You’ll Understand When You’re Dead: Broken Heart Vampires Book 12 (8 page)

His grin flashed in the darkness. Kimmie felt the bottom drop out of her stomach. He was so cute. Darn him, anyway. Why couldn’t he go away and let her be miserable? “You’ve got me all figured out, Hayden.”

“No, not really.” He leaned forward, brushing the hair from her eyes. “I don’t have you figured out at all. But I’d like to.” He caressed her cheek, closing in until his lips were a mere inch from hers. “I’ve been meaning to ask you—”

“Yes,” Kim breathed.

Hayden looked surprised, then pleased. His grin returned. “Do you even know what you said yes to?”

Kimmie’s heart pounded. Boys! Didn’t he know how close he was? Didn’t he know she didn’t care about words right now? Didn’t he know she wanted him to kiss her?

“I said yes to the school dance... and to
Shaun of the Dead
,” Kimmie said. “Now shut up and kiss me.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he whispered, and then brushed his lips across hers. His mouth felt warm and soft and gentle. She sighed when he moved away. His hand found hers, and they sat in silence. Hayden scooted closer and put his arm around her. Kim snuggled against his shoulder.

“So how do you know I wasn’t asking to go steady with you?”

Kimmie looked up at him. “Go steady? What is this, the 1950s?”

“Go steady,” he reiterated. “Girlfriend, boyfriend. Dates. Necking.” He wagged his eyebrows, but she saw his nervousness.

She pretended to think about it. “I don’t know...”

“Don’t say anything yet,” he interrupted. “Think about it. I can wait.”

“Oh, Hayden.” She laughed. “I’ve been waiting months for you to notice me. I’d like for us to be a couple.”

“Wow,” he said. “I’ve never not noticed you.”

Kimmie felt his rapid heartbeat when she hugged him, her own heart bursting with joy.

Hayden leaned down and kissed her again.

“Wow,” she said, echoing his earlier sentiment. “Just wow.” Happiness danced through her. Hayden was her boyfriend. She felt so...
weird.

“So what were you crying about? Can I help?”

Misery crushed her joy. Hayden might have to wait until graduation to see her again once Mom figured out everything she’d done.

“We have a problem.”

Kimmie and Hayden looked up. Tilda stood there, arms akimbo, her expression panicked. Jenny was right beside her, and she looked upset, too.

“What happened?” asked Kimmie.

“There’s a disturbance in the force,” said Jenny.

Hayden laughed. He stopped when he noticed the girls were not joining in. “You make a Star Wars joke, and I’m supposed to take that seriously?”

“I’ll meet up with you later,” said Kimmie, popping to her feet. She, Tilda, and Jenny hurried away, leaving behind a very confused boy.

S
OMETHING WET
AND ticklish licked her feet.

Natalie sat up, yanking her legs away from the offender.

She stared, and then yelled, “You!”

“Moo,” said the ghost cow.
“Moooooo.”

M
ATT HEADED
FOR the spot Natalie had pointed out earlier. She’d chosen a good place near the trees away from most of the crowd. He stepped around a game of horseshoes and increased his pace, eager to be alone with Natalie.

Then he heard the scream
.

Natalie!

He sprinted forward, his eyes adjusting to the darkness. He saw three figures grappling. Natalie’s white dress shimmered in the moonlight as she fought against her attackers.

Cold fear exploded in Matt’s chest.

As soon as he got close enough, he skittered to a stop, his shoes sliding on the soft grass. Natalie looked helplessly at him while a badly dressed male ghost with a pencil-thin moustache and the spirit of an elderly woman in a jogging suit and orthopedic shoes struggled to hold on to her.

The persistent cow spirit lumbered in front of them and mooed.

Matt charged in, but the moment he tried to grab Natalie away from the ghostly trio, the spirits yelped as if he’d pinched them.

Everyone disappeared.

“Natalie!”

T
HE GIRLS SNUCK
into Tilda’s room, and shut and locked the door. Tilda sat on the bed, her eyes wide. “We’re screwed. A demon came through the portal.”

“Demon,” said Kimmie, horrified. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” hissed Tilda. “I’m sure. I did a location spell, but got nada. But there’s definitely an evil entity loose in the town.” She pointed to an opened book. “Turns out the spell I used isn’t that picky about what it draws in. Apparently, one of the reasons most witches don’t use it is because demons and other nasty things sometimes ride piggyback on spirits.”

“Ohmigawd! Why would you use a spell like that?”

“Well, it would’ve be fine,” said Tilda, “if you hadn’t broken the circle!”

“I didn’t intend for Broken Heart to get overrun by ghosts and demons,” yelled Kimmie. “I wanted vampires.”

“You should’ve said that. How easy is it to say
vampires
instead of
dead guys
?”

Kimmie opened her mouth then snapped it shut. “You’re right. I suck.” She plopped down on the bed next Tilda.

“The binding spell will work for the ghosts, but not the demon,” said Tilda.

Jenny sat next to Kimmie and patted her back. “We have to tell the adults.”

