03_A Family To Call Her Own (12 page)

Slowly but very deliberately he let his hand wander from her shoulder to her neck, his thumb playing gently with the lobe of her ear. She went absolutely still, almost as if she was holding her breath, but she didn’t protest, he noted with relief. When he lowered his head to nuzzle her neck, he heard her swiftly indrawn breath, could feel the pounding of her pulse against his lips.

“You look very lovely tonight, Rebecca,” he murmured softly, his voice husky.

She swallowed with difficulty. “Th-thank you.”

He pressed his cheek to hers. “You taste good, too,” he whispered, his breath warm against her skin.

This time Rebecca didn’t even try to answer. The touch of his lips was now making skyrockets go off.

Gently, he cupped her chin to turn her face toward his. His lips traveled up the slender column of her throat, which she involuntarily arched to meet his kiss, then across her cheek, up to her forehead. Her eyelids drifted closed, and she sighed with pleasure as he kissed each one very gently.

Zach tried to quiet the thudding of his heart, but when he spoke, his voice was hoarse with emotion. “Oh, Rebecca…” Without giving her a chance to respond, he cupped her face with his hands and tenderly claimed her lips.

Rebecca found herself responding tentatively to his touch. Her hand crept around his neck and, without consciously deciding to do so, she turned into the embrace, tunneling her fingers through the soft hair at the base of his neck and pressing herself closer. Caught in his spell, she relaxed in his arms as his kiss worked its magic.

Zach felt her trusting response, her willingness to explore their attraction, and with a groan he deepened the kiss. If he felt her sudden surprise, her hesitation, he was too caught up in the moment to notice.

Zach drew her even closer. He shifted so that she was leaning against the back of the bench as he continued to kiss her.

Rebecca didn’t know at exactly what moment she panicked. All she knew, quite suddenly, was that she had. The old feelings of terror resurfaced with an intensity that took her breath away. She felt powerless, helpless, suffocating as his pressing weight immobilized her. The kiss that had started out so welcome had suddenly become a thing to be feared; his lips, once seeking now seemed demanding as they imprisoned hers; and his arms felt like steel cables holding her in place. She couldn’t breathe, and she clawed at his shoulders desperately as her heart thudded painfully in her chest, hot tears stinging her eyes. But still he seemed oblivious to her distress. Finally, with one last, desperate, superhuman effort she wrenched her lips free, turning her head aside as she gasped for air, struggling to push him away.

Only then did Rebecca’s ragged breathing and the frantic pressure of her hands against his shoulders penetrate Zach’s consciousness. He hesitated, backing up far enough to look into her face.

That was the only opening she needed. With a strangled sob she broke free of his arms and jumped unsteadily to her feet, dashing blindly for her apartment as tears streamed down her face. She stumbled once, her heels sinking into the rain-soaked earth, but she quickly regained her footing and continued her irrational flight, her thoughts a chaotic jumble, her emotions tattered. She groped desperately for her key, her fingers closing around it reassuringly as she reached her porch. In a moment she would be safe!

But just as she stepped up a hand shot out and grasped her wrist, throwing her off balance. She gasped, teetering precariously on the edge of the concrete stoop, until another hand reached out to steady her.

Once more Rebecca felt trapped, and she tried to shake off the hands, her heart clamoring in her chest. “Let me go, please!” she pleaded, twisting in Zach’s grasp.

“Rebecca, calm down!” he said tersely, alarmed at her near-hysterical state.

“Please,” she repeated, her voice breaking on a sob. “Just let me go!”

“Not until you tell me what this is all about,” Zach said, his voice quiet but touched with steel.

Rebecca could hear the contained anger in his voice as she averted her face. But she missed the underlying concern and confusion as she struggled to control the irrational fear that held her in a vise.
Stay calm,
she told herself.
Get a grip. You’re two steps from your front door and a single scream will bring a dozen people running. You’re safe.
She forced herself to take deep breaths, fighting the sudden wave of blackness that swept over her, willing her heart to slow down.

“Rebecca, answer me,” Zach demanded, gripping her wrist.

