Your Heart to Keep: Holly and Jax (10 page)

Chapter Sixteen

Jax

What the fuck was that? I went in there with the full intention of giving that Holly chick a mouthful and I choked! I never did that! I had wanted to get in her face and tell her exactly what I thought of her goddam letter but the second I’d looked into those mocha colored eyes, those fucking stunning eyes, I couldn’t do it. What the hell? Why did she have to look like that? She made me wither under her gaze, forgetting my own name. Confounding me. I’d actually been speechless. Like everything I had planned on saying to her had been sucked into those killer eyes the moment she’d turned her face to look at me.

Grabbing fistfuls of my hair on both sides I pulled as hard as I could to try and snap out of it. She wasn’t meant to be stunning. Not one bit. She’d thrown me off kilter. Taken down all of my defenses and stripped me bare without even opening her mouth. My legs had practically been kicked from under me and I hated myself for it. I was as weak as all shit. Chloe’s death had done me in and I couldn’t take it anymore.

Micah was on his way out, after doing his good deed for the day, buttering them both up like the Nancy boy I was beginning to think he was.

Why did he have to bring me here? He could have stopped by tomorrow on his own. Why do this to me?

I rolled my tongue stud around and around with my teeth to try and focus on something other than the female in that house. Damn it! Chloe had barely been laid to rest and I was struck dumb by a pair of sensational eyes that had me feeling like they could pierce through all my bullshit and see the vulnerable kid who’d been crushed to learn his father was a lying, cheating lowlife.

I didn’t want anyone to see that deep. Not even Chloe had been able to strip away all the layers I’d covered myself in to protect the raw wounds of my soul.

As Micah scrambled into the driver’s seat, I stared vacantly out the window wanting to beat the crap out of my friend but suddenly feeling like the wind had been knocked out of my sails. Exhausted. At the end of my tether. Defeated.

“Are you fucking insane?” He was fuming.

All I could do was turn and look at the steam coming out of Micah’s ears as he gripped the wheel, forcing the key to turn, tearing out of the driveway with a screech of the tires.

“She’s fucking blind, you moron. Blind! Does that mean anything to you? You go all alpha male, stalking in there like you were about to tear the poor girls head off! Jesus, Jax!”

And that confirmed what an ass wipe I was. Fully.

“She’s blind?” I could barely speak as my throat seemed to close around the words.

“Yes, Dipshit. She’s got some syndrome that brought about blindness and the need for a heart transplant. She couldn’t even see us. As if having your own heart taken out and someone else’s put in isn’t enough, she can’t see!”

Micah was taking the corners like a formula one driver. I’d never seen him so worked up over something. He was succeeding in making me feel like the low scum I truly was.

“You need to grow some compassion. You know that human quality that actually has you feeling sorry for others and trying to see the world through their eyes? You disappoint me, Man. Seriously!”

I disappointed myself. I obviously disappointed my old man because he’d failed to even acknowledge me over the years after having his affairs and leaving Mom and me in the gutter. No birthday cards, phone calls at Christmas. Nothing. It was like we both failed to exist.

Well, fuck him. Fuck everyone. The wall I’d erected around my heart that had momentarily crumbled when I’d finally met Holly, was going to be higher and stronger than ever.

Chapter Seventeen

Holly

The next couple of weeks flew by. I was getting further into exercise. Aside from the breathing regime I had taken on since surgery I was walking around more, doing laps of the house and yard.

Every day my strength improved and at my last check-up, my lung function was pretty much back to normal. It was time to begin doing a little strength training. The specialist had stressed that I not lift any more than ten pounds for the first eight weeks, post-surgery but after that I could increase it gradually.

I’d never really been into physical activity but maybe that had stemmed from my ill health not letting me and yet, lately I had this burning need to work out in a gym. To do weights and have myself looking toned and fit. It was just another one of the invisible magnets drawing me in so many different directions. Part of me felt like a stranger. It was as if the needs and wants that overpowered me at times, weren’t mine.

The coffee. The growing desire to hit the gym. And just yesterday, I’d found the urge to have my mother paint my fingernails and toenails. I had never asked her to do that. I had never owned any nail polish and my mother hadn’t either. At my insistence, she’d traipsed to the shops to buy some bright red, metallic polish.

Jaxon Reynolds had never been far from my thoughts although I hadn’t seen him since he and Micah had called by my house two weeks prior. He was the first thing I thought of when I woke up and the last thing I imagined before I tossed and turned and then fell into a restless sleep at night. Things were changing. I was changing and I couldn’t figure out why.

