Zack (In the Company of Snipers Book 3) (22 page)

“ATF Director Kevin Carducci has seventy-two million dollars in various bank accounts in the Caymans. They all track back to a single point of origin.” Her voice quavered, breaking Zack’s heart all over again.

“Whose?” Alex asked.

“Interpol’s most wanted man on the planet. Mr. Lenny Huang. He’s behind the Black Dragon syndicate.”

“I know who he is.” Alex watched Ember. “Are you okay, kiddo?”

She looked away and Zack wanted to go to her, muss her hair, hold her and let her cry. It just wasn’t his place. It was Todd’s.

Alex laid the report on the table in front of him and looked around at his team, slowly making eye contact with those who could. When he’d made the complete circle, he looked down at his hands, still splayed on the paper Ember had given him.

“I know how much this particular operation meant to all of us, but we’re not going to pursue the China connection any longer. D.C. Interpol Director, Mr. Daniel Peters called yesterday. Told me to butt out.”

David opened his mouth to protest, but Alex held his hand for silence. “It’s all good. We’ll butt out. It’s their op. Let them bring the bastard, Lenny Huang, down. Guess they’ll call if they need us. In the meantime, we’ll take care of Carducci. And when we’re done with him, maybe we’ll go after Debargio, Espinoza, and the 4
^th
Street gang, too.”

Zack’s hands were instantly on his armrests, ready to push off. As difficult as it was to get on with the business of living, that’s exactly what everyone would do, simply because that’s all there was to do. That was life.

Alex caught Zack’s eagerness to leave. “You’re another one who shouldn’t be here.”

Zack steeled his face and offered nothing back.

“Why are you?”

“I have to do something,” Zack ground out, his heart clenched as tight as his fists.

“You can’t bring him back.”

But I can make someone pay.

“What about Mei’s daughter?” Zack barked. It was either bark or fall apart.

“Go home, son.” Alex’s words were soft and sad. “Trust me. I haven’t forgotten LiLi, but I can’t lose you, too.”

Steel doesn’t cry, but it does choke up when someone hits below the belt. Mother sniffed into her tissues. Ember coughed a tight little cough, her hand to her mouth, and Zack wished like hell he were the one lying six feet under at Arlington. It should have been him who’d gotten shot. Not Todd.

“We do an ugly and a damned tough job in the world,” Alex said. “Sometimes we take a beating while we’re doing it. We’re branded assassins and mercenaries. We get investigated, and most times we get hung out to dry by a federal government that wants to look good without really being good. It’s been a helluva week. We’ve lost a brother and a friend.”

He seemed to struggle for his next words. “It’s not easy. It sucks. And it hurts. You all know the Marine Corps motto is
Semper Fi–Always Faithful.
I’d like to think that’s how we’ll finish this op. We’ll be ever faithful to our country, always to each other, but especially to our own fallen friend and brother. Todd Chandler was a damned good man.”

Zack felt the mood in the room shift, just the tiniest fraction. Damned if Alex hadn’t done it again, made a course correction so small as to be almost imperceptible. The man looked sad, but proud.
How does he do it?
Zack straightened his shoulders ready to follow his boss into whatever hell he aimed to go.

“Let’s finish what we started,” Alex spat out his last words. “Get this sonofabitch.”

“Come here, little one.”

Mei gathered Song out of Zack’s arms and settled the sleeping baby back into the crib. Again. The little girl ended up with him in his bed at least once or twice every night. All Song had to do was make the smallest peep and he was at her beck and call. It was sweet in a way. He tried to be quiet, tiptoeing into Mei’s room so he didn’t disturb her. She’d lie there and listen while he got the baby a drink, talking quiet baby talk to a child who had yet to make more than a quiet coo once in awhile. He’d snuggle with Song until they both fell back to sleep. Mei would give them enough time before she’d reverse the scene; tiptoe into Zack’s room and return Song to her own bed.

Mei stood at her bedroom window, thinking. When Alex had first sent Zack home from work, he’d been angry. As beat up as he was, Zack wanted to be with his team. Mei understood. Not being able to change the tragedies in life was a bitter reality, but spending time with her and Song mellowed him out. He’d chatted with Rory and Connor. That helped, too.

The hard day came back to her. She’d been in awe knowing that Zack, Todd, and Ember stood in harm’s way, protecting her and Baby Song without hesitation. Ironically, Todd had been right when he’d said Zack was ready to die protecting her. Zack was, only it was Todd who’d ended up fulfilling the prophecy. The look in Zack’s eyes when he’d retrieved her from the safe room was shattering. She knew without a word something terrible had happened.

The fierce bond of warriors knotted Zack to Alex to David and then to their fallen comrade that morning. Like a chain forged in fire, no words were needed as they’d knelt around Todd and watched the medics do their work. The bond was so real Mei could almost reach out and touch it. They called it brotherhood, and those brothers loved their brokenhearted sister like no one else could. Ember’s grief still sliced to the core of Mei’s heart. As awful as it was not knowing where LiLi was, she still had hope to cling to. Poor Ember had nothing.

