21 Ways to Finding Peace and Happiness (16 page)

We all need to take a serious inventory of what we are doing with our time, get out the pruning shears, and as the Spirit of God leads, cut things out of our lives until we no longer have to rush.
Then
we will be able to live with peace and joy.

Realizing that we have limits and cannot do everything, and then making choices to do what is most important, will definitely increase our level of peace. Peace equals power; without it, we live weak, frustrated lives. Remember, we should strive to let the peace of God rule in our lives as an umpire. If we have peace, we can keep doing what we are doing, but if we do not have peace, we know we need to make a change. If you hear yourself complaining all the time, it is an indication that you need to make some adjustments. If you are doing what God wants you to do, you should not be complaining about it.

T
AKE
C
HARGE OF
Y
OUR
S
CHEDULE

I remember murmuring about my schedule to the Lord, complaining how terribly busy I always was. He responded in my heart by saying, “You make your schedule. If you don’t like it, change it. I never told you that you had to do all the things you are doing.” He put the responsibility right back on me.

If we are honest, we really are the only ones who can do anything about the busyness of our lives. We complain frequently about being overworked and too involved, but we never do anything about it. We expect everyone to feel sorry for us because we are under pressure that we place on ourselves. We say we would love to have just one free evening at home with nothing to do. Yet when, by some miracle of God, we find ourselves alone for the evening, we are so tense from all our other hurrying that we cannot sit still and enjoy it.

One evening at about 5:15 PM, when I was home alone working on this book, our electricity suddenly went out. We were without power for three hours, and I was absolutely amazed at how I kept looking for something I could do. I eventually decided I would go to my aunt’s house because she did have power, so I could find something to do there. I got in my car, started it, headed down the driveway, pushed the button to open our electric gate, and realized we had no electricity, therefore the gate would not open. There was a way to open it manually, but I didn’t know how.

I finally thought,
Well, I guess God has trapped me in this house with absolutely nothing to do but look out the window, and He probably has a lesson in it for me.
Perhaps the lesson is found in Psalm 46:10: “Be still, and know that I am God” (KJV)!

Two days later we had a bad storm, actually one of the worst I can remember, and hundreds of thousands of homes—including ours—in St. Louis were without power for over twenty-four hours. I settled in more quickly the second time but found it amusing to watch how not only I, but also others in our neighborhood responded to having nothing to do. One of our sons, who had shared that day how tired he was from a recent trip and needed to rest that evening, got in his car and went to the office because the power was on there. I think it is safe to say that most of us are addicted to activity.

Make your own schedule. Don’t allow circumstances and demands from other people to make it for you. Simplify life. Do what you really need to do, but don’t be afraid to say no to things that take your time yet produce few positive results.

I recently spoke with a young woman who had a husband, small children, and a part-time job. She shared how she felt so pressured by all of life, and how she committed to things, then resented doing them. She was even beginning to resent the people who were asking her to do them. Her attitude was becoming bitter, and she was confused.

I strongly encouraged her to be realistic about what she could sanely accomplish and remain peaceful. I suggested that she simplify her life as much as possible. In other words, I encouraged her to be in charge of her own schedule.

B
E
H
ONEST WITH
Y
OURSELF

What is stress? Stress is too much to do in too little time. A fight with someone you love. A boss who is never pleased. Car trouble. Too little money and too many bills. Another red light when you are already late. The Internet not working when you desperately need it.

Actually, situations themselves do not cause stress; it is our reaction to the situation that is the real problem. For example, we blame the red light for being there at the wrong time when, in reality, we should have left home sooner, leaving some margin in our schedule. Only the truth makes us free. As long as we are making excuses for the stress in our lives rather than taking responsibility, we will never experience change.

I spent years trying to get rid of everything that bothered me and found out it was impossible. I wanted all of the people around me to change so they would never upset me; I also discovered that is not going to happen. Out of desperation to enjoy peace in my life, I became willing to change my approach to life. One of the things I had to do was slow down!

In 2 Timothy 4:5, Paul gave Timothy instructions about his life and ministry, saying, “As for you, be calm and cool and steady, accept and suffer unflinchingly every hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fully perform all the duties of your ministry.” Paul then said, “I am . . . about to be sacrificed [my life is about to be poured out as a drink offering]” (v. 6). Paul knew his time on earth was almost up, and he was giving Timothy instructions that he might not get another opportunity to give.

If we were dying and wanted to impart last words to those we were training, I believe we would choose things we felt were very important. Paul said, “Be calm”; in other words, “Don’t let things upset you. Live your life at a pace that enables you to enjoy it. Even when difficulties arise, accept them, and keep doing what God has called you to do.”

Calm is the picture I get of Jesus when I think of Him and His earthly ministry. (We will talk more about the fruit of living a calm life in a later chapter.) I don’t ever picture Jesus rushing from one thing to the next, being impatient with people who were not moving as fast as He wanted them to. Jesus lived in a manner that allowed Him to be discerning about what was going on around Him. He knew of danger before it approached and was able to avoid things that Satan had planned for His destruction. We need this kind of spiritual sensitivity in our own lives. We will not have it if we don’t slow down.

C
AREFULLY
C
HOOSE
W
HAT
Y
OU
N
EED TO
B
E
I
NVOLVED
I
N

We cannot be involved in everything and remain calm, cool, and steady. My own definition of hurry is this:
Hurry is our flesh trying to do more than the Spirit is leading us to do.
If God is leading us to do something, surely we should be able to do it and remain peaceful. He is the Author and Finisher of our faith, according to Hebrews 12:2, but He is not obligated to finish anything He did not begin. Often we begin projects in the flesh, and when we feel overwhelmed, we start praying for God to do something. We should learn to pray
before
we make plans, not afterwards.

