Zlata's Diary (14 page)

It's been a year since then, a year in which every day has been May 2. But here I am still alive and healthy, my family is alive and well, sometimes we have electricity, water and gas and we get the odd scrap of food. KEEP GOING. But for how long, does anyone really know?

Zlata

Dear Mimmy, Auntie Boda and Zika got letters from Bojana and Maja today. They're okay, they eat, drink, worry...

Apart from the letters, we leafed through the Bosnian language dictionary. I don't know what to say, Mimmy. Perhaps an excess of the letter “h,” which until now was looked on as a spelling mistake.
⁶
What's to be done????

It's been a long time since I wrote to you about what I've been reading. Well, let me tell you now:
Famous Seafarers, Three Hearts, The Spark of Life, The Jottings of an Ana, Bare Face, The Wrath of the Angels, The Famous Five, A Man, a Woman and a Child, Terri
torial
Rights, Somebody Else's Little Girl, I Was a Drug Addict, Delusion and... and I also often leaf through the photo
graphs in cookbooks—it makes me feel as though I've eaten what I'm looking at. Zlata

Dear Mimmy,
I've been thinking about politics again. No matter how stupid, ugly and unreasonable I think this division of people into Serbs, Croats and Muslims is, these stupid politics are making it happen. We're all waiting for something, hoping for something, but there's nothing. Even the Vance-Owen peace plan looks as though it's going to fall through. Now these maps are being drawn up, separating people, and nobody asks them a thing. Those “kids” really are playing around with us. Ordinary people don't want this division, because it won't make anybody happy—not the Serbs, not the Croats, not the Muslims. But who asks ordinary people? Politics asks only its own people.

Your Zlata

Dear Mimmy,
Today—drama in the house.

I was sitting in the room, reading, when suddenly something darted across the floor. And you know what it was, Mimmy? A tiny little mouse. So small that I barely recognized it for what it was. He ran under the built-in bookcase in the niche by the wall. Mommy screamed. She climbed onto a chair and then ran off into my room. I know she would have liked to run out of the house, but... THERE'S A WAR ON.

What to do? We had to catch it. But how? I ran off to get Cici (cats are mouse specialists), and Daddy and Braco reached for their tools, screwdrivers and things. They took down the bookcase. Cici was waiting in ambush. Daddy and Braco unscrewed the shelves and I took down the books. And Mommy? She was in my room waiting, of course. When they removed the bookcase they found a little hole in the wall where he had escaped. They blocked off the hole with plaster, put everything back and tried to persuade Mommy to come back in and move around the house normally.

We tried to convince her, but she was all in knots. We moved Cici in with us. Now she sleeps in our apartment and Mommy feels a bit safer (I hope). The mouse has run away and probably won't come back. Mommy doesn't believe it, though.

Just when we thought we had resolved the problem of the mouse, he began to scratch at the wall again. He wanted to get back in. He's really silly. Doesn't he realize that we're trying to get rid of him? He's an animal, after all, Mimmy.

Mommy is going out of her mind. I have to do something about that mouse. I'm going to talk to Cici and have her fix things.

Ciao!
Zlata

Dear Mimmy,

I went to music school today and saw the marketplace. It's got everything. Everything you can think of. People are selling everything.

I wondered where all these things come from and then I remembered my first wartime encounter with the streets of Sarajevo, I remembered the broken display windows and missing goods. Is that the answer? Who's behind it? It doesn't really matter. What was done was bad enough, but it's even worse to be selling all that now, and to be doing so for expensive foreign money... You should see all the food! Meanwhile we're going hungry and are grateful for anything we can get. How can you buy anything when one egg costs 5 Deutsche Marks, a bar of chocolate 20 DM, biscuits 40 DM, a package of coffee 120 DM. I could go on and on. Who's it for, if we ordinary people can't afford it? But, never mind... I have my Nedo, we get our packages. I have Auntie Radmila, Auntie Ivanka, Gogo and Bajo, Jelica, Auntie Boda, Grandma and Granddad, and sooooo many other good people. I suppose there'll be an end to this kind of market and smuggling. I suppose the shops will open up to ordinary people. Ordinary people, Mimmy, receive humanitarian aid, they help each other out with packages, and now, whenever and wherever they can, they are planting vegetables to survive. Window sills and balconies have been turned into vegetable gardens.

