120 days... (6 page)

“What about family? Don’t those people down there have family?”

He almost sounded angry. Sam assumed it was because he was trying not to show that what she was saying affected him. “Some of them do, but some, like your brother, wanted to make a clean break. They don’t want to be a burden to their families, or to have their loved ones watch them die. They want them to remember them as they were, not as they died. They say their good-byes and come up here. Some don’t have anyone and some actually have their families come up here for visits.”

“I can’t believe so many people would come up here to die, without any family around.”

“You still can’t understand how your brother wouldn’t allow you to take care of him.”

“No. I don’t understand it at all.” His fists clenched at his side.

She hoped she was helping him transition. “Maybe after you’ve been here for a little bit longer, you will, maybe you won’t. Everyone handles their disease differently. A lot of soul searching is done to decide what they can or can’t deal with. Some give up and die quickly. Others fight.”

“I’m glad he wanted to fight, to have extra time here, even though the doctors said there was no hope, but why couldn’t we do that together? Why did he have to shut me out?” His brow furrowed and a vein popped out on his temple.

“You know he ended up living an extra thirty-nine days by coming up here than what the doctors said. You read his journal. You know he was as happy and as comfortable as he could be. We have staff and doctors, who know exactly what he needed. As the big brother, you were used to taking care of him, looking out for him, and this time, he decided to do it all on his own, and not consult you.”

He spun on her. “What? You think I’m all pissed off that my pride got hurt because he didn’t depend on me? Well, maybe it is, but dammit, I could have done all of this for him, and more. Who knew him better than I did? Hell, we could have gone to baseball games like we used to do when we were kids, recreate all those memories, made new ones.
I
could have jumped out of a plane with him, not some stranger.”

“That’s it, that’s exactly it. You knew him best. And yes, you could have done all of that for him, but then you also would have seen him at the end, when he couldn’t take care of himself, when half the time he forgot what day it was, if he even noticed the sun was shining. When he was at his weakest.”

“He was
my
brother,
my
responsibility.”

She stepped closer to him and put her hand on his shoulder and her voice quieted, hoping to make him hear what she had to say. “And he felt you’d done all you could do. He was going to die. That was a fact. Nothing was going to change that. There was no reason to put more responsibility on you. He was trying to make it easier on you.”

Ethan looked at her with his hand clenched at his sides and tears threatening to overflow his eyes. “Dammit, he was my brother . . .” His voice broke. “I’ve lost my only brother.”

She’d never been able to let someone grieve and not comfort them. Stepping toward him, she gathered him up in her arms and let his grief flow over her, hoping somehow, someway, she took some of the pain from him. This was so unusual, they’d never had a family member spend so much time up here after their loved one had died. She couldn’t put her finger on what it was, but there was something about him that pulled at her. Knowing this wasn’t the time to analyze, she simply held him as he was able to finally voice the words she figured he’d kept locked up inside for too long.

Day 8

Ethan–

Sam told me it was bound to happen, but I didn’t believe her. I thought I had come to terms with death, but today one of the other guests died. I didn’t know him well. He was already pretty bad when I got here.

We had a celebration for him this morning. When I walked back to my cabin, I saw his handprint on the Legacy Wall and I sat down, right there in the middle of the path and cried like a baby.

I hid from everyone for the rest of the day.

Evan

Sam’s story was still fresh in Ethan’s mind the next morning. At that point, he didn’t know which was worse, losing both of his parents in one night, without a chance to say good-bye, or Samantha watching both of hers slowly die from cancer. He had to give her credit; she was strong dealing with death every day.

Ethan hated the fact that he’d broken down in front of Sam. He knew it would make her trust him, but he felt too exposed for doing it. And as much as he hated to admit it, he did feel better for getting it all off his chest. For the next couple days, he tried to avoid her as much as possible. Thankfully, they had busy days with a new guest arriving and getting ready for Dolores’s birthday party. Why, he wasn’t exactly sure; it wasn’t like it would make a difference in her life. He didn’t know how they managed it, but Noah Matthews, the lead singer for Last Stand, was coming to her party.

