Zombies in Paradise (Love in the Age of Zombies Book 2) (18 page)

“You know, it’s wonderfully ironic,” she said, turning to face him with a serene look on her face. “When we first moved here, we were looked down on. They said we were too quote-unquote
New Age
. We were too liberal. We were too hedonistic. We were hippies with new money. Because we didn’t go to church, someone started a rumor that we were Satanists. A lot of people in town wouldn’t have anything to do with us. But then in October, everything changed.

“When the grid went down, a group came to visit on the town’s behalf. They came calling with their hats in their hands. The hospital had generators still running, but they were running out of fuel. At night, the only light you could see besides the stars was from the hospital and our house. And to tell you the truth— ” she paused and leaned toward him conspiratorially. Her breasts hung down in a marvelously distracting way.

Stop that!
Kevin reprimanded himself.
You’re a married man!

“—Jake kept them on twenty-four hours a day. He wasn’t just gloating. He was sending a message. Our lifestyle and ethics allowed us to offer them a solution to a very serious problem. That afternoon, when the council members met with us on this very deck, Jake never once gloated, never once rubbed their noses in it. They asked for our help. They wanted enough power to keep part of the hospital running and we said yes, of course. Any other response would have shown our philosophy to be a façade. In exchange for electricity and some of our produce they offered to provide labor for the greenhouse and we’d have an open tab everywhere in town. The funny part is,” she said, leaning back in her chair, “we’d already privately agreed to give them all the power they needed for the hospital and streetlights and a tad more if they needed it. For free. What were we going to do with it? We couldn’t use it all. ”

“They don’t understand that it’s not about stuff. It’s about character, what kind of person you are in the good times and bad. Now we’re the most respected and loved family in town. Everyone is our friend. They tell each other how great it is that we’ve had a change of heart, but we haven’t changed a bit.”

Kevin was impressed. They were obviously wealthy and yet she was very down to earth. Before he could say anything, she went on. “It’s nice to feel respected for a change. The material stuff is nice, but not important. Because we don’t care about it. I’d love Jake just as much if we were eating ramen noodles every night. Hell, I could practically write a cookbook filled with recipes using ramen noodles. We knew lean times back in our younger days. I was as happy with Jake then as I am now. But tell me,” she said, abruptly switching gears. “I hate to sound like Gollum, but what do you have in your pocketses, my preciousss?”

“I beg your pardon?” Kevin said, taken aback.

“You have a large lump in your pants, and I don’t think it’s just because you’re happy to see me,” she said with a grin. Kevin blushed. “So I’m curious. What are you carrying?” She stared pointedly at the bulge in his pocket.

“Oh! That’s a Petoskey stone I found on my way here!” He fished it out and showed it to her.

“You mean to tell me that while you were on the run from zombies and trying to survive, you still took time to pick up a Petoskey stone?” she asked, a note of curiosity in her voice.

Kevin felt a tad embarrassed. He didn’t want to tell her he’d used the stone to smash a zombie’s head in until brains had splattered him and everything around him, so instead he smiled wryly and said. “Yeah, I’m afraid so. Petoskey stones are a kind of obsession with me.”

Her eyes suddenly lit up. “I love Petoskey stones!” she said; “I’ve been collecting and polishing them for years! I like to think they’re friendly house sprites that protect us! Each stone has its own spirit, you know!”

“Do you buy them from other collectors or rock hounds or what?” Kevin said, figuring with their kind of money buying and collecting Petoskey stones would just be another hobby.

“Buy them? I don’t buy them, where’s the fun in that? I
find
them,” she said with a slight note of indignation. “Living on the edge of the lake, I can spend as much time hunting for them as I want. So I hunt a lot!”

“I’ll bet you have some nice ones!” he replied, curious about her collection.

“Oh, I do have some nice ones  .  .  .  would you like to see them? Follow me!” and, taking him by the hand, she led him to the stone water feature. Water collected in a bowl on top and cascaded down a series of increasingly large rocks. It almost sounded like music as the water fell onto different-sized stones. The base of the fountain was a square trough filled with more stones onto which the water splashed. All of the stones were Petoskies. They were by far the largest and most beautiful Petoskey stones Kevin had ever seen. Many of them were about the size of his fist. A few were the size of softballs. Surrounding them were Petoskey stones ranging from golf ball to jumbo marble size. The definition and clarity on them was simply amazing! Every one was a better specimen than Kevin had found.

