You Only (Cameron Farms Book 1) (4 page)

“Well, they are coming up. You haven’t been available, from what I hear, and there are several committees that would like to speak with you.” He fought the wave of frustration that her confused act was causing.

“They can call and set up an appointment, or I can go to them.” Her words were rushed. “I didn’t know.”

“Well it’s not like you’ve made yourself available.” His tone made it clear that this was a criticism. Once again, Hale had gone off the grid. He didn’t want to let his mind follow that path today. She was gifted at surrounding herself with people who shielded her from others. It angered him that again he was sitting in this room, asking to talk to her.

“I’ve been busy here, Finn. I didn’t know that people were trying to contact me.” She raised her voice a bit. “I will let Ashley know and I will be sure to speak with anyone that calls.”

“I don’t think people feel comfortable coming to you. Nobody knows if you are planning to stay or if you’re just here to settle the estate and then take off.” He wanted to include, “again.” However, he had the feeling that Hale might fly over the desk to punch him if he did.

She shook her head. “I’m here for good.”

“Well, I don’t know if people can put much stock in that.” His censure was clearly evident by the bitterness in his tone.

Hale rocked back in her seat. She was silent for a long minute as she stared at the floor. She slowly raised her head and met Finn’s eyes. “All right, I deserved that shot. You’re right, I left my home, family, and friends fifteen years ago, but I am back and here for good, Finn. You need to get used to it and tell the others.”

“Well, your actions have said differently.” He hated that he sounded so sullen. He gripped the armrests and fought the urge to shift in the chair, now that he too was uncomfortable with his reactions.

“All right, you only get one free shot today, and you’ve used it.” She stood and started around the desk. “I would be happy to meet with anyone that wishes to talk about their good works and their needs.” She now stood by the chair next to him, clearly demonstrating that the meeting was over. “Was there anything else, Finn?”

He stood, stepped closer to her, and looked down at her face. “You should start attending the City Council Meetings. Joe never missed one and as the richest citizen you should, too.”

Her eyes widened in surprise. Obviously, that wasn’t what she’d been expecting him to say. He watched her take a deep breath and search his face. “I’ll try.” She turned to walk to the door and opened it.

Finn followed, then paused right in front of Hale, he tilted his face even closer. “You know that some people might be difficult to win over.”

Her eyes narrowed for a moment. “I am well aware of that. You could help me with that, to ease my path.”

He crowded her more with his body. “Why would I do that? You have never offered an apology or an explanation for leaving, Hale. Why should I do anything for you?” He didn’t mean to let that slip out. This version of Hale was smart and didn’t back down. He was rattled by how much he liked her and that weakened his hold on his temper.

A minute passed and her chest heaved with some emotion. “I’m not ready for this conversation, my emotions are still too raw, OK?” Tears started to fill her eyes. “But one day, when you want to go over that history with me, we will. Just be ready, Finn, you might not like what I have to say.” She scooted free without touching his body and walked to the exterior door.

Finn followed, mulling over what she had said.

At the door, she unlocked and opened it. “Thank you for stopping by.” She didn’t even try to smile.

Finn smirked as he passed though. “And thank you, Ms. Cameron, for your time. Oh and by the way, the years have been good to you, Hale. You look good, sexier.” He grinned as her face registered shock at his statement.

****

Hale closed the door behind him, making sure to control her emotions and not let it slam. She rested against it for a moment as her entire body shook.

She slowly walked to the kitchen to get another can of Diet Coke, or maybe something stronger.

She was sitting at the large farm table with her head in her hands when Ashley walked in with Jasmine.

“What are you doing here?” She hadn’t made plans with her friend for tonight.

Jasmine walked to the large commercial refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of water before sitting in the chair across from her at the table. “Ashley called, so I’m guessing Finn’s visit didn’t go well.”

“You could say that.” Hale tried to smile. Ashley was still standing by the kitchen island. “Hey, are you heading out?”

“Yeah, I have class tonight.” She rocked onto her toes.

“Thanks for calling Jasmine. I appreciate it, Ash. You are too good to me.” Hale attempted to smile at her assistant. The girl was really great at reading her emotions and anticipating her needs.

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Ashley waved her fingers and headed out the kitchen door.

Hale played with the condensation on the side of her Diet Coke can.

“So…” Jasmine broke the silence.

“I think we can say Finn won round one.” Hale continued staring at her fingers.

“Not surprising, words are his tools. You knew that he might still carry some anger toward you.” Jasmine reminded.

“I know that,” she snapped, and paused a moment to tamp down her anger. “I thought I was prepared for him. I had practiced what I was going to say, and I thought I could handle it.”

“Sweetie, Finn was trained to debate and argue. I don’t think you could ever be prepared for what he’s going to do.” Her friend was using her reasonable tone, the one that grated on Hale’s nerves.

She tried not to sound whiny. “I knew that sooner or later someone from his office would call. I thought this meeting would be all business, but he made it personal.”

Jasmine must have seen the pain in Hale’s eyes. “You aren’t ready for that yet.” She made it a proclamation. She took her friend’s hand. “Was he awful to you?”

“If I say yes, will you go beat him up?” Hale pulled her hand back and shook her head. “No, he backed off when I told him that I wasn’t ready to discuss our past. But it still hurt. I thought that he might not still carry the pain, that he would have put it behind him by now. I could see it, Jazz. I think he’ll always hate me for it.” That brief look that had crossed his face, so full of pain and anger, would haunt her forever.

“Finn loved you. He is a very proud man. You shocked him, and I’m not sure he’ll ever get over that. Knowing that you’re here and that he will be seeing you regularly has probably brought it all back.”

