18 Things (26 page)

Over the next few hours, crisp air better than any air conditioner poured through the open windows and tossed my hair in my face. I don’t think I’d smiled that much in a long time.

The first thing we did when the six of us arrived at Cedar Point was make a beeline for Millennium Force, brushing past strangers in the crowded park. Everywhere I looked, I saw another eighteen things for an amusement park bucket list alone: get stuck at the top of a Ferris wheel, spin so fast in the tea cup ride you make yourself sick, swing on a pirate ship so high you’ll probably poop your pants, eat only fried donuts and caramel apples for an entire day.

Soon the whoosh of air brakes meant we were next on the longest steel roller coaster Cedar Point had to offer. I thought about the last time I was at an amusement park, our eighth grade trip to Michigan’s Adventure. I wouldn’t go on the roller coasters with any of my friends, since I was too scared. They all gave me their stuff to hold, but Conner felt bad I’d be waiting alone. So he ran inside a gift shop, then returned with four stuffed animals. The characters—Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Woodstock, and Lucy—all mascots for the park, were to keep me company. He said they represented the personalities in our group. I was Charlie Brown, of course, a loveable determined loser dominated by insecurities. Conner was Snoopy, my sidekick. Nicole was the critical Lucy, and Sean was the resourceful Woodstock. I think that was the first semi-romantic gesture a boy ever showed me.

I smiled, thinking about how Conner would be proud of me right now.

“Here goes nothing,” I said to Nate sitting next to me. In my head, I repeated the mantra
everything will be okay
over and over again.

We put our arms in the air, hands linked, as we climbed the sky.

“We’re almost there,” Nate said excitedly, as if I couldn’t see that for myself.

I imagined Conner on my left, holding my other hand, something he always did so well since I was rarely brave enough to do anything on my own.

Then, the rush started. The car whizzed over the track, the sound of our laughter and the roar of the coaster bringing me back to the childhood I never really had. My sunglasses were off because I was scared I’d lose them, so my eyes watered and my hair blew back as we took one deep plunge after another.

I’d never gone so fast, but for once I wasn’t scared. I’d been the definition of an emotional roller coaster this past year, but now, everything seemed so amazingly clear, so reachable. The future was full of potential, and I must strive for the peak of the mountaintop.

For the first time, I started to believe what Nate had been telling me these past months. I could do anything I put my mind to. When the ride came to a screaming halt and we unloaded, I bounced on my toes. It all felt like a dream, like I couldn’t have possibly just done that and enjoyed it.

“Can we go again, can we, can we?”

While standing in line for the fourth time, I noticed Tammy clutching her sides. “I don’t mean to be a party pooper, but I think I’m gonna sit this one out and grab a smoke. Somebody text me when you’re done.”

She sauntered away in her sleek spandex pants, the words ‘Sure’ on her left back pocket and ‘Thing’ embellished on the right back pocket, both in pink rhinestones. Kyle didn’t take the slightest notice of her words, and I shook my head as he, Nate, and Sean discussed band business. Their voices were quick and the roller coaster was loud, so I didn’t catch any of their convo, but I smiled sadly at their enthusiasm as I felt my one
sure thing
slipping away from me.

I gave a quick wave to Nic before jogging after Tammy, yelling, “Wait up!”

When I reached her at the entrance to the ride, she asked, “You feel queasy too?”

Shrugging, I told the truth. “No, I just didn’t want you to be alone.”

She lit a cigarette, even though there was a
No Smoking
sign, and I followed her across the park until we were at a railing overlooking Lake Erie. I watched the sun playing peek-a-boo in and out of the clouds, the waves hitting sand, then ash flicking on pavement.

“Why do you smoke so much?”

She swatted away a couple of buzzing flies. “Why do you drink so much coffee?”

I pointed to her as she pulled the thin paper from her lips, blowing rings of smoke. “At least my vice doesn’t hurt others.”

I shooed the smoke away with my hand.

