You're Mine Now (8 page)

‘You don’t need to come and collect me,’ Kathrine said. ‘I’ll catch the bus.’

‘No, Mum, I’ll pick you up,’ Anna said, squeezing the phone between her shoulder and her ear, as both hands were busy putting the shopping away in the fridge. ‘I need to swing by Väla anyway.’

‘Well, do that first then,’ her mother said. ‘I don’t want to set a foot in there.’

Anna almost laughed.

‘Mum, when are you going to reconcile yourself with Väla?’

‘Never.’

‘You’ll have to at some point. Everyone goes there. I just need to pop into the off-licence and buy a bottle of wine.’

‘Can’t you do that on Drottninggatan?’

‘There’s never anywhere to park.’

‘I’ll sit in the car.’

‘Okay. I’ll pick you up first then.’

Anna put down the phone and discovered that her daughter had been listening to the conversation.

‘I’ll come with you to get Granny.’

‘No, sweetheart. Not this time.’

‘But I want to go to Väla.’

‘We’re not going to Väla.’

‘But you said you were.’

‘Granny didn’t want to, so I changed my plan. I’m going to another off-licence. You and I can go to Väla tomorrow afternoon. I’m in a bit of a rush right now.’

Hedda let out a disappointed sigh, but accepted her fate. Anna put on her jacket and started to walk towards the car. She tapped on the bathroom window, which was ajar so the steam could get out.

‘Just going to collect Mum,’ she called.

‘Okay,’ Magnus answered, from the shower.

Anna got into the car and reversed out. She drove slowly through the residential streets, lifting her finger from the wheel to greet people she knew, she passed the shop where she went almost daily and always bumped into acquaintances. A shop where you could openly look in your neighbours’ shopping trolley, out of curiosity and in search of inspiration. Mince? Yes, why not? It was a long time since they’d had meatballs. Rustic and seasonal. Some gherkins to go with it. Have we got vinegar?

Kathrine was waiting outside her entrance on Kopparmöllegatan. She got into the car and gave Anna a kiss on the cheek.

‘Hello.’

‘Don’t understand what you’ve got against Väla.’

Kathrine shivered.

‘Ugh,’ she said. ‘There are only four truly democratic things in life: pollution, bad weather, traffic jams and Väla shopping centre. A mecca for ugly people. I refuse. Väla has strangled the city centre, we’ll end up just like the United States. Massive parking lots, ugly and obese.’

‘Yes, Mother,’ Anna said, amused.

She steered her way out of the street and down into the centre. She parked in a loading bay and turned on the radio to keep her mother company. When she returned, hiphop was blaring out of the loudspeakers.

Anna looked at her.

‘You’re just doing that to provoke me.’

Kathrine nodded her head in time to the bass a couple of times before turning it off.

‘Okay,’ she said. ‘Tell me.’

‘Tell you what?’ Anna exclaimed.

‘What’s on your mind.’

Anna pulled in her chin and smiled sheepishly.

‘I don’t understand.’

‘You insist on collecting me. Hedda’s not here. You want to talk. What is it?’

Anna turned and looked straight ahead. Kathrine put a hand on her arm.

‘I like Magnus,’ she said. ‘I really do. But you are my daughter.’

Ten minutes later Anna had told her an airbrushed version, omitted Erik’s lie about his mother, filming on his mobile phone and the broken glass. She had told her mother about the kiss outside the toilet, the subsequent rendezvous in his room, the trip up to Kullaberg and the two encounters in his flat.

‘I thought it was something serious,’ her mother concluded.

‘What do you mean?’

‘I’d got it into my head that were you were going to get divorced.’

‘Why would we get divorced?’

Kathrine shrugged.

‘People do. Suburbia sucks the life out of lots of people. You can guarantee that when a loved-up young couple move in next door, whoosh, the time machine takes you back to when you were young and life was easy, childless and uncomplicated. Your little adventure sounds wonderful. Apart from the fact he’s obviously a bit loopy. I mean, primal screams out to sea – there are limits.’

‘So you don’t think I should say anything to Magnus?’

‘Under no circumstances. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Do you think you’re the first woman in history to stray? Just be happy it was such a positive experience.’

‘He wants us to carry on meeting,’ Anna said.

‘Do you?’

Anna paused for a while.

‘No,’ she said. ‘I don’t.’

