Yuletide Cowboy (10 page)

L
ynn walked beside Chance as they followed the boys through the woods on the Turner ranch. Her thoughts were distracted. When Chance had put one arm around her and looked into her eyes her world had begun to spin. She'd been thinking about him before he got there. Ever since he'd played with her boys in that tree house, she'd been thinking about it—how her boys were on the safe side, with Chance in between them and the edge. It had been so easy to see what they were missing. So easy to see what they could have if she were able to fall in love with a good man. Because she knew in that moment in that unfinished tree house, with two sides built and two sides open, that her boys missed having a man in their life to love and protect them.

Walking beside Chance, looking for a Christmas tree, underlined the fact in bold black.

Her boys were missing that because she thought she was enough for them.

But was she? No.

She'd looked into Chance's eyes and wanted him to embrace her like a man in love would do. She'd wanted
him to kiss her…wanted to feel cherished and protected. She'd looked into Chance's eyes and wanted her life to be different. Wanted all the horrible past to have never happened. If it had never happened then there was hope for her—but she wouldn't have her boys. She closed her eyes and sighed, feeling the strength of Chance's embrace. Her past had happened and nothing could make it not so. Her boys were the proof that God could make good from any bad situation. She wouldn't choose a clear past over her sons.

And she and her boys were doing great. That was what she told herself when she'd stepped out of Chance's em brace. It was what she told herself as she'd pretended his touch hadn't affected her.

But it had.

“What about this one?” Gavin yelled. He was standing beside a gigantic cedar tree.

“I think that's a little too big,” Chance called. He was walking beside her as Jack and Gavin bounded from one tree to the next.

“You sure are quiet,” he said.

“Sorry.”

“Is it something I did?”

“No. It's just stuff.”

“Can I help?”

No, he couldn't, because the stuff she was dealing with was knowing Chance Turner was a trustworthy man. He was a man she could trust with all the shattered pieces hidden inside her heart. And yet she couldn't do it. She thought of Sandra and all she'd told her…. She prayed that, like so many of the others, Sandra could become totally free from her past.

Lynn hated admitting that she wasn't free from her own past. Hated admitting that she was more fragile than she wanted to be. But it was true. She wasn't just cracked, she was broken on an emotional level.

“What is bothering you?”

She sighed and was glad for the cold air on her hot cheeks. “My ex was a manipulative man. And though I finally got out, it's been, and still is a struggle. I'm dealing with issues this morning.”

His expression was understanding. And yet she knew he couldn't understand.

“I hope you know you can trust me,” Chance said, as if he'd been reading her mind.

She stopped walking and studied a cedar. It was too small but it gave her something to concentrate on. “I have a hard time trusting men.”

“I know. But I still hope you'll realize you can trust me.”

“My boys are crazy about you. I guess you've figured that out.”

His lips twisted in that pulse-igniting grin of his. “I don't know what I did to garner that honor but I like it.”

“Kids are good judges of character.”

“How about you?”

“Sometimes,” she said, wishing she could say yes, but it wouldn't be true. “I misjudged Drew in the worst possible way and, though I no longer bear the physical signs of that mistake, psychologically I still have issues.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

She pulled her knitted scarf closer around her neck
and shook her head. The kids were squealing in the woods ahead and that was where she wanted to be…not here, where she suddenly wanted more than anything to feel Chance's arms tightly around her. To feel the beat of his heart against her ear. How could she want that so deeply and still be scared to death of him?

She hated this. “You know what—enough.” She inhaled and smiled like she meant it. “We came to find a tree and have a good time and that is what I want to be doing.” She headed toward the laughter ringing through the trees. She was going to have fun and not think about all the dirt from her past. “Today is a great day,” she said, her confidence building.

“Yes, it is. You're a brave woman, Lynn. A strong woman. I'm the first to tell you that I'm having issues of my own, which you are well aware of, so I completely understand what you're saying.”

“I know. It's crazy, isn't it. I know God has gotten me to this point and it's fantastic, considering where I was. Why then can't I get past this moment?”

“Hey, look around at this beautiful place and listen to your children laughing.” He took her hand. “This is a good moment.” He paused, looking up at the treetops while the sound of her children's laughter echoed on the chilly air, and then he smiled at her. “Let's just think about this moment right now.”

He was right. It sounded like a good plan.

 

Planting a smile on her face and in her heart on Saturday morning, Lynn headed to the church. She had to drop by the feed store and pick up some dog food first, and they ran into App and Stanley buying their
weekly bag of sunflower seeds. While she paid for the dog food the two older men and her boys went outside. She watched through the window as they stood on the sidewalk and practiced their sunflower spitting. Boys would be boys no matter what ages.

As soon as she herded Gavin and Jack into the car they began copying the way App and Stanley talked. It never failed after being around them. Thankfully, it
usually
lasted only a few days before they went back to their normal vernacular.

“I ate me some
sunflours,
Momma,” Jack drawled.

“Yup,” Gavin said. “Them thar thangs is the best ta spit.”

She bit her tongue and concentrated on getting to the church. It was less than three weeks till Christmas and practice was starting on the children's Christmas pageant. Like everything else around here, it had been started as a way to get women to come to Mule Hollow. Not just as a matchmaking endeavor but also as a witness with the story of Jesus' birth. Lacy had been in charge and she was always excited about spreading the good news and witnessing to everyone about God's ability to save and redeem. But this year she was due to deliver close to Christmas and had been unable to take charge. It just seemed that one thing after the other had kept folks from stepping up. The Barn Theater, started by Ross and Sugar Ray Denton, was having a Christmas-themed program involving several resident cowboys and cowgirls and so it really didn't seem necessary to have a community pageant. Lynn and several ladies had decided that the children needed a program and so Lynn had volunteered to head that up.

