Zenith Rising (32 page)

Rob sneered. “Ah, Doc, who was there to tell?
Who would have cared about either of us? Two forgotten little
shits? Our parents didn’t care. There were no nice family friends
to look out for us. At school, I was regularly in so much trouble,
no one would have even believed me.”

“What about Spencer’s mother? Or the
stepfather?”

“He told his mother, and she said he was
making it up just to get attention. Yeah, right, like Spencer even
once in his life wanted attention!”

“She chose the stepfather and brother, over
her own son?”

“Yes.”

“My God! No wonder Spencer doesn’t trust me.
Or any woman. What finally happened to make you both decide to run
away?”

“He came to my house in middle of the night
with blood on his shirt and a bag slung over his shoulder. He said
he had to leave, and would I help him?”

“And you did?”

“Of course, I did. What did I have to lose?
Daily beatings by my drunkard old man? A mother who cowered from
him as much I did? And never lifted a hand or voice in my
defense?”

“So you two ran away that night?”

“We ran away and took the bus downtown. When
we got off, we were scared shitless, both of us. But we stuck
together and watched each other’s backs. We were okay, because we
were free. Free of everything, for once.”

“What was the blood on Spencer’s shirt
from?”

Rob shrugged. “I never asked. That’s the bond
we have, I don’t ask and he tells me things when he’s ready and in
his own time. Some things he has chosen to never tell me. But I
still don’t ask.”

“And I ask all the time. What does that mean?
He won’t stay with me, will he?”

“I think coming from you it’s a bit
different.”

Erica rubbed a hand to her forehead where a
headache was brewing, hurting her brain, as well as her tired eyes.
She felt sick inside knowing what she learned about Spencer. Of
course, she already guessed, long ago, that Spencer had to escape
from some kind of abuse. Thirteen-year-old boys didn’t leave their
homes for no reason. Or just because their parents were too strict
or mean. Something terrible was inflicted on Spencer. Something
evil that turned him into Spike instead of Spencer. Now she knew
what.

Erica saw plenty of sexual abuse in her
practice, with young girls, teenagers, and even grown women. She
had unlimited resources that she called on to guide the abuse
victims and counsel them. But Spencer? Erica had no idea what to do
with him. Or how he felt inside. Or how the sexual abuse might have
affected him as a man.

“Do you really love him?” Rob suddenly
asked.

She lifted her head up. “Why would you ask me
that? Yes, I’m in love with him. Why do you both find that so hard
to believe? He acts like I dare not even try to shake his hand. Why
is that?”

“Because in our experience, women like you
don’t date guys like us.”

“What does that even mean? Women like me?
Guys like you?”

He shrugged and stretched his legs. “You’re a
doctor, Erica. That’s something neither of us could ever
accomplish. We don’t even know people who can accomplish things
like that. The women we know tend bars or waitress, sometimes
they’re hairdressers or receptionists. Never doctors.”

Erica blew air out of her mouth. Back to
that: the perennial job difference. “It’s a job. Really. It isn’t
me.”

“It’s everything! It shows how together you
are and intelligent, classy and beautiful. You’re really something,
Erica. Face it; you symbolize quality, and Spence and I are the
losers from the wrong side of the tracks that statistically and
traditionally end up nowhere. We were destined for homelessness and
jail, not to hook up with pretty, nice, caring professionals. We’re
practically from different planets. And the world Spence and I came
from and dwell in… well, women like you don’t often abide in for
long. And if, by some miracle, they do visit, they never stay.”

“If you think I’m so freaking great, why
won’t you… why won’t he, believe what I say? I know my mind, and I
know my heart.”

“Why won’t he? Because he won’t dare to
believe it, or hope it will last. It’s better not to hope or want
because then he can’t be disappointed. He’s waiting for everything
to fail. It’s never an option with him, it’s always the result.
Everything ends abruptly or everything fails. Nothing lasts. Not
one thing in his life can be depended on, Erica. Even I
disappointed him. For a time, I was his only source of stability
and he looked up to me. That lasted for years, and you can see what
it did to him. Look where I ended up. I was probably the last nail
in his coffin of how crappy life can be. Nothing good
lasts.
That’s all Spencer knows, believes, or sees.”

