Zora and Nicky: A Novel in Black and White (46 page)

“She sent Pete to the store. It was Tuesday afternoon. June thirtieth. A
really ordinary day, Zora, and I wanted to go to the store with Pete, but she
said she wanted me to stay and help her with a few things. And I’m twelve,
and dumb as a bag of nails.”

She squeezes my hand, and I squeeze hers back.

“Don’t tell me any more, Nicky.”

“No, you wanted to know. Jerri gave me my first kiss, and then she gave
me more. And then she took every bit of innocence I had. Every bit of it,
Zora. And I never again saw that boy I used to be. I’ve been looking for him
for thirteen years. I don’t care who calls me Nicky, I haven’t been able to find
the glimpse of the good in me, or even the
me
in me, until you gave me that
sketch, and I saw me.”

Oh, man. Tears well in my eyes. “I’m sorr—”

But her kisses stop me from speaking. She rocks me and lets me weep for
the boy I lost. She said Sankofa means “Go back and fetch it.” What I went
back and fetched was the little Nicky. I didn’t know I couldn’t go on to be a
man until I rescued him.

ZORA

Nicky is spent, but he asks for a pen and some paper. He writes while I sketch
him. When he’s done, I hand him a drawing of him writing, and laugh at the
irony because both of us were so stalled when we came together. He gives me
his poem.

Beautiful Mosaic

I use to think I could fix
broken people.
I made a mess.
Broke a few
more than they were
before they met me.

Still, I’m drawn
to shattered people.
Their lovely sharp edges,
their exquisite, cutting shards.

I just don’t try
to fix them anymore.
I got tired of bleeding
more than I already do.

Instead, I take
my splintered pieces
and scoop them into
a scarlet bag.
I place myself
at their feet
spread myself out before them
as a love offering.

Sometimes this works.
Sometimes they walk
all over me.
Oh well.
I did say they were broken.

But sometimes
they’ll take all their pieces
their many, hard-edged pieces
and pour them out
of black leather
or white velvet
right at my feet.

And God will put His fingers—
carefully now! Be careful, God!—
on all our sharp and shining places.
Make a beautiful mosaic
out of all our brokenness.
He will bind us together,
by the bright, white strength
of love that never fails,

even though we are broken,
even though we are tiny little
fragments of what we used to be
or what we should be.

He has the face of an angel, and surely he writes like angels wish they
could speak. I place my hand on his cheek. “I’m going to marry you.”

“Do it now.”

“How am I supposed to marry you now?”

“Zora, I never told anyone about Jerri. I’ve carried that for all those years.”

“I know. I’m so sorry, baby.”

“I’ve hurt a lot of women. Really good women, who I should have been
leading to Christ. I’ve been a slave to lust. Even after I was celibate I remained
a slave—this broken thing Jerri left behind. She ruined me.”

“Nicky, she victimized you.”

“I want to belong to Jesus, Zora, and I want to belong to you. I’ve missed
you so much.”

“I missed you too, Nicky. I didn’t know you could miss someone you
haven’t known forever so much.”

“That’s the thing. You have known me forever. I don’t know how, but
you have.”

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a circle of gold. The earring God
gave us. He holds it out to me.

“Did you know that in biblical times a Hebrew slave, in his seventh year
of servitude, could declare his love for his master and refuse to go free?”

“I didn’t know that, Nicky.”

“But you can appreciate this from your own cultural experience. A slave
is lowly, and despised. Above all things a slave wants freedom, right?”

“Right.”

“So you gotta really love that master if you refuse to be free when you
can be, right?”

“Right.”

“I’m not saying I don’t want to be free of the lust, and the pain. And I’m
not going to be a perfect man because I’ve made this resolve, but I’ve got to
be a real man. A better man. A loving man. Your husband. I want to be all
those things. Christ’s slave. In biblical times, if a slave declared his love for his
master and refused to go free, the master took him before God and pierced
his ear, and he remained his slave for life.”

Nicky takes my hand, and places the earring in it. “I want you to pierce
my ear, Zora. I want you to see I am declaring my love for Jesus. I want to be
His slave for the rest of my life. I want to be His servant.”

