20Seven (3 page)

It’s Time That Lets Me Down

With time constantly failing me,

I’m beginning to search for answers.

I expected much more from life so far,

b
ut instead I’m waiting as each day passes.

I can see everything I want is real

but not real enough to touch.

I can see it all in the distance
,

b
ut when I try it’s just not enough.

I’m still waiting…

As the day is ticking away

I’m still waiting…

Another sunrise another sunset

How long will it take?

How long do I have left?

The Note

To all I hold closest to my heart,

I know this is something you never wanted to know

a
s this is something I never wanted to feel.

The gleam in my eye is gone

My life, I am about to steal.

My emotions, a constant battle.

My mind, a broken mirror.

My heart, a desolate landscape,

I’ve always been just waiting

as the end in sight gets nearer.

This is something I could never tell you

a
s I know you would try to help me.

To save me from myself, to comfort and try to persuade me,

not to do what I feel is necessary.

To the ones I hold so close to my heart,

I’m so sorry for every wrong that I’ve done.

I’m sorry if I ever hurt you.

I’m so sorry that I have to do it again,

l
eave and forever burden you.

Please think of all the good times we had

a
nd all the laughs we’ve shared.

These are th
e moments I will be thinking of.

Lord knows that I’m so scared!

I’ve made my decision to take my life
,

o
vercome by the world and reality.

I don’t know why but I just don’t feel right.

A place on this earth was just not meant for me.

With every tear drop that hits this paper

I know the time is drawing closer.

It’s so hard to say goodbye to all that I adore,

b
ecause by this time in the morrow

f
rom your lives, myself I will have torn.

So when you find my lifeless vessel,

please do not mourn.

I wa
s never comfortable with living...

I just couldn’t take anymore.

I’m sorry

The Riddle

I can’t do this

a
nymore than you can pull me through this

t
o the other side.

I
’m waiting for an ending

f
itting to the story.

Hope and glory fades before my eyes.

I see right through, you’re thoughtless!

Waiting for a moment of solace
,

h
oping for a brighter day

a
nd something to make it better.

Hoping, waiting

w
ishing all of this could be

t
he rising of the hopeless.

I’m waiting for an ending

fitting to the story,

The world just fades before my eyes

and I can’t see through the darkness.

Praying for a moment of silence

to get my head together,

s
o I can try to keep this promise.

A monotonous landscape

with condescending shadows surrounding.

Day in day out a never ended repeated set of actions
,

a
s much fun as pushing an iron bar into your temple.

Nail biting boredom
...

Time standing still
...

The day slows to a stop
!

I breathe
...

A sigh of relief knowing they can
’t hear what I’m thinking.

Smiles and violence to pass the time
,

t
rickery and honest eyes.

Tapping my fingers to the tick of the clock

as I slowly…

Hit…

My face…

On…

My desk…

Over and over and over and over

until I can draw stick men figures in the blood

t
hat poured from my nose.

The door opens

I snap back to life

“do ya need any help at all?”

I Fall,

I break

My knees pushed through my skin!

Revealing blood soaked gleaming bones within.

Y
ou caught me.

Y
ou cut me,

my throat slit wide
.

It catches your eyes,

the audience

my audience

a round of applause.

I’
m bleeding out,

they’re pushing in
.

T
hey’re fully engorged.

A
delight to see,

they’re wearing my skin!

A Portrait Of Disaster

Those fingers rip right through me,

they tear right through my chest.

A frenzy on the wounded

just how I know best.

We sink with every step,

I can’t find my way inside.

A place that I call hell

is where your body resides.

I know best!

I stretch the skin to find

a place that I call home.

Three cuts, a lack of purpose

has become your hope.

Still sinking into you headfirst

I can never win.

To choke on every word,

To never catch my breath.

It worries me so I can never rest.

I’m feeding on your body

with a pound of flesh.

I know best!

Lover Boy Butcher

He tears out the hearts of the unsuspecting

leaving them for dead.

They’re just meat to him and nothing more
.

They poured out everything
,

h
e just watched as they bled.

Le
d in to a false sense of security,

s
ingled out from the pack.

Now all alone with nobody watching

the damage is done.

He’s gone when you turn your back
,

t
high, breast and rear

h
e knows what he likes.

He got his hooks into you

by the end of the drink fuelled night.

Another notch in the bed post
,

a
nother meaningless night.

You were hoping this could be something special

but again he just used you as if you’re an animal

a
nd your dignity has gone out of sight.

Tapped Out

All those quiet times in our heads

d
ream away the day, dreams of dread...

Am I lost only to be found
?

By myself again, I find the old me gagged and bound
.

I
’ve been desensitized to life,

I struggle to be shocked anymore
.

Nothing really surprises me
.

Sometimes it can work in my favour

because occasionally I feel emotionally dead.

It means that not a lot can hurt me

but this can cause animosity.

Arguments brought to the boil
,

g
oing through the actions

t
o pass myself off as normal.

It’s Not The Falling That Kills You

I saw you fall away from grace

without a word without a trace.

Slipping through the crowd you’re faceless
,

t
he guilt hot on your heels, so shameless.

So as you’re free falling with all hope beside you

you see the shapes of a past that formed you

n
ow leaving you for dead, they’re leaving you for dead.

So now this is everything,

this is all that you are.

A loss of motivation means you can’t go back to the start
.

You’ve left yourself for dead
.

This lack of stability has brought you to your knees

wanting to make a change,

w
anting to take it all back

But I can’t wait for you, I won’t be left behind
.

I refus
e to sit and wait just to be led by the blind.

The Anchor

The knots that bound us together

have finally pulled loose.

Uneven, worn & frayed at the ends.

Pulling taut between unmovable objects,

the rope was bound to give.

Between my head and my heart

I knew the reasons.

Life is there to be lived.

No longer tied to the anchor

t
hat in the end was pulling me down.

Words lay heavy upon me
,

If right cannot be done

you feel like you’ve been left to drown.

No Rest For The Wicked

A soul to reap the wager
,

a
slave to kill the saviour.

The pursuit that’s ever lasting

as I re-claim the blame of past sins.

I am the miracle

I am what’s wrong

I am the tempter

I am the only one

The fuel to feed the taker
,

w
hen you’re in doubt, you break her.

It’s all around so keep hoping

for something, a sign but nothing!

Am I the miracle?

Am I what’s wrong?

Am I the tempter?

Am I the only one?

The Local Dealers

The local dealers, they don’t need to walk the streets.

The unsuspecting go directly go directly to them

for everything that they need.

Uppers, downers and muscle relaxants,

good shit to chase the blues away.

With no second thought you’re already there

willing to take whatever they’re giving away.

My dealer sits behind a desk, well presented and well spoken
.

So proud!

It’s almost like they’re above the law with no need to hide.

You hang on t
o hope with every word they say,

Before you know it, you’re hooked!

Even though you only needed it for the pain.

So now I sit with a distorted opinion

thinking why can’t I stop taking them.

Do I take them just for the pain?

Maybe they help make way for an easier day,

But with the volu
mes consumed you start to decay.

They just play ignorant, write another prescription

and send you away.