Erica rubbed at her eyes. “Do you think I
stand any chance of changing that for him? If I stay? Will he let
me in and get close to him?”

“I think you’re about the only person I know
who stands the best chance of that.”

“You make it sound so bleak, and his life so
dark and hopeless. Like he can never know true happiness.”

Rob smiled sadly. “Happiness isn’t really on
the table for him and me. We’re more into just surviving. You up
for this, Doc? It’s not romantic. It won’t be easy or fun. I think
you already know him well enough to have observed that for
yourself.”

Erica slouched. “What about all the past
women Spencer slept with?”

“Nothing. They were nothing to him. Scarily,
nothing. He was regularly a little more heartless in that area than
I was. I couldn’t quite be as cold, or treat them strictly like
objects as he did. I’m sorry to tell you that. But I do know you’re
the first woman that he ever felt anything significant
towards.”

“And of course, this follows the whole Tamira
fiasco, which again, proved his theory that life always sucks.”

“Yes. Unfortunately. But he’s not so wrong.
Who else could that have happened to, but him? And right when he
was finally with you, the only woman he ever wanted to be with. Can
I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Why do you want to be with him? You could be
dating all the Nick Lassiters of the world. Why choose
Spencer?”

She let out a breath that ruffled the strands
of hair next to her chin. “I never loved Nick. Spencer’s not a bad
or evil person. He’s just lonely. Scared of life. Scared of me. But
I enjoy the person he does let me occasionally see. And I like how
I feel when I’m around him.”

“That right there must be pretty hard to
believe for a guy like Spencer.”

A car door slammed suddenly and Erica and Rob
looked up as the door that led to the garage opened and Spencer
entered with loud footsteps. He stopped dead, his eyes narrowing
when he discovered them sitting at the breakfast bar, with two cups
of coffee before them. Silence descended rather loudly between the
three of them along with Spencer’s obvious anger at finding the
scene he walked in on.

“Having a nice chat, I see,” he said, coming
into the kitchen, and throwing her car keys down on the counter
with a sharp “clink!” He turned back towards them, his arms crossed
over his chest, and his face closed off in a dark scowl.

Erica licked her lips. “You took off.”

“I didn’t think you’d go running to Rob in
middle of the night.”

“What exactly did you expect me to do? You
took my car, so it’s not like I could go home. And that’s not what
you wanted me to do.”

Her comment stopped Spencer cold.

Rob got up. “Don’t be such a screw-off before
you know anything, Spence. Look, I’m outta here. I gotta get ready
for work.”

“Yeah, I can see how you stayed out of
it.”

Rob turned back and glared at Spencer. “You
ran, as usual. The only difference is this time, you actually came
back. You’re here, so deal with it.”

Erica felt her usual confidence fading as
Spencer’s icy attitude enveloped the room. He stood there unmoving,
unblinking, still glaring at his best friend, and doing anything to
avoid looking at her.

“What do you want?” Spencer finally asked as
he stared down the now empty hallway.

“What do I want?”

“Yeah, what do you want from me?”

She raised her eyebrows in surprise. He was
serious; he truly thought she wanted something from him. She rubbed
her eyes, feeling so tired. Her heart was aching after hearing his
history of abuse and for him. Finally, she shrugged. “I’d like
something to eat.”

His eyebrows lifted in surprise. “What?”

“I’m starving and tired. I did work all
night, you know. I haven’t slept. And I’d like something to
eat.”

He glared at her, and seemed to consider what
his next move would be. Finally, he turned and walked to the
refrigerator where he pulled out a package of cheese and
butter.

“What did you do last night?”

She smiled. At least, he was talking to her.
“I delivered a baby. C-section. Healthy mom and baby boy.”

He turned towards her, his mouth twisted and
looking weary. “Of course, you did. When aren’t you delivering
babies while the rest of us sleep or do nothing? Grilled cheese,
okay?”