She shrugged. “Well, I’m selfish.”

“I don’t believe that.” I crossed my arms. “That’s a total cop out. If you were really selfish you wouldn’t spend so much time investing in people.”

“Who do I
invest
in, oh wise one?” Her voice was full of defiance.

Tilting my head toward the rollercoaster behind us, I said, “The Jedi Order, your dad, your neighbor, the cheerleading squad. So tell me honestly, why do you smoke?”

She turned her nose in the air and blew out another puff. “Another model introduced cigarettes to me when I started in the biz at thirteen. It began as a way to stay skinny, keeping my mouth occupied instead of shoving food into it when I got hungry. We didn’t have much in my house to eat anyway, since Dad never grocery shops, but cigarettes were plentiful. He was always too drunk to notice some missing. Of course, I’m old enough to find food for myself now, but it helps with the stress. So I’m sorry if my bad habit offends, but
to tell you honestly
, I really don’t care how you judge me.”

I held up my hands. “I’m not judging, just curious. It’s your life, and I respect that.” Shaking my head, I continued, “I can’t believe I spent most of high school stereotyping you as a simple-minded, snobby, backstabbing cheerleader.”

She took one last drag, then stomped out her cigarette on the ground. “Girl, neither can I. I mean I only stole your prom date, threatened to light you on fire, and slapped you in the face.”

We laughed until our faces flushed.

“Ah well, everything happens for a reason, right?” she said once we calmed down. “Isn’t that what your guru on the CD was saying?”

My ears rung with the sounds of the hustle and bustle of the park as they slowly melted away into the silence of the familiar truth. “Yep.” The residual almost hurt my ears because for the first time in my life, I actually did believe everything happens for a reason.

She twirled a piece of her blonde hair. “You really think all the horrible stuff I did has a reason?”

Bumping my hip against hers, I answered, “Well, it’s not that cut and dry. I think all the good and not-so-good stuff happens for
many
reasons. There’s rarely one single cause for anything.”

Gosh, I’m sounding more and more like Nate every day!

Tammy blinked rapidly for a moment, like she was batting back tears. “So what was the reason behind my mom dying after giving birth to me and my dad becoming an alcoholic?”

I placed a steady hand on the railing, not knowing how to respond. The absolute truth I so firmly believed in a moment ago seemed overwhelming now, but I knew I couldn’t settle for the half-truths anymore. “I think we find our own meaning from each experience. It may not be something fully revealed for a long time. Life isn’t black and white, like our first stereotypes of each other. And the good thing is there’s beauty in the shades of gray. You just have to look for them.”

“Golly, you are so corny,” she teased, poking me in the ribs.

But I grabbed her hand, holding on for a second, letting her know I was there and it was okay to be real with me. Then I shrugged happily. “Yes, well. Like mama used to always say: smile and the world smiles with you.”

My phone buzzed in my jeans pocket, and I checked a text. “They’re done. They told us to meet them at Mean Streak.”

Mean Streak was another one of Cedar Point’s most thrilling roller coasters, one of seventeen in the park.

She gave a one-sided smile. “I’d rather let the skirmish settle. Ask if they’d want to ride a more tranquil ride first. Like that antique car ride,” she added, pointing.

After sending her request, I got another text from Nate. “He says YOLO. We didn’t come to the Rollercoaster Capitol of the World for kiddie rides.”

Sucking in a deep breath, she said, “Can’t argue with You Only Live Once, can I?”

I pressed my lips together. “I’ll text back to meet at the Frontier Trail for the All-You-Can-Eat buffet instead. It is lunch time, and I don’t wanna tackle any more roller coasters on an empty stomach anyway.”

“What’d he say?” Tammy asked when my phone beeped loudly a few seconds later.

“Yes, of course! Food is always the way to a man’s heart.”

After we gorged ourselves on fried chicken, potato salad, baked beans, and root beer floats, we square danced to the country tunes blaring on the overhead speakers. I called out various moves to the beat of the music, instructing my friends. The buzz of the rollercoaster rides still hadn’t worn off.

