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Authors: Bridget Allison

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The point is Herb, you fucked with the IF. You don’t fuck with the big marvelous IF. I know because I am one. I am the miniscule statistic of people who stop being practicing addicts, whose existence brought out true heroism in my parents, heroism they may never had a need to exhibit if I hadn’t been born. I’m not much, I know that. But what I am is that tiny drop of hope in an ocean that can seem full of despair. You never had the right to interfere with the possibility of anything like that.”

He interrupted,
“But my book—”


Will be published, and by making this confession you have insured that it will get a lot of attention. Despite everything else you have done, that is a wonderful thing.”

I
moved slowly toward him. “I just want to zoom in a little closer before you do what you intended to do tonight. That makes sense right?”

He
looked down at the two plates before him. Each with a taproot vegetable on it.

“What I want to do here is make sure everyone knows they can trust the book,” he said firmly.

“Hang on a second Herb,” I said moving closer, “I want to set this on something, my hands might start shaking when the reaction starts okay?”

I
went behind him and opened up a couple of cabinets and drawers and looked quickly at their contents. I found what I needed, an iron skillet and noticed some tape. I laid the duct tape out on the counter behind him.

A
nita was looking at Herb steadily. “Did you make sure I got this job too?”

Herb didn’t meet her eyes or reply.

I was afraid to waste any more time so I broke the silence. “Okay Anita, I can’t seem to find anything, you think you can hold the camera?”

I
tossed it to her and she caught it easily.


You must have played softball.”

S
he nodded. “Actually it was my stepfather who taught me.”


See there Herb, one of the unintended consequences. Maybe she kept playing because she wanted to hang onto that part of her stepfather that showed he did care about her. That would be one of your good unintended consequences.”


I didn’t turn it off,” I said to Anita, “I’ll just sit down a minute and you let Herb say his piece.”


But—”

O
ut of Herb’s line of vision I winked at her, an action so incongruous with everything that was about to happen she seemed to realize I had a plan. And somehow based on our tenuous connection founded on a commitment to life—albeit wildlife—she raised the camera and nodded at Herb as I moved back around as though I was about to take a seat.


Chop, chop Herb; that battery won’t last forever.” I said and stood facing him just off to the side I hoped, of the video frame.

He
cleared his throat and spoke to the camera. “The version of the book I stamped “final” is sitting on my desk. I expect people will want to fact check it and that is more than fine. But what I am about to do will show you my faith in what is in the book. Inform yourself and you and your children need not go hungry. He indicated the two plates. “First I am going to eat the wild carrot then the other.”


Hang on a second,” I said. “What about if you close your eyes and I move the plates around and then you show that you can still easily tell one from another? That would make your reader feel more secure. They are bound to be nervous otherwise. I know I would,” I said dryly, “considering someone died.”


Mae’s death was no accident” he said “but I want no doubt about my expertise so that may be best.”

He
closed his eyes. I grabbed the skillet and whacked him on the head with it and Anita threw down the camera and grabbed the plates. She pulled her phone out of her bag and dialed 911 as I began to duct tape him to the chair. I didn’t know how long it would take for law enforcement to arrive and I sure didn’t want to keep knocking him in the head with kitchenware.

H
e looked at me blearily “Wha—.”


Herb, there may be hope even for you. Redemption man. Maybe you will pass along a love of science to a man in prison who will pass it along to his own children when he gets out. You’re a douche bag right now but there is always time to become part of the big old fucking marvelous IF.”

He squinted at me fuzzily. “I never did like a profane woman.”

“Lucky me,” I said as he folded his arms and rested his head on the table.  “Lucky, lucky me.”

W
hen the sheriff and the deputies arrived Jared was not among them. Anita handed off the camera to Bud and we asked him to please keep the tape from getting out.


I can’t promise anything until we have a look,” he said, “but we do have some questions.”


There isn’t one extra thing we know that isn’t on that film,” Anita said, “Can we please just go? Maybe come in tomorrow if you have more questions?”

B
ud looked us both over. “What happened to his head?”

“That’s probably on the tape too,” I said and Anita nodded.

“I hit him to keep him from committing suicide, I don’t think he’ll press charges,” I said wearily. “If he wants to, you know where I live.”

“Well,” he said, “that seems reasonable.”

“Also,” I said, “I swore a lot. I’m not big on that you know? Just when emphasis is called for; but it’s embarrassing. Please hold tight to that recording.” 


We are a little more professional than you give us credit for Gretchen,” Bud said. “Evidence has never been leaked while I’ve been in charge.”