The last person she expected to see when she pulled into the church parking lot was Chance.

“Look, it's Chance!” the boys squealed in unison. They were crazy about the man. Crazy about him.

He was leaning against his pickup with his boots crossed at the ankles, his hat hunkered down low over his eyes against the sparkling winter sunlight. Involuntarily her stomach dropped and she smiled like a schoolgirl, which she certainly was not!

He nudged his hat back and grinned, coming to place his hand on her open door. “I guess I got the time wrong. I showed up thirty minutes ago.”

“What are you doing here?”

“We invited him,” Gavin boasted, jumping out of the backseat. He tilted his head all the way back and grinned up at Chance. “We didn't thank you was actually going to come though.”

Jack jumped from the car. “We shor nuff didn't,” he said, in his App-and-Stanley slang. Okay, so she might have to talk to the boys about copying everything the two older men said.

“Didn't you two tell me your mom needed help?”

Their eyes grew wide as saucers. Gavin spoke first.

“You're not s'posed to tell her that.”

“Why did you tell him that in the first place?”

Jack looked shocked. “But you said you did.”

“I didn't mean—” She got out of the car, where she really felt hemmed-in looking up at Chance from her seat. “Do you really want to help?

He glanced toward the white church. “I do.”

The man confused her. He didn't want to preach right now, he was struggling spiritually and yet he was
volunteering to help with the children's ministry…. It suddenly hit her that maybe this wasn't about her, but was about Chance. Maybe God was using all this for him. Once more she bit her lip and she prayed she'd stop thinking about her own situation and focus on his. Maybe God was going to use this to help Chance refill his well. It wasn't hard to see what a wonderful man he was. Though he was hurting inside, he was still reaching out to help her and now the children.

“Sure. That's great. Follow me to the sanctuary. Boys, do not, and I repeat, do not barrel around the corners of this church and slam into anyone. You may go play on the swing set until everyone starts to arrive but slow down around corners.” The ground had dried up since the morning's rain but it was still moist in places. Although thankfully here at the church there hadn't been anything more than a drizzle. Mud and kids and a church were not a good combination.

“We'll try, Momma,” Gavin said with a heavy sigh, as if trying to control his speed was the largest weight he could possibly bear. Jack had already raced off toward the back of the church. “
Jack Robert Perry,
did you hear me?” she called in her sternest voice. The little tyke put the brakes on instantly and turned to look at her innocently. Right.

“I wasn't gonna run when I was coming back.”

“Don't run going either.”

“Okay, Momma. But little boys are supposed to run, don't you know that?”

She cleared her throat trying to hold back a grin. “Yes, I do know that, but they are also supposed to mind their mommas.”

“Yes, ma'am,” Jack said as Gavin reached him. They headed off together at a snail's pace, overemphasizing their dragging feet.

Chance chuckled watching them disappear around the corner. “You sound pretty mean there.”

“Ha! I sound like a mother.”

“That you do. You have a good poker face, too.”

She gave him a look of shock. “You noticed that? And here I thought I was fooling everyone.”

“Yeah, right. They turn you to mush, and me and any one watching for two seconds can see it.”

She pulled two bags of refreshments from the backseat. “I didn't think I was that transparent.”

Chance reached for the bags. “Here, let me take that. And I'm just teasing you.”

“You had better watch your step since we are about to be bombarded with ten kids—none over the age of eight—for this dress rehearsal.”

“Sounds like fun.” He fell into step with her, then wait ed at the front door as she inserted the key and opened the big oak door. “I'll be sure and look around all corners. So, what's the program?”

“It's the Christmas story from the shepherd's point of view. We wanted to have it be from the donkey's point of view and use Samantha—you know, Cort and Lilly Wells's cute donkey.”

“Oh, yeah, I've heard about that donkey's shenanigans.”

“The kids love that little donkey but we decided bringing Samantha into the sanctuary was not a good idea.”

He cocked a brow. “Nope, not a good idea.”

They laughed as she flipped on the light switch and then led the way down to the front of the quaint church.

The sun was filtering in through the stained glass, glinted off the dark wooden pews and made patchworks along the planked floor. “I love this sanctuary,” she said, feeling the warmth of the place and the serenity. “There is just a sense of peace that overcomes me when I walk inside. As much as I love Samantha, her clomping down the aisle wouldn't be appropriate.”

“I agree. On all counts. I can still remember my first time to come here to worship. I accepted Jesus as my savior right here in this very spot.” He'd come to stand in front of the pulpit and was staring thoughtfully at it.

“Then this is a special place on a personal level to you. I think that's great. I want my boys to experience that when the Lord leads them to make a commitment. It's just so wonderful to have roots in the Lord.”

And it was. “It means so much to me that my boys have roots. All the women at the shelter feel the same way.” She paused and then couldn't stop herself from continuing. “That's what Stacy wants for her wedding. She is such a sweetheart, Chance. She's been through so much in her life and she has been so horribly mistreated by every man in her life…and yet she has a quiet spirit of survival. And she has found a dedicated, loving Christian man she is brave enough to marry—despite all the abuse she's lived through with her dad and former husband. You called me brave.
That
is a brave woman.”

“Sounds like it.”

“She would never believe that, but she is. And this
wed ding means so much to her. Finding a preacher to perform the ceremony who is connected to them is very important to her.”

“What about Brady?”

“He and Dottie have been lifesavers to her and she could easily have him do the wedding. But she wants a man of God performing the ceremony. She wants to stand here, where we are in this church sanctuary, and say her vows before God and all of her new Mule Hollow family.”

Chance looked thoughtful and she wondered what he was thinking. She wanted to come right out and ask him again to do the wedding but something inside her held her back. He was waging his own spiritual battle inside his heart and soul and he didn't need pressure from her. God would lead him as he was ready.