“Please—just let go of me,” she said brokenly, turning at last to face him.

Zach took one look at her tear-streaked face, at the almost-wild fear in her eyes, and automatically loosened his grip as her sheer panic finally registered. Tension was radiating from every pore of her body, and she was shaking. Badly. Something was very wrong here, he realized with a frown. Okay, so maybe he’d come on a little too strong. But his overzealous ardor shouldn’t have induced this frenzied response. There was something else going on, something that had made her freak out at what essentially was just a kiss. And his caveman reaction to her panic certainly hadn’t helped the situation, he thought, silently cursing his insensitivity.

Zach released her wrist, jamming his hands into his pockets. He figured that was the safest place for them, considering that his instinct was to reach over and frame her face with them, erase her tears with the gentle brush of his thumbs over her cheeks, taste the salt on her lips as he kissed away her hurt and fear. But he instinctively knew that touching her in any way whatsoever was
not
a good idea. He’d already made a major mistake tonight, it appeared, and he was not about to make another one. He was playing it safe from here on out.

“Rebecca, what’s wrong?” he asked softly, gentling his voice considerably, striving to keep his posture nonthreatening.

She shook her head jerkily. “Please, Zach. J-just go. You w-wouldn’t understand.”

“Would you at least give me a chance to try?”

She shook her head and attempted to swallow past the lump in her throat, praying that he would just leave her alone to mourn the death of her dream of a normal relationship with a man. She had hoped—prayed—that this time it would be different. But it wasn’t. And it never would be.

Zach gazed at her, trying to probe her eyes, searching for answers she clearly wasn’t going to give. But all he saw reflected in their depths was abject misery, absolute loneliness and utter despair. His gut wrenched painfully as he looked at her, wanting desperately to ease her distress but not knowing how. There were larger issues at work here, issues he couldn’t hope to uncover tonight in her present state. All he could do was try to calm her, make her feel safe. But that was going to be a monumental task in itself, judging by her body language. She was poised for flight, hovering only inches from her door, ready to bolt at the slightest provocation.

“Look, Rebecca, I’m sorry,” he apologized huskily, trying to communicate with his eyes that he would never purposely hurt or frighten her. “I guess I just got carried away. I scared you, didn’t I?”

She hesitated, but finally she lowered her gaze and nodded. Denying the obvious would be foolish. “Y-yes.”

“I’m sorry,” he repeated, the warmth and tenderness in his voice acting like a balm on her frayed nerves. “That was certainly not my intent. I find you attractive, and I thought the kiss was an appropriate way to demonstrate that. Obviously it wasn’t, because you reacted almost like I was attacking you. I want you to know that was the last thing on my mind, Rebecca. I would never force my attentions on any woman.”

She knew that, now that the rational side of her brain was finally kicking in. But she also now knew with absolute certainty that she wasn’t equipped to deal with a man of strong passions—like Zach. She was sure that any other woman would be flattered by the advances of such a handsome, intelligent, caring man, would welcome his ardor. But Rebecca wasn’t like other women. And even though she’d followed through on her Valentine’s Day promise to give a relationship one more chance, she’d failed miserably, just as she’d feared.

Much to her embarrassment, a tear silently rolled down her cheek, and she reached up to brush it away with shaking fingers, turning toward the door as she spoke. “It’s not your fault, Zach,” she told him, her voice catching on a sob. “Just don’t waste your time on me anymore, okay?”

“Rebecca…” He wanted to reach out and restrain her, and it took every ounce of his willpower to keep his hands in his pockets, balled into fists of helpless frustration.

She finished fitting the key into the lock, then half turned, waiting for him to continue. Except he didn’t know what else to say. He wanted to ask her why she was so afraid, but he knew she’d just shut down even more. Yet there was no way he could fight her fear if he didn’t know its source. All he could do at the moment was let her know how he felt.

“Rebecca, I care about you,” he said slowly, deliberately. “I don’t know exactly what went on here tonight, except that I upset you very badly. But I don’t want things to end like this. We need to talk about it. Not tonight, I know, but how about tomorrow, in the daylight, somewhere you feel safe? Just name the place and time.”