And I didn’t mean to offend you, it’s just Harlan said they have problems with that at the police station lately.”

A
s Anita and I walked to the Rover she stopped and spoke up suddenly. “Maybe I should go back in, I did something that I thought was right at the time and I don’t know what the unintended consequences of that might be; maybe even Mae’s death.

I
gaped at her. “Anita, why don’t you tell me first and I’ll help you figure this out before we go speeding back in there to land you in cuffs.”

Her
face was troubled as she began to speak. “I knew Mae didn’t have all the forms. When she tossed them in the car a couple of sheets fell down in the floorboard. When she got out first and didn’t pick them up I stuck them under the seat.”

I
crossed my arms and leaned against Bessless. “I saw them when you sent me out for your purse, why did you do that; delay the filing I mean?"


I thought maybe it was a sign. There were too many things that hadn’t been resolved. Bill still hadn’t told her he was married before and I didn’t think she was treating Herb fairly. I just thought if it was delayed a few more days I could talk to Bill and Mae. Get them to do the right thing.”

I
considered it all for a moment. “I can’t pretend what you did was right, but I don’t see how the outcome would have been different. Herb didn’t realize until after Mae died that he even had a card to play if the divorce wasn’t final. As for Bill,” I shook my head. “That was on Bill and it’s all moot now. Give it a day or two and see if you still feel you need to report that. Seems to me you were trying to get them all to a fair resolution.”

“What about the unintended consequences
?”

“God, ‘N
ita, they all seemed to be pretty resolute. You advised Bill and Anita, you tried to help Herb by buying him some time to get Mae to change her mind. Despite what I said about people being full of surprises it does seem that what you did just stalled them on a path they were determined to take. We’ll never know. I guess we all interfere with things up to a point if we’re living any kind of life. But I can’t see how your confession about not pointing out Mae’s lapse is going to do a thing but throw you into a sordid story. ”

T
he tension lines on her face relaxed.” You’re sure?”

“As sure as I can be about anything after…all of this. Yeah, I am pretty sure.”

“I was going to take the forms to Mae back on the day we were supposed to have lunch and I thought I might tell her about Bill.”


She died a happier woman then right? She didn’t have to have a moment’s doubt about Bill. She was going to die regardless.”

D
uring our drive home there seemed to be a bond of acquiescence as far as talking; we were all talked out. But as she got out of the car I called to her. “The envelope! You didn’t open the envelope Herb gave you.”

She turned back and walked back over to my window and handed it to me. “Right now I don’t have the strength for one more piece of news
. Will you hold on to it for me?”

I took it and placed it in my glove compartment.

“I’m thinking when I have the strength to know what else he has done; I’ll have the strength to come get it.”

“You’re already strong,” I reassured her,
“but it’s here when you’re ready.”

“It may be a while,” she smiled grimly.

“I’m sure it’s something good.”

She
shook her head. “We are talking about Herb here; his good deeds have a way of ending in disaster. Anyway, I’m thanking you a lot tonight but I didn’t thank you for driving me to Herb’s house. What would have happened if I had called someone else? What if I had called Bill?”


Whoa, this night might have had a whole different ending. But you’re the one who found me a home here.”


Unintended consequences,” she smiled.


The Big Fucking Marvelous IF,” I replied.


You’ve really got to start watching your mouth,” she said. “I blame Lucy for that. But as a personal philosophy goes?” She shrugged, “It does make it memorable.”

Facebook P
ost: Some women don’t care for sweaty men. I actually like the sight…particularly if it is a man I don’t care for and I’m the reason he is sweating.”

 

 

 

Chapter 12

 

A
s soon as I crawled into bed I closed my eyes and pondered the last few days. Despite the night’s drama I was mostly troubled about Ben. I had a certain peace about Herb. Although the whole episode with the old man had a surreal quality, I had the feeling for once that all the dangling possibilities may line up to form a good outcome. Maybe he would actually make a difference in someone’s life in prison. But it was Ben’s absence, his roaring silence and his association with that woman which were haunting me.

I
went out to make sure I had packed up everything for the Dunbarton. Then I sat in an old recliner with a cup of coffee planning my day. I would settle up with Christopher, perhaps tackle the pending job I had been leaving on hold and hopefully after that, get some rest.

I
dressed, put a little more make-up on than usual to kill time and disguise my weariness, and stacked all the linens neatly in back of the Rover.