Ethan remembered listening to a lot of Last Stand while working in the garage when they first hit it big. They’d been a popular rock band for years and had just recently retired. He remembered Noah and his wife had been in the news not too long ago. There was an international manhunt for a psychopath who was after her. After the sick bastard was found dead, the two of them settled down north of Boston.

He had just finished blowing up the last balloon and raising the net they were resting in. At the correct time, he’d pull the rope and they would fall on the dancers. Dolores had never gone to prom. So for her birthday, they were recreating the event, complete with Noah as the prom king to her queen. Dolores had non-Hodgkin B-cell lymphoma, specifically Primary Pancreatic Lymphoma, a disease so rare only 0.3 percent of people who have the disease have that specific type of it. She came to the lodge after she’d learned it had metastasized. Everyone, her family and those at the resort, knew there wasn’t much time left.

Looking around, he saw the decorated tables and streamers hanging from the ceiling. He had no idea what his prom looked like. He’d been one of those ‘too cool for school functions’ teenagers and he didn’t go to his. There was no way he’d be caught dead there. He rolled his eyes, wondering at his choice of words because there he was, somewhere he’d never thought he’d be—prom. Everyone was coming in tuxes and formal dresses, and
everyone
was required to be there. There’d be no way for him to get out of it.

Checking his watch, he knew he had just enough time to get back to his room, change and make it back for the start of the party. He already knew there’d be no way he could be fashionably late and leave early. He was hoping there would be some way he could stick to the shadows and not have to interact with anyone.

He still didn’t understand why she did this. Sure, she’d told him about her parents, but could they really have been that well-off that she’d be able to buy this property and remodel it? And what about the upkeep? Surely she had to get the money from somewhere. Evan had left her, along with other charities, some of his money, but Evan had known Ethan wouldn’t have needed it or wanted it, so he didn’t have an issue with it. He wondered if she was taking money from everyone, how much she could end up with, and what she did with it all. Remembering all those handprints along the wall, she wouldn’t need much money from each of them to never have to worry about money again. He was going to find out, one way or another, and not get close to anyone in the process.

Day 9

Ethan–

Today is a new day.

Another sunrise.

Another beginning.

Yesterday is gone. Today will be better.

Today, I am not going to die.

Evan

Music blasted through the speakers in the rec center, and almost everyone was on the dance floor singing their hearts out to “YMCA.” Ethan stood in the background wondering what he could do next so he wouldn’t get suckered into dancing, especially to disco. His rock-and-roll heart shuddered at the thought.

The crowd parted and he saw Dolores dancing with Noah Matthews, acting like crazy teenagers. He did have to smile as he remembered the look on her face when they had pulled her up on stage and announced she was prom queen. And what would prom be without a king? Over the speakers, a male voice started singing “Happy Birthday.” Everyone could practically see her start to vibrate with excitement, and when Noah stepped on stage with her, a crown already on his head, she almost collapsed.

He hated to admit it, but it did warm his heart. There was no denying the fact that she was happy, and this was a dream come true for her. Who was he to berate the fact that Samantha wanted to do something good for these people? There had to be some other reason than helping people who were at the end of their life. He knew he had to get close to her. Keeping his distance was only going to make him have to stick around there longer, and he could only stay so long. He needed to get back to his work. Back to where he could make money, the one thing he really knew.

The music slowed and the lights dimmed. He saw her lean body gracefully glide across the floor, moving this way and that to avoid the other dancers as she went over to the bar and took the glass of wine Tracy, one of the kitchen staff, had ready for her. In her midnight blue long dress, she looked like a dream come true herself. Before he knew what he was doing, his feet moved in her direction. When he was ten feet away, her eyes swung toward him and she didn’t look away, holding his gaze until he stopped in front of her. Silently, he held out his hand, his heart racing in his chest. As her cool hand slid into his, he could have sworn he heard his brother laugh. Shaking his head to clear it, he tucked her hand into the crook of his arm and escorted her to the dancefloor, past people who could still move to those who were confined to wheelchairs.