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With his thumb, he flicked my swollen clit. I choked back a cry and arched against him. His hand pressed tight against me under my panties. I shook my head from side to side, my eyes clenched shut. Everything in me was clenched, it seemed. I was on tiptoe, unable to avoid his touch. His fingers probed, exploring, and I gasped in my breaths. The air in the cell was so hot. Stifling hot.

“Please—”

But I didn’t know what I was asking him for. I couldn’t speak, my mind wasn’t coherent, and his strokes began to come faster, with more pressure. The coil wound tight, wound around my chest, around my legs. My arms were stretched taut against the chains and I still didn’t open my eyes. I couldn’t. His fingers pressed and stroked, avoiding the one spot that ached the worst.

“Beautiful, beautiful Jessica. I want you to obey me, darling.”

The throbbing between my thighs was unbearable. Still, I managed to gasp a breath.

“
No.
”

Then his lips touched my neck again. I whipped my head around, but his hand came up around my throat and stopped me from moving. His thumb pressed against my throat, right at the base of my collarbone, as his other thumb ran teasingly around my swollen clit.

He licked me. His tongue was hot against my skin, the whole room was hot, and I was dizzy beyond anything I’d ever imagined. It wasn’t just the air, or the heat. It was the uncontrollable desire that wracked my body that I fought against with every piece of my being.

But my body would not listen. As his thumb circled closer to my aching core, sparks of pure need fired through my system. My body arched, jerking my hips involuntarily as he stroked me. My panties were soaked. My breath came in short gasping bursts. And still he wound the coil inside me tighter and tighter.

“Obey me,” he said. He repeated the words over and over, and as he said them, his fingers began to curl into me, stroking at the same rhythm as his words. “
Obey me. Obey me
.”

No.

I could no longer tell if I spoke aloud or just imagined the words. Everything was so hot and I was so, so dizzy. The throbbing need working its way through my body made my mouth dry even as my thighs were soaked wet and slippery.

“
Obey me.
”

His fingers worked me roughly, coiling the loop inside of me tighter and tighter. I swayed into his touch, wanting everything and hating myself for it. I was so close—so close—

Then he pulled his hand back, and I cried out.

He brought his hand up and grasped my chin. My lips parted as his thumb brushed across my bottom lip. I tasted myself, salty and slick on his fingers. Then his tongue pressed against my neck just under my ear, and he sucked hard. Shivers burst through my body and I moaned.

“You want me to touch you again?” he asked. I couldn’t even shake my head at him. His body was against mine, and I could feel his cock on the small of my back, pressing hard. It was the only consolation I had - that no matter how much he made me ache with desire, I was having the same effect on him.

“Kneel
,” he said.

The rasping sound that tore from my throat wasn’t a word. I wrenched away from him, but he only took it as encouragement. With renewed vigor, he thrust his hand between my thighs and forced me open.

“Please
!”

His hand sawed back and forth slowly, deliberately, dragging skin across skin in a terrible friction that sent me into tremoring shocks. His tongue was on my throat, his teeth gripping my earlobe, his lips hot and wanting.

“Oh, you want this, you beautiful girl. You need it, don’t you? Kneel, my darling. Kneel.”

The terrible truth was that he was right. I needed what he had to offer, and without another word I let my weight sink against his hand. My hips thrust forward and back, seeking release. The coil inside me was vibrating with tension. I needed release so badly, needed his hand against me. He had pulled me to the brink of ecstasy, and I desperately wanted him to push me over the edge. I let my body fall against his hand, and as I fell forward, he eased me down to my knees. Then, before I could throw myself over the edge into bliss, he yanked his hand away from me.

The sound I made was halfway between a cry and a moan.

“Good girl,” he said.

“
No
—” I gasped. The ache inside of me was throbbing so hard I could barely breathe. I needed release.

“You did well,” he said, stepping back. His hands left a cold shadow on my skin when they were gone. The floor was cold and hard under my knees. I gulped air, but it was not enough. My legs pressed together and I clenched hard, but the ache inside me did not go away. He had led me to the edge and left me there, dangling. Unfulfilled.