I
was anxious to get to the hotel before the business travelers were checking out. Hopefully, I would just miss Christopher, while not appearing to try to do so. He could mail my check. I did want to continue working there if jobs came up, but I wasn't eager for his company.

A
s luck would have it I walked through the elegant door just as he was speaking to the clerks at the front desk. The doorman had just missed catching my arrival, and I noted the dapper little manager giving him a sharp glance

T
he clerk relieved me of the linens I was bringing in.


Few doormen are a match for me,” I said to Christopher. I had glanced at the doorman’s name tag and added “Please don't blame Ronald. I am often told I move quite fast.”

This was true, in fact, it had been Hugh who had rushed up alongside me in my first week at Micheaux and asked if the footrace had already begun. Startled, I forgot his seniority for a moment and had thrown back my head in laughter
. At that moment the friendship that would almost destroy me was born.

C
hristopher interrupted my reverie, “You do move quickly, but with such elegance, as if you are arriving just moments late at a party in your honor.”

I
did an inner eye roll, “My goodness, I will have to relish that compliment on a day when I feel especially graceless,” (and have someone to hold my hair back, I thought to myself).


I hope you don't rush off again as quickly, I was hoping for a word,” he said, taking my arm and guiding me to a table in the vacant dining room. He pulled out my chair and I sat mystified while he ordered coffee and tea for us and began to delve into my social position. This was no different than chatting at the water cooler or being quizzed at a small town bridal shower. Everyone seems to want to rank you or network to use you.


I was quite surprised to see the Earl arriving to meet you. You seem quite close?”


Yes, we see each other when time allows. He travels quite a bit.”

“And his
mother, have you met her?”

I
nodded taking a sip of coffee, “my father was briefly married to Elizabeth.”

“And the two of you
? You and the Earl?”

“Dear friends,” I said simply
. And that was true, even if he had misled me about his romantic life, he was more than dear.


And how do you know Hugh?” I asked, intentionally taking him by surprise.

He
looked down into his tea a moment before asking “Hugh? I'm afraid I don't--”


I used to work at his firm, I still visit the managing partner, in fact Hugh's boss and I took a fishing trip together with my father recently.”


Is that so? It sounds like an unusual way for a young woman to want to pass the time.”


I suppose I am a bit strange,” I laughed.

He
smiled charmingly, “That isn't what I've heard, unique, yes, but strange has such a negative connotation.”

“Heard from whom
?”

“Excuse me
?”

“You said that isn't what you had heard. Do we know someone in common
?”

“I misspoke,” he said with a smile. “I should have said “inferred” from the newspapers and meeting you
. Of course I’m acquainted with the Earl and his mother from their visits here. I'm sorry, what do you call an Earl's mother? I should really know something like that,” he said apologetically.

I
shrugged, “I just call her Elizabeth.
But I think the person we both know well is Hugh. When I was visiting the other day Hugh heard me tell Dallas, the managing partner, that you and I had both felt uneasy with the suicide pronouncement on your guest Valerie. Hugh asked if “Christopher” and I were going into the private detective business. First name basis, so it seems you know each other well.”

T
here was a pause, “I don't recall thinking the suicide was anything but a suicide. I highly doubt I said anything of the kind. But in fact, I do know Hugh. I owe him a great deal,” Christopher said finally, “I got this position through him, he makes sure all the clients, associates, and interviewees are booked here, as well as recommending us to other firms.”


Even with this name and history I imagine that's helped you excel at this job through a rocky economy. I am curious about something. May I ask what he gets in return?”

“Whatever do you mean
?”

“I've known Hugh awhile, I never noticed him going to bat for anyone to such an extent before without quid pro quo.”

“I assure you, if you are insinuating that he gets a kickback or free accommodations...”


Oh no, I hope you didn't take offense. You certainly don't seem like the kind of man who would make an agreement like that. I was merely wondering what you did for Hugh at any point that would make him go to such trouble for you. Are you related? Did you push him out of the way of an oncoming bus?” I smiled, hoping to elevate our exchange from an interrogation back to some semblance of civility.


Nothing of the kind, although my wife is his second cousin. Hugh learned my hotel in New Orleans was closing and the chain which owns boutique hotels such as this one had been a client of the firm. They took me on his recommendation.”


How lucky for you, that he would step so out of character in your case.” I said, placing my cup back into the saucer.

He
shrugged elegantly, “You ask what he got out of it? I am good at my job, the hotel is grateful, I am appreciative, and the city has a hotel to be proud of, which is important to the business leaders in the community.”