‘You sound hesitant.’

‘No, not really.’

Kathrine gave an approving nod.

‘Sounds sensible,’ she said. ‘Be glad for what happened. No point in taking it any further.’

‘And yet…’

‘Yes?’

‘Well, purely…’

‘Sexually?’ Kathrine prompted.

Anna nodded. Her mother laughed and patted her on the knee.

‘What did you say his name was?’

‘Erik Månsson.’

Kathrine turned to look at the road.

‘Not easy to google,’ she said.

The friends who had invited them to dinner were as sweet and kind as they were hopeless at cooking. The meat, which for some unknown reason had to be barbecued outdoors, despite the weather and time of year, was put on before the lighter fuel had burned off and so was torched on either side for a couple of minutes.

‘Take out the potatoes, the meat’s done,’ the husband shouted.

‘But I don’t know if they’re ready.’

‘They must be. Surely half an hour is enough.’

Two minutes later they were sitting at the table with a piece of cooling meat that was still red in the middle in front of them and a baked potato that no fork in the world could get into.

‘Delicious, isn’t it? Help yourself.’

There was no salt and pepper on the table, the only thing that could help with the taste was some bought Béarnaise sauce. The couple praised each other’s cooking and were oblivious to the fact that neither of their guests joined in the chorus. Both Anna and Magnus tried to find something positive to say, but had to concentrate to avoid looking at each other, so they didn’t lose it and start to laugh, because then they wouldn’t be able to stop. Which ended up being the case anyway, when Anna had to cough up a piece of meat that she couldn’t chew into swallowable pieces.

When Anna and Magnus left their friends just before midnight, they had barely rounded the corner before they collapsed and had to support each other home. They both really liked their genuine, warm-hearted friends, there was nothing to dislike about them.

Kathrine was pleased to see the pair of them so relaxed, but when Anna tried to recount the evening’s culinary highlights, she laughed so much that the story was broken into unrecognizable snatches.

‘You’re so horrible,’ Kathrine said.

‘I know, but I can’t help it. You couldn’t eat it.’

‘But if they’re so bad at making food, why don’t you ask them here instead?’

‘We tried. But they really wanted…’

Another howl of laughter interrupted her and she only managed to breathe in gulps.

‘Are you drunk?’ Kathrine wondered.

‘No, unfortunately.’

More laughter and doubling up.

‘Delicious, isn’t it?’ she mimicked, and dried the tears from her eyes.

‘Poor people,’ Kathrine said. ‘Imagine if they knew what you were saying.’

‘Won’t you have a glass of wine?’ Magnus asked.

‘Just the one glass?’ she teased, and looked at the clock. ‘Actually, half a glass. I thought I’d catch the last bus home.’

‘You can stay here, if you like,’ Anna offered.

‘Thank you, that’s kind. But it’s always good to wake up in your own bed.’

Magnus came back with a bottle and some glasses.

‘I think it’s a bit strange that they praise each other,’ Kathrine said.

‘Yes,’ Anna replied, ‘but that’s the whole thing. It’s so charming, their guileless delight.’

She fanned her face in her hand.

‘Oof, I feel so mean.’

‘But you had a nice time?’ Kathrine asked. ‘Apart from the food.’

‘Oh yes,’ Magnus said, with undisguised enthusiasm. ‘There was a dessert as well.’

‘Ice cream,’ Anna howled. ‘It’s always ice cream. Every time.’

‘With a fruit salad,’ Magnus added. ‘From a tin!’

Kathrine shook her head.

‘I hope you didn’t show your contempt while you were there,’ she said. ‘You actually sound quite nasty. I’m no great star in the kitchen either. What do you say when you’ve been to me for dinner?’

‘Mum, you’re in a totally different league. Not even the same solar system.’

‘You make really good food,’ Magnus assured her.

‘No, I don’t,’ Kathrine said. ‘I make food, but it’s seldom very good. Cheers.’

They raised their glasses.

‘When does the bus go?’

‘Half past,’ Anna said. ‘Take a taxi. We can pay for it.’

‘Taxi? When I can take the bus? What a silly idea. And in any case, it’s fun. Always some tipsy teenagers who get up to give me a seat. And then I can sit there and listen to them talk about their dramas. All their feelings on the outside. It energises me just to hear them.’

