You Only Love Twice (25 page)

Impatient with the tears that were threatening, she quickly stripped off her gown and went to the wardrobe to choose another. There were plenty to choose from. Gowns for every occasion and in every fabric—muslins, silks, sarcenets, and twills. Ellie was right about all the boxes that had been delivered to the house in the last week. But that wasn’t her doing. The dressmaker had come to the house to take her measurements. Then Mrs. Marsh had conferred with Lucas’s mother and this was the result. Most of her own garments had been donated to the Parish, to be distributed among the poor. Even her underthings had been replaced.

She fingered her chemise. Silk. The pleasure she had taken in prettying herself up for her wedding was now shattered by Ellie’s outburst.

She reached for a lavender muslin and quickly donned it. As she turned to leave, her eye was caught by a splash of color. Neatly folded on the back of a chair was the patchwork quilt she had made in the convent. She snatched it up, marched into her bedchamber and spread it over the foot of her bed. At the door, she turned back to
survey her room and her eyes were instantly drawn to the splash of color on her bed.

That was better. Jessica Hayward refused to be intimidated. One way or another, she’d make her mark on this house.

And on Lucas Wilde.

“What were you and Ellie quarreling about?”

Perry’s question brought her chin up. “That’s between Ellie and me,” she said.

He kept pace with her as she descended the stairs. “Ah, so it was Lucas. Be careful of her, Jess. She’s a jealous little cat, and unlike me, she doesn’t know when to give up.”

These little hints that he was enamored of her were beginning to get on her nerves, and she said crisply, “I would hate to lose your friendship, Perry, but unless you can speak to me like a brother, our friendship ends here and now.”

She halted her descent and turned to face him. “And I would hate that to happen, because I have so few friends.”

His black look gradually softened. “I am content to be your friend,” he said.

She smiled. “Thank you, Perry.”

As they continued down the stairs, she said, “Perry, what can you tell me about Lucas’s black spells?”

He said darkly, “I suppose Ellie told you.”

“So it is true.”

“That’s all in the past. Now that he’s married, he’ll change his ways.” To her questioning look, he replied jokingly, “Not many married men I know go off carousing for weeks at a time. Their wives won’t let them.”

She didn’t tell him he was telling her more than she knew. “I’m told he’s nursing a broken heart.” They had come to the half landing, and Jessica halted. “Well? Is it true?”

He looked away. “Lucas doesn’t confide in me, Jess, but Adrian doesn’t think so.”

She was desperate to know more and that made her speak plainly. “Explain to me, Perry, the difference between loving a woman and wanting her.”

Perry’s cheeks went red. “We shouldn’t be talking like this.”

“Perry,” she said, appealing to him, “I know nothing of men. You’re my best friend. If you don’t tell me, how shall I ever find out?”

He shifted from one foot to the other, but he couldn’t resist that appealing look. “A man loves only one woman,” he said, “but he can want many. You’re the kind of woman a man loves, Jessica. The other kind, well, they’re just a convenience, a means of slaking his thirst.”

A frown puckered her brow. “Why am I the kind of woman a man loves?”

“Well, because you’re the kind of woman a man respects.”

“And a man doesn’t respect the women who slake his thirst?”

“Not generally speaking. As I said, they’re just a convenience.” He dislodged his neckcloth as though it were too tight. “Did Ellie bring this on? I could wring her neck! No more questions, Jess. I’ve said enough as it is.”

She reluctantly let the subject drop. “I shouldn’t be too angry with Ellie,” she said. “From all I’ve heard, I was very like her when I was her age.”

He was relieved to change the subject. “Oh, you were dead set on Lucas, if that’s what you mean—but the similarity doesn’t go any further. From the day she was born, Ellie was spoiled. Her parents were older, and they doted on her. And when they died and she went to live with her brother and his wife, she ruled the roost there, too.”

“Philip Bragge and his wife, Jane? And they died, too.”

Jessica had heard the tragic story from Lucas’s mother.
First, Ellie’s sister-in-law, Jane Bragge, had drowned in a boating accident on the river Thames, and a few months later, Jane’s husband, Philip, had died at Waterloo. He’d been Lucas’s comrade and close friend. That’s why Lucas had been named as Ellie’s guardian.