“No,” I said dumbly.
“Please…”

“Do you want me to make you come?”

The words were so blunt that they came like a slap to the face. I would never admit to it. How could I admit that I needed something like that from this monster?

He waited for only a second, and then that slow smile came over his face. His teeth, white and perfect, like the teeth of the Cheshire Cat shining out of the darkness.

As he stepped over my chains in front of me, his icy blue stare made me shiver. His face was calmly amused. He had been using me, manipulating me. I couldn’t stand it.

“Fuck you,” I seethed. All of my need turned into bright anger. “Fuck you, you bastard!”

His smile turned into a low laugh. He knelt down then in front of me, so that we were face to face. He caressed my cheek with one hand. I pulled away from him, and he let me go, still laughing.

“You need me, darling,” he said. “You don’t know how much you need me. Next time, you kneel right away. Then I’ll give you what you want.”

“I don’t—I don’t want—”

“Of course you don’t want it. You hate me. Is that it?”

I stared up at him dizzily. Blinding hate, yes. That’s what this was. Nothing else. How could he be anything other than a monster?

“Listen, darling. Listen to me.”

His hand grasped my chin and he forced me to look at him. I gritted my teeth. The morning sun was shining in his eyes. The light seemed to pierce through the irises all the way to the bottom, reflecting the clearest, purest blue. It was the blue of the sky. In that instant, I wondered if I would ever see sky again.

He seemed to read my thoughts. His hand softened under my chin, stroking my jawline.

“There’s no way out but through me. Give me what I need, and I’ll give you what you need. Even if you hate what you need. I’m not here to judge you.”

My mouth opened, but no words came. He had no idea what he’d said to me, how it would affect me. Tears suddenly stung the backs of my eyes.

There was such gentleness to him, a kind of gentleness that I’d never gotten from anyone. Not from my friends, not from my parents. Not from myself.

I’m not here to judge you.

Then there was a moment between us that made me think that something else was going on, something behind the scenes. A tension in the air, as though he was reaching out to me and hoping that I would see it, invisible though it was. The space between us crackled with unspoken words. And the thought came to mind unbidden:
He’s not a monster
.

He stood abruptly, as if he’d said too much. The chains rattled, and my arms were pulled taut. I did not even look to see him leave. When the iron door slammed shut, I was already crying.

Chapter Nineteen

Vale

That morning had taken all of the energy out of me and left me hollow. Jessica had knelt, finally.

Instead of being satisfied, though, I was intensely disturbed. Disturbed that she had so much power over my emotions. Disturbed that she seemed to want me, even after everything I had done.

I’d gone back to my room and jerked off in the shower, and afterwards I hated myself more than ever. I was torturing the poor girl, using her feelings for me against her. She had tried so hard to resist, but I’d broken her down. She was right. I was a monster.

But I was a monster who was going to complete this mission, no matter what I had to do.

I spent the day exploring El Alfa’s compound to scout out the layout of the house. I expected to be stopped by the guards, but none of them seemed to even notice me. I supposed that by killing the boy, I had gained the trust of everyone in El Alfa’s circle. The realization didn’t stop the darkness from winding around my heart, though.

El Alfa himself didn’t reappear until that evening. David, who I guessed was his main henchman, called me into dinner at five o’clock and led me to a grand dining hall.

A long oak table stretched down the room under the vaulted ceiling. There were a few men already seated at the table, mostly Mexicans, all in business suits. Behind them, a column of girls stood at attention. One of them stepped forward at the lift of a hand to pour more wine into a businessman’s glass.

El Alfa sat at the head of the table, and there was an empty seat right next to him. As I came closer, I realized that Valentina was there, on the floor. Kneeling.

I sat down, being careful not to hit her with the chair as I pulled it out. Two of the other girls came forward. One of them pushed my chair back in as I sat. The other shook out a cream-colored cloth napkin and laid it on my lap. Then they both stepped away, and the girl with the urn of wine came forward to pour for me.