‘You’re joking?’

‘Not at all. Today’s teenagers are very well brought up. Anyone who says otherwise is just frightened, but doesn’t know what of.’

‘Okay, as you like,’ Anna said. ‘But I’ll come to the bus stop with you.’

The air was cool and moist, the wind was soughing in the treetops along Landborgen. Anna and Kathrine walked arm in arm. Anna hoped that it was a tradition that would be passed on to the next generation.

‘Was everything okay with Hedda?’ she asked.

‘Just fine. She fell asleep in front of the television, so I carried her to bed. She’s such a lovely girl. You’ve done well by her.’

‘I don’t know that we’ve done anything really. She came ready-made.’

‘I think you can take some of the credit. Is she still riding?’

‘Twice a week. She thinks it’s fun.’

Kathrine nodded.

‘That’s the main thing,’ she said.

They walked in silence, side by side.

‘And you’re having fun too,’ she added. ‘You and Magnus.’

‘Yes,’ Anna confirmed. ‘We can laugh together.’

‘That’s important. That and the sack, and then you can solve most things.’

‘We’re okay on that front too. What happened, it was just… Did you never do something stupid?’

‘Yes.’

‘Do tell.’

‘No, no, never. Strictly off limits.’

They walked past Hedda’s school, which stood deserted in the dark.

‘Empty schools are spooky,’ Anna said. ‘You can hear the echoes of all the break-time voices.’

‘The nights are okay. Sunny summer days are worse.’

‘What do you mean?’

Kathrine shrugged.

‘You always seem to see some poor lonely soul on the swings or the climbing frame, someone with no friends who should really be on the beach. Someone who wants the holidays to end and the automatic social life of school to start again. Children left to look after themselves.’

‘Perhaps,’ Anna agreed.

They sat in the bus shelter. When the bus appeared over the crest of the hill like a lit-up ferry, they got up. Kathrine gave her daughter a hug.

‘Take care,’ she said. ‘And for God’s sake, don’t confess to Magnus. That would be a greater offence than the original one. People share their rubbish whenever they feel like it these days. It’s not good, not for anyone. If you need to talk, call me, promise.’

Anna nodded. Kathrine stroked her cheek.

‘Good, darling,’ she said, and got on to the bus.

Anna stood and watched as her mother made her way down the aisle of the bus, which was full of drunk teenagers ready to party. Just like a fish in water, she thought to herself and raised her hand and waved as the bus accelerated in towards town.

Then her heart flipped.

Erik Månsson was standing on the other side of the road.

‘Damn,’ he said, and crossed the road.

He looked at Anna, who couldn’t make a sound.

‘When’s the next one?’

She stared at him.

‘What are you doing here?’

‘What? Oh, I’ve been to see a friend. When’s the next bus?’

Anna didn’t answer. Erik walked past her into the shelter and ran his finger down the timetable that was hanging there. She looked at him uneasily, tried to find a logical explanation why the man she had slept with suddenly appeared only a block from her house just after midnight.

‘It was the last one, wasn’t it?’ he said, shaking his head.

‘What are you doing here?’

Erik looked at her as if she were stupid.

‘I just said. I was at a friend’s. Why? Can’t I come here? Do you own this part of town?’

‘What’s his name?’

‘Who? My friend? What makes you think it’s a he?’

Erik gave a self-confident laugh.

‘Are you following me?’ Anna asked.

‘Am I what?’

‘You heard,’ Anna said.

He seemed to be more amused than anything else.

‘Why on earth would I follow you? I’ve been to visit a friend.’

‘Who?’

‘Why? Don’t you believe me? He’s called Johan, he lives in one of the white-brick buildings down there. Johan Andersson.’

‘Johan Andersson.’

‘An old friend, married, two kids. Why? What are you doing here?’

‘I live here. You know that. You’ve checked my address.’

‘I mean, what are you doing out here in the middle of the night without a dog or anything?’

‘I was keeping my mum company while she waited for the bus.’

‘Well, she caught it then,’ Erik sighed. ‘Lucky for her.’

‘How old are the children?’

‘Which children?’

‘Your friend’s. You said he had two children.’

‘How old? Three and five.’

‘Called?’

‘Saga and Max. Why?’

He laughed again and shook his head.

‘You really think I’ve come here to do what – to spy on you? Don’t you think you might be exaggerating your own importance just a little?’

