’t our mothers’ daughters. We are better than that and we will keep working to improve and show everybody.” Hale sat straighter and gave Ashley a definite nod.

“Still, there are times that it sucks.”

Hale knew that Ashley had a rough childhood and yet she worked really hard to better herself. “No argument here, but you know that I think a lot of you, Ash. Right? You’re smart, pretty, and I couldn’t survive here without you.” She smiled at her assistant.

Ashley was getting ready to reply when Hale’s cell rang. Hale waved her off, as she grabbed it from the kitchen counter. She looked at the display and made an effort not to smile. It read: “Finn’s Cell.”

“Hello.”

“You home?”

“Yeah, just finishing dinner.”

“Stay there.” He ended the call.

Hale returned the cell to the countertop. “Finn’s stopping by.” She couldn’t help the feeling of uneasiness that settled over her. He was usually more playful when he called.

“I should get out of here, so you two can have some alone time.” Ashley raised her eyebrows several times.

“Really?” Hale started clearing the table. “What are you fourteen?”

“Well, you have been so busy that you haven’t spent much time with him, he probably misses you.” Ashley teased.

“If that is true, you should clean up while I go put on a sexy dress and some makeup.” Hale threatened but continued loading the dishwasher.

“Go on, I’ll cover, just don’t make it look you are trying too hard. I don’t want you to seem desperate.”

Hale threw the dishtowel at her friend. “Bitch.”

There was a loud knock on the back door.

“Saved by the mayor.” Ashley walked to the door.

Hale could just hear the words over the running water. She put the final bowl in the dishwasher and turned around to greet him. Finn was dressed in a dark purple shirt, he had lost his tie, and the sleeves were rolled up to show off his forearms. She allowed herself to watch him for a few seconds. He was smiling at something Ashley was saying. It was his business smile, not the real one that made his eyes light up and the skin around them crinkle at the sides.

He glanced her way and his smile disappeared.

“Hey, Finn, have you eaten?” She tried to ignore the prickle of unease that ran along her skin.

“No, I’m not hungry.” He still didn’t smile at her.

All right, he was being very short tonight. “A drink then?”

“No, thank you. I just wanted a word.”

Ashley turned her head to look at Hale and back at Finn. “I’m on my way out, unless you want me to stay, boss?”

Ashley must have caught the weird vibe. “No, go on. We’re good.”

“Thanks for dinner and I’ll see you tomorrow.” Ashley turned to Finn. “Have a good night.”

Finn nodded and watched her leave the room, not moving toward Hale until he heard the door close behind Ashley.

Hale leaned on the counter separating the cooking area from the dining space. “So, you don’t want food or a drink, what do you want?” Her feeling of unease spiked, but she told herself that it would be better to know what was going on than to stand in her own kitchen feeling uneasy.

“I spent five hours this afternoon with Wes, Moe, and a few others, reviewing your interesting findings.”

Hale felt the anger in his stare. “Wes hasn’t called me, so I don’t know what’s going on.” She stammered over the words.

“I asked him not to call you.” He bit off the words.

“Why?” The word popped out before she could compose herself.

“I thought that I would deliver the news in person, because I respect you, and this is what people do when they respect one another. Obviously you don’t share those feelings for me.”

Hale struggled to follow his train of thought. “I don’t get—”

Finn moved quickly around the counter. “Of course you don’t. Jesus, Hale, you couldn’t give me a heads up about what you were finding?”

She stood there mute, trying to figure out what she should say.

“I thought that we had moved on to a better place. I have talked to you almost every night and you were holding onto information that can ruin my administration. Christ, do you get some kind of weird satisfaction out of dropping bombs on me?” He slammed his hand on the countertop.

She flinched, took a deep breath, fearing that whatever she said he would twist it. “I didn’t want to say anything until I was positive that money was missing. It was difficult to track in the beginning, even though it turned out to be a sophisticated system.” Christ, she was rambling.
Focus.
“I needed to check and re-check the numbers. I didn’t want to say anything until I was sure.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Finn ground out the words.

“I told Wes.” She felt panic start in her belly.

“Fuck Wes, you should have told me. Christ, do you have any idea how bad this looks?”

Stall. Stall until you can figure out what he wants you to say. “I followed the chain of command.” She heard her voice crack. “At that first meeting, Matt kept saying that I reported to Wes. So, I did.” Her voice sounded small to her ears.

“It still doesn’t explain why you kept this from me.” Finn was furious.

She started walking around the counter, needing to move. “In that meeting, Matt made it very clear that I was Wes’s employee. He kept hammering, emphasizing everything should go through Wes. I wasn’t supposed to bother you. I thought I was taking the correct action.”

“Jesus, I thought there was something between us, but you don’t trust me. Did you do this to hurt me?”

She moved closer to Finn, reaching out to him. “No! Where is that coming from? I know that this is bad, but you didn’t embezzle and you won’t allow it to go on.” She touched his arm.

“Damn it, Hale, I’m not talking about the numbers.” He jerked his arm away from her. “I’m talking about the fact you found a hundred thousand dollar problem and you didn’t tell me.” He stopped and his voice went scary soft. “You could have trusted me with the truth. I don’t give a shit about chain of command or what Matt told you. You and me, I thought we were building something here, but again you kept a secret from me.”

“I thought that I was acting professionally,” she yelled, losing control of her temper. He had every right to be upset but this was unreasonable. “I did the job I was hired to do and turned over my findings as soon as they were confirmed, to my boss
.
Like I was supposed to do.” She felt the threat of tears coming on from her frustration and anger. “You tied my hands, I couldn’t go to you for fear Matt would be all over my ass.”

He moved in closer to her. God, she could feel the anger radiating from his body. “Are you ever going to stop hurting me? I’m sorry about the abuse when you were little but…”

Hale’s hand connected with his cheek in a loud slap. “Don’t you ever bring that up again.” Her chest heaved and her hand burned.
Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, I’ve totally lost it. I can’t believe he went there.

Finn rubbed his cheek, watching her, saying nothing.

She was shaking her hand. This had gone way past professional and was now touching on their secrets. “My decision was nothing personal, I did the audit and found a problem. You can think that I’m a terrible person, but don’t ever denigrate the quality of my work.” She couldn’t even verbalize the part about talking about what she went through as a child. She never wanted to discuss that again with anyone.

“I want you off this job.” Finn said through gritted teeth. She could see the outline of her hand forming on his cheek.

“Fine, but you can’t change the outcome. Numbers don’t lie. You have a problem in the Public Works Department and you need to do something about it.”

“Thank you, I know how to do my job.” He glared at her.