1 Hot Scheming Mess (5 page)

The old gal scolded, “What’s the matter with you? Decent people are trying to sleep! Knock it off before I call the cops!”

Madison pulled her head back inside. She turned back to Spenser saying, “Should I tell her I know someone in the FBI?”

Spenser rolled her eyes. “So you haven’t got in enough trouble for one night?”

“The whole world hates me and I never have any fun.”

Daniel knocked on the door right at that moment and Spenser let him in while Madison went to the fridge and pulled out the bag of tacos to give to them for the ride home.

“I’m sure you guys don’t mind if I rush you out the door. I have a lot of self-reproaching to do.”

“Well, one thing is for sure,” said Daniel. “I’ll have to use a different costume now. You gave those guys ideas about how to embarrass me onstage.”

“Let’s go,” said Spenser. “I’ll embarrass you at home.” He smiled and Spenser turned to Madison saying, “Wink, wink.”

Madison used her most bored tone. “In case you hadn’t noticed, you just said ‘wink wink’ out loud.”

“Did I?” Spenser smiled as her eyebrows shot up and down.

“Stop already. I get it.” She pushed them towards the door and added, “You guys both saved my ass tonight. Let me quickly say… Sorry. Asshole. You rock. I don’t.”

Spenser said. “Go to bed and sleep it off. You’ll rock tomorrow.” One last hug and they left.

Madison locked her door and sighed. I don’t have anyone to wink wink about. Not really. ExBoy doesn’t count. I’ve got to figure out my stupid life.

She decided baby steps were in order. She would start with drilling holes and hanging things up tonight so she could return the drill to Grandpa tomorrow. Then she’d finally finish unpacking.
Tidy up the place. Make it look like home.
She started to get hopeful.
This could work. When I’m no longer in danger of having a condemned sign hung on my door, maybe I’ll ask Spenser and Daniel to hook me up with one of his friends. Just no wrestlers.

Ten minutes later, the high pitched whirring of the drill seared her eardrums. She was drilling the sixth hole and wondering why they called it drywall, when she noticed that the holes seemed awfully big. Crap! She had forgotten to switch out the bit for a tiny one.

Just then she heard and felt a rapid pounding on the wall. Madison heard the old woman’s voice drifting through her window. “God damn it, I’m going to come over there and throw you against that wall! Let me sleep!”

Madison sighed, kicking herself. Fine.

*****

She didn’t remember waking up exactly, just knowledge of pain and then the realization that there was too much light in the room. “Oh God…” she whimpered. Her head was about to explode. She rolled over.
Ooh, that’s worse. Don’t move.
But she could tell she was about to get no choice in the matter. She rolled to the edge of the bed and her frantic fumbling hand located the small trashcan nearby. Just in time. The whiskey and fast food tacos from last night did a curtain call.

I will never, ever, drink again.

She got up and did a careful ballet across the floor, trying to find a clear path to the bathroom. Reaching the bathroom, she hung onto the doorframe and hugged the molding to her cheek. She remembered something about Phil calling last night.
I think I’m supposed to be a fairy godmother today.
She swallowed some aspirin with a little water, found her phone, and read all the gig details about when and where the children’s birthday party would be.
Wasn’t there something else today?
She held her head.
My face hurts. I wish it would fall off.

She peeled off her clothes and for the next twenty minutes her shower gave her the courage to carry on. The hot water soothed her sore muscles. She hurt in places she didn’t know could hurt. Couldn’t blame the hangover for that, she knew. The soreness was from her antics with the wrestlers.
I’m lucky I didn’t break my head.

Shampoo and conditioner, the best things ever invented. The warm lathered water rinsed out of her hair and ran down her body into the drain, taking some of the pain with it. The scent of the conditioner made her feel feminine again.
I can do this. I can fix my life,
she thought, as she shaved her legs.
I’ll find a better job, I’ll fix my apartment, I’ll even fix my relationship with Mom. Grandpa will be proud.

She exfoliated her face with a free sample scrub she had picked up at the store. No more moping! No more feeling sorry for myself! No more bullshit, Madison. You deserve better, and you can do better.