He bent over and picked one out of the splashing water. It had very little cloudiness, and the light border around each cell was bright and distinct. They had been polished until they gleamed like glass. This was by far the best Petoskey stone collection he’d ever seen; museum-quality pieces, if there was a Petoskey stone museum. “These are incredible!” he exclaimed. “The size and definition are amazing!”

“I have to admit, I cheated a little,” she said. “I learned that soaking them in a weak bleach solution for a few minutes before polishing really brightens them up. I’ve been doing that for years. Then I polish and burnish them.”

“I can’t believe how big some of these are! I’ve never found any this size!” he said, “And Lord knows I’ve looked!”

“So you like them big, do you?” she asked. Hearing a curious tone in her voice, Kevin turned around to face her. She was unbuttoning the last two buttons on her blouse, then, looking Kevin in the eyes, she slowly pulled it open, putting her breasts on display. They were as spectacular as the Petoskey stones, large and beautiful. Both breasts were marvelously tanned, topped with dark, erect nipples. They were mature breasts, and gravity had begun taking its toll, but they were incredible. Kevin didn't know much about cup sizes but knew she had big cups. As he stared, his eyes wide and mouth open, she shrugged the blouse onto the ground and turned so the sun caught her breasts at an angle, accentuating their size. With a smile on her face she enjoyed his enraptured gaze.

“You don’t know how hard it is for me to say this,” he said, forcing himself to look her in the eyes, “but I’m a married man. Hell, I’m still a newlywed. Thanks for whatever you might be offering, but I have to say no.”

“Are you sure?” she said. “I can tell you’re a boob man, and honey, I got the boobs!” She turned from side to side, causing them to sway.

He stood there, staring at her wonderful breasts. They really were exceptional. “You look incredible, and you have no idea how tempted I am,” he said, “but all the same, I’m afraid not.”

Just then a man walked around the corner of the house, carrying a shotgun. Seeing Lee standing in front of Kevin, topless, he stopped short and looked from her to Kevin and back again with his mouth agape.

“What the hell is going on here?!”

“Jake! Thank God! I didn’t want to, he forced me!” Lee cried out plaintively.

“Wait! That’s not true! I didn’t do anything!” Kevin protested, backing up.

Scowling, Jake gave Kevin a hard stare. “I don’t know who you are. I don’t think we’ve met. But I walk around the corner in my own place and find you assaulting my wife?!” As he said this he began to raise the shotgun.

“No, it wasn’t like that, I swear!” Kevin exclaimed.

“You sonofabitch!” Jake shouted, the gun pointed straight at Kevin’s chest. Before Kevin could react, Jake pulled the trigger. As if in slow motion, Kevin could see a projectile leap from the barrel of the gun. He felt a concussive force hit his chest. Or expected to. He jerked back, feeling nothing but abject fear. The physical effects of the shotgun blast to his chest would surely kill him. But the blast never came. Instead, a small yellow plastic ball fell onto the patio and bounced away. That’s all. No concussive force. No blast of fire from the barrel of the gun. Instead, there was a fairly quiet pop! A split second after Kevin flinched back, Jake and Lee both burst out laughing.

“We’re just playing with you,” he laughed, “we love doing that! This isn’t even a real gun, it’s just an airsoft gun!” Kevin staggered and almost fell over. His bowels had nearly loosed themselves. He felt blood rush to his brain as a massive surge of adrenalin coursed through him. His heart was pounding. The man came over and shook Kevin’s hand. “No hard feelings, my friend. It’s just our sense of humor. Seriously though, did anything happen between you two?” Jake asked, eyebrows raised.

“No!” Kevin shouted.

Lee chimed in. “I offered, but all he did was look,” she said, sounding dejected. Kevin glanced over at her. Still topless, she sat down in a chair, leaned back and put her hands behind her head. She was relaxed and made no effort to cover herself. He probably should have been angry, but the relief at not being dead was overpowering. Jake looked at him, the gun now lowered. “Are you gay? It’s okay if you are! We’re cool with that, too!”

