183 Times a Year (27 page)

Tansy plays the trumpet. She dyes her ginger hair black and spray-tans her pale, vampire white skin. I think she wishes she was black, or mixed race at least. She's a good dancer too, always shaking her booty – or twerking her badonadonk as she says – every chance she gets. When she talks she says things like, “whaddu yooz talkin bout bruva” or “diz iz inglish innit”, which is well different to how she speaks to her Mum. She doesn't know I do but sometimes I follow her when she sneaks off to speak to her Mum on the phone, and she has a really soft Irish accent. Some of the other idiot boys around college call her a Wigger behind her back, which is like, well out of order and well derogatory. She just isn't sure who she is right now, like me. Can't everyone just try out being whoever they want to be? Knob heads. Thankfully, all the boys on the Music Course are like well chilled (although that may be coz they're stoned most of the time?). Anyway, whatevs college is waaaaayyyyy better than school.

We don't just sit round playing our instruments all day though. There's like well loads of other stuff to learn. We all have to have singing lessons and then there's the theory stuff, which is like booooooring. We also learn composition and have to use like well-complicated software and computers for that. Then there's the finance side of the business and freelancing, which is like selling ourselves, but not in the prostitute type of way. We also have jazz lessons and performance workshops and lunch time concerts three times a week. On top of all that we're doing like a major big performance in the evening in a couple of weeks' time which all our families can come to. I'm like dead nervous. Of course Mum and Simon and Mai – I mean Mania – and Connor and Nan and Grandad are coming. Even Joe said
he'd
come but Dad still hasn't replied to my text to let me know if he's coming or not. Knob.

My phone pings. I've got a message. I hope its Joe. Mum and Honey are still jabbering away which is sick coz Honey is like well talkative and she's keeping Mum occupied while I check my phone coz Mum gets like well lame if I get my phone out when we're eating and drinking. I look up to check Mum hasn't seen me when someone catches my eye. It's Ruby, a couple of tables behind ours. She's laughing and joking with a man sitting opposite her. The back of his head looks familiar. I'm pretty sure it's Luca, from the Catalina restaurant. I tell Mum and she turns round to look while I shout out to her.

‘Ruby. Hey, over here,' I say waving.

Ruby looks up, she seems surprised. She pulls back from the man opposite her and sits up straight.

I stand up from my chair and point to the top of Honey's head. ‘Come and meet my friend,' I ask. Ruby smiles, then gets up and walks over to us.

‘Hello ladies,' she says.

I introduce her to Honey and of course Honey stands up and hugs and kisses Ruby. Ruby looks a bit taken aback and laughs. Then we all laugh, except Mum. Mum seems moody? She looks at Ruby then looks at her watch then looks back to Ruby again.

‘I thought you had a meeting?' Mum says.

Ruby waves her hand dismissively. ‘Cancelled,' she replies.

‘So you didn't think to call me, meet for that coffee after all?' Mum makes a point of looking over at the table Ruby has just left. Ruby swings round to look too. The man that was sitting opposite her still sits. Ruby looks back at Mum again. She fiddles with her hands and seems nervous.

‘Didn't want to mess you around,' Ruby replies. ‘Thought I'd do a spot of retail therapy instead. Then who should I bump into but Luca. Cassie, you remember Luca?'

‘
Yeah, course I do.' I explain to Mum and Honey who Luca is, giving Honey a shortened version of mine and Ruby's celebrity shopping trip.

‘Hmmm, really?' Mum simply says.

Ruby raises one of her arched eyebrows then says she has to go. What the hell was that all about? I shrug my shoulders and go back to looking at my phone under the table. It's another message from Pheebs. She wants to meet up coz she has something she wants to tell me. She said I'll never believe it?

Friends are weird.

Chapter 23

DANGEROUS LIAISONS

LIZZIE

I squirm uncomfortably in my seat.

Why in god's name did I choose to wear these knickers?

‘God bloody knows?' I suddenly shout out. Tabitha my specious, gossipy, neighbour glares at me. She is, rather surprisingly, a friend of Raj's and has joined him and a few of us from work for his birthday celebration meal. When I try to explain that I was actually talking about my choice of underwear and
not
responding to her question as to why men find her
so
attractive, I don't think she actually believes me. I don't, however, give a shit.

Why did I pick these knickers though? I've worked all day at the library, made a quick pit stop here and then have to dash off to Cassie's concert in an hour. I tried to pick an outfit to suit all three obligations. God knows why I went for the sexy underwear? What the hell was I thinking? I should have stuck with function over fashion in that department.

Note to self – keep sexy undies for the bedroom only
.

I rock awkwardly in my seat, swapping butt cheeks in a pointless bid to prevent the black lacy thong, positively beautiful on the hanger in the shop, from being eaten by my arse. Twelve hours wearing this bloody thing is tantamount to torture.

Simon is picking me up from the restaurant so I make the most of it and order a large glass of wine. If I have to endure two hours of song and dance from First Year Music and Dance
students
at least the wine might help, perhaps even improve, the performance. If the strange noises emanating from the garage at our house during recent rehearsals are anything to go by I don't actually hold much hope.

‘Tut, tut. Too much wine doesn't help anything Lizzie,' Tabitha says.

‘Nope, but neither does water eh? Cheers,' I say raising my glass. She looks at me in the same way someone does when they stumble across a bad smell. I take a large swig of my wine and much to Tabitha's amusement nearly choke to death when I spot a familiar face across the restaurant.

What the fuck is Ruby doing?

My best friend looks as though she's enjoying a romantic dinner for two, only it's not with Andy. I swear the young man enjoying her full and undivided attention is Luca the waiter again. I grab my phone from my bag and use a combination of index fingers and thumbs, squinting without my reading glasses, to stab out a text message to my best friend.

