Yours Again (River City Series) (25 page)

Darren
rubbed his fist across his forehead in frustration.

 “I
was protecting her you know. She could have shown a little concern.”

Darren
shook his head like he was scolding a naughty two-year-old.

“Then,
after I saved her life, she had the nerve to say that it was too bad the guy
didn’t shoot me in the mouth.”

“I
h-happen to agree with her.” Darren started toward the door.

“She
never planned to stay, Darren. I just let her off the hook.

Darren
stopped, “Are you really that stupid, big brother?”

Taos
narrowed his eyes at Darren. One of these days he’d learn what women were
really like. “Are you bringing me something to eat?”

“Why
don’t you chew on those big f-feet you keep putting in your mouth?” The door slammed
behind him.

Chapter 28

Samantha
breathed in the cool morning air. God’s first breath, Aunt Mattie would say. Walking
slowly along the path toward the rose garden, she gazed upward as just a
suggestion of light appeared on the horizon, mixing deep lavender and pink in
an awesome display of creation. It wasn’t cold, but she still shivered, hugging
her arms around her waist. She rounded the bend in the creek and stopped.

The
garden was quiet, the air perfectly still. No insects hummed, no birds
twittered in the tree tops, and faint light illuminated the petals of hundreds
of roses like tiny Chinese lanterns. Samantha stared, soaking in the scene. She
wanted to remember the color of each blossom, the turn of every twig, the
awesome presence of peace. She willed the sight to be permanently rooted in her
brain. It held more beauty than any place she had ever been, and more pain than
any place she could ever imagine.

As
the light grew and painted the sky, a faint yellow-pink hue illuminated the
tiny angel statue inch by inch. The fabric of Samantha’s skirt clung to the
tiny rose thorns as she approached. Kneeling, she softly ran her hand over the
white stone wings. They were cool to the touch, but warm to her heart. This was
where it had started. Here in this garden, with this one secret. This was where
she started to love Taos. Not the idea of him she’d carried in her heart for
nine years, but the real man he was now. She replayed the many times she and
Taos sparred and jabbed like knights of old with their words. They seemed like
a thousand tiny paper cuts to her soul, each by itself small and insignificant,
but together they left her spirit bloody and bruised.

She
rose and dusted herself off. Aunt Mattie always said that if being wrong about
a man was a crime, then half the female gender would be in the slammer. The
problem was she didn’t feel like she had been wrong. It felt like they were
still connected even if the love was mostly on her part.

“I
may be going, but I ’m afraid my heart won’t be coming with me.” Just saying it
out loud, made it seem so final. There was always a way, she knew, if the
want
was there, but she honestly couldn’t see it this time. A brick wall had
sprouted between them, where a clear path had stood just days ago. Her efforts
had proven futile and she was out of ideas and out of hope as Taos had
retreated into his shell again. Her shoulders slumped as she turned to leave.

A
slight breeze stirred the bushes and the tinkling soft sound of a baby laughing
washed over her. She smiled. Maybe she was crazy, but she suddenly felt lighter
and reassured. “If something’s going to change I’m going to need some help.”
The sound faded into the rustling tress and she straightened her shoulders and walked
toward the house.

Darren
loaded Jake’s old trunk full of Samantha’s things into the wagon as she pulled
on her gloves.

“You
don’t have to go.” He paused and looked at her. “He didn’t mean it you know.”

“He
said it, and this one time I’m going to give him what he wants.” She glanced
toward the barn where Taos had hidden all morning. “He’s done a great deal for
me, and the least I can do at this point is to honor his request.”

Darren
shook his head as he loaded the last box into the wagon. “Does he know you’re
just going to your cabin?”

“No,
but it doesn’t matter. I need time to think, and whether I go to Boston today
or a week from today doesn’t matter. I won’t be Taos’s problem anymore.”

“Where’s
Tommy?”

“We
already said our goodbyes. I told him he was welcome to come see me over at the
cabin anytime he wants. That goes for you too, you know.”

Darren
opened his arms to accept her hug. Maybe he was getting better at this, ’cause
this wasn’t bad at all. In fact he was sorry when she let go. He helped her
into the wagon and glanced toward the barn. He knew Taos was watching, but
refused to make any appearance.

“Coward.”
Darren grumbled as he disengaged the brake.

Samantha
sat ramrod straight in the wagon and refused to turn and look for him, even
though every muscle in her body yearned to do so.

