Zero Visibility (18 page)

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Authors: Georgia Beers

Tags: #Romance, #Fiction, #LGBT, #Lesbian, #Family & Relationships, #(v5.0)

BOOK: Zero Visibility
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“You’re right,” she finally said with a sniff as her eyes traveled the store, looked anywhere but at Cassie. “I can’t keep doing this. I know. I’m sorry. It’s just been really…” Vanessa let the sentence dangle for a moment while she worked hard to keep control. With a clear of her throat, she went on. “It’s been really hard, but I’m working on things. I’m working on me.” She cleared her throat and added, “I’ve been on the internet doing some research like you suggested.” With a humorless laugh she said, “Hey, better late than never, right?”

Cassie reached out and squeezed her upper arm gently. “Vanessa.” Her voice was barely a whisper.

Vanessa swallowed, gazed out over the store, cleared her throat again, and again, to her credit and Cassie’s surprise, held on to her composure. “I hope you understand that ultimately, I just want you to be happy.” Her eyes finally returned to Cassie’s and she whispered, “I love you, Cassie, and I just want you to be happy. That’s all.”

Cassie didn’t know what to say, but Vanessa saved her from doing so by giving her a quick peck on the cheek before she turned away and left out the back door. Cassie watched her get in her car, start the engine, and drive away without a backward glance. She sucked in a lungful of air, slowly, and held it for a beat before letting it out just as slowly. Then she rubbed both hands over her face as if this would help scrub off all the stress. When she looked up, her mother was walking toward her.

“You okay?” she asked gently.

“Can this day get any worse?” Cassie asked.

Suddenly, the front door alarm went off, shocking both of them back a couple of steps and letting them know somebody was trying to leave the store with an unpaid item.

“Apparently, it can,” her mother said.

“Son of a bitch,” Cassie muttered, taking the stairs two at a time.

***

Katie Parker watched from across the store as Cassie dealt with the police and the shoplifter. It was moments like this when her pride in her daughter surged, when she was so obviously not a child, when she was so blatantly a grown woman who could take care of herself, her life, her business.

But Katie was a mother before anything else, and when she saw one of her children confused or hurting or defeated, it squeezed her heart in a way that no non-parent could ever understand.

Katie liked Vanessa Turner. She always had. She’d known her for years. Jim had taught her in school so many years ago, and she was a good girl. She’d settled down with a local boy, had kids, and was a fixture in Lake Henry…at the PTA, at sporting events with her kids. She was known around town as a reliable, nice girl. She was kind. She was beautiful.

She was in love with Cassie.

Katie had known it long before Cassie had ever told her. They’re not kidding when they say, “a mother knows.” A mother
knows
. She always knows. It’s a mother’s job to be in tune with her kids. It didn’t hurt that Cassie was never good at hiding anything, try as she might. Katie even knew that Cassie’s marriage to Michael would never last. She knew from the time Cassie was nine years old that she preferred girls. And she was fine with that. Jim had taken a bit more persuasion, but ultimately, he wanted his little girl to be happy and if spending her life with another woman was what would make her that way, he could accept it.

Vanessa Turner had been a surprise.

Cassie’s signature on her divorce papers had barely dried before she began talking about how much time she was spending with Vanessa, how much fun they were having, how much they had in common. All her talk was very innocent, nothing at all suspicious, but a mother knows. Katie
knew
. Cassie was seeing Vanessa (she didn’t know what else to call it.). That was clear to her. She had no idea how far it had gone at the time, but Cassie had definite feelings for this woman who was married with children. Honestly, that was the issue Katie struggled with: the married with children part. Cassie was not a home wrecker. That’s not the kind of girl she was, not the kind of girl she was raised to be.

They were discreet. Katie had to give them that. She was fairly certain that nobody had ever suspected the affair. Mostly because this was Lake Henry, small town of the Adirondacks, and nobody’s mind would go there without some serious pushing. But when Cassie was home, she talked about nothing else. Vanessa this, Vanessa’s kids that. On the one hand, it was wonderful to see her daughter so happy…her constant smiles, the high, healthy color in her face were beautiful things for a parent to witness in her child. It was such a nice change from the stress she went through over ending her marriage to Michael. But Katie was worried. And more than that, she was disappointed in her daughter, which she hesitated to admit.

One night, she did.