Don’t engage in everything that is going on around you. Choose carefully what activities you need to participate in. I often refer to it as “choosing your battles carefully.” There are many things I could get involved in at my office that I have learned to just stay out of and let some other qualified person handle. Previously, I wanted to be part of everything, especially things that pertained to some problem at the ministry. I learned the hard way that I simply cannot be involved in everything; too much is going on for me to do that. I pick my battles now, and it has greatly increased my level of peace.

Moses was trying to be involved in too much, and in a moment of intense frustration, he told God the burden was too heavy for him. The Lord told him to choose seventy other qualified men, whom He would anoint to give them authority, then let them help with the burden of trying to lead millions of people through the wilderness (see Numbers 11).

If we don’t learn to delegate work and authority, we will always feel overwhelmed. Please notice I said, work
and
authority. Don’t ever give someone responsibility without the authority that goes with it. I found myself at times trying to give someone else a job to do while still wanting to be in control of it. By doing this, I was not relieved of the burden I had. My actions said to the other person, “I don’t really trust you,” which destroyed that person’s confidence and affected the outcome of his work.

In Exodus 18, we see another situation in which Moses was overworked, only this time Moses’ father-in-law, Jethro, saw all that Moses was doing for the people and told him it was too much. There are times in our lives when someone else will recognize what we can’t see. We should be open to hearing that it is time to delegate some of our workload to another qualified individual.

Jethro told Moses that if he did not make a change, he would wear out both himself and the Israelites. Even people get worn-out when we don’t let them help us, if God has put them in our lives for that purpose. They will feel stifled, unfulfilled, and frustrated. I believe we frequently lose people because we will not permit them to do what God has assigned them. If you have the idea that you are the only one who can do what needs to be done, you need to seriously consider what I am saying. Don’t let pride destroy you— ask for help!

Exodus 18 talks about leaders who could oversee thousands, hundreds, fifties, and tens of people. Not everyone is qualified to lead the same number. If you are anointed to lead thousands and won’t let others lead the tens, fifties, and hundreds, you will burn out, lose your peace, and not enjoy your work or your life.

Moses was wise enough to heed what his father-in-law said. He began to judge only the hard cases among the people while allowing other qualified people to judge the easier ones. He actually preserved his ministry by asking for help. We often have the mistaken idea that if we let others help us, we will be losing something, when actually the exact opposite is true.

I firmly believe that God provides for whatever He assigns to us. He will make sure we have all the people we need to help us, but it is not their fault if we won’t rely on them.

If you find yourself trying to do something and you don’t have the help you need, you might need to ask yourself if you are doing the right thing. Why would God ask you to do something, then sit by and watch you be frustrated and miserable because the burden is too much? God meets all of our needs, including the people we need to work alongside us. This passage of Scripture gives an example of this act of wisdom.

So the Twelve [apostles] convened the multitude of the disciples and said, It is not seemly or desirable or right that we should have to give up or neglect [preaching] the Word of God in order to attend to serving at tables and superintending the distribution of food. Therefore select out from among yourselves, brethren, seven men of good and attested character and repute, full of the [Holy] Spirit and wisdom, whom we may assign to look after this business and duty. But we will continue to devote ourselves steadfastly to prayer and the ministry of the Word. (Acts 6:2–4)

Had the apostles not recognized their need for help, their priorities would have remained out of line and their true assignment unfulfilled. They would have ended up frustrated, just like the people they were trying to serve. They could have lost their peace, and therefore, their power. It is very possible that the loss of peace was what triggered their decision to ask for help. This is a very good example for us to follow.

A mother can delegate some of the household chores to her children. True, they may not do the job as perfectly as she would, but they will relieve some pressure and also learn, as time goes by, to do chores with more excellence. No matter what station we are in, we can always delegate some of our responsibilities to others at the right time, therefore making it possible to do what we are assigned to do in life with peace and enjoyment. When you start to feel frustrated and begin losing your peace, ask yourself what you are doing that you could delegate to someone else.

I heard a man say that his wife desperately needed more time, so she “bought” some by hiring household help to do some of the chores. I thought this was a good way to look at it. We all feel occasionally that we are out of time—that there is never enough. “Buy” some time by either hiring someone to help or assigning chores to available people.

Once again, I want to stress that whoever you assign to jobs probably won’t do the job
exactly
the way you would. Look for a good outcome, and don’t be so concerned about the methods they use. We may all get to the same place by taking a different route, but the important thing is that we arrive. One person may prefer dusting the house before vacuuming the floors, while another may want to vacuum first and dust later. I can’t see that it makes any difference as long as both jobs get done. We should be humble enough to admit that
our way
of doing things is not the
only way.

When we have to consistently hurry, we have not managed our lives well. We have shoved too many things into too little space, or we are trying to do more than our share and not allowing others to help us.

Once you learn to slow down, you will have time to evaluate your real priorities in life. The first place I suggest you begin is in self-acceptance. In the next chapter we will observe how deep peace begins when you learn to love who God made you to be.

Peacekeeper #9
ACCEPT YOURSELF

M
any, perhaps even most people, are not at peace with themselves, and they may not even be aware of it. Our enemy, Satan, begins to work early in our lives, poisoning our thinking and attitudes toward ourselves. He knows we are not a threat or danger to him if we have no confidence.