Zero Degrees Part 1 (2 page)

For some reason I didn’t want to tell the cop the full details of what my mother’s boyfriend had done to me. I just looked at him with a blank, emotionless stare and told him what I wanted him to know. “Like I told you before, Harold Good, also known as Goody was not a very nice man. My mom started going with him when I was eleven, almost twelve. He was always an asshole who got what he had coming. My mom moved in with him really fast and I hated him the first time I laid eyes on the snake. He beat her every single day. It never failed. When they’d get drunk, or high he’d beat her for hours and then I’d hear them make up. Sometimes after she’d fall asleep, he’d come in my room and try to get in bed with me. A few days ago was the last time the bastard tried to rape me. He almost succeeded. I
had
to kill him Officer Greyson. I had no choice. Either I killed him or he’d rape me or kill my mother.”

“What exactly happened
today
?” Officer Stephens quizzed me with creases in his forehead. He looked like he couldn’t fathom the thought of me being a murderer.

I narrowed my eyes at him. “I already told you that I shot his sorry ass. The motherfucka had that shit coming. I was tired of seeing my mom go through that shit with him. I was tired of going through it. I just see it as freeing the world of one more punk ass nigga.”

Officer Greyson visibly cringed. “You seem really cold to be so young. I also think you should watch your language young lady.”

“I’ve been through a lot and I’ve seen a lot Officer. I had to grow up really fast to keep up with the things going on around me.”

He nodded. “So, at the time that you shot him he wasn’t actually trying to rape you.”

“No, he was just walking around here talking shit as usual. He was tired of my mom fussing about him fixing the pipe under the kitchen sink. Before he fixed it he came in here going off on me about not giving him what he wanted the other night. He kept saying that he was going to get it eventually. I told him to leave me alone, but he got up in my face and said that before I turned sixteen he was going to fuck the shit out of me. He told me that right now, at my age I am ripe and ready for the picking. After he said that I waited for him to start fixing the pipe. I had enough of his threats and I couldn’t resist it as I watched him lying underneath the kitchen sink with his legs open and his big ass head right there, waiting to be filled with bullets. It was the perfect opportunity, so I went upstairs and got the gun. I came back down and he was still there. I shot him in the balls first and then I emptied the clip in the bastard’s head.” I simply shrugged my shoulders like my actions were completely normal for a girl my age. Well, I was no ordinary teenaged girl.

Officer Stephens flinched noticeably when he asked. “Where did you get the gun from?” I could tell that it was something about me that piqued his interest. It was like maybe in his job experience he had never come across a young girl as heartless as me.

“It was
his
gun.” Actually it was a gun that Buff had given me, but I couldn’t snitch on my boy. Fuck Goody. He couldn’t get a gun charge if he was already dead. What the pigs didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them.

At that moment my mom walked in the house. I could see the panic in her eyes as she looked around at the police searching the house. That’s when it dawned on me that there was money and drugs hidden somewhere. She had been a mystery to me since we’d moved in with Goody. He had drugs and I guess she saw him as a good protector because of his reputation in the streets. In her eyes those attributes made him a good catch.

One morning I woke up early and saw a suitcase full of money on her bed. She closed it when I walked in and tried to play it off.

“Thank God you’re okay chica,” she said grabbing me for a hug. Her eyes continued to look around at the cops.

“I’m fine mama,” I said as she kissed the top of my head.

“What’s going on?” She asked no one in particular. “Why are there so many police cars in my yard? Where’s Goody?” When she asked about him she looked at me.

“Ma’am,” Officer Greyson cleared his throat. “There’s no other way to say this. You may want to sit down.”

“Fuck that. What the fuck is going on and why are you all searching my house!?” She yelled frantically.

“Calm down ma’am,” Officer Stephens said putting his hand on my mother’s shoulder.

She moved away from him and he dropped his hand before he continued. “Your daughter shot your boyfriend. He’s dead.”

She looked at me. “Ze, what the hell did you do?”

I could tell that she was sober because her eyes were hardly ever that clear.

“I killed him momma! I’m sorry, but I had to.”

“You did what!?” She screeched. Tears filled her eyes and started to fall down her light brown cheeks. “Ze, baby, please tell me you didn’t. Please.” It was like she was pleading for that bastard’s life and I couldn’t stand it.

