You Shouldn't Kiss Me Like This (6 page)

“Dream on,” she said. On her way to the bathroom, she detoured into the bedroom to gather her clothes. Wearing Stefan’s T-shirt, like spending the night, seemed much too intimate for two people who’d only decided to date two nights earlier.

She didn’t want that much closeness quite yet.

When Erin left the shower, clothed again in the outfit she’d worn to class, she found Stefan on the couch with Gorilla lying beside him. “Guess I know my place here,” Erin joked. She sat in the armchair.

“Not quite.” Stefan pushed Gorilla off the couch and patted the cushion, using his knee to block the dog from jumping back up. “Come over here, Erin. I want to ask you about something, and I think we need to figure out where we are.”

“We’re in your living room.” She really, really didn’t want to have this conversation. They’d only been “more than colleagues” for a couple days. It was far too soon to have a relationship discussion.

“Erin, please.” He held out his hand, and she took it and sat beside him. “You don’t want to stay the night, do you?”

“I’m used to my own bed.” She sighed. “Honestly, when I’ve had a boyfriend, I’ve almost never ‘slept over.’” She made air quotes with her fingers. “I’m just more comfortable at home.”

“So you’re uncomfortable with me?”

“I didn’t say that,” she muttered. “Don’t put words in my mouth, okay? We’ve known each other a while as fellow dancers. The whole friends or more thing just happened, and I’m still getting used to it. I want to see where things go between us. Why rush?”

He pulled his hand away. “I’m sorry if I seem pushy. I really like you, and I thought we were on the same page about our relationship.”

“We will be if you give me a little more time.” She stood. “I guess I’m not staying. I don’t feel like arguing. Things were going well tonight until just now.”

“So I ruined the mood.” He leaned back. “I’d apologize if I knew what I was apologizing for. Spending time with my girlfriend doesn’t seem like a bad thing. I guess it is. See you later.”

Her heart sank. “See you.”

She hesitated for a moment, not wanting to leave such tension between them and without any idea of what to say to change things. When Stefan didn’t speak either, she gave up, grabbed her purse from the kitchen island, and walked out the door.

At her car, she paused, her hand on the door handle, and looked back at the door. She could still go back and try to patch things up with Stefan. Somewhere along the line their wires had crossed, and she didn’t know whether she’d said the wrong thing or he’d taken her words wrong. If she went back inside, maybe she’d be able to make him understand that she wanted to take things slowly because she didn’t want to screw up their relationship. That she was more comfortable with him than she’d ever been with anyone other than Scott and Merit, and she wanted that to last.

The kitchen light went out and after a moment so did the one in the living room. Apparently Stefan was on his way to bed. Which meant there was no point in going back into the house.

She entered her car and drove away, tears pricking her eyes. So much for their competition routine. At that point, she didn’t know whether Stefan would even speak to her again.

By the time she reached the corner, Erin’s tears flowed freely. She hadn’t meant to pick a fight with Stefan. His wanting to spend the night with her hadn’t been at all unreasonable. She just hadn’t been able to handle the idea.

When she arrived home, she took a moment to breathe deeply, ending the tears. She shouldn’t have walked out on Stefan. On the other hand, if she’d stayed they might have had a more serious argument. Better she’d left before that happened. After she’d had time to clear her head, she would call him and apologize.

She exited the car and went into her apartment, where she found Merit on the couch watching TV. The moment he looked at her, he dropped the remote and walked over to her. His arms encircled her and she snuggled against him. In all the time she’d known him, she’d never seen him lose his temper, never seen him become overly emotional about anything. Fortunately, he had the same effect on her. Hugging him calmed her so completely she almost forgot how upset she’d been.

“What happened?” Merit led her to the couch and pulled her down to sit with his arm around her. “Did something go wrong at class or afterward?”

“I don’t know how wrong anything went. Tonight just didn’t end well.” She took a breath. Since high school, she and Merit had told each other everything. Even so, she didn’t know whether she really wanted to talk to him about why she’d become angry with Stefan. “We didn’t agree about something to do with our relationship,” she hedged.

“Like what?”

She hedged. “For one thing, like whether we have a relationship. I mean, like an actual relationship, not just friendship or whatever.”

“Which would certainly be a difficult conversation.” He studied her. “I don’t think you’ve told me everything.”

He would probably keep asking until she gave him a straight answer. Merit was like that. “He wanted me to spend the night,” she admitted. “I didn’t know whether I wanted to, and when I tried to tell him I thought it was too soon for something like that, he kind of took it personally.”