Micah had visited twice a week and it was getting to be a case of me looking forward to it, especially since Ty had returned to California to resume his studies. The visits from Micah seemed to fill that void and we were fast becoming friends. He was funny and had me in stitches a lot of the time which was something I really needed.

I’d also had a visit from Chloe’s parents, albeit a short one but they’d promised to keep in touch. They seemed so lovely and were very concerned and interested in my condition and well-being.

It was 6pm and we’d had an early dinner of beef stroganoff, my favorite. Dad was away working again so it was just Mom and I. After helping clear away the dishes, I moved to my room. Micah was due to arrive any minute so I brushed my long, straight hair a hundred times before tying it up and then I changed into a pair of denim shorts and a white spaghetti strap top. Apparently he had a surprise for me and needed me in casual clothes. Were we going for a walk? All my garments were itemized as were my personal items and everything was always kept in the same place so I could be a little more independent and not have to rely on Mom to find things for me.

I was more than a little excited to find out what the surprise was so when I heard a knock on the door, I counted my steps from the bedroom to the front door. I had already picked Micah’s knock out from others. It was three short fast raps with a pause, followed by the fourth. It helped let me know who it was.

Throwing open the door with a huge smile plastered on my face, I let Micah pull me in to a hug. “Wow! You look amazing!”

Trying to stop my cheeks from heating but failing miserably, I offered a shy, “Thank you. Please, come in.”

“Uh uh. Not tonight. It’s your surprise so I was wondering if you’d like to go for a ride? There’s somewhere I’d like to take you.” He had excitement in his voice which peaked my curiosity.

“You want to take me somewhere? Out? Like out, out?”

He chuckled. “Well, yeah. If you’re up for it. I mean you don’t have to if you don’t want to. I figured you must get sick of being in the house all the time.”

Before I could respond, my mother walked through from the kitchen into the lounge room, offering Micah a friendly greeting. She liked him too and was glad to see I’d made another friend.

“Hi Mrs. Jenkins.”

“Micah! So nice to see you. Why don’t you come in and I’ll put the coffee pot on.”

“I’ll take a rain check on that if I may. I was hoping I could take Chloe for a drive to get her out of the house. I promise we won’t be out too late.”

“Of course! You kids go out and enjoy yourselves. Do you have your keys with you Holly? In case I’m in bed when you get home.”

Picking up my small backpack that I kept by the front door with keys, phone, cane, wallet and lip-gloss in it, I put my hand inside to double check, feeling the cool metal of the silver keychain.

“Yep. All set to go.” I turned to my mom and held out my arms. She moved into me and gave me a cuddle.

“Bye sweetie. Have fun. See you next time, Micah.”

“You sure will and don’t worry, I’ll always make sure Holly gets inside safely.”

“That’s very sweet of you. Thank you,” she crooned.

“Great. Let’s go,” I urged. We gave my mother a wave and shut the door.

He took my hand and helped me down the couple of steps and across the front lawn to his car parked on the street. I soon found out that it wasn’t a car but a truck.

“Okay, I need to give you a hand, climbing in.”

The next thing I knew Micah had both hands around my waist. “Now, lower your head.”

It was awkward at best but somehow after some maneuvering, I ended up inside.

Feeling for the seatbelt, I locked it into place and in another thirty seconds I was jetting down the road with my new friend.

“Are you going to fill me in on the surprise or where we’re going?”

“Nope. I think you’re going to like it though.”

“I hate surprises, you know.”

“Really? I’ll have to remember that.” I could hear the laughter in his voice. He was enjoying keeping me out of the loop.

So far I’d learned that Micah was twenty five. He had moved back in with his folks to save money while he was studying for a business degree, online. After working in the family’s real estate firm since graduating high school he decided it was time to venture out on his own and build his own fleet of offices. He reckoned he could sell snow to an Eskimo and I didn’t doubt him. He exuded confidence.

The truck soon stopped. I didn’t have a clue where we were and so I waited for Micah to come around to open my door.

He helped me out and I straightened out my collapsible cane and let him lead me to wherever it was we were going.

At first when we stepped through a sliding door and I felt the air-conditioning, I panicked and wondered if we were walking in to the hospital but there was no medical smell, just a weird mix of body odor, deodorant and the sounds of clanging metal, grunting and whirring.

Where the heck had he brought me? “Micah?”

“Have you worked out where we are yet?”

“I wouldn’t have the faintest idea.”

“Welcome to my world. We’re at the gym!”

I certainly hadn’t expected that. “You brought me to a gym? That’s your big surprise?”

“Yep. You’ve been telling me how you want to start building up your strength and start getting serious about keeping your new heart healthy so I want to help.”