The wind whipped against her window. December had come with a great blizzard that brought the nation’s capital to a swift and icy standstill. There was no wind with the storm, just snow piled quickly into a thick, icy blanket covering everything. The landscape had changed into white lumps that used to be cars, narrow paths that once were sidewalks, and streets meandering between mounds of plowed and shoveled polar precipitation.

This was the season when people stayed inside their heated homes and made merry, but Mei’s heart was cast out into the world, wandering the snowy streets and worrying after her stolen daughter. There were no colored lights in the strange new hotel room. She had no time for merriment.

It was during quiet times that despair crept into her heart. Her arms missed the feel of LiLi’s warm little girl body hugged up against her in quiet slumber. Her lips longed to speak nursery rhymes, to sing songs, and taste chocolate milk and maple syrup kisses. Her nostrils yearned for the smell of her child’s minty toothpaste breath and lavender scented baby shampoo. Mei ached for each touch, sound, and sight of her stolen child.

As thankful as she was to bring Baby Song into her life, the knowledge that this child was safe and sound only emphasized the fact that her child was not. Where was LiLi now the days were cold and winter so deep? Was she safe and warm somewhere? Did she have enough to eat? Was she sick? Was she clean? Were the people who had her kind and decent, or did she cry herself to sleep at night because she was afraid? Please God, was LiLi even alive? Mei blocked the pain and tears before they took over. Despair came too easily. She refused it yet again. She’d cry after she had LiLi back in her arms.

Turning at the sound of Zack’s bedroom door quietly closing, she watched him enter her room. His eyes instantly strayed to Song’s bed.

“You took my baby,” he whispered.

“She needs to be in her own bed.”

“I know.” He came to her side. “I just like to snuggle with my girls.”

The transformation in him touched her. From the moment he’d picked Song up out of the dirty playpen, he had revealed an amazing heart. Zack seemed to live to make Song smile, the way Mei had once lived to make LiLi smile. He’d be an excellent father if his plan to adopt his little girl succeeded. Baby Song loved him. Mei did, too, but things had happened so fast between them. She needed to slow the momentum. Nothing must get in the way of her finding LiLi, not even a handsome man with a beautiful baby.

“I know you.” He wrapped his hands around her waist, pulling her back into his chest. “You’re thinking about LiLi.”

Mei leaned against him. “What are we doing? Are we fooling ourselves?”

“Fooling ourselves? About what, Mei? About Song? LiLi? About us?”

“About everything, Zack. What have we done? We aren’t even married, yet we have a child? What’s that about? What have we done to Song?”

Zack gazed at the sleeping baby. “I think we’ve done a great thing for Song.”

Mei could read the love on his face the moment she mentioned the baby’s name. The anguish for her child reared its ugly head again. Mei didn’t begrudge the love he had for Song. She just wanted LiLi, too.

He tilted her chin up with two fingers, his eyes searching her face. “You think I’ve forgotten, don’t you?”

Mei turned away. “No. It’s just that—”

“We haven’t found LiLi yet,” he finished for her. “We’ve been looking in all the wrong places. She’s still out there.”

Mei tried not to cry, but Zack’s strong arms made her weak. All her work had been for nothing. She was not only off course, but now she was dead in the water, taking care of another woman’s child instead of her searching for her own. Pointing to the frigid wonderland beyond the window, her fear hiccupped out of her. “I want my baby...in here...with me.”

“I know Mei.” Zack smothered her against him, his voice soft and low in her hair. “We’re catching our balance, that’s all. This has been hell week. As far as Alex is concerned, finding LiLi is my next assignment. He doesn’t know how to give up. Neither do I.”

“I’m afraid I’ll never see her again.” Mei wiped her face with the sleeve of her robe as she regained her composure. Her moment of weakness embarrassed her. Zack had just lost a good friend. She should be comforting him.

“Come here.” He scooped her into his arms and carried her into his bedroom, settling her neatly beside him in his bed, robe and all. “I bring all my best girls here.”

She sighed as he covered them both with his blanket. Dressed in pajama bottoms and a T-shirt, Zack’s body was rock solid, the same as his self-confidence. She pressed against him to listen to the steady rhythm of that good heart beneath his chest muscles. It sounded strong and sure, just like him.

Mei relaxed. He was always gentle with her even when she’d been a beast. The comfort of his strength warmed her as Zack shared the weight of her awful world. He reached to the nightstand to turn off the light, pulling her into the crook of his arm. Listening to his steady breathing, she closed her eyes. No wonder Song fell asleep in his arms.

His hands smoothed down her arm and back up again as he settled onto his pillow.

“I’ve been so mean to you,” she admitted, her fingers roaming up his neck to secure themselves around his ear. His scalp prickled with the day’s growth.