“So you guys had a bit of a spat.” He smiled reassuringly. “This too shall pass, you know. If he likes you enough to ask for a sleepover, he’ll get over you saying no. How bad did you lose your temper? Should I call him and apologize on your behalf?”

He definitely knew her too well. “No, I’ll do it myself.” She took her cell phone out of her purse. “In private.”

In her bedroom, she lay on her stomach on the bed and dialed Stefan’s number. His phone went straight to voicemail without even ringing. He probably shut the phone off so it wouldn’t wake him, she told herself.

Either that or he didn’t want to talk to her.

She didn’t leave a message.

~***~

Friday after work, since Stefan hadn’t called her back, she tried again to call him. Again his phone went straight to voice mail. She doubted he was asleep at that time of day. He had to be sending her calls to voice mail deliberately.

He must be really pissed.

She considered driving to his place to apologize in person and decided against it. For one thing, she didn’t know whether he’d even be home. For another, if she had upset him so much he didn’t even want to answer her calls, he probably wouldn’t be too happy to see her if she showed up unexpectedly. They’d have to sort this out somehow. If he still wanted to do the competition, they needed to practice. Even if he’d changed his mind, they still had class on Tuesday, which wouldn’t go well if they didn’t patch things up.

She dialed the number again and this time left a short message. “Stefan, it’s Erin. Please call me. I’m sorry for walking out on you last night. I want to talk.” She recited her number just in case and hung up.

She waited all night for him to return her call. He never did.

That night, she slept poorly. She might have messed up a relationship she’d dreamed of for months. On the other hand, Stefan shouldn’t have tried to push her so much. The battle within her among sadness, anger, and hurt kept her tossing and turning most of the night, and she woke the next morning thankful that it was Saturday and she’d have time to relax.

By that afternoon, she’d done her weekly chores and shopping and still hadn’t heard from Stefan. Several times, she picked up her phone to call him again, and each time decided not to. If he’d become so upset with her over an argument they hadn’t really had that he refused to speak to her, maybe she didn’t want a relationship with him outside class.

Except that she did want him. She needed to fix this somehow, and she wasn’t even completely sure what she had to fix. If he wouldn’t answer or return her calls, she wouldn’t be able to find out.

Merit had gone to rehearsal for an upcoming performance with his troupe, so she had no one to help her keep her mind occupied. After channel surfing and web surfing proved useless, she headed for the studio. Dancing always helped. The physical movement cleared her mind.

Only one car sat in front of the studio when she arrived. Stefan’s. She parked beside it, took a deep breath, and went inside the studio.

Music floated down the stairs, and she realized Stefan had chosen their instruction studio in which to practice. Instead of going upstairs, she went into the larger studio where the social dancing took place. Dancing alone for a while would clear her mind so she’d be able to think about what to say to him when they spoke. In the same building, they wouldn’t be able to avoid each other for long, so at least she’d have a chance to apologize before she went home.

His music played loudly enough that she used it for her own dance, picking up the beat quickly and moving through the steps and variations as she’d done with Stefan two nights earlier. She moved to the music, her body performing the steps with little conscious thought. The movement took over, and she lost herself completely. Even when the music upstairs ended, she continued to dance.

Eventually, the lack of music registered on her consciousness and she stopped in the middle of the floor. Her heart sped up and she turned toward the door, not knowing what to expect.

Stefan stood there with a tentative smile. “You’re beautiful when you dance.”

She didn’t return his smile. Until she figured out whether they were about to make up or whether he just wanted to tell her off, she didn’t want to let him know how happy the sight of him made her. “Thank you.”

“May I come in?”

She shrugged. “The studio doesn’t belong to me. I can’t tell you to stay out even if I wanted to.”

“You’re angry with me.” He entered and stopped only a few steps inside. “I’m sorry I haven’t answered your calls. I’m here now. Can we talk, please?”

“I think that would be a good idea, if you’re sure you want to talk.” She certainly wouldn’t force him to have a discussion if he wanted to avoid her. And given the unreturned calls, he didn’t want to say anything to her. 

He held out his hand. She ignored it, and he let it drop back to his side. “When you walked out on me, it pissed me off, I admit. You didn’t even give us a chance to talk about where things are or where we see them going. I haven’t had many relationships, so I might be wrong, but I’m pretty sure when two people are together they’re supposed to discuss things. That’s why I didn’t want to talk to you on the phone.”

“Because I pissed you off.”

“Partly,” he agreed. “Mostly because if one or both of us is going to be upset, we should be together to hold each other.” He took her hand. “We’d just gotten things started between us.”