“I can’t tell you that!” I yelled defiantly. I couldn’t believe that she was wasting tears on that no good ass nigga. “Ma, I can’t believe you! He beat your ass all the time! I told you that he tried to rape me! Damn right I killed that sorry muthafucka! He deserved it and you’ll appreciate it one day!”

She slapped me. “Watch your mouth. Do you understand what you’ve done?” In panic, her eyes wandered around the house at all the cops.

I clutched my cheek with a stunned look on my face.

“Okay ma’am. There’s no need for that,” Officer Greyson said attempting to restrain her.

My mother jerked her arm away from him. “She’s my child!” She focused her attention back to me. “You can’t just be shooting people Ze! What’s wrong with you? Are you crazy?” Then she turned to Officer Greyson. “Why are y’all searching my damn house?”

“Ma’am it is police procedure in a…”

“Procedure my ass!” Her eyes were wide as she fumbled inside her purse. She lit a cigarette and took a long, deep pull. She blew the smoke out of her nose as she nervously watched a cop look under the brown, leather sofa. That seemed to agitate her more and I watched as she tapped her foot.

It was then that I realized that if they found the dope and money in the house my mamma would be going to prison for a long time. I suddenly felt guilt ridden. Not for Goody’s murder, but for my mom’s fate.

“What were you thinking about Zeaira Rowe? You’re in big trouble? Do you realize that?” She narrowed her eyes at me as a visual warning that we were both in deep trouble. She took another long puff from her cancer stick.

I watched her hand tremble as an officer looked inside the closet and removed several suitcases. Her eyebrows rose as a shine of perspiration began to gleam on her forehead.

I responded mockingly, “Trouble?” I laughed. “Fuck trouble. I won’t be in any more trouble now than I would’ve been in if that perverted ass bastard was still living. You’re my mother. You were supposed to protect me! Instead I decided to protect us because I love you. Goody never did. Daddy didn’t hit you! I wasn’t gonna just sit back and let Goody keep hurting you and I damn sure wasn’t gonna let that nigga rape me either!”

“Oh God Zeaira,” my mom murmured sadly as she ran her fingers through her hair.

The cop that searched the closet opened up one of the suitcases and began to ruffle through it. He opened another one and threw the clothes on the floor in a heap. I looked over my shoulder to see a cop about to open the brown Louis Vuitton suitcase that I was certain momma stashed her drugs in.

“What the fuck are you doin’? Stay outta my shit!” My mom yelled with her eyes ablaze which could have passed for fury, but I knew that it really was fear. I had to do something and fast.

I looked up at Officer Greyson and said in a small voice, “You have me and the gun. Do y’all have to destroy my momma’s home?” I saw his Adams Apple bob up and down as he looked at me and then my mom sympathetically. By that time she was chewing on her fingernails while looking at the cop struggle to get the lock open on the suitcase. Officer Greyson must have had a daughter or a wife at home because he gave me a subtle nod and hollered at the officer that was just about to open the suitcase.

“Bernard, that’s enough! You and the rest of the unit go back to the station.” He then turned to my mom and said, “Mrs. Rowe, we have to take Zeaira down to the station. You can meet us there. We can’t get her statement without you present. If you will confirm what your daughter has said as the truth it can be used in her defense. She may even be able to stay in your custody until her court date. I can’t promise you anything, because this looks like over kill rather than self-defense. Still, she’s a young lady who may have snapped after experiencing a great deal of trauma. Things could still work in her favor.”

My mother nodded. Her eyes had become misty again. She was probably thinking about all the money and dope that she had stashed in the suitcase. I knew that she was going to drink and snort herself into oblivion later that night. She sniffed that shit up her nose like a vacuum cleaner. I could only pray that she would not kill herself with a lethal combination of alcohol and coke. Goody sold coke and bought it by the kilo. I didn’t know where she got the habit from, but I knew that in had to be linked to Goody’s lifestyle

Officer Greyson glanced at me as he spoke. “You ready?” He asked as if I had a choice.

I nodded and they escorted me to the car. I didn’t even bother looking back at my mother. She couldn’t see it yet, because her only concern other than me was the dope and money, but I’d saved her life. It didn’t matter if it meant that I had to give up my own for a while. I would’ve done it again if I had to. On the way to the police station I still felt no remorse.