Taos
stood in the shadows of the barn until they were out of sight. She didn’t look
back, even seemed pleased about going. He went back to the house. It was quiet
and very empty. Heavy boots scraping along the floor were the only sound as he
wandered upstairs and walked down the hall. He leaned against the door jamb to
her room. Her presence still pervaded the room, like she had just stepped out
of the room, not out of his life. He sat gingerly on the edge of the bed, then
laid back and stared at the ceiling. His long legs dangled off the side of the
bed. Her sweet scent still clung to the linens. He didn’t really think she
would leave, not without saying a word—or two or three. He expected a fight, or
at least a struggle. She had given up without even a whimper. It seemed there
was some invisible line in the sand that he crossed and she just let him.

He
lay on the bed for what seemed hours, then eventually made his way to the study
and the bottle. That's where he was when Charlie came home.

“You
drinkin’ that or just watching it?” He dropped into a chair opposite the desk
and whacked his hat on one thin knee, raising a small cloud of dust.

Taos
swirled the amber liquid for the hundredth time and ignored the question.

“You
know she’s over at her place, right?”

He
nodded. Tommy couldn’t keep a secret if his life depended on it. Taos was
relieved she wasn’t completely gone yet, but still it was just a matter of
time.

“So?
Are you going to go get her?” Charlie asked.

“Nobody
can make Sammy do anything she doesn’t want to do.” He let that sink in. “If
she wants to come back, she will.”

“You’re
an idiot.” Charlie gave a disgusted sigh and stomped from the office.

He
had no idea what to say to her anyway, and even if she came back she’d just
leave again. He really didn’t like the idea of her staying at the cabin alone
though. While Lawson wasn’t a threat anymore, a woman alone in a remote cabin
wasn’t a good thing either. He just hadn’t figured out how to handle that part
of it yet.

He
stood and grabbed his hat on the way out. The only thing to do was go back to
work. At least there was something he was still good at.

Chapter 29

Samantha
stared into the fire and sipped a cup of tea. It was the morning of the twenty-third
day since she’d packed up and left Taos. The cabin had been a refuge the last
few weeks, but still, she didn’t sleep at night. She told herself it was
because she wasn’t used to being completely alone, but that wasn’t really the
truth. The second she closed her eyes all she saw was him. His smile, his
touch, the sound of his voice.

Darren,
Charlie, and Tommy visited regularly and often had dinner at her house. She
loved having them over, but no matter what they always asked when she was
coming home. She’d run out of excuses, and now things were just plain
complicated.

She
knew Taos watched over the cabin. On occasion she’d seen him ride by at a
distance, and she felt his gaze many times even when she couldn’t see him. But
not once had he come close enough to speak to her. It convinced her that she’d
been right to leave. He might still feel responsible for her in some way, but
he didn’t want her around.

The
first week she’d cried. The whole week. Every day. Eventually the tears had
slowed but even now, weeks later, they would creep up on her every so often at
the most unexpected times. Samantha was thoroughly and utterly heartbroken. She
spent countless hours staring out the window at her mother’s headstone. Her
mother had died of a broken heart and Samantha could never understand it. She
could never understand the kind of love that could make a woman choose death
over life. Unfortunately, now she did. There is pain much worse than actually
dying, and only now could she understand how devastated her mother had been
when her father was killed.

The
weather had turned and the first flakes of snow were falling. She had to make a
decision soon. It wasn’t practical to stay here alone during the harsh mountain
winter, but so far she’d clung to some sort of hope that things would work out.
Now, even that seemed farfetched.

A
knock at the door dragged her from her thoughts. Charlie said he was bringing
her a surprise this morning, but she had no idea what. She swung the door wide
open. Standing on her porch was Mattie.

“Sweetheart!”
Mattie rushed toward Samantha with open arms and the women clutched one another,
laughing and crying.

The
sweet scent of lilac and lavender filled Samantha’s senses like a favorite
memory. She held Mattie at arm’s length and grinned through her tears. “You are
the best thing I’ve seen in such a long time!”

The
petite woman placed her hands on her hips and gave her head a saucy toss. “Watch
the flattery, honey. You know it goes straight to my head!” They laughed again.
“You look tired.”

Samantha
nodded and ran a hand through her hair. She felt like a piece of old wadded
newspaper.

“It’s
more than that, isn’t it?” Mattie’s discerning eyes sliced through the brave
front.