“No. Just toast, no butter.”

“Why?”

“I’m trying to lose a few pounds.”

He set the tub of margarine down and frowned
at her. “No you’re not. You’re having a grilled cheese. You always
have one after surgery.”

He remembered that? “You can’t tell me what
to eat.”

“Don’t be stupid,” he said, with a skillet
already out.

She bristled. “I’m not being stupid, I don’t
want it.”

“I don’t care. You’re not dieting.”

“I’m just trying to get back to normal.”

He took the bread out and removed two slices.
“You are normal. You couldn’t look any better if you tried.”

“I weigh ten pounds more than I used to. And
I don’t like it.”

“I don’t care. You’re going to eat. Besides,
I think you look better now.”

She chewed on her lip and watched him as he
heated up the skillet with his back to her. “You really think so,
don’t you?”

He glanced her way. “What’s so hard to
believe about that?”

“I just don’t think you find me very
attractive. Especially now. I would think one of those girls you
dated, who was truly stunning, would have captured your eye and
your heart long ago.”

He put the bread and cheese on the now warm
pan before finally turning, and crossing his arms as he looked at
her. “They didn’t. They don’t. You did. You do.”

Erica took comfort from that because she knew
he meant it. She saw it in his eyes and his reactions to her. For
some reason, she attracted him far more than any other woman, and
that’s all she could cling to for the time being. She found it hard
to face him after learning about his past, and his fundamental
beliefs about life. She smiled at him, and he stood there
practically glaring at her. He blinked with surprise that his
scowl, which was so dark that a lesser woman would have cowered
before slinking from the room, didn’t bother Erica. Eventually, he
reluctantly and barely curled his lips to smile back at her.

“You look tired,” he said more gently.

“I’m exhausted. I haven’t had the best of
weeks lately.”

“No. You haven’t,” he said quietly before
turning and flipping the sandwich.

“I’m glad you came back.”

He didn’t look up, but his shoulders tensed.
“Yeah, I came back.”

She nodded as she took the plate he handed to
her with her steaming grilled cheese sandwich. Even at six in the
morning, the aroma was just right to her screwed-up digestive
system. She bit into it and sighed as she closed her eyes and
savored the wonderful flavor.

“I don’t know how you do that, but you always
make it taste like a slice of heaven.”

He chuckled. “Strangely enough, you’re
extremely easy to please.”

She opened her eyes and smiled at him. His
dark eyes seemed heavy to her. She finished eating and her headache
began to dissolve. She rubbed her eyes under her glasses and
adjusted the rims. They too hurt her, after having them on for more
than a full day.

“You should go to bed now.”

“I should. Do you want me to go home?”

He hesitated and tapped his fingers in the
counter. Finally, he shook his head. “No. Don’t go home.”

Erica smiled, but only when he turned his
back. Somehow, she managed to survive this round. She knew it was
unfinished, and totally up in the air, but still, it was battle she
won for now. She was still there. She stood up and turned towards
the stairs as she heard him tossing the dishes into the sink. He
followed her up the stairs, but she didn’t dare look at him or
question why.

He came up behind her and stood close to the
bed as she slipped her slacks off again, and took her bra off from
under her blouse. Finally, setting her glasses on the nightstand,
she felt all the while as if she were being examined and under his
scrutiny. She crawled across the bed, pulling the covers back, and
happily sinking into them as she slipped between the cool sheets
and blankets. Her extreme fatigue overtook her, and she leaned
against his headboard.

Without a word from him, he sighed as he
stretched across the bed, and his head came next to hers. She
leaned down and kissed his lips. It was a chaste kiss, just their
lips touching, moving, and tasting. Her hand came to his cheek,
while his hand went behind her head, into her hair, pressing her
head tighter, and kissing her deeper. They stayed like that for
several long moments. He was craving her, it seemed. He wanted her
near him. Finally, he let her go and she lifted her head.

She scooted down so she was lying alongside
him. She wrapped both her legs, and arms around him. He was flat on
his back, and she on her side. She held onto him as no one ever
could or bothered to do.