“Good riddance,” I said out loud.

“What was that?” Officer Stephens asked as he looked back at me.

“Oh nothing,” I said smiling as I stared out of the window. I’d actually enjoyed killing Goody. I felt a high as I filled his body with hot steel and watched him take his last breath.

Chapter 2

1994

“Zeaira, your mom is here to see you,” Mrs. McGee, the only CO I liked, said as she smiled warmly at me. I had been at Kennedy House Juvenile Detention for a few months and I hated being there. I got up off my bunk and followed her to the visitation room.

“She looks really good,” Mrs. McGee said giving me a knowing nod. We’d talked a few times about my mom’s addiction to cocaine and alcohol. She’d been clean for four months and I was proud of her.

“Thanks Mrs. McGee,” I said graciously as I scanned the small area for my mom’s familiar face. I spotted her sitting at a table in the center of the room. She looked better than I’d seen her look in years. Her long, straight, coal black hair looked healthy and shiny and her dark brown eyes were clear and bright. I had the same long, curly lashes she did, but I’d gotten my light brown eyes brown my father. She was about 5’7 with a curvaceous frame. At one point Marissa Alvarez-Rowe knew just how beautiful she was. That was a long time ago, before my father was killed and before she met Goody. I hoped she was getting back to her old self.

“Mom,” I said with a big smile on my face. She stood up and pulled me close to her in a warm embrace. She smelled so good and the little girl in me wanted to go home with her.

She patted my hair. “What did you do mamacita?” Her Cuban accent was still evident.

“I cut it,” I said as we sat down.

“Why’d you cut your beautiful hair off chica?” She frowned. “I love your hair. It’s just like your father’s.” She smiled as she mentioned him.

“It’ll grow back mom. You look so beautiful,” I said touching her cheek lovingly.

“Thanks baby. It’s going on five months now that I’ve been clean. Your friend Buff came by to bring you some more money a while back. He really tries to look out for you. Anyway, I could that tell he is a hustler who needed a bigger come up. I gave him the rest of the coke I had stashed and that was the last day I got high.”

“You did what?” I asked in shock as I scooted my chair closer to make sure that no one could hear us.

“I gave him the rest of it. He was going through his pockets to find the money that he had to give to you when a few cocaine rocks fell out his pants. He was so embarrassed.” My mother chuckled and then continued. “I surprised him and gave him the coke. You should have seen the look in his eyes. Two days later he brought back seven thousand dollars. His ass surprised me. I wouldn’t accept it. You know I’ve been going to church with your auntie.” Mama gave me serious expression as I contemplated what she said. Things were starting to add up. Buff had put several thousand dollars on my books. He continued to send me lots of money on a monthly basis. That was his way of showing love for what my mom had done.

Mama quickly changed the subject with a sad face as she wrung her hands nervously in her lap.

“Oh, baby girl, I miss you so much.” Tears were moistening her eyes.

“Don’t cry ma. I’m fine. The next three years will fly by. Okay.”

“I haven’t seen you shed a tear one time since everything happened. How’d you manage to be stronger than me? You’re a baby. You should be at home with me. This is ridiculous. I thank God for those months I had with you before they put you in here. How’re you holding up sweetie? Are they treating you right in here?” She asked looking me up and down as if she was doing an inspection. “Are you eating?”

“I’m fine ma. Don’t worry about me. And I’m not a baby. I haven’t been for a long time. You know that.” I looked down at my hands.

She nodded. “Look at me chica.”

I looked up and made eye contact with her.

“You’ll always be my baby. Okay,” she said.

“Okay mama.”

“You know that I’ve been going to church with your Aunt Paulette since I gave the drugs up.”

“Yeah and that’s good.” Aunt Paulette was my late father, Jerome Rowe’s baby sister. She was stationed at Fort Bragg army base in Fayetteville, NC because she’d been in the Army for eight years. We’d lived in Fayetteville most of my life.

She continued. “Well, I need to come clean with you about some things. I left you in the dark about a lot because I felt the need to protect you. I felt that knowing the truth would corrupt you, but I was wrong. I think not telling you only made things worse. You need to know the truth about everything. I have to do this to be a better servant of God. You understand, right baby?”