“We are so dead,” said Tilda.

“Yeah.” Kimmie sighed. “I’m gonna be grounded until I’m forty-two.”

“Me, too,” said Jenny. “Nice knowing y’all.”

N
ATALIE POUNDED ON the door
. She was locked inside her own basement, thanks to Kenny Rogers, his awful mother, and that goddamned cow.

What the hell was going on?

She screamed, hoping someone would hear her. But everyone was at the barbecue. They wouldn’t know where to find her. And who would think to look for her at her own house?

“Hey! Let me outta here!”

The door swung open and Natalie stepped back, shocked when she recognized the man standing.

“Phil?”

“I am the Dark One.” His beady brown eyes took in her dress, bare feet, and mussed hair. He frowned. “I thought you were dead.”

“I am,” she snapped, elbowing him out of the way. “Why aren’t
you
dead?”

“You can’t kill me. I’m the Dark One,” he intoned.

“I’m getting the hell out of here,” Natalie said, but not-so-dead-undead Phil grabbed her arm and swung her back into the room. “Hey!”

“Your husband heard the call about your love life and contacted me through spiritual means right away. He’s been trying to get back into my good graces for a long while now.”

“What is that supposed to mean? How did Ronald get a call about my love life?”

“Ah, yes. Unfortunately, Ronald is no more. He died in the service of his dark lord.” He bared his fangs, which were oddly long and knife-sharp. “Plus, he was delicious. Desperation adds a certain delectable flavor.”

Natalie stepped back. “You ate him?” Appalled, not because Ronald was dead, but because,
ew
. Ronald was rotten, and she imagined his blood would taste as unpleasant as he was.

“You were his entrance fee into the group. When you disappeared, before I could drain you dry, I had to make an example of him. No take-backsies.”

When she’d agreed to go on the blind date, Phil had shown up and driven her to the abandoned church off Fremont Street. She’d been terrified, especially when she saw the robed figures and her ex-husband waiting for her. Ron had been so enamored of Phil and his Children of the Night organization that he’d lost his damned mind. Or maybe Phil helped him lose it. What had made her blood run cold was how unaffected Ron was when Phil drug her into his lap and starting sucking her blood.

Asshole.

Natalie wasn’t human anymore. She’d been spent three years as a vampire, and she realized she wasn’t scared of Phil. She peered up at him. “Have you always had that bald spot?”

Phil’s hand automatically touched the back of his head.

Natalie stood, frowning. “And have you always been this, this bony?” She poked a finger in his chest. “And your nose—it’s so long.”

She put her hands on hips and gave the vampire a good once-over. “You’re shorter than I remember,” she added.

Phil stared at her as if she’d sprouted horns and a tail. His mouth opened and closed like a fish. Finally, he sent her a haughty, superior look. “You shouldn’t speak to the Dark One like that.”

“The Dark One shouldn’t refer to himself in third person. Get real, Phil” Natalie said, rolling her eyes. “ You’re a supernatural joke. You know what they say about undead guys like you, right? If you have long fangs it means you have a small dick.”

He blushed to the roots of his hair—or lack thereof. She found that interesting because technically vampires didn’t really have the blood circulation to turn that red.

Natalie looked at the man before her. She felt nothing. Zip. No resentment. No self-pity. No remorse. No fear. Sometime during the past couple of days, everything had changed. The past was the past. She was dead, and she’d accepted that. The Dark One aka Phil the Pathetic had no hold over her.

“I’m leaving now,” she said. She shoved him, but he grabbed her easily again and pushed her back into the room. “What’s wrong with you? You can’t kill me.”

“It’s not your blood I seek,” he crooned. “It’s your soul.”

Natalie’s mouth dropped open. “Are you serious?”

“Yes. I’m serious.” He blinked rapidly as if he’d expected this encounter to be going very differently. “You think I’m bad? The Darkest Dark One is way meaner than I am. I owe him a soul, and it’s gotta be yours.”

“The Darkest Dark One?” Natalie laughed. “That’s ridiculous.”

Phil looked around, and then whispered, “Don’t make fun of DDO. He doesn’t like that.” His fingers dug into her arms. “We all have our debts,” he said. “And I must pay mine.”

“Oh, this sucks,” said Natalie.

“Tell me about it.” Phil cocked his fist and hit her as hard as he could. Pain exploded in her head right before the world went black.

“
W
E’LL ORGANIZE
A search party,” said Mayor Hewie, pounding Matt on the back. “I’ll call the Little People. They won’t like that our Goddess Sparklenose has been kidnapped.”

Matt stared at the spot Natalie had been not five minutes before. How could ghosts just take her like that? And why had they acted like he’d caused them pain? He stuck his hands into his short’s pockets. What the— Frowning, he took out the tiny silk bag.

He looked up and saw Kimmie. She and her two friends stood a couple of feet away. The kid looked like she was getting ready to cry. Oh, no. He had a bad feeling.

“What is this?” he asked.

Kimmie swallowed hard. “It’s a juju bag.”