“Why?” I wasn’t trying to be rude but with Micah studying and working, I didn’t want to be a burden and have him feel like he had to do this.

“Because I can and because I want to. I’m here six nights a week anyway. You may as well come too. Maybe not six nights to start with but we can surely manage three. How many days per week are you going to be working at the braille school when you return?”

“I’ll probably do three to start with but I’m not due back for a couple of weeks.”

“Cool. Three nights here would be perfect then.”

He dragged me further into the hub of things and I couldn’t help but feel like a fish out of water, walking through the gym with my cane, for all to see. Surely they would wonder why on earth a blind person would be in a gymnasium. Micah didn’t seem fazed in the slightest though. “I’ll introduce you to a couple of people who work here so next time you feel a little more comfortable.”

“Okay, that would be great.” Even though I was self-conscious, it did feel good to be out in society and if I could do this with Micah’s help it would give me a sense of belonging and not that of being an outsider. I wouldn’t feel so alienated.

Micah introduced me to Cherie; one of the female trainers and Luke who was a lifeguard in the pool area.

“Hey Holly! How’s it going?” Luke asked.

“Good, thanks. And you?”

“Always doing great. Thanks for asking. Are you just having a look around today?”

Micah cut in, “She’s joining. We’ll probably just start her on light exercise. She’s just undergone heart surgery and the specialist encouraged physical activity but nothing too strenuous.”

“Sure. Well, you’ve come to the right place. We’ll look after you, Holly. I think the treadmill might be a good place to start and then when you’re comfortable with that, the pool. It’s low impact. It’ll just mean you going in with her, Micah.”

“No problem.” Micah touched my arm, lightly and asked, “Did you want to tryout tonight to get a feel for it?”

I was here and already in my shorts but didn’t have my swimsuit. “Maybe I could just start on the treadmill today?”

“Sure. It’s great to have you here,” offered Luke. “I’ll leave you in Micah’s capable hands and I’ll see you in a couple of days to start some lap training.”

I held out my arm and shook both Cherie and Luke’s hands and just as I was spinning around to follow Micah, I heard a feral growl as we wandered past some equipment.

“What was that?” I asked, wondering if someone had dropped a barbell on their foot.

“Oh, ah, that’s just Jax. Don’t worry about him. Just keep walking.”

The trouble with that was, now that I knew he was here, it stopped me in my tracks. “Jax is here. Now?”

“Yeah but just ignore him. I do.”

Slowly I started walking with Micah again, my thoughts all over the place. My pulse was drumming in my ears and my nerves were giving me nausea.

“What was he doing? Did he hurt himself?”

“I think he’s just seen you and me together in his favorite hang-out.”

“Oh. I don’t want this to be awkward for you.”

“Awkward for me? No. He can keep being a dick for all I care. I just hope
you
don’t feel awkward.”

I didn’t even know Jax frequented the gym. Micah had never said anything. I didn’t want to tread on any toes by coming here. Not that I’d known we’d end up here anyway but if that growl was any indication, I was suddenly rethinking my plan of working out three times a week. There had to be other gyms nearby but then, Micah wouldn’t be at any of them. I needed his help and he’d promised to drive me. Plus, having him with me was moral support.

“It’ll be fine, right? I can just do my own thing and stay out of his way.”

Even at that statement I knew it would be impossible to try and ignore his presence. I could feel him. It had only started since my surgery and it was something I only experienced with Jax.

Micah ignored me, maybe on purpose, probably realizing that there was no way I could not run into Jax while we were both under the same roof.

“There’s a spare machine ready now if you want to give it a go. I’ll help you get on and get started and you’ll be able to do the rest yourself.”

We reached a treadmill and Micah put my hand on the machine to let me know we had arrived. “This is the handrail that you will hold on to.” Leading me around to the belt that I would be walking on, he helped me step up. Feeling my cane still in my hand, I quickly folded it up and rested it down beside the machine.

“I’ve programmed it for the easiest setting first but you can always get me to change it if you want. Let’s just see how you go first.”

Grabbing both the handrails on either side, I began walking, taking long strides, trying to get a feel for the machine and into a rhythm.

“That’s awesome. You’re doing great, Holly,” Micah encouraged, spurring me on. If Jax was watching which I was pretty sure he would be, I wanted to show him that I could do it.

Stepping up my pace slightly, I fell into a steady pace.

“Will you be okay for a moment? I just need to see someone.”

“Yes. You go. Thank you for everything. I’ll be fine.”

“I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Sure.”

With that Micah left and I couldn’t help but wonder if he was going to see Jax. I let my hearing take over to see if I could eavesdrop on any conversation that might involve me.