They’d had Sunday dinner with the family, and it had been very nice. Chris and the kids had to get home so Trevor could study for his math test the next day, and Cassie had stayed behind to help Katie clean up the kitchen. It wasn’t long before Cassie had started talking about a show she and Vanessa were going to see the following weekend. Katie listened as long as she could before it burst out of her.

“What are you doing?” she asked her daughter quietly.

“What do you mean?” Cassie dried a dish, put it in the cupboard, still smiling.

Katie stopped washing, turned to her daughter. “
What
are you doing?”

Cassie held a wet plate in one hand, a towel in the other, and furrowed her brows at her mother. She shook her head quickly and asked again, “What do you mean?”

“She’s
married
, Cassandra.
That’s
what I mean. She’s a married woman with two kids and a life. What are you doing?”

Katie watched her daughter’s face lose the joy it had been holding for so long, and she hated that she was the one who pulled it away. She also read Cassie’s thoughts, saw Cassie realize that Katie knew
exactly
what was going on between her and Vanessa, that there was no more masking it.

Cassie rolled her lips in, bit down on them, obviously searching for the right words. After long moments, she spoke. “I know, Mom. I know. We’ve talked about it a lot. I don’t want to push her. You know?”

It wasn’t what Katie had wanted to hear, though if pressed she wasn’t sure she could even articulate exactly what it was she would have preferred Cassie say. “I don’t like it,” she said.

“I know. I know. I don’t either.”

Katie shook her head and said it again, more to herself. “I don’t like it.”

“It’s not ideal. I know,” Cassie told her, a reassuring tone in her voice. “It won’t always be like this. You’ll see.”

But time went on. More than a year. Nearing two years. Nothing changed but the light in Cassie’s face. It dimmed slowly. She talked about Vanessa less and less. Katie began to worry. Finally, one day when Cassie had begged off of a Sunday family dinner, Katie decided to bring a dish directly to her apartment. When Cassie’d answered the door, her eyes were red-rimmed and her face was blotchy and puffy.

“What’s wrong?” Katie asked, pushing her way through the door.

“Nothing. I’m fine,” Cassie had lied.

“Cassandra.” Katie set her dishes down and turned to her daughter. “You’ve been crying. What is it?”

Cassie had studied her feet, then moved her gaze to the window, then focused on Gordie, who sat at her feet looking as worried as Katie. Katie gently touched Cassie’s chin, turned her face so their eyes met. The tears overflowed immediately.

They sat on Cassie’s couch as evening moved on to night while Cassie cried in her mother’s arms. Katie held her tightly, initially surprised by how much more intense these emotions were than the ones when she’d decided to divorce Michael, and she knew then that her daughter’s heart was truly broken. Cassie had uttered only one sentence the whole time.

“She’s never going to leave him.”

Katie was not surprised. She was hurt that her child was hurting. And she was angry. She was angry with Cassie for getting into this mess in the first place. She was angry with Vanessa for stringing Cassie along. She was angry at all of it. But she kept her anger in check, and she did what she needed to do to help her daughter heal. That hadn’t been very long ago. Cassie told her she’d been tapering things off with Vanessa for a couple months before the actual breakup. That had only been, what, a month ago? Maybe two? And in that time, two things had become clear to Katie: Cassie was moving on. Vanessa was not.

Or maybe she was. She’d seemed to have ahold of herself when she left today, which was more than Katie could say for the last couple times she’d seen her.

She watched now as Cassie shook the hand of Tommy Goran, the police officer helping her with the shoplifting situation. He’d graduated two years ahead of Cassie, and they were friends. Cassie smiled at him; he grinned back, a little smitten as he always had been when it came to Cassie. Katie couldn’t help but shake her head and smile to herself.
Oh, no, Tommy. Don’t get sucked in. She’s got her eye on somebody else.

Emerson Rosberg.

Chris had called Katie this morning, and now she knew all about the Halloween date. She smiled to herself and shook her head as she recalled the conversation when she’d asked Chris how Halloween went.

“The kids had a blast with Aunt Cassie,” Chris had said. “And methinks Aunt Cassie had a blast with Ms. Emerson Rosberg.”

“What do you mean?” Katie had asked, puzzled. “What was she doing with Cassie and the kids?”

Chris chuckled. “Mostly shivering. A lot. But when I offered to give them a ride home in my warm, toasty car, they both declined. Apparently, they preferred to walk home. Alone. Together.”