Samantha
whispered. “My heart is tired.”

  “Now
that
requires some explanation. Paul can make us some tea and we’ll
talk.”

Samantha
spotted Paul carrying Mattie’s luggage toward the cabin. Once Charlie had them settled
Samantha gave him a big hug.

“Thank
you so much, Charlie!”

 “No
problem, honey. Just let me know if I can do anything else for you.” He smiled and
left, giving the women the time to get reacquainted.

Paul
busied himself making tea, and Mattie sat on the bench in front of the windows
with Samantha.

They
sat in silence for a while, taking in the glorious view of the mountains until
Paul brought their tea.

“What
happened?”

Samantha’s
cup rattled slightly as she sat it down. Mattie was nothing if not direct. “Where
do you want me to begin?”

“At
the beginning, of course.”

The
story trickled at first, then gained strength until it became a torrent of
emotional rapids. Mattie grinned as Samantha told of being tied up and “rescued”
by Taos, then went into a full belly laugh at her description of the “instruction”
under Cinnamon’s tutelage. Tommy’s swim lesson, the rose garden. Everything
leapt forward. As Samantha talked, Mattie watched her closely. She could almost
put her finger on the moment she realized Samantha was desperately in love with
Taos. The girl’s voice softened and her eyes took on a faraway expression. Mattie
remembered that feeling well. It was like warm honey flowing over your heart.

“Oh,
and by the way,” Samantha narrowed her eyes at her aunt. “Why didn’t you tell
me I was married?”

It
was Mattie’s turn to squirm. “Well, there wasn’t time. You had to go so
suddenly.”

“I
mean before that.”

“I
was going to, but the time never seemed right. It was just a paperwork snafu
anyway.”

“That’s
no excuse.”

Mattie
leaned forward and waited until Samantha leaned toward her. “Sweetheart,” she
whispered. “You’re a married woman.”

She
grinned smugly at the frown Samantha wore. “There. I’ve told you. Does that
make you happy?”

The
woman’s smile was infectious and Samantha couldn’t help herself. “Yes, that
makes me happy.” She paused and took another sip of tea. “Or, at least it did.”

“Would
you have married him anyway?”

Samantha
laughed, “Yes. I almost did.”

“When
was this?”

“Shortly
after John Lawson showed up. Taos asked me—no, make that
told
me
—that
we had to get married. So he dragged the preacher over to the whorehouse . . .”

“He
what?!” Mattie choked on her tea. “You better start over.”

Samantha
recounted every detail as Mattie dabbed tears of laughter from the corners of
her eyes. Lawson’s mad dash to the outhouse had Mattie begging Samantha to
stop.

“I
declare, my stomach’s going to be sore for a week! I don’t think I ever laughed
so much in my whole life.” She waved a white handkerchief to fan her face as
Samantha grew quiet.

They
sat in silence until finally Mattie asked, “Do you regret what happened?”

The
question surprised Samantha, and a quick answer was on the tip of her tongue,
but she couldn't let it go. Did she regret it?

“Well?”

Samantha
sat her cup on the table. “I was just about to say yes, but that wouldn’t be
true.”

Mattie
waited as the girl organized her thoughts.

“You
wouldn’t think it would be very pleasant to be tied up and gagged, kidnapped,
rescued again, and forced to the point of marriage, but it changed me somehow.”
She met her aunt’s knowing eyes. “If I could redo the whole thing, the only
thing I would change would be the last day.”

“When
he told you to go?”

“Yes.
I only left because I thought he would come after me.”

“That’s
a very dangerous game, Samantha. What if he doesn’t?”

“I
don’t know. I just don’t know.” But she did know. This wasn’t home anymore, he
was home.

Mattie
poured more tea for them and they both enjoyed the evening. It was astonishing to
Mattie that Samantha had left Boston a few months ago a head strong girl and had
suddenly become a grown woman. She knew Samantha would go to him, she had to. The
older woman smiled to herself. Of course, if that boy had any sense he would be
on her doorstep on his knees.

Chapter 30

The
bright sunlight of early morning cast a tall shadow as Taos marched toward the
hotel in town. He’d come to pick up a very special item from the mercantile and
wanted to stop and have something to eat before heading home. He missed
Samantha in every way possible and had taken to avoiding his house. A lot. He
worked, but even much of that time he spent riding near her cabin hoping to
catch just a glimpse of her now and then. He didn’t really sleep much these
days, and he definitely drank way too much.