“How do you know how to get jiggy with it hoedown style?” Sean asked.

I grasped his left hand and swung him around in a half-circle, then I grabbed hold of Nate.

We pulled away from each other slightly and then came back, chest to chest before he pulled back again, lifting up his arm so I could cross under it. The smell of grease lingered in the air, and I was glad for the chance to work off the meal—and to hold a piece of Nate, if only for a few seconds at a time.

This realization scared me.

I knew it didn’t make sense to want him right now. All the insecurities about us moving in different directions after graduation, about not being over Conner, about not being good enough for Nate, nagged at the back of my mind. In spite of all those feelings, I knew I believed in Nate and he believed in me, more than anybody. If nothing else, this
did
make sense to me.

“Eighth grade physical education class,” I shouted over the deafening music. “After I got the flu and missed a week of school, my requests for electives were late. All the cool sports were taken. So I learned good ole’ American square dancing instead, because middle school wasn’t already humiliating enough.”

Zigzagging across the floor, I stepped to the music with Kyle as other park guests joined us on the wooden floor. Then, hands on hips, I shimmied back to Sean.

“That’s not square dancing proper, is it?” he asked.

Looking over my shoulder as I circled around Nate, I said, “Hey, that’s just how I roll! Shakin’ it head to toe!”

Soon, we were all free styling, trying to outdo the other. The small crowd of people formed a circle while the six of us each took our fifteen seconds of fame in the middle. Everyone held their own until Kyle took center stage.

“Dude, what do you even call that?” Nicole yelled to him from the outside of the circle.

He shot her a playful grin. “It’s called bringing sexy back.”

Nicole crossed her arms over her chest. “You’re not bringing sexy back! You’re the reason sexy left!”

“Oh!” yelled Sean. “She took her shot and killed it!”

“Yeah, she went there, bought the ticket, and loaded the train,” Nate added, stretching out his hand to me.

I stuffed my hands in my jeans pocket. “You really didn’t expect to get a high five, did you?”

“Access denied!” Tammy said, laughing, and I reached up and gave
her
a high five instead.

“Whatever. You’ll be sorry you didn’t high five me when I win this thing.” He jumped back into the middle of the circle, pointing to us one by one, then gestured for applause.

In the end, Sean received the loudest cheers. I pat his shoulder as we headed back to our table for a refill of our drinks, exhausted.

“Being here on this Frontier Trail, trains going by, square dancing—kind of makes you wish for a simpler time,” Nate said to me underneath the shaded pavilion as we sipped our root beers.

“Well, according to you, I’d already match the old-fashioned values that go with it since I’m rooming in an all girls dorm and all,” I said, flipping my hair flirtatiously.

Nobody in our gang understood why I didn’t want coed dorms, but no matter how tough Mom acted, I knew it was hard for her to let me go. I thought staying in an all girls dorm would help ease her fears, and I didn’t need boys distracting from my college education anyway.

“Are you still gonna go to CMU in the fall if your band goes big time after the summer tour?” I asked.

He wrinkled his brow, contemplating. “I’m not sure. That’ll depend on a lot of things, I guess.”

Central Michigan University was about a two-hour drive to Ann Arbor. I had already looked up the directions online.

Beside us, Kyle burped loudly.

“Excuse me.” He patted his stomach. “I ate so much I think I may hurl.”

“Well, there’s plenty of coasters here that’ll help you do that,” Nicole said, checking her teeth in a pocket mirror she carried in her purse.

Sean slammed his fist on the picnic table, and we all jumped.

“Oh, yeah. Let’s get this party started. Top Thrill’s next. Who’s with me?”

I whirled around to face him. “I thought Mean Streak was next.”

He pointed to Top Thrill, visible from anywhere in the park as the second tallest roller coaster in the country. “We’re closer to this one now. Come on, ya’ll.”