Anna didn’t answer.

‘Come on,’ Erik said. ‘You’re making me nervous. Exactly what would I get out of it?’

‘Which one’s oldest?’

‘Which what’s oldest?’

‘Of the children. Mats or Saga?’

‘Mats? His name’s Max. Who would call their kid Mats these days?’ Erik gave a weary sigh and said: ‘She is. The girl’s the oldest.’

‘Saga?’

He gave an irritated single nod.

‘Satisfied?’

Anna relaxed a bit and changed tack.

‘Sorry,’ she said.

‘No worries.’

Erik looked away. Anna reached out and gave him a friendly prod on the shoulder.

‘I didn’t mean to offend you, but I’ve got a family. I love my husband.’

He nodded, with gritted teeth.

‘It’s different for you,’ she added.

He looked at her.

‘What do you know about that?’ he said, almost aggressively, and walked off.

Anna hurried to catch up with him, stopped in front of him and blocked his path.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I really didn’t mean to hurt you.’

He turned his face away like a child who’s been treated unfairly.

‘Erik… please. It was silly of me. I’m sorry.’

He looked at her.

‘Do you know how it feels? You’re making all kinds of accusations. Why would I follow you? Tell me. Why the fuck would I follow you?’

Anna looked at the ground.

‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘It was just such a surprise to see you. I never intended to jump to conclusions.’

‘No, you just did it naturally.’

He took a deep breath.

‘Now, if you’ll excuse me,’ he said. ‘I have to walk back into town. It’s going to take an hour and I’m tired.’

He walked past her. Anna stood there. What she wanted to say was stuck in her throat.

‘You took your time.’

Magnus was in his underpants, with his toothbrush in his mouth.

‘The bus was late,’ Anna said.

Her husband spat the toothpaste out into the sink.

‘Was starting to wonder if something had happened.’

Which is why you’re getting ready to go to bed, Anna thought.

‘Actually tried to ring,’ he added, in an accusing tone.

‘I didn’t have my phone with me.’

‘No, so I heard.’

He dried his mouth on a towel, smiled at Anna.

‘Have to say, your mother is very cool.’

‘Yes, can’t say I don’t agree.’

‘If you’re like that when you get old, I won’t complain.’

Anna smiled and squeezed out some toothpaste. She looked at herself in the mirror as she brushed her teeth. She knew what she looked like inside out, but was blind to how she looked from the outside. Like so many women, she saw only her flaws, her shortcomings, the ultimate abnormalities. She wondered whether Magnus reacted to the skin by her ears, if he concentrated on the crow’s feet around her eyes, the deepening furrows from her nose down to her mouth. Probably not to any great extent.

Anna had talked to Trude and Sissela about the moment when they’d first discovered that they were women. For all of them, it was when men had started to comment on their appearance, and for Anna, it was a boy in high school. He had passed her in the corridor and spontaneously exclaimed,
Nice tits!
as he passed. As if it were the most natural thing in the world to comment on a stranger’s appearance.

Anna looked at them in the mirror and thought to herself that he hadn’t been wrong. In fact, overall, there wasn’t much to complain about.

Erik went to his car, which was parked a block away, and drove home. He hadn’t planned anything, had just thought of observing from a distance. When Anna left the house to walk to the bus stop with her mum, an opportunity opened up.

He didn’t know what he’d expected. If he’d expected anything at all. He had, of course, hoped that she would be pleased to see him, hadn’t imagined otherwise.

Instead she chose to confront him. What was he doing there? Who had he been to see? What were the children called?

He’d managed to pull it off, but her reaction was appalling.

He found a parking place by Norra Hamnen, walked back to the flat and turned on the computer. He knew the video clip off by heart, but still couldn’t get enough of it.

She was theatrical. Women were. It was as if they got their ideals from films. An uncontrollable passion that took over them, an animal instinct that freed them from responsibility and obliterated their guilt. Preferably up against a wall.

Intertwined and half-naked, they appeared in the picture. Kissing and passion, a quick exploration of each other’s bodies, both flattered by mutual desire. The deep sigh of satisfaction when he penetrated her.

Her vulgar torrent of words, how she begged him to go deeper and take her harder, her face that distorted when she came.

It had the same effect every time.

Erik unbuttoned his jeans.