“Then Ellie was foisted on Lucas,” said Perry, “and—”

“Foisted!”
she exclaimed. “Perry, that is unkind.”

“Well, unkind or not, it’s the truth.” He looked at Jessica, and shrugged helplessly. “Maybe it was unkind. What I should have said was that Ellie chose Lucas to be her guardian.”

“She
chose
him?”

“It was either him, Adrian or Rupert, because of their pact, you see.” “What pact?”

“Didn’t you know? Before the battle, at Waterloo, they swore an oath that whoever survived would take care of the other’s dependents. It’s quite common among soldiers before a battle. And these four were close friends. Poor Philip was the only one who died.”

“Ellie must have been desolate when that happened.”

“Well, yes. But my point is that Lucas was there, and his mother, and they carried on the tradition of spoiling her. I mean, everyone feels sorry for her, and she makes the most of it.”

There was something in what he said, but she knew from her experience with the sisters that orphans were desperately unsure of themselves. Sometimes it made them clinging, and sometimes it made them test the patience of a saint.

And she was no saint.

“And what about me, Perry,” she said. “Was I spoiled, too?”

“In a way. You had more freedom to come and go than Ellie, more freedom than most girls.”

“I wish I could remember those days,” she said. “I wish …”

“What?”

“I wish I could remember my father. What was he like, Perry?”

He thought for a moment then shrugged. “You thought the world of him. That much I do remember. But—”

“But what?”

“Jess, I really can’t remember. Much of the time, I was away at school.”

She said lightly, “Perry, you’re not going to hurt my feelings by telling me the truth. I know my father was a gambler and he drank too much. I know he wasn’t well liked in Chalford. But that doesn’t tell me what he was like as a father.”

“I remember,” he said carefully, “that whenever he returned from London, he brought you presents.”

Her eyes lit up. “What kind of presents?”

He laughed. “Geegaws, trinkets, that sort of thing. Girls’ stuff. Jane Hicks practically fainted when you told her that your father had bought you silk underthings. Oh, and there was a sapphire ring that you wore on a chain around your neck because it was too big for you. All the girls were green with envy, as you meant them to be.”

This picture of herself delighted her, and she hugged herself as laughter bubbled up. “Oh, I can well believe it!” she exclaimed. “From what I’ve heard, I’d say I was a little monster when I was a child. I think my father must have been too lenient with me.”

“He was certainly that. Leastways, that was my mother’s opinion.”

She nodded. “I suppose it was hard for him, bringing up a child on his own.”

She stopped speaking when she realized what she was doing. She was just like the children in the orphanage, building her father up to be something he was not. But
her
father hadn’t abandoned her. He might not have been
the best of fathers, as Lucas said, but he wasn’t all bad, either. He couldn’t have been.

She smiled up at him. “I was a tomboy, you said.”

He nodded. “The Hawkshill Hoyden, I called you, and you practically bashed my brains in.”

“And did that stop you calling me names?”

He grinned. “I’ve got more gumption than that. I also called you ‘Witch,’ but that was no fun. It only made you cry like a girl.”

She frowned. “Why did you call me a witch?”

He shrugged. “You used to play tricks on me, pretend you had second sight, that sort of thing.”

“What kind of tricks?”

“Well, once, when my dog was lost, you told me where to find him, yes, and charged me a penny for the information.”

Her heart was beating rapidly and she put a hand on the rail to steady herself. “That doesn’t sound like a nice thing to do.”

“No, it wasn’t. After all, we were friends, yet you charged me the same as everybody else.”

This was lighthearted banter on his part. Jessica was deadly serious, though she tried not to show it. “I charged people? What people?”

“Some of the neighborhood brats. Judge Hicks’s daughter for one. She was at school with you, and, oh, I forget who all.”

“I charged them for finding things they had lost?”

“Sometimes, but you also told fortunes, and that was your undoing. You told Phoebe Fulham that her grandfather was going to die, and he did. Oh, don’t look so stricken. Everybody knew he was going to die except us children. Lucas said you probably overheard some grownups talking and used the knowledge to enhance your budding career as a soothsayer.”

“A soothsayer,” she said faintly.

“That was Lucas’s word. We children just called you ‘Witch.’ ”

“I suppose,” she said carefully, “Lucas put an end to my career?”