I can’t even speak. The beauty of his act steals my words.

“Please, Zora, pierce my ear and make me God’s slave. And make me
yours. I am your servant.”

He drops to his knees and his head goes to my lap. “Make me your
man.”

“I can’t, Nicky. I’m afraid I’ll hurt you.”

Billie’s voice calls from the dining room, “Like
heck
you can’t!”

A tear slips from my eye as I get to my knees beside him.

“My hands are shaking too much.”

Billie and Pet come out and Pet’s got the ice tray in her hand. Billie’s got
a tea towel. They both join us on our knees. “Okay. I’m the queen of self-
piercing. We’ll numb him up with the ice and he won’t feel a thing.”

Nicky’s head shoots up.

“You guys can’t bring ice. That’s going to ruin the moody beauty of the
whole thing.”

“Whatever,” Pet says. “Besides, the ice will give Zora a chance to calm
down. The way she’s shaking you’ll end up being Swiss cheese by the time
she’s done with you.”

John comes in the room with the bread and wine. “Might as well go for
the full effect.”

“Including the footwashing?” I say.

John shrugs. “Slave making blood covenants, dubious communion, why
not wash each other’s feet? We’ll just make a party of it. A big Jesus party.”

Nicky takes my hand. “Can’t have a party without a song.”

Nicky opens his mouth and a song so sweet and familiar begins to pour
out of him that tears stream out of me with every soaring note.

He sings, “
Let us break bread together on our knees.
”

Voices swell in song around me. I look at Nicky. “How did you—?”

“I asked yourg dad.” And he goes right back to singing as if saying “I
asked your dad,” doesn’t tell me everything I need to know about him. I’m
going to marry him. I’m going to give him a house full of golden children.

John tears Christ from a single loaf and passes Him around.

Let us break bread together on our knees.

I put Christ in my mouth and begin to chew on Him, sweet and spongy
in my mouth. Christ is holding my hand, looking just like her mother, crying
just like her mother. I’m in love with Christ singing my favorite spiritual.
Christ is scurrying around the kitchen readying towel and pitcher and bowl
for our foot washing. Christ is all around me, loving me, and being loved by
me. We all sing:

When I fall on my knees
with my face to the rising sun,
O Lord, have mercy on me.

… a little more …

When a delightful concert comes to an end,

the orchestra might offer an encore.

When a fine meal comes to an end,

it’s always nice to savor a bit of dessert.

When a great story comes to an end,

we think you may want to linger.

And so, we offer ...

AfterWords—
just a little something more after you

have finished a David C. Cook novel.

We invite you to stay awhile in the story.

Thanks for reading!

Turn the page for ...

• Discussion Questions

• A Conversation with Claudia Mair Burney

• What’s Next for Mair?

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. Zora and Nicky meet at a home Bible study. What do they see reflected in
this community that they haven’t found in their home churches?

2. Billie tells Zora that at the Beloved Community a stranger is someone who
“is disconnected from love.” In what ways are Zora and Nicky strangers at
the beginning of the novel?

3. Richard, the author of
Good News for Rascals, Rebels, and Whores
, is perhaps
the most missional character in the novel. Do you think his brokenness
makes him easier or more difficult to relate to?

4. When Nicky is struggling with feelings of lust, Richard tells him to think
about whether the love of God wants him to defile Zora. What does this
question say about the way that Richard views God? How does Richard’s
perspective differ from the way Nicky views God?

5. Have you ever experienced a relationship or community where you knew
that you were loved at the core of who you are, regardless of your past? If
so, how did this knowledge change you?

6. Zora and Nicky are immediately attracted to each other. How does this
initial attraction grow into a more mature love by the end of the novel?

7. Zora’s father doesn’t want Zora to lack for anything. How is this desire a
reflection of his past?

8. The Sankofa bird’s head is turned back to symbolize that what we’ve lost is
in our past, and only in going back can we truly go forward. How do Zora
and Nicky come to terms with their pasts in this novel?

9. At the beginning of the novel, both Zora and Nicky are quick to point
fingers at each other. How are they forced to confront the pride and racism
in their own lives?

10. Do you think that racism is an issue in our culture today? In the church?
Why, or why not?