Rebecca’s eyes misted again. He was trying, she’d give him that, exhibiting more patience than she had a right to expect after the way she’d rebuffed his embrace, surely denting his ego in the process. But it wouldn’t work. Zach didn’t strike her as a man who was used to waiting, and she knew his patience would quickly wear thin. To continue to see him would only delay the inevitable.

“I’m sorry, Zach,” she whispered, her voice quavering. “It’s no use. But thank you for offering. And for not being angry about tonight.”

“Rebecca, please let me—”

“Goodbye, Zach,” she said, opening the door and slipping inside as she struggled to control the sobs begging for release.

“You’re a very nice man, and I-I’m sorry,” she finished helplessly, her voice breaking as she shut the door with a quiet but decisive click.

Zach stared at the closed door, frowning in confusion and frustration, at a loss for one of the few times in his dating career. He had absolutely no idea how to proceed. But as he turned and slowly made his way to his car, he knew one thing with absolute certainty. He wasn’t going to let this intriguing woman slip out of his life so easily.
She
might think their relationship was over, but
he
had other ideas. He hadn’t lied to her about not forcing his attentions on uninterested women. But she
was
interested, he’d bet his life on it. Whether she was willing to admit it or not, there were good vibrations between them. Certainly on the physical level, despite what had happened tonight. And on other levels as well. At dinner this evening he’d glimpsed a number of fascinating aspects of her personality that left him hungry to learn more. She had wit and charm and a great sense of humor, and he’d delighted in the sound of her carefree laughter, in the way her eyes sparkled in amusement and deepened with conviction as their discussion ran the gamut from old movies to her strong faith.

Zach had met a lot of women in his life. He’d even been halfway serious about a couple. But none of them had ever sparked his interest in quite the way Rebecca Matthews did. Perhaps it was the combination of social innocence and professional savvy; poise and uncertainty; strength and vulnerability. But whatever the reason, something told him that if he walked away, as she’d asked, he’d spend the rest of his life regretting it. Because he had a feeling that Rebecca was a once-in-a-lifetime kind of woman. And he intended to check out that theory.

Now he just had to convince her.

Chapter Six

Z
ach stared in shock at the message on his computer screen, trying to absorb the words as a cold knot formed in his stomach, then tightened painfully. Katrina was dead.

He closed his eyes and rested his elbows on the desk, steepling his fingers. A muscle clenched in his jaw as he slowly exhaled an unsteady breath, his mind in denial. He couldn’t believe Katrina was gone. It just didn’t seem possible. Or maybe he just didn’t want to believe it, he thought bleakly. Because although the news might
seem
unreal, the words that stared back at him from the screen when he reluctantly opened his eyes were real enough. He forced himself to read Josef’s message again, more slowly this time, finding the content even more jolting—and more final—the second time through.

I do not know how I find the strength to write these words, my friend. Though the outside world goes on around me, my own world seems to have ended. Katrina died two days ago, Zachary. The miscarriage depleted her strength, and infection set in. She was never physically strong, as you know. But she had such inner strength that I thought her light could never be dimmed, that it would always burn brightly to light my way. Yet the Lord has chosen to take her from me, leaving my world in darkness.

I write to you now to request a very great favor. Do you remember the promise we made to each other, Zachary, so many years ago? A promise to help each other should the need ever arise? I hope that you do, my friend, because the time has come when I must make such a request. I do so with full understanding of the burden it will impose. But if you take the sabbatical you mentioned in your last correspondence, perhaps it will not be so difficult.

Things are not good in my country, as you know. They are especially not good right now. I do not care much for myself, but I worry about Isabel. She is all I have left now, Zachary, Katrina’s legacy to me, and I must keep her well. But that is not easy to do. It is no longer even safe for her to go out and play. There are too many random acts of violence and bombings. My work is also putting me at more risk right now. If something should happen to me, I do not know what would become of my precious child. I would turn to my family for help, but my mother is too old and frail to care for her, and my sister can barely put enough food on the table for her own six children.