He’d
lost weight, and meal times were especially hard. His brothers and son ate with
Samantha several times a week, but he knew he wasn’t invited. Well, she
probably wouldn’t refuse to feed him if he showed up. She fed every stray. But
he knew he couldn’t be around her and not sweep her into his arms, whether she
wanted him to or not.

Actually
he’d considered doing just that. His kisses had melted her heart before, but
this time was different. If he pushed her too far she just might run all the
way to Boston, and he couldn’t even think what his life would be like then.

“Going
somewhere, Mr. Williams?” Mavis strolled up beside him, having to double step
to keep up with him.

“Yup.”
He kept walking. He needed to think, not talk. His politeness was forced. “You
going somewhere?”

She
nodded. “Going for a quick bite before I catch the stage to Cimarron at 9:15.”

He
stopped in front of the hotel restaurant. Damn, they were really busy this
morning. People waited on benches just inside. He decided to wait outside to
avoid them as much as possible. “Don’t you want to wait inside with the
others?” He asked Mavis. Maybe she would take the hint.

She
smiled. “I create enough talk without having to be within earshot of it.”

He
snorted. “Bet that’s right.” It was out of his mouth before he realized it. He
abruptly faced her. “I mean, uh . . . I mean I didn’t mean anything . . .”

She
let him stumble through the half apology. “That’s quite alright. When the day
comes that I don’t stir up talk, then I’ll be upset.”

“Yes
Ma’am.” He shuffled his feet, trying not to smile.

A
strong wind swirled snowflakes around them.

Mavis
frowned, “Well, unfortunately it looks like I’ll have to brave the crowd or
freeze to death.”

He
nodded his agreement and stepped inside as well.

The
hostess sat people wherever there was an empty seat and Taos surveyed the
possibilities. It was either a woman with a hat that looked as if it contained half
a dead flower garden or a salesman with his suitcase of wares within easy reach
to pitch to his dinner mate. The hostess was completely distracted, trying to
figure out what to do with Mavis. It was a touchy situation because they
couldn’t seat the town madam with just anyone. Taos spotted a couple getting up
from a table and motioned for Mavis to join him.

“To
what do I owe that very timely rescue, Mr. Williams?”  

“Desperation.”

She
glanced over at the woman with the strange hat. “Too bad you didn’t choose her.
You could have at least discovered what milk cow she got that hat off of.”

Taos
grinned, then laughed out loud. Several people turned and stared.

Mavis
glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. “Mr. Williams, I believe you were
in need of a good laugh.”

“Yes,
ma’am, I was.” He twirled his hat in his hand. “So you’re on your way to
Cimarron today?”

Her
eyes scanned the patrons and she lowered her voice. “Yes, I have to see an old
friend.”

“I
didn’t think y’all made house calls.”

“We
don’t.” She paused, “But now that I think about it, there might be a market for
such a thing.” She winked at him. “I’ll think about it.” She smoothed her navy
silk dress across her knees. “Actually, it concerns one of my daughters.”

“Daughters?
I thought there was just Cinnamon.”

“No,
there is another one. What about you?”

Taos
took the hint to let it go. “I had to pick up something over at the mercantile
and then I’m heading home.”

“You’re
not going to see Samantha?”

Of
course she knew. Everyone in town knew Samantha had left him. The silence
lengthened between them.

They
ordered their meal and the waitress brought them coffee.

“You
know, there was a time when I had a chance to choose.” Mavis focused out the
window. “I was young and stubborn, and I thought that to love someone was weak,
and needy, and I wanted no part of it.”

She
definitely had his attention.

“I
thought independence was everything.”

He
nodded. He prized his own independence highly, and so did Sammy as far as that
goes.

“I
wanted to take care of myself and not feel obligated to anyone, so I did and
I’m not.”

He
had to admire her spunk, if not her chosen profession. “Then you got what you
wanted.”

After
a minute she sighed. “Yes and no.”

He
hated it when women talked in circles. “It can’t be yes and no. It has to be
one or the other.”

“Life
isn’t that simple, Taos. That’s why there’s that old saying about be careful
what you wish for. Oh, I’m certainly independent, but also quite lonely.”

“You
have lots of, um, friends.”

“That’s
business, and knowing what I know now, I would trade it all for the privilege
to love and be loved by one man.”