“Yeah.” Her heart sank. “I might have messed up. You had a share in that argument, though.”

“Yes, I did.” He pressed a key on the laptop, and the opening notes of his favorite song filled the room. “Dance with me, Erin. Then we’ll talk.”

Reluctantly, she allowed him to lead her into the center of the room. Reluctant only because she wanted to sort things out with him without procrastinating. Her body took over from her mind as the music played, and they moved smoothly together through the steps and variations they’d done before.

The touch of his hands electrified her. The music flowed through them, connecting them in the dance. All the joy she’d felt dancing with him returned to her. Their argument didn’t matter. Her anger evaporated, and she allowed herself to simply feel the dance, to follow without anticipating. To do what she loved most.

He pulled her to him, and rather than releasing her in the next beat, touched his lips to hers. She cupped his face in her hands, deepening the kiss as desire coursed through her.

He tightened his arms around her. His tongue sought entry to her mouth and she parted her lips to allow it. Her nipples stiffened as their tongues touched. She wanted him, and her body didn’t care that they stood in a dance studio where students would shortly arrive. She needed the closeness of his body.

He broke the kiss, breathing heavily. “I love you.”

Stunned, she stared into his eyes, seeing there the truth of his words. She shook her head. “We’ve only—”

“We’ve been instructing together for six months, and I’ve spent at least half that time falling for you.” He brushed his finger against her cheek. “You looked so beautiful dancing, and then as I got to know you better I realized you’re beautiful in every way. I tried for weeks to work up to asking you out, and then my partner for the competition backed out and I figured that might be a way to bring things between us out of the studio.” He smiled ruefully. “Still took a while to get the nerve to ask you. So you might think it’s too soon for me to love you, but it isn’t. Not to me.”

“You love me, and yet you refused to talk to me for two days?” she snapped. She pulled away. Maybe his logic made sense to him, but it didn’t to her. If he cared so much about her, he shouldn’t have ignored her calls. He shouldn’t have left her hurting and wondering if she would even be able to instruct with him again. “Stefan, I was thrilled when you asked me out for coffee. And when we ended up in bed, well, that was pretty thrilling too. I’ve had a thing for you for a while now too. But love?” Her voice caught. “You can’t love me this soon.”

“I didn’t know for sure if I did until this happened,” he said quietly. “Yesterday and today, I woke up wondering if I’d completely ruined things between us. Then I ended up angry with you all over again because you refused to even consider staying the night. Which wasn’t fair, because I shouldn’t have pushed you like that.” He sighed. “When you’re ready, we’ll spend the night together. Until then, I promise to drop the subject. I think I tried to rush things because I’d decided that you’re the woman I want in my life, and once I finally dared to tell you, I guess I already had plans in mind. I shouldn’t have assumed anything. I’m sorry.”

Folding her arms over her chest, Erin studied him. He loved her. She didn’t understand how he’d made that decision so quickly, but she didn’t doubt him at all. He spoke too sincerely, looked at her too intensely to be anything other than completely honest.

Her heart reached for him, and she realized she loved him too. “Sometime soon, I’ll be ready,” she promised softly. “I’ve never been in a relationship like this, Stefan. Just give me a little time to catch up with you, okay?”

His smile lit the room. “As much time as you need. You know, you walking out on me the other night may have been a good thing. Gave me time to do some thinking.”

“So being pissed at me clued you in that you’d fallen in love with me?” She raised an eyebrow. “You have a weird mind, Stefan.”

He chuckled. “That’s probably quite true. I figured out that I have to be in love with you for you to be able to upset me that much. And not talking to you for those few days hurt more than I want to hurt again. If you hadn’t shown up tonight, I would have tracked you down, because I really couldn’t take it anymore.”

“You could have just answered one of my calls or called me back,” she said.

He nodded. “Yeah. Like I said, I wanted to talk about this in person.” He reached for her hand again, and she let him take it. “I’ll slow down, I promise. I love you, and I just want to be with you, dance with you, whatever you want.”

“I want to dance with you.” She held out her hand. “Shall we practice? I think that competition’s coming up next week, right?”

“Dancing isn’t exactly what I had in mind. I was thinking more along the lines of make up sex.” He waggled his eyebrows. “Then again, you know what they say about dancing.”

“It’s a vertical expression of a horizontal desire,” she teased. “And vertical’s all you’re getting right now. Having someone walk in and find us in a compromising position wouldn’t do at all.”

“Oh, fine.” He kissed her, then turned the music back on. “Let’s dance.”