“Nah. You’ve been fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“Why do you shave your head?” she asked, her hands smoothing over his scalp. She used to think it bare and vulgar, but somewhere during their time together his bare head had become a badge. Zack Lennox was who he was, exposed for all the world to see, like him or not. Hair wouldn’t change the man.

“I started shaving it when I joined the Corps. Guess I thought it made me look tougher, meaner. Why? Don’t you like it? You want me to grow it out?”

“No.” She brushed her forehead against his scratchy chin, breathing in the just-showered smell of the man she loved as her fingers roamed over his head again. “I like you just the way you are.”

They lay quietly together, her heart pumping with pleasure at her position tight against him. He always smelled so good; a hint of leather and–him. She drank in a deep breath, willing the comfort of it into her soul.

“Do you ever untie that knot thingee in your hair?” he asked mischievously, his fingers plucking the tight bun at the back of her head.

“No.” Her heart pitched, not sure if he was talking about her hair or something else. Suddenly, she didn’t want to be closed off and fighting the world by herself. “But I could.”

His hand cupped the side of her head, his fingers smoothing over her tightly pulled hair, the pad of his thumb on her cheek. “I’d sure like to see the real you,” he coaxed, peering into her face. “I know you’re in there.”

Mei forgot how to breathe when he leaned in to place a feather-soft kiss on her forehead. It wasn’t enough. She shifted to a sitting position at his side, releasing her hair from the army of bobby pins that had restrained it for so long. Her heart pounded at what the simple action really meant. This was a huge step, an undressing that would bare her soul again. Questions flooded her mind. Did she truly have anything left to give this man who’d only and always chosen to stand with her? Did he really want her? More than anything else–how could he?

“Yes,” he growled, his fingers combing through her tangled tresses. His breath hitched when he shifted his weight to his elbow to bury his hands in her hair, turning it into a cape for her shoulders. “My hell, Mei. You’re a whole different woman.”

“Zack,” she whispered timidly, scared at what might happen next, but finally willing. “I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

“Are you sure?” he asked tenderly. “I’m not pushing you, Mei. Don’t think you have to do anything you’re not ready for. Honest. I’m happy just being here with you.”

“Please kiss me. Like you did the first time. Like you....” She left the words unsaid.
Like you love me.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” she whispered, quieter still.
Kiss me. Love me. Help me feel something besides the awful hole in my heart.

He groaned, reaching his arm around her, his hand gentle at the base of her skull as he pulled her into his face. “There is something you must know before we do this, Mei. I meant it when I said I was here to stay. I can’t explain it, but I...” He paused and she turned her head. Rejection was always better when you didn’t have to take it face first.

Zack smoothed his hands over both her cheeks, cupping her so gently as he forced her gaze back to him. The room was barely lighted from the outside. His eyes glowed with so much tenderness and she was afraid. There was so much more at risk. Her child. Her soul.

“Mei,” he whispered, again closing the distance between them. “All I have to give you is everything I am. I love you with every piece of my heart, every breath, and every minute of every day. I don’t want to ever leave you. Are you good with that?”

There were no words. Her heart swelled and broke at the same moment his lips captured hers, no longer asking as much as telling her of the strength in this good man’s heart. Their groans meshed as their tongues entwined, and she came undone. The starving woman emerged again, famished for love she didn’t have to earn or deserve. He moaned when she pushed him back to his pillow, tearing his clothes off to bare his body to her. Her robe and gown flew to the floor.

“I love you, Mei,” he reaffirmed over and over, her desire stoked higher and hotter with each endearment.

The softest light exposed his body to her; the flat, square panes of his chest punctuated with small, dark nipples, which hardened beneath her scrubbing palms. Heaving abs barely strained beneath the weight of her body. His hands cupped tight at her backside, gently separating the cheeks of her ass when she lowered herself onto him. Her body opened itself to him, welcoming all he had to give.

“You are beautiful.” His deep voice rumbled through her, encouraging her daring act of life. “So beautiful.” His fingers flexed again, pulling her closer. “Come to me, Mei.”

She cried at his sensual command, sinking him into the deepest, softest, most broken parts of her body and soul. There was no struggle to her taking of him, no resistance to her assault as she ravaged and insisted, pulled and pushed until she straddled above him, her shame tossed aside along with all her fears. He simply never let go. Not once. He just let her ride and rock until there was nothing left of her, until she was no more alone or separate. Until she and he occupied one and the same space and time.

The gentlest hands in the world reached up to cup her face, his thumbs wiping the tears she hadn’t realized were spilling over. “Hey,” he muttered. “Why so sad?”

“I’m not. I’m...I’m....” There were no words to describe the incredible conflict within her heart. How could one woman feel so saved and still so broken at the same time? So found and still so damned lost? There was no happily ever after to her life. There was only sustenance along the way, and she needed all this man had to offer just to survive another day. “I’m so happy you love me.”

“Ah, Mei,” he muttered as he rolled her onto her back without breaking contact. “My turn.”