“Well, of course he did. He was angry, but not half as angry as I was when he pointed out that you’d probably stolen my dog and locked him up in the Hendersons’ barn just to get money out of me. I was ready to bash
your
brains in.”

She laughed with him. “Why didn’t you?”

“Oh, Lucas said he would deal with you. I don’t know what he said, but I do know you paid everyone back. And that was the end of your career as a witch.”

“I see.”

She was very quiet as they descended the rest of the stairs. When they came to the door to the ground floor, she detained Perry by placing her hand on his sleeve. “Perry,” she said, “I’ve been thinking about Rodney Stone.”

“Rodney Stone! Good grief, what has brought this on?”

She hovered on the brink of telling him everything. He was her friend; he was kind; he had her best interests at heart, and she was so tired of keeping everything to herself.

“What is it, Jess? Why do you look like that?”

She hesitated to say the words because she was afraid that he wouldn’t believe her, then everything would change between them. Perry was so uncomplicated, so down-to-earth. She didn’t want him to think she was unhinged.

“Ellie mentioned him,” she said, “and I’ve been thinking about him ever since.”

“Ellie would! You mustn’t blame yourself for what happened, Jess.”

“Oh, I don’t.” Her eyes were very wide, very clear. “The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that
Mr. Stone was up to no good. For my own peace of mind, I have to know the truth. Will you help me, Perry?”

He shook his head, but when he saw her imploring expression, he gave a resigned sigh and said, “What is it you want me to do?”

“Find out all you can about him, who his friends are, that sort of thing. I think someone may have put him up to it, just to discredit me.” When he began to shake his head again, she said desperately, “Perry, I have to know. The uncertainty is driving me mad. If I could, I would make inquiries myself. But that’s impossible.”

“But Lucas investigated Stone and found nothing to discredit him. Didn’t you believe him?”

“Of course I did. But Lucas’s investigation was superficial. I think Mr. Stone is hiding something, and I want to know what it is.”

There was an interval of silence, then Perry said, “Lucas won’t like it.”

She inhaled a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Lucas must never know,” she said.

Adrian pocketed the envelope Lucas had just handed him. “There’s no need for this, you know,” he said.

They had wandered out to the gardens to enjoy a quiet smoke, as many gentlemen had. They were a little apart from the others, standing by the iron rail that marked the boundary of Green Park.

“Of course there is,” said Lucas. “Jessica is now my wife. I’m the one who should provide for her. It’s my decision to turn Hawkshill over to the convent, so it’s only right that I should pay for it. That bank draft cancels my debt to you. That’s all.”

“But the money for Hawkshill was never a loan. It was part of our pact to provide for Jessica. It was a debt of honor.”

Lucas inhaled and blew out a plume of smoke. “I don’t remember any pact,” he said, “and neither does Rupert.”

Adrian murmured, “Point taken. But before we leave this subject, there’s something I want to say to you. Jessica was asking me some questions in there”—he nodded in the direction of the house—“about Philip and Jane Bragge.”

“What of it?”

Adrian shrugged. “If she’s still digging into the past, that could be very unpleasant for all of us.”

Lucas shook his head. “You’re forgetting that I was her prime suspect. She would hardly want to see me hang now that she’s my wife. It’s Ellie she is curious about, which is only natural.”

Adrian grinned. “You never did tell me how you convinced Jessica to accept your proposal. I thought her mind was made up to refuse you, in spite of your being discovered in
flagrante delicto
.”

Lucas scowled. “Perry told you that, I suppose?”

“Now don’t look like that. I am his brother and he was brokenhearted. Who else would he confide in? No one else knows. And it’s only calf love. He’ll get over it.”

“He’s making a bloody spectacle of himself!”

Adrian drew on his cheroot then flicked the stub into the shrubbery. “He’s only following in our footsteps.” He clapped Lucas on the shoulder. “Don’t you remember the widow Watkins? We were going to fight a duel over her until we found out Squire What’s-his-name was bedding her. And we were heartbroken—”

“Adrian, we were only fourteen.”

“—until Sally Mathers came along. In case you’ve forgotten, she was the blacksmith’s wife, and we were both madly in love with her. We fought that one out with our fists.”