She dried her hair and dressed in her fairy godmother costume. She looked like a queen out of King Arthur’s court in pastel blue, pink, and gold brocades. The long pink sleeves were tight till they reached the wrist, where they hung open and draped downward in silky pink and made poetic movements whenever she moved her arms. Her big green eyes were a bit bloodshot so she put in some soothing eye drops. Her skill with makeup had grown over the years to that of a professional. She looked divine. The finishing touch, a square yard of pastel blue silk chiffon, edged with gold thread, draped over her head with two inches of it falling down her forehead like bangs. After pinning it in place, she used a circular tiara to anchor it down on her head, the length of the chiffon going down her back over her dark hair.

She picked up her purse, car keys, cell phone, and put them all in her big black tote bag. Then she added her magic wand—eleven inches of silver with a one-inch rhinestone star at the tip to total twelve inches of make believe magic. Plus, a small set of gossamer wings that she could attach to her back before walking in to the princess birthday party since she couldn’t drive while wearing wings, and a set of watercolor face paints, long skinny balloons for making balloon animals, and a small balloon pump.

She looked at the time. Perfect. She had enough leisure time to go buy a coffee, head out to Grandpa’s place for a visit, then on to the birthday party gig. She knew he would get a kick out of her fairy godmother costume. She’d drop off his drill and ask him point blank what it was he was not telling her. What was he worried about?
I’m a big girl and can handle myself.
After making that clear to him, she’d leave for the party. She could still feel her hangover around the edges, but her spirits were considerably lifted.
Today will be a good day.
She picked up her tote bag with all the gear in it and walked out of the bedroom into the living room. She stopped cold.

Oh. My. God.
There were six big holes in the living room wall.

She stared. Shaking her head, she added the drill to her tote bag and left.

*****

As she headed down the hallway toward the stairwell, the next door down from hers opened and out stepped the tallest older woman Madison had ever seen, standing at about 6’4” or 6’5”. She was wearing a pink housecoat, what Grandma used to call a duster, and had puffy white hair that skimmed the top of the door frame. Her face looked like she was in her 70s, but her body appeared younger somehow. She was fit and toned. She was obviously the same older woman that Madison had mouthed off to last night. Madison was struck by her height but also by the empty look in her eyes and her slack jaw. Not wanting a confrontation, Madison had decided to keep walking when the old gal swayed and collapsed in her own doorway.

Madison jerked to a stop, her tote bag swinging at her side.

Everything was quiet. Most of the old gal’s body had fallen inside the narrow entryway of her own apartment, while her legs from the knees on down were sticking out into the hall. She was wearing the biggest fuzzy slippers in existence.

Madison looked around, but no one else was in the hallway. It quickly occurred to her that she didn’t know anyone else who lived here yet. Who should she tell?

She dropped her tote bag. “Hello? Are you okay?” The doorway was blocked with the woman’s body so Madison bent over and slapped her legs and knees, the huge fuzzy slippers shaking with each slap. “Hey! Are you all right?” She slapped some more, but the older woman wasn’t responding enough for Madison’s fear to subside. She was barely coherent.
Damn it!

Madison pulled up her long Arthurian gown into the crook of her elbow, delicately stepping between the old gal and the narrow entryway wall, her Lady Guinevere slippers making not a whisper, till she was all the way into the apartment and could put her hands under the woman’s armpits to pull her back inside her home.

Dragging her across the hard flooring of the entryway was not too hard because of the slick surface of the floor next to the old gal’s housecoat, but getting her across the carpet proved to be a much bigger challenge. Madison heaved and pulled, her tiara falling off onto the woman’s chest. “Errrh…” That got a reaction. She was responding.

Madison had her all the way into the living room, the apartment being a mirror duplicate of her own apartment next door. She stopped tugging and shoved her tiara back on. Grabbing a pillow off the sofa, she slid it underneath the old woman’s head. The confused eyes blinked and looked around. “What’s going on?” Her voice was weak.

“You fainted and collapsed. Just stay still for a moment. I’ll get a cold cloth.” Madison went into the kitchen, found a small towel, and soaked it in cold water from the faucet. She noticed trophies and colorful award ribbons all over the place. There were pictures of old style Vegas showgirls lifting barbells, or Rat Pack era men, into their arms.
Holy crap, is that her in younger days? Wow.
Autographed black and white glossy headshots of handsome men dotted the walls. Madison returned to the older woman whose color was returning.