“I just thought…” Hoped, really, that he would tell her how happy he was, a ridiculous thought based on trying to assuage her guilt.

“What did you think, Hale? That you could just come back and fit right in? That Finn would welcome you and he would invite you to a cook-out every Sunday?” Jasmine’s tone was harsh.

“But…” The enormity of the pain she’d caused hit her and it burned. She watched Jasmine’s face harden with emotion.

“You aren’t prepared. You know that in this town, gossip lives forever.”

How many times had she imagined her first meeting with Finn since the funeral? She’d hoped that he would assure her that things would be fine between them. He’d be magnanimous and let bygones be bygones.

“Finn is a man in the public eye, did you ever think that he is being scrutinized too?” Jasmine took a drink from the water bottle and stared angrily at Hale.

Why was everybody lecturing her about small town life?
She knew all about it.
Was Finn
still fucked up because of what she did?
The thought made her belly roll with nausea. No wonder he turned vicious. If he was still hurting, maybe if he could yell at her then he could move on. She wanted him to be over the past so that he could have a better life. She’d always hoped that Finn would find another, marry, and have kids. She’d heard that he’d dated many women over the years. She’d told herself that she was glad that he was moving on, that he had forgotten about her. She could not allow herself to hope that he might still care a little about her. Maybe want to get to know her again.
Goddamnit, stop thinking like that. Wasn’t it obvious enough today that he still hates you for hurting him?
She had to let go of that fantasy and move on. She could get by on her own. She had friends and would make more in time. She wouldn’t need to have love to have a full life. Right?

“What you say is true. I’m not prepared. I assumed that Finn would be distant but professional when it came to business. I didn’t think that he would throw the past in my face at the first opportunity he had.”

“Finn is a complex man. He is smart, but he also has a huge heart. I’m betting that he is kicking himself for upsetting you while at the same time he’s cussing you.”

Hale wanted to cry. “I know that. He is loyal and if he cares, he is invested. It was one of the qualities that I liked best about him.” God, it hurt to think about that.

“You know that you’re going to have to talk to him, about why you left and why you were so unhappy. He needs that in order to close that chapter.” Jasmine’s tone had softened.

“I told him that I would, but later. I need more time.” She’d always known that discussion would hurt, but now she knew it would be brutal. He would leave her bleeding when he was finished tearing her apart.

“It’s going to suck no matter when you do it.”

Jasmine was right. “I should have done it before. I’ve been wrong not to give him closure, if that’s what he wanted. Again, another selfish act that I perpetrated against him.” She hated that she had been so selfish. At first, she’d wanted to protect herself and she didn’t want to point out his flaws and hurt him more. Now, she simply wanted to put the past behind her. She was so tired of it always being there, weighing her down.

“Oh, honey, I don’t envy you when the time comes. Arguing with a lawyer is hard and Finn has had years to sharpen his tongue.”

“I deserve it, all of it.” Hale let out a long sigh. “Maybe if he can get it all out there won’t be this tension between us.”

“Well, don’t look for that to happen right away. After a fight with Izzy, it takes me a good long time to recover.”

Hale caught a note in Jasmine’s voice that surprised her. “You and Izzy don’t fight often, do you?”

Jasmine gave a weak smile. “All couples fight. Sometimes, I bite my tongue because I’m not prepared to argue with a man who is so skilled. I usually lose or get so beaten up that I feel like it was a loss.”

“Is being the perfect wife and mother hard?” Hale was curious.

“Yes.” Jasmine laughed. “I understand how you felt, how stifling it can be when nobody sees that you have changed.”

“You want something more.” Hale tried to shake off her feelings and pay attention to what her friend wasn’t saying.

“I’m tired of doing the same old thing.” Jasmine sat straighter. “I feel like life is passing me by.”

“Do you have any ideas about what changes you would like to make? Things you might want to try?” Hale approached the subject cautiously. Jazz had always been so certain of the life she wanted, living in a beautifully restored home with her family, following in her mother’s footsteps to be the next queen of local society. She was shocked to hear that Jazz was having doubts.

Jasmine dropped her eyes. “I have something in mind, but I don’t want to say anything yet.”

Hale waited until Jasmine looked up. “Hey, you know I’m here, always in your corner, Jazz. When you are ready, anything you need from me, it’s yours.”

Jasmine gave Hale a huge smile. She made a promise that she would watch her friend more closely.

“Ashley’s experimenting.” Hale changed subjects, hoping that some gossip would lighten things.

“What does that mean, with drugs?” Jasmine was shocked.

“No, with women, she has a date tomorrow night with a woman.” Hale grinned at her best friend, watching the shock disappear and the flash of interest take over.

“Oh. I didn’t know she was into girls. Not that it matters, I mean isn’t the saying ‘no one can please a woman like another woman’?” Jazz warmed up to the topic.

“She told me that she was tired of guys, so she thought she would try this. I think she was worried about what I would think if I found out.” If only she knew that Hale was very open to experimenting. She had tried really hard to find someone to replace Finn.

“She looks up to you. You practically rescued her off the street. Obviously, you haven’t told her much about your dating past.” Jasmine added dryly.

“She’s a smart girl, I mean, woman. She works hard and I think she likes her job. I know what it’s like growing up here with an infamous mother. And no, I haven’t told her about my experiences. She’s never asked and I wasn’t sure how to bring it up. I’m sure that she sees me as an older woman and she might not want to hear about my sex life.”

“I’m glad you have each other. Hmm, I wonder if she’ll tell us about her date.” Jasmine rubbed her hands together dramatically.

“She’s twenty-one. She’ll tell us everything if we give her the chance, especially if we add in a little alcohol. Remember those days?”