I
smiled at him as I got up from the table, “Undoubtedly, I hope it all continues to go well.”

He
rose and escorted me to the door. “We will have your payment to you within the week.”

I
shook his hand. “Do tell Hugh I said hello.”

His
voice grew cold “I believe he is in New York.”


I trust he has a hotel there with a manager as accommodating as you are.”

He
stiffened; “Good-bye, Ms. Gallen.”

S
o, Hugh was out of town. It was tempting to try to see Dallas again but I had been there so recently. I did wonder if I should tell him about Hugh's arrangement with the hotel. I made a quick call to Dallas's direct line.


Hey darlin'”


Hi, I just wanted to mention something that is a little curious, I just left the Dunbarton.”


I'm glad you're finished up there, awful business, well come on by now.”


Really? I was just going to tell you on the phone.”


Get on over here.”


On my way.”

I
asked the valet to keep the car a bit longer and walked the few blocks over to see Dallas. I waved at Anne. She must have been told I was expected, because she didn't stop me. She just recorded my visit in her little register. Marge wasn't at her desk, so I made a sharp rap on the door and slid in to see Dallas kicked back in his chair and chewing on his stogie.


Giiiit that nasty thing out of your mouth,” I said, startling him into a chuckle.

“Marge has gone to get us some coffee; you're staying long enough for that right
?”

“Of course,” I smiled. “I just hope I'm not wasting your time.”

“Time with you is never wasted child. It’s a welcome break.”

J
ust then Marge came in with two porcelain cups of coffee. I got up to take mine from her as Dallas quickly removed his feet from the desk. I remained standing as she carefully placed Dallas's cup in front of him. Dallas shot me a quick look and carefully selected a file from his “in” box.


You have a meeting in twenty minutes,” Marge said firmly, giving us a look as though we had been caught shouting in the library.


I know it.” He handed her the file. “I'll need a copy of this before the meeting and I want you to do it personally.”

S
he glanced at it, “But this is just-”


Make that three copies.”

S
he scuttled out quickly, before he could make it ten.

I
stood there smiling down at him. “That poor woman...”


That poor woman makes a good deal of money working for me, I'm not saying it isn't earned, but she can stop dogging me for a little while now and then. He looked me up and down. Grab a seat. Now what's laying heavy on you?”


I understand it is completely none of my business, and I hope I'm not telling you this out of spite, but how much pull does Hugh have in deciding what hotels you use for out of town guests?”

“S
ince nobody else gives a rat's ass as long as it's first rate I’d say he completely controls that by default. He brought it up at a meeting about a year ago, said he negotiated better rates if we used the Dunbarton exclusively, and they would even accommodate the partners' guests for the same cost. So, since no one had any objection and it's the best and closest one to the building, it was a win-win. Is there something wrong with the hotel?”


No, it is absolutely the nicest one in the city. It's the only one I’d pick, but did you know that Hugh pulled strings with one of your clients to get a relative hired? I was just there, handing over their dry-cleaning from that suicide and the manager asked me to have of coffee with him.” I made a toasting motion with the porcelain cup. “I never turn it down, even at police stations and hospitals.”

He
grinned and shook his head in exasperation, “Let’s set a goal of keeping you out of both.”

I
looked back at the door and noticed Marge had left it open. But evidently time wasn’t up yet.

D
allas swiveled around in his chair and met my eyes expectantly.

I
shrugged, “Anyway, this may not bear looking into. But, if he's getting kickbacks or something from the hotel you'd want to know right?”

His
brow furrowed, “You really think he would bother? It's not a secret that we all already make a lot of money here.”


And you keep that hotel in the black. He's influenced other firms to use it too. It just seems like a lot of trouble for Hugh to expend on a remote relative. I think we can agree that Hugh is a pretty selfish person so I asked the manager directly.”


Hee hee,” he slapped the desk, “I bet you did. You always did know how to get to the point. Wish I'd been there. I do love to watch you make a man sweat.”


That's the thing; he did, he really was very nervous and upset, sort of beyond reason.”

I got up with my coffee and turned back to glance at his door to make sure Marge still wasn’t nearby. She wasn’t a gossip, but I didn’t want to be associated with slandering anyone, especially if it was unfounded.

Suddenly I heard a whistling tune coming down the hall towards us followed by a voice upbraiding what could only be a first year associate. It was Hugh's voice hissing. His tone collided with the tune he had been whistling and the next thing I knew my cup was lying shattered across the beautiful leather inlay of Dallas's desk.

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