Throughout all of this, Valentine never moved once. Her hands were stretched in front of her, palms up. Her forehead hovered just above the floor. And despite all of the feet around her, she stayed perfectly still.

“Welcome, my friend,” El Alfa said. “Did you sleep well last night?”

“Fine,” I said.

“You must have been desperate to want to work for me.”

“Not at all.”

“No?”

“I enjoy this kind of work,” I lied.

“Killing?”

My eyes flicked up to the camera mounted to the wall. I wanted El Alfa to think he had me running scared. I pretended to be nervous as I picked up my glass of wine and took a gulp.

“No,” I said, after a moment of fake hesitation. “I enjoy training.”

“Excellent. Let’s see how you did with the girl.”

“The girl?”

I jerked my head up from my wineglass.

“She’s not ready yet,” I said.

Not ready? That was an understatement if I’d ever made one. If El Alfa went to go see Jessica, she’d be just as likely to spit in his face as to kneel.

“Still,” El Alfa said smoothly. “We must see some progress.”

He snapped his finger, and David left the dining hall, a sick smile on his face. I composed my face in a neutral expression, even as worry surged up in my throat. If he saw how disobedient Jessica was, he would surely torture her.

Why did I care? I was here for one reason only: to get close to El Alfa so I could kill him. The girl meant nothing to me.

That’s not true.

Why? Why was I so worried for her? It was her fault if she got hurt, wasn’t it? And yet, as we waited for the henchman to bring her up, I felt panic begin to creep in at the edges. I fought the emotion. Breathe in, breathe out. Control. Why was it so hard?

Because you chose her.

It wasn’t my fault, not at all. And yet I felt a stupidly strong sense of possession. I’d picked her, and now she was here, and I was responsible for her. When the door opened and the henchman came in, pulling her by her cuffs, I couldn’t help but swallow back a lump of anger in my throat. Her lip was bleeding. It was a fresh wound. I looked at David as he jerked her to El Alfa’s side, where Valentina was still poised on the floor, but he didn’t meet my eyes.

“Kneel,” El Alfa said.

For one terrible moment, I thought she wasn’t going to do it. She caught my eye, and I felt a surge of panic break through my control. For a split second only. My fist clenched my glass of wine, and I thought that she would be killed right then and there.

But no. She sank down almost immediately to her knees, falling down hard onto the floor. And—God bless her—I hadn’t taught her anything else, but she copied Valentina nearly perfectly. Her hands came out in front of her, palms up. Her head was bent to the ground.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

“You’ve done well,” El Alfa said. “Quick work. Not perfect, but that will come.”

He licked his bottom lip.

“Stand, girl,” he said. As quick as she had knelt, Jessica stood up. Her face was blank. Her eyes stared straight ahead. The cut on her lip dripped a trickle of blood down her chin, but she made no effort to wipe it off. El Alfa frowned.

“Why is she cut?”

David shifted his weight from one foot to another. But El Alfa was speaking to me.

“I don’t like it when their faces are ruined. It makes them less valuable. I told you this. You cut her—”

“I didn’t.”

El Alfa wasn’t used to being interrupted. His eyes flashed darkly.

“Excuse me,” I said, apologizing with my tone as well as my words. “David must have misunderstood your orders. She was not cut this morning when I left her.”

I let a hint of irritation come into my voice.

“I thought you said she was mine.”

With that last sentence, I clasped my hands together. Obediently. I was the good one, the obedient one.

El Alfa looked over to David, who shifted his weight back again. When he spoke, his voice was a stammer.

“I didn’t mean to. You— you understand,” David said. “When I went down to get her, she didn’t—she was very uncooperative. There wasn’t any other way.”

El Alfa glanced over at Jessica, standing still next to the table. Her eyes were fixed ahead onto the wall.

“She looks quite cooperative to me,” he said drily.

“But—”

“Do you disagree?”

El Alfa waited for David’s response, the chicken bone held tensely in his fingers. He bent the bone suddenly with his thumb, so hard that the bone cracked and splintered. David’s shoulders jerked back.

“No, of course not, El Alfa.”

El Alfa turned back to me. His face was hard set.