Flowers have been replaced with lettuce, onions, parsley, carrots, beets, tomatoes and all sorts of other things. Instead of those beautiful geraniums we now have lettuce, onions, parsley and carrots. We gave the remaining seeds to Melica to plant, because she has a garden.

Ciao!
Zlata

Dear Mimmy,

Ciao! It's now 9:20 and I'm sitting at the desk in my room. The door is open and the sounds of RFI are coming in from the kitchen. Sitting in the kitchen are Zika, Boda, Nedo, Haris, Alemka (we figured out that it's an “m”), Mommy and Daddy.

Haris and Alemka are here for the first time. They're wonderful. But then again they couldn't be anything but wonderful because they're Nedo's friends. I had dinner at their place last night. I ate three-and-a-half dumplings (Boda's) and four pancakes (Alemka's). I ate too much. I'm going to drink down a jerrycan of water now.

Yesterday, Auntie Boda received a letter from Maja and Bojana. The two of them are great and are having a great time.

And now for an amazing piece of news. Nedo is leaving Sarajevo (temporarily). He's going to either Zagreb or Split. Since he works for UNPROFOR he's entitled to annual leave. Maybe he'll see his girlfriend. He certainly deserves to.

Nothing new on the western, pardon me, on the school front. The As are piling up.

Zlata

Dear Mimmy,

There's never a dull moment in our house. The mouse is up to its usual tricks. He's quiet, disappears for days and then begins to scratch at the wall again. Daddy even got hold of some glue. I'm afraid Mommy is going to go crazy.

Cici doesn't care about the mouse anymore. You know why, Mimmy? She's in love. You don't believe me? Honestly, she's fallen in love. I looked out the window today and watched her with a tomcat on the roof. The tomcat started strutting over to her. They gazed at each other, and then came closer. Then they sniffed each other and looked as if they were kissing. Then he left, and she stood there looking confused, meowing.

Nedo left today. Have a safe journey Nedo, and come back to us! Daddy doesn't think he will come back. But I want him to come back, and that's why I think he will.

Your Zlata

Dear Mimmy,

I've had a haircut. Short. Mommy gives me funny looks. She says I look unusual to her. But I like it. I wanted to change something. Mimmy, I'm sick of everything, so I made a change, on the top of my head.

In the end, Seka did receive eviction papers after all. Mommy has been going to her place to help her pack Bokica's things. She comes home miserable. She's packing away Bokica's things. Bokica and Srdjan's life together, because those things are really their life. Mommy brought home a photo album and some other things of theirs, the rest they'll store in the cellar. It's like being shelled again. Bokica and Srdjan don't even know about it. They're in Dubrovnik, and there's no mail going in or out of there. Maybe it's better that they don't know.

Your Zlata

Tuesday, May 25, 1993

Dear Mimmy,

Nedo is back. You see, Mimmy, I was right and Daddy was wrong. Nedo was in Split with his girlfriend, who came from Austria. She came to Split just to see him. He says he felt slightly lost, but he did swim in the sea (the sea, what's that?), he hasn't forgotten how to swim, he sunbathed (he has a tan), walked along the waterfront, went to cafes and ate all sorts of things. But he didn't forget us. Any of us. He brought a little something for everyone. I got a pair of flip-flops, two pairs of stockings that his girlfriend bought specially for me, a bar of “Milka” chocolate, and a bag of terrific sweets.

So Nedo is back with us again and together we'll get through these hard times of war.

We finally resolved the mouse problem today. It stepped onto the glue, got stuck and that was the end. The end of a mouse. The end of Mommy's suf ferings. He brought some excitement into the house.

Cici has taken to us and keeps coming. But the tomcat doesn't. He's vain, but she keeps calling him, meowing for him, she can't sleep at night, she wants to go out. Nedo and Auntie Boda are planning to give her an aspirin tonight—a real aspirin. To calm down her female nerves. That's what the cat doctor said to do.

