120 days... (27 page)

“What are they?” Her hands shook. Deep down in her heart she knew.

“Best case, you stop your meds, you and the baby are fine, and you both live long, wonderful happy lives.”

“And the worst case?”

“Without the medication, the cancer grows and runs rampant throughout your body, killing you for sure and most likely your baby too. We’ll keep an eye on you, run as many tests as we can which won’t harm the baby, and make adjustments, but you may have to make some hard choices to keep yourself alive.”

“What do you think I should do?” She looked up to the man before her. He’d treated her parents, and she trusted him.

“I’ve got a name of another doctor up in Sacramento. He deals in high-risk pregnancies and cancer patients. If there is anyone who could work a miracle for both you and your baby, it would be him.” He handed her a card. “But don’t wait too long. I’ve already called him, and he can see you tomorrow.”

“Thank you.” The first tears fell down her cheeks.

“Here.” He stood up, opened his arms and she stepped into them. He had always been so nice to her, helping her understand everything that was going on with her parents, and then with her own cancer and opening up the resort. She cared for him like she would a favorite uncle, and for the first time in years, she cried on his shoulder.

As soon as Sam parked the van, she was out the door and walking up the hill to talk to her parents. She needed their advice and wished, like so many other times in the past, they were still there for her. Sitting down on the bench, she told them everything. All about Ethan and how wonderful he was, how much he’d changed, and how happy he was now compared to what Evan had said about him, and how he’d been when he’d first showed up at the resort.

She filled them in on the fact that she loved him, had started thinking of a future with him, or as much as she could give him seeing as there were no guarantees in life to begin with. Then she moved on to what Dr. Sanders had said, and wondered what she should do.

Growing up, their family time together, every memory was still clear, including the ups and downs, especially her teenage years. But the thing that stuck out to her was how proud her parents were of her. How much being a parent meant to them. She remembered watching videos of her mother while she was pregnant, and if she had to be completely honest with herself, she wanted to experience that. She wanted everything. To have a child, to have Ethan. She knew with the right attitude she could do this. It was something she wanted, deep down in her soul. She placed her hand on her belly. Sam and Ethan’s love had created something beautiful. There was no way she couldn’t seek out all the answers.

Looking at her watch, Sam knew she had just enough time to run down, pack a bag and get on the road to get to Seattle before dark. Her appointment was for late morning. She’d be able to get some rest, go through her morning routine of getting sick, and then head out.

Nodding, she knew she needed to have all the answers before she said anything to Ethan. It was already going to be a shock to him to learn she had cancer, but then to add everything else to that. No, she needed to make sure she could answer all his questions about him becoming a father.

Day 53

Ethan–

Sam says it doesn’t happen often, but sometimes guests let their family members come for a visit. Today that happened. One of Bruce’s grandchildren had a baby, the first great-grandchild. They made the trip here so they could have a picture of the child with him.

We all made an effort after they left to make sure Bruce didn’t get depressed afterwards. We should have known better. That man is a rock.

Evan

Ethan slammed the door behind him and stalked around the room. He was pissed enough Sam had left this morning and hadn’t told tell him she was going into town, but to then find out she’d come back, packed a bag and left again. It wasn’t like her and he was worried. Thinking he was doing the right thing, he let her have her space and didn’t press things. With her being AWOL, he knew he should have pressed her for answers.

Her note was crumpled in his shaking fist as he thought of the words she’d left for him. She wrote she had an appointment down in Los Angeles she’d forgotten about, and would be gone for a couple of days. He could tell she was lying about where she was going, even in a note. The feeling of dread wouldn’t leave him. He tried to shake it off, but it hung on; its claws stuck deep inside of him.

Looking around her house, part of him wanted to tear though everything and see what he could find, the other, and more logical part, told him he had to do this systematically. He had wasted too much time after his brother left before he tried to find him, and the trail was cold. Of course Evan had wanted to disappear. He also knew what kind of resources Ethan had access to and took measures not to throw up any red flags, so he wouldn’t be found. Sam should be easier to find. She only took one bag, so she couldn’t be going that far.

Taking out his phone, he made a phone call. He knew his contact would find out exactly what he needed to know, and quickly. Walking upstairs, he thought about what he was going to need to pack. He wasn’t coming back without her.

Samantha checked into the hotel and went up to her room. It had been a while since she’d stayed in one and decided to treat herself to some room service. The last thing she wanted was to have to interact with people. She needed to be alone to think. It was a situation she never thought she’d be in. Making sure she ordered something healthy, she ate quickly while her mind flew in circles.

Looking down at her belly, she couldn’t believe there was a child growing in there. Something she’d made with Ethan. While neither one of them had said the words yet, she knew they loved each other. This baby was a miracle, a dream she only dared to dream in the darkest part of the night when she was alone—when no one was around to see her tears because it would never happen.

But it had, and with it came hard choices. Actually, for her, the choices weren’t hard. She’d already made her decision. She had to see the specialist to see if it was really possible. Although she did have to be realistic with herself. There would be a chance, probably a big one, that she could lose her baby at some point. That was going to be the hard part. Would she be able to handle the loss? Did she have enough strength to carry on when the one thing she’d never thought she could have, may be taken from her?

If she was going to make the choice, she decided to daydream, think positive. What did she want for the future? She wanted Ethan by her side, running Last Resort with her. She wanted a simple wedding ceremony. She wanted him to be her husband, and for him to call her his wife. And she wanted their baby. She wanted to watch her belly grow, hold her child in her arms for the first time, give it its first kiss. Protect the child and raise it, praising every accomplishment and helping them with every obstacle. At some point, their child would leave, fall in love, have a family of their own, and there would be grandchildren for her to spoil.

If there was something she’d learned, positive thinking and prayers made all the difference in the world. She’d seen it over and over again, first with her parents, and then each and every guest who came to the resort.

But then there was also the heartache if she lost the baby. It would be hard enough if she lost it tomorrow. In her heart, she’d already began to plan, to dream, to love the child. But one of the worst things would be if she was further along in her pregnancy and something went wrong. To feel the child moving inside of you, to have it a part of you, and then nothing. No happy ending. Was that something she could really survive? What would it do to her and Ethan, what would it do to him? She didn’t even know if he wanted children. It wasn’t something they had talked about yet. Maybe he would leave anyway, child or not.

Thinking of her life before Ethan came into it. She knew she could go back to it if she needed to. Would she be as happy as she was? No, of course not, but she could do it simply for the fact that there were too many people she had to help. Her heart, her soul would be empty without him, but she could still make sure everyone she came into contact with knew they were loved. In time, her heart would heal. To a point, she knew everything happened for a reason, and she couldn’t control everything, no matter how hard she tried. Life always moved forward. The resort was her life before and it could be her life afterwards.

If she lost the baby, he could leave after that. She knew that would be the hardest, to almost have everything she’d dreamed of, and then have it all taken away. She’d be left alone, with the resort. No husband to share the ups and downs with, no child to watch grow. That would be the worst, but she’d never been a quitter before, and she wouldn’t become one now. Before Ethan, the resort had been her baby. She’d watched it grow from an idea to a fully functioning business. Over and over she’d seen guests come in and watched them fulfill their dreams, just because hers might not happen didn’t mean she couldn’t continue to make them happen for others.

She also knew she couldn’t terminate the pregnancy. That was something she could never do. There was no way she could even entertain the idea. The cost to her didn’t come into the equation.

Sam yawned so big her jaw popped. There would be no more going around in circles that night. There was plenty of time in the morning. For the present, she needed sleep.