Yours Truly (30 page)

M
orag opens the door, her face is all flush
ed.

“
Oh, love. Oh, poor love. I’m ever so sorry.
”

Barney appears from the hall. He doesn’t look in the least bit sorry. In fact, he looks positively thrilled.

“
What on earth happened?
”
I ask, my voice trembling.

“
Oh, lass. Don’t get so worked up,
”
Barney dismisses.
“
This is just the nature of news! You have to give the public what they want.
”

His voice has a patronising edge. He no longer looks like a cuddly old Yorkshire man. He looks like…
he looks like a shark!

“
You did it on purpose?
”

“
Ah, don’t be naïve! This way the story will get lots more attention. It’ll probably get picked up regionally, nationally even! Far more chance that someone will find Brian.
”

I start to sob openly. I’m pretty sure that there’s a snot bubble poking out of my left nostril.

“
I don’t need Brian anymore!
”
I half shout
,
half bawl.
“
Thanks to you Olly has called off the wedding! He’s called the whole thing off! It doesn’t matter what happens now!
”

A flicker of guilt flashes over Barney’s face. Morag shakes her head sadly.

“
Come in, love.
”
She opens the door wider.
“
Let’s sort this out. There’s already been some phone calls. Barney might be a git, but… he might also be right.
”

I shake my head. I don’t want to sort this out. There is nothing to sort out.

I kick at the snow roughly and turn on my heel.

Fuck this.

I’ve been stomping through the snow for half an hour. And now I’m lost. It wouldn’t be so bad, but everything is covered in white. There are no distinguishing features around. No buildings, no post boxes, nothing.

I stand in the middle of nowhere and peer around at my surroundings. I’m getting cold now.

I shiver and look behind me. Where did I turn? Which way did I come from?

I feel like Dorothy from
The Wizard of Oz
as I struggle to make the decision to turn left or right. If only there was a creepy scarecrow to assist.

I sigh and decide on left.

After another ten minutes I realise that left was wrong. I come to an area full of gnarled looking bare trees. I stride through, fighting my way through branches and twigs. A few of them poke through my cardigan. No doubt they'll leave a scratch.

All of a sudden I come out of a clearing and to what looks like a waterfall. Only – oh my goodness - it’s frozen.

I amble over slowly, taking it all in. Oh my gosh. It
is
a frozen waterfall!

It’s incredible. Solid and crystal clear, as if someone pressed pause on the water flow and it has been flawlessly captured in its descent.

I have a memory of looking on the map the first time Meg and I were driving here. There was a waterfall…
what was it called?

Truth Springs. That’s it. How bloody apt.

That seems like so long ago now.

I stand in the bitter cold, the complete lack of noise hurting my ears, and
wonder whether to make a wish.

Can you even make wishes on a waterfall? Surely it’s just wishing wells and fountains, but right now, I could really do with a wish. And this here is a frozen waterfall. It's not every
day you get to see a frozen waterfall.

Pulling my blue Aran cardigan more tightly around my shoulders I brush some twigs off a crooked overturned log and sink onto it. Exhaling long and loud, I watch as a misty cloud forms in front of me and then dissolves as if it were never there .

I've managed to stop crying, which is a good thing. I've never shed so many tears in one sob session before. Any more and I'm pretty sure they would have started to freeze into icicles.

I tremble slightly and gaze at the frozen waterfall, taking in the way the formations of ice look like turrets on some kind of enchanted ice castle. Wow.

I close my eyes and I wish.

I wish that Olly would forgive me for the awful stuff that I said.

I wish that Barney Braithwaite could be trusted.

I wish that Brian would come back and fix what he has broken.

I wish that I’d never said those horrible things to Mum. My poor mum.

I wish that it will all be okay.

I wish that my hair was better.

I wish that I had the courage to follow through on my dreams, like Meg.

I cross my fingers and I wish and wish with all of my weary heart.

In the moment that I make my wish a tiny robin redbreast flies out from the trees, sails across the waterfall and lands swiftly onto the log beside me.

“
Hello?
”
I whisper, not wanting to frighten it away. I stare as the robin shuffles its wings and dips it’s head down to taste the snow.

“
You're a handsome fellow.
”
I murmur, jolted by how the sound of my voice seems to muddy up this clean, untainted silence.

My heart quickens and trips over itself as the robin scoots further along the log an
d then hops up onto my knee. It
s head twitches as if it's listening out for something. I listen hard too, but there's nothing. It's completely, utterly still.

I look around. Willing someone else to materialise and
witness this, this miracle!

Maybe it's a sign, I think to myself. A sign that everything
is
going to be okay. That my life might be in complete ruins right now but it might just figure itself out.

“
Are you a sign?
”
I whisper again, not quite feeling as daft as I thought I would, you know, having a natter with a bird.

Quite unexpectedly, the robin cheeps. It's a high pitched, clear, beautiful sound.