His heart still racing, Kevin felt a little bit dizzy. “No, I’m not gay,” he stammered. Things were getting more bizarre by the minute.

“I didn’t think so. You don’t strike me as a man who’s gay,” he said, looking over to Lee who still made no effort to cover herself.

“He’s a newlywed,” Lee chimed in, “And I’m sure he’s not gay. He couldn’t keep his eyes off me!”

“I have a pregnant wife and  .  .  .  well, you know how it is.” He felt a mixture of frustration, guilt, and an overall sense of weirdness.

Jake noticed Kevin glance at Lee’s breasts. “I never get tired of them,” Jake said, “Even after fifteen years of marriage. You should have seen the photo collection we had on Flickr! I still have all the files, but it was more fun to have people look and comment. Toward the end we had over ten million views!” he said proudly as he placed the toy gun on one of the tables. He headed behind the bar to pour himself a pint of Stormcloud, then sat down next to Lee. “So what’s the story, Lee? Who’s our new friend?”

“This is Kevin. He came paddling by in a canoe while I was sunning myself on the beach,” said Lee. “I waved him over and boy, was he glad to see me! He seemed thrilled to meet another survivor.”

“I’ll bet he
was
glad to see you,” Jake said with a smirk. Looking Kevin full in the face he asked, “So what’s your story? We all have one these days.” Kevin proceeded to tell them about his house in Ann Arbor, meeting and falling in love with Michelle, his solar panels and hydroponic grow room. At that, Jake perked up and for a few minutes they compared notes on the methods they used, lighting, and fertilizer.

At one point, Lee finally rolled her eyes and sighed loudly. “Okay, fine, you both like the same toys. So how did you get here and why? Where’s your wife?”

“To make a long story short, two days ago I left Ann Arbor in a borrowed Jeep. I took mostly back roads but had a few interesting things happen along the way. I got as far as Lake Menekaunee—do you know where that is?”

“Of course, it’s the lovely resort that used to be a lumber town. A hidden jewel. One of Michigan’s best-kept secrets.”

“Absolutely. I was just north of Lake Menekaunee on M-22 when I came to a barricaded bridge over the outlet from the upper to the lower Lake Menekaunee. It was getting late, so I drove to the resort to spend the night. But I had a couple of interesting experiences and ended up on the beach in the middle of the night. When it was light this morning I started riding my bike toward Frankfort.”

“When you say
interesting experiences
do you mean zombies or something else?”

“My interesting experiences,” Kevin paused, “involved both zombies and humans, although not at the same time. Partway up the beach I saw a sailboat on the lake. That convinced me to go on. I borrowed the canoe from an abandoned house.”

“Why are you so intent on getting to Frankfort?” she asked.

“Three of us live together. Me, my wife, and our roommate. He’s a doctor, my wife is a nurse practitioner. She’s also over four months pregnant with my baby, and Doc is afraid she has a medical condition.”

“What kind of condition?” Lee asked.

“It’s called preeclampsia. But don’t ask me to explain it.”

“We know what that is,” Lee softly said. Jake patted her on the leg reassuringly. “We went through that ourselves. It didn’t have a happy ending for us.”

“Sure it did, Hon,” Jake said. “You’re still here. I still have the opportunity every day to make you happy. And you still have the chance to make me happy. And you do.” She looked up at him, her eyes expressing an intimacy between them that made Kevin feel bashful and privileged at the same time.

Kevin felt strange, talking to a man whose wife sat topless before them both. He went on, deliberately turning his eyes away. “We heard a broadcast on the radio. It said Frankfort was a safe haven and had a hospital and doctors. I came here to see if it was true. If it is, I’ll go back to Ann Arbor and bring them here.”

“You mentioned your house in Ann Arbor had solar power and a hydroponic grow room. Why don’t I show you my setup while you explain yours? I think you’ll be interested in what you see! If you can peel your eyes from the view here,” Jake said with a wink. He gave Lee a quick kiss then stood up. “Walk this way.” He began walking with an exaggerated limp. Kevin stood up and mimicked his walk. When Lee laughed out loud, Jake look back and laughed as well. “I’m glad you have the same sense of humor we do!”