Zlata

Dear Mimmy,

I'm MISERABLE. It's boredom and depression. First, there's no school because it's Bairam. Second, we've lost even the little electricity we had with the cable, so no music, no movies, no light. It's back to darkness again, more darkness. Daddy listens to depressing news. Third, we've had terrible shelling since Thursday. Phooey! Yesterday, it pounded away from four in the morning until ten at night. There were three to four shells a minute. We went back down into the cellar. This morning they reported that UNPROFOR had counted 1,100 and something shells, but Nedo says that's just 60% because that's all UNPROFOR manages to count. That means around two thousand shells. I tell you, three to four a minute. That's why I'm depressed. Do we have to go through all this again? I'm sorry. I'm being rude. It's because I'm nervous! Don't be mad at me, I'll get over it.

See you. CIAO!

Love,
Fipa!

Dear Mimmy,

CIAO! As you can see, today is June 1, Maja's birthday, Bairam (Kurban),
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Tuesday, and the second June 1 of the war. Yesterday I was a disaster; today I'm supposedly better. We just had dinner. Let me tell you that breakfast, lunch and dinner were all uncooked because the gas went off yesterday. And as you know, we have no electricity either, so we're all on the verge of suicide. DISASTER! Oh, Mimmy, I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of everything. I'm so tired of all these Sssss! I'm sorry I'm swearing but I really can't take it anymore. It really is enough. There's a growing possibility of my killing myself, if all these morons up there and down here don't kill me first. I'm losing it. I WANT TO SCREAM, BANG MY FISTS, KILL! I'm human too, you know, I can only take so much. Ooohhh! I'm so sick of it all!

What's written here at the bottom was written in a better mood.
⁸
I'm going to burst into tears!

Love,
Fipa

Dear Mimmy,

God, it's June already. I got an A on my math test today, so I'm HAPPY But I have biology to study, so I'm UNHAPPY

I've started going out with some of the girls in my class, Mimmy. But... it's not the real thing, I mean it's not what it was.

Cici calmed down after taking that aspirin, but the tomcat still hasn't come back. What a rude tomcat . First he seduces her and then he drops her. That's really not fair.

Zlata

Dear Mimmy, It's exactly 9:30. Daddy is trying to get Deutsche
Welle
on the radio. Nejra is pounding away on the piano, singing a song she just thought up. Mommy is at work and I'm at home. As you can see, I'm not at school.

I got up at seven this morning—washed, brushed my teeth, got dressed, took my iron and vitamin pills and went to school. And what did I find? Only a handful of children. The only teachers there were Vlasta and the art teacher and they told us—NO SCHOOL. That's what they had been told. Was there going to be more shelling again? No classes here or at music school, so here I am at home. Bored. I don't know what to write to you.

Hey, Mimmy, I just thought of something. On Tuesday I saw something incredible. I saw Ismar Resic. He was in love with me in fourth grade but he “cooled off” in fifth. He sat in front of Mirna and me. He was small, Mimmy, smaller than me, and now he's 5'7” (100%). He's enormous. And you should hear his voice. Deeeep! And it's breaking, it must be puberty. You wouldn't believe it. All day Tuesday I kept saying: “Oh, if only you could see him,” and “You know how big he is?”

UNBELIEVABLE!

Zlata

Dear Mimmy,

Today I received five copies of YOU. They printed part of what I wrote to you, that's to say they photocopied my writing. My photograph is on the front cover, and there's an eye on the back. Not bad! But, I mustn't show off!

I have to tell you that yesterday was Mikica's birthday, and I wished her a happy birthday on the phone (the wartime way), because there was shelling again.

Cici hasn't been sleeping at home for the past few nights. She's taken off. Cici has given herself over to her love life. She's out with the boys. Zlata

Dear Mimmy,

Today is the first or second day of summer, it depends which way you look at it. My life, Mimmy, is one of no electricity, no water, no gas, school which isn't school, rice, macaroni, a bit of green from Melica's garden, the occasional sweets, my piano, and, of course, you, Mimmy.