The older woman said, “It’s this damn diet again. It can’t be the training.” She blinked several times. “Crystal was right. I shouldn’t rush it.”

Madison said, “Close your eyes a moment.” She complied as Madison used the towel to gently wipe across her upper eyelids and down the sides of her face and asked her, “Who is Crystal?”

With her eyes still closed she said, “My pain in the ass niece.” She scrunched up her brows and said. “I shouldn’t say that. She interferes because she cares. Family is important, but they can be damned inconvenient at times.”

Madison refolded the towel to get the cooler side out, and replaced it over her forehead and eyes. “My name is Madison. What’s yours?”

“Toonie.”

“Toonie? That’s… very pretty.”

“Bullshit. It’s weird. But it’s better than Petunia. No one dared call me Petunia except my mother.” As if just waking up to the situation, Toonie struggled to get up on her elbows, pulled the towel off, and squinted at Madison. “Are you that rude girl next door? The one who raises hell into all hours of the night?”

Madison’s tiara fell askew down her forehead. She pushed it back with the palm of her hand. “I’m afraid so. I’m that rude girl. Look, I’m really sorry about—”

From the open doorway a voice cried out. “Aunt Toonie! Are you all right?”

Toonie sat straight up and said in a fierce whisper, “Not a word, you hear me?” A young woman about Madison’s age threw down her purse and some grocery bags as she came running in.

She had very short light brown hair with pretty brown eyes. She looked high fashion with her short cut and tall, model-like figure.

“Of course I’m all right,” Toonie said matter-of-factly. “I was just demonstrating the correct way to do sit-ups to this nice young girl.” The young woman’s skepticism was all over her face as she placed her hands on her hips. “Uh-huh. Aunt Toonie, really now.”

Toonie smiled at Madison. “Now you try it, Madison.” She pushed Madison down on her back, the costume riding up to Madison’s knees.

“What? Oh! Absolutely.”
You’ve got to be kidding me.
Madison ignored Crystal’s face, as Toonie said, “Just twenty. And let’s go for speed this time. Come on!” She clapped her hands. Madison hung onto her chiffon and tiara and proceeded to do sit-ups as fast as she could. The memory of her sore muscles came rushing back as she groaned, slowed down on the seventh one, and trembled to complete the eighth before collapsing. Toonie cocked one brow in surprise and mumbled, “Needs some work.” Toonie stood up and put her arm around Crystal and said, “This here is my niece Crystal. She came over this morning to make a fuss. A girl can’t lose a few pounds without someone making a fuss.” Crystal was quite tall herself at around 5’10”, but nothing like her aunt.

Lying on her back on the floor, Madison wheezed out, “Nice to meet you, Crystal.” She took her time standing up, trying not to show her soreness.

“My aunt shouldn’t be pushing herself so hard. I don’t know why she’s back in training but—”

Toonie interrupted, “Glad you stopped by Madison. Anytime.”

“Actually, I do have some errands to run before going to a birthday party.” She straightened out her dress. “That’s why I’m dressed this way.”

Crystal had the same ability as her aunt to cock one eyebrow to good effect, and said, “You mean that’s not the latest fashion to train in?”

“Uh… take care, Toonie. Thanks for the… sit-ups. I guess.” Madison wondered what training both Toonie and Crystal had referred to, but decided it was more important to get going. She hurried out of the door to get her tote bag that she’d left out in the hallway. There was still time to fit in some coffee before seeing Grandpa if she hurried.

“Madison?” Toonie stood in the doorway. She looked Madison in the eyes and nodded. “Thanks.”

Chapter Six

The smells that filled The Loony Bean cafe were like heaven to Madison as she let the glass door close, little bells jingling near the top of the door. She inhaled the aromas deep into her body and exhaled nice and slow to the sounds of liquid whooshing as milk was steamed behind the counter. She felt some of her earlier confidence returning. The soft murmur of conversation as people came and went occasionally caught her ear as someone would mention her costume with “ooh, look at that” or “now that’s just lovely.” She would look their way and smile with a short nod.

She stood in line along a glass case that displayed all sorts of tasty treats that were intended to go well with coffee. Rolls, muffins, cookies, and breads competed for her attention. She decided to treat herself to a whole grain raisin roll to go along with her coffee. Anticipating the yummy roll and coffee, she took her money out ahead of time and held it in her hand, waiting for her turn.