‘Ah ah ahhhhhh,' Tabitha says wagging her finger and nodding her head from side to side like some defiant child.

With a bit of luck her head will spin right round and off in a minute.

‘Didn't Raj tell you?' Tabitha continues. ‘Didn't you tell them all?' she says turning to Raj before turning back to look at me.

‘Errrrr…ummmmm,' Raj replies, his tone uncharacteristically obtuse.

Either Tabitha has something on him or there's history between these two. Raj is acting like a bloody idiot.

‘Raj and I agreed,' she continues with smug satisfaction. ‘No mobile phones at the table. They really are killing the art of conversation you know.'

Yes and some people are only alive because it's illegal to shoot them.

I'm
pissed off because I actually agree with Tabitha. I can't normally abide the use of mobile phones at the table. It's a sad but common occurrence to see a table full of adults and children alike, heads down, zombified and hypnotised by that little device in their hands. Simon and I have banned them at mealtimes, much to the annoyance of the girls.

‘You are
so
right Tabitha,' I reply with as much conviviality I can muster, which frankly isn't much. I'm grateful though. She has, albeit unwittingly, given me some thinking time. I need to hold fire, gather my facts; god knows how many relationships have been irretrievably broken by text.

I look across at Ruby again. She throws her head back and laughs. I feel obliged to look away. Why do I feel like I'm intruding?

My feet feel like blocks of ice and I stamp them under the table. My choice of footwear has proved to be about as practical as my choice of underwear tonight, given the bloody weather outside. Strappy heels and snow are never a good combination.

‘Bloody hells bells, is it cold in here or is it me?' I ask no one in particular. Ruby runs her finger across the cheek of the young man opposite her again.

‘Cold? You think this is cold?' Raj says, ‘try living in my house innit. My bloody parents won't put the heating on until December 25th.'

‘Really? I've
had
to put ours on, even though it is only October.'

I look out of the window. It's still snowing. Great white flakes of the stuff, falling in abundance, marked out against an inky black sky. God knows what the gas bill will be this quarter if this weather keeps up for too long.

‘Yeah I'm serious innit. It's their Christmas present,' Raj continues. He wears an expression of animated disbelief. ‘Until then we all have to huddle together in one room like some
Dickensian
Workhouse just to keep bloody warm.'

‘Your hair is sitting in your curry darling,' the overtly camp waiter says to me as he leans across the table with yet another bottle of wine. He looks at Raj and winks. His pouty lips are full, the intonation of the words that fall from them, suggestive.

‘
Enjoy
my lovelies!' he says.

‘Whoa, you've pulled there Raj,' I mock. Raj looks embarrassed, his laugh nervous. My eyes flit capriciously from Raj to Tabitha, from Tabitha to Ruby. Why is Ruby stroking her friends face? Why are Raj's cheeks flushed? Shit, my hair really is in the curry. I love Thai red curry, but not in my hair.

I grab a paper napkin and drag it across a section of hair to soak up the spicy red sauce. Satisfied I've done the best I can for now I look up again at Raj and Tabitha. Raj looks rattled. I smile at him, try and put him at ease. Suddenly I see it, a flicker of disappointment across Tabitha's eyes. I know something – or at least she thinks I do – that only she thought she was privy to. I look over towards Ruby's table again. Is Ruby cheating on Andy? Surely not? Is Raj gay? Fuck, my head's spinning and the wine hasn't even kicked in yet.

The meal passes pleasantly enough and I even manage to remain only slightly offensive in the face of Tabitha's highly offensive presence. I have other, far more pressing concerns. I need the loo (way too much wine) but going would mean Ruby seeing me as she hasn't yet. I'd have to pass her table to get to the loo. Empty plates are adiosed away by various waiting staff before once again our very own darling waiter returns with menus.

‘Dessert anyone?' he says, holding a small notepad in one hand and a poised pencil in the other. Menus are once again perused and a brief discussion ensues as to whether dessert really is just too much of an indulgence.

‘Ooooh goo on,' the waiter says throwing his limp wristed,
pencil
holding hand forward. He looks at us expectantly but his eye is drawn frequently and noticeably towards Raj. ‘May as well go alllll the way eh?' he continues playfully. His laugh is course and throaty.

It's no good. I really do need the loo. I order something called Death by Chocolate (there could be worse ways to die) and excuse myself. I manage, somehow I think, to slip by Ruby unnoticed and it's such a relief to pee but more of a relief to pull these bloody knickers off. I consider taking them off altogether. I laugh. I can't remember the last time I flew solo. Simon really would think it's his lucky night. I decide, for better or worse, to keep them on. I check my reflection in the mirror whilst washing my hands. God where did all these wrinkles come from? I reapply some lip gloss then use both hands to smooth down my dress before taking a deep breath. My thoughts have turned back to Ruby. If she didn't see me going into the loo, she'll definitely see me coming out.

Just act normal.

‘Yeah, good idea,' I say out loud.

Why the fuck am I so nervous? Oh bollocks to this. Here I come, ready or not.

I pull open the heavy door and stride out confidently. They've gone. The table for two that Ruby and her friend had been sitting at is vacant and all that remains is a flickering tea-light and two empty wine glasses. I look round in confusion before grabbing the attention of the flamboyant waiter from our table.

‘Err excuse me. Where are the couple that were sitting at this table?' He tuts and raises an eyebrow.

‘Oh them? They've gone darling. Couldn't keep their hands off each other. Told em to bugger off and get a room.' His laugh is loud as he executes a dance turn before deliberately mincing his walk. And, just like Ruby and her companion, he vanishes from sight.