The three witch sisters, Lenette, Dorica, and Nell, who ran the bed and breakfast, arrived. Lenette, the curvy redhead, held out her hand and asked Matt, “May I?”

He gave her the bag. She opened it, looked at the ingredients and looked at her teenage ward. “Why did you make a ghost repellant?”

Tilda stared at the ground. “We, uh … sorta did a dating spell and ghosts, um, responded.”

“Dating spell,” said Dorica flatly. The short brunette crossed her arms. “For who?”

All three girls immediately looked guilty. Then Kimmie said, “My mom.”

Matt stared at her. “You three are the reason all those ghosts showed up?”

“I’m sorry.” Kimmie flinched. “I wanted her to have a love life. She deserves it. My dad was a real douchebag to her.”

Jessica and Patrick joined the group, and Jess said, “What’s going on?”

“Our children have cast a spell, and now Natalie has been ghost-napped,” said Lenette.

Jessica faced her daughter. “Really? First the zombie and now this?”

“Kimmie needed me,” Jenny said. “I’m totally grounded, aren’t I?”

“Yes,” said Patrick. He clamped a hand around her neck. “Startin’ now.”

“I’ll help with the search,” said Jess. She kissed her husband. Then she eyed her daughter. “You’re going to be so busy for the next couple of months, we should change your name to Cinderella.”

“Chores?”

“Soooooo many chores.”

“Let’s go,” said Patrick. He wrapped his arms around Jenny and disappeared in a sparkle of gold.

“What did we tell you about spellcasting, Tilda? You have to train. That’s why you’re here! To learn the proper way to be a witch.” Nell, who was blonde and medium height, took the bag from Lenette and peered inside. “This is three times more powerful than it should be. You better tell us the whole story.”

N
ATALIE WOKE
UP strapped to a recliner. She was still in her basement, but apparently Phil had been busy re-arranging her bedroom to accommodate whatever madness was about to occur.

Candles were lit throughout the room. They cast shadows on the ceiling and walls, making what used to represent safety and comfort into something creepy and deranged.

She tried to shift in the chair, but the ropes kept her pinned.

“It’s not regular rope,” said Phil. “It has silver threads and was enchanted by an evil witch.”

“Lovely. Kill a lot of vampires for the Darkest Dark One, do you?”

Phil shrugged.

“Nothing but a sheep,” Natalie said. She felt the room grow cold. Three shapes wavered into full-bodied ghosts: Kenny Rogers, his crazy mom, and the butt-biting bovine.

“What’s with the cow?” she asked.

“Oh, don’t you recognize him? You created a child with the nincompoop.”

“What?” Natalie said alarmed.

Phil waved a grand hand, his expression brighter now that he’d managed to ruffle her composure. “That’s Ronald.” He studied the creature for a moment. “I don’t know why he’s manifested as a cow. I think it might be because I made him feel like a piece of meat. I mean, he was my dinner, after all.”

“You’re sick.”

“Moooo,” said Ronald.

“At least I’m not a cow in the afterlife.” Ronald mooed again. Phil sighed. “Okay, okay. We’re almost ready.”

Natalie eyed Kenny Rogers, who couldn’t quite meet her gaze. “Why would you do this?”

“No woman makes my baby feel bad,” snapped his mother. She patted his shoulder. “How could you not want him? Look at how adorable he is!”

“I had know when to walk away,” Natalie deadpanned, “and know when to run.”

“That’s not funny!” Kenny Rogers stamped his foot.

“Now, look what you did,” seethed his mother. She patted faster. “There, there.”

Natalie was quickly moving from panic to hysteria. She shouted, “Cut the apron strings, Kenny!”

“Shut up,” he whined.

“C’mon, you’re delivering me to Phil—“

“The Dark One!”

“—
Phil
and his super evil boss for revenge?”

“Damn right,” said the mother from hell. “And you deserve it. My baby is too good for the likes of you anyway. Harlot! I saw you in that minivan with that flesh sack of a psychic.”

Natalie blushed.

Ronald mooed again.

Kenny had the audacity to look like the injured party.

Phil waved at the mother and son. “Go away.”

“We had a deal,” said the mother. “We help you, and we get to stay.”

“Do whatever you want,” said Phil. “Just do it somewhere else.”

Kenny and his mother faded away. Phil rolled his eyes. “They are so going back to limbo.”

“Not a big fan of keeping your promises, are you, Phil?”

“I’m called the Dark One. Sheesh. People shouldn’t expect me to be a good person.”

“You’re an awful person.”

Phil smiled. “Thank you.”

Natalie stopped fighting against the ropes and sank into the recliner. She needed to think about how to get herself out of this situation.

“Mooooo!”

“Be gone, foul cow,” said Phil. He wiggled his fingers, and Ronald disappeared with a quick flicker.

“Is he gone, gone?”

“Yeah. That mooing was getting on The Dark One’s last nerve,” said Phil. “I’m ready now.” He looked at Natalie. “The Darkest Dark One is about to arrive.”

Peachy.