Emerson Rosberg. Former darling of Lake Henry. Notorious hard-head. Somebody who fled when the going got tough.

Cassie’s track record was not the most impressive. A boy she was more comfortable and familiar with than in love with. A married woman with children. And now a self-centered loner who lived three thousand miles away.

“Oh, my baby girl. Where did you get such lousy taste in partners?” she muttered under her breath. But she couldn’t work up a smile. None of this was funny. If Cassie really did fall for Emerson, there would be no way to catch her when she inevitably crashed to the ground.

Katie was worried all over again.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

It was time for Claire
to go. She moped around for much of the morning, knowing that with a four o’clock flight and a three-hour drive to Albany, she needed to get on the road by eleven at the latest. It was already after ten, and it was obvious she didn’t want to leave. She looked sad. She acted sad. She clung to Emerson like they were the two sides of Velcro.

Jesus Christ, just go already
, Emerson wanted to shout.

The guilt hit her immediately every time that sentence crossed her mind, and she felt terrible, because Claire had been a whirlwind of accomplishment in the two days she’d been there. The half-empty living room and the stack of neatly labeled cardboard boxes in the corner were testament to that. So what was Emerson’s problem? Claire had buckled down and gotten busy doing exactly what Emerson had been dragging her feet on for over a week. Why did she feel so unsettled about that?

She was yanked out of her own thoughts by Claire’s arms snaking around her from behind. “Are you
positive
you don’t want me to stay longer?” she whispered against Emerson’s neck. “I’m sure I could work it out.”

Emerson swallowed, trying not to sound too adamant when she said, “Oh, no. Really. You’ve done so much already. I can’t ask you to stay and do more.”

Claire moved around to face her, keeping her arms around Emerson’s torso. “Well, you
could
…” She let the sentence dangle as she pressed her lips to Emerson’s.

They hadn’t had sex during the visit, despite her many attempts, and Claire wasn’t happy about that. She’d made it clear last night, and she made it clear now as she did her best to get Emerson going, using her tongue, her fingers. Emerson let her for several long moments before gently extricating herself and holding Claire at arm’s length. God, she was a beautiful woman, but it just wasn’t there for Emerson. It never really had been, and she was pretty sure they both knew it. They’d had fun. The sex—when they’d had it—had been pretty great. But they didn’t really go any deeper.

Claire would argue. Emerson knew that, and she did
not
have the energy for it, so she took what she realized was the coward’s way out. She sent Claire home with a kiss and a smile, and vowed she’d deal with it later. Somehow.

Claire’s blue eyes held hers for a long moment before she dropped her arms from Emerson’s shoulders and took a step back. She looked for another moment, nodded once, and pulled up the handle on her suitcase. The expression on her face was shuttered now, and Emerson was both relieved and saddened by that.

“I’ll walk you out,” she said quickly as Claire moved past her to the door.

At the rental car, Claire popped the trunk, and Emerson swiftly picked up the suitcase and deposited it.

“So, I guess that’s it,” Claire said, and the double meaning wasn’t lost on either of them.

“Thank you so much for your help,” Emerson replied, taking Claire in her arms and hugging her tightly. “I mean it.” She felt Claire nod against her shoulder and hug her back, but she said nothing as she got into the driver’s seat. “You know where you’re going, right?”

Claire nodded again, and tilted her iPhone from side to side to show the map app she had opened. She pulled the door shut and keyed the ignition. After a beat, she powered down the window and gazed up at Emerson with those light blue eyes. With a clear of her throat, she said softly, “You take care of yourself, Em. Okay?”

Emerson nodded once. “I will. You, too.”

The window slid up as Claire broke their eye contact. Then she slowly followed the drive up to the street, didn’t look back or toot the horn, and was gone.

Emerson felt a pang of loss she didn’t expect. Added to her mother’s death, the stress of the packing and decision making, and on top of the offer from Arnold Cross that she still hadn’t studied, Emerson was suddenly and unexpectedly overwhelmed by emotion. A lump she could not swallow down sat like an apricot in her throat. She hurried into the cottage when she saw Jack Grafton in the distance, walked straight into the bathroom, shut the door just to make sure she couldn’t be seen through any windows, sat down on the toilet seat, and wept like a child.

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