It hops off my knee and darts behind me. I spin around to watch it. It pauses for a second, twitches its head back at me, and then flies upwards, circling for a few moments before disappearing into the leaden sky.

“
Bye then Mr Robin.
”

I get up from the log and stretch out my legs. Tentatively, I step into the area of woods that the robin has just flown away from. I cast a glance over my shoulder and take one last long look at the waterfall. It may have stopped for now, frozen and stuck right in the middle of its journey to the river. But soon, spring will arrive and the waterfall will flow again, naturally confident of its purpose, where it's going and where it's supposed to end up.

I wonder if spring will come for me too.

Where will I end up?

I walk forward, through the tall, barren trees. One hundred percent sure that a solitary little robin has shown me the way to get home.

I don’t speak to anyone for the rest of the afternoon; I just sit in my room at The Old Whimsy (I’ve moved from Riley’s bedroom to upstairs), look out at the snow, reread Olly’s text message over and over, and get irritated at the
fact that I’m unable to sleep -
the only thing I actually feel like doing.

At about five o'clock Dionne and Meg burst in, looking to stage some kind of cheer me up intervention.

In the middle of them listing all the reasons why it’s not all bad, I silently take my phone from beside me on the bed, find the text message and hand the phone over to Meg. That pisses on their chips.

Meg puts her hand to her chest while she’s reading Olly's message.

“
Shit. Oh Natty.
”

Dionne grabs the phone from her.
“
Gimme!
”

Her eyes widen and she tuts.
“
He can’t do that! He can’t call off the wedding!
”

“
He did,
”
I say wearily.
“
And he had every right to.
”

“
But…
but all my hard work! All Mum’s hard work!
”

I glare at her, willing her to hear the stupidness of what she’s just said, but she doesn’t.

“
It wasn’t even that bad, what you said on the radio. I mean, obviously he’s like, embarrassed or whatever, but to call everything off! What a selfish git. Does he have any clue how much time I’ve spent on this? How long it took Bull to find that swan cake? What I had to do to
-
”

“
Shut Up Dionne!
”
I cry, unable to take anymore.
“
Just…
shut up!
”

She jumps, like I’ve punched her. I’ve never raised my voice to her. No matter how many times I’ve wanted to, I never have. To her credit she shuts up at once. I instantly feel bad. I should apologise, but I don’t get chance.

“
I can see I’m totally not needed here,
”
she pouts.

“
Dionne, I’m -
”

“
No. No need. I’m, like, out of here.
”

She stalks out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

“
Aaaaaargh!
”

I put my head in my hands and exhale slowly.

I’m so, so tired.

“
Come on, now,
”
Meg says putting her arms around me and pulling me into a hug.

“
It’s all ruined,
”
I cry.
“
It’s finished. I’m stuck here. Olly’s dumped me. I just continue to upset people and Brian’s still missing. It’s all sodding ruined.
”

Meg places her hand under my chin and gently lifts my head up.

“
It’s ruined today. That’s all. Just today.
”

“
What am I supposed to do?
”

She puffs her cheeks out.
“
I honestly don’t know, pet. Wait it out… Wait for him to cool down…
”

“
What if he doesn’t?
”

Our whole relationship, just…
poof! Dissolved because of a stupid radio interview. That can’t be it.

Meg shrugs again.
“
I think you need a drink.
”

That observation is the most appealing thing that has happened all day.

“
I think I do.
”

“
It’s the barn dance tonight.
”

“
Oh crap. I agreed to help Riley with the food. He must be wondering where I am. I'm such a bloody let down!
”

“
He’ll understand, I’m sure. Come on. Come up to my room, have a shower, we’ll get dressed all sexy and do our hair. And then we’ll go to a barn dance and drink lots and let loose a bit.
”

We look at each other for a few moments, the very notion of what is happening, the fact that my wedding has been called off, we’re stuck in a nowhere village and are now attending a barn dance, too peculiar to bear.

Then Meg does this huge over exaggerated sad shrug. Like she's at a
n
absolute, complete loss for what to say or do in this, the most unexpected of life situations.

The expression on her face is ridiculous, and despite the fact that I want to bawl and blub, a little laugh trickles out instead.

Meg jumps at the noise, pressing her hand to her chest in fright. And then she laughs too. It comes out like horn, in one loud blast. Her face creases with mirth, her eyebrows dropping low as she cracks up. That sets me off properly and I snort. We look at each other again and before I know what’s happening we’re rolling around on the bed, spluttering with laughter.
T
here are tears streaming down our faces.

“
Oh Nohohohohoh!
”
I collapse, clutching my stomach.
“
This is just tohohohohohhoo weird!
”

As we laugh like loons the door bursts open and Dionne is standing there, her hair in rollers and her face as much like thunder as it’s possible to get with all that Botox in there.

“
Well I’m glad you find this all sooooo hilarious,
”
she snarls before storming out.