4 Kaua'i Me a River (11 page)

Levi
and Steve hauled in the parts to the baby crib. Farrah said not to worry about
putting it together because she wanted to do it later. Then she ripped open a box
I’d brought in and she started oohing and awing over the tiny clothes.

“Isn’t
this fab?” she said, holding up a pale yellow ‘onesie’ with an embroidered
monkey on the front.

“What
would be ‘fab’ is you offering to help me lug in these boxes. There are three
or four more out there.”

“I
can’t leave Baby,” she said. Baby was fast asleep on a blanket on the floor. Thanks
to Steve, at least it was a clean blanket.

Sir
Lipton stood by the front door, panting. She’d worn herself out running back
and forth from truck to house accompanying each load of goods.

“What’s
the kid’s name?” said Levi pointing to the sleeping baby.

“I
think it’s ‘Baby’,” I said.

“The poor
kid doesn’t have a name?” Levi looked puzzled. “Why not?”

Uh-oh.
Steve and I exchanged a glance. Leave it to a cowboy to point out the eight-hundred
pounds of BS in the middle of our living room.

“He’s
got a name,” Farrah said in a huffy tone. “It’s simply not common knowledge
yet.”

“Huh?”
said Levi.

“I’ve
named him, but I’m waiting for the stars to properly align before I speak it to
the Universe. There’s a time for every purpose under heaven, you know.”

“When
will the stars align?” I said. I didn’t want to seem pushy, but I was hoping
she’d say, ‘when I’ve been granted legal guardianship’ or something along those
lines. Instead, she said, “When Aries is in ascendance and Libra in
retrograde.”

Seemed
the guardianship thing was too much to hope for.

With
Farrah and Baby settled in, Levi roared away in his truck. Steve had given him
a six-pack of Bikini Blonde Lager from the Maui Brewing Company for his trouble.

“He
used a quarter tank of gas and two hours of his time you give him a measly six-pack?”
I said.

“No
worries. Levi’s easy. He’s new in town and doesn’t know the ropes. I promised I’d
introduce him around.”

“What
is this, the rainbow coalition mafia? You gotta have ‘introductions’ and learn
‘the ropes’?”

“Hey,
not everyone qualifies to hang out with us. I keep it strictly friends-only.
That way, if anybody messes up, the injured party knows I’ll do something about
it.”

“Sure,
Guido, whatever,” I said.

I
offered to buy him lunch since he’d offered to drive me down to my shop in
Pa’ia to pick up my car.

“I
really appreciate you going along with this baby thing,” I said as we hunkered
into a big basket of fish and chips at the Pa’ia Fish Market.

“Remember,
this isn’t long-term. They’re both history before the kid needs a high chair,”
he said. “You pinkie swore.”

“I’m
worried Farrah’s time with this baby will be way short of a high chair,” I
said. “I talked to Sifu Doug and he freaked me out talking about kidnapping. He
offered to call his brother. Hopefully James can give Farrah some legal advice on
what she needs to do.”

“Couldn’t
Farrah just go the
hanai
route? I mean, your Auntie Mana raised you and
your brother as
hanai
kids without being legally adopted.”

“True.
But it wasn’t like Auntie Mana just glommed on to us. First off, we were older
and we knew her. And I’m sure my mom’s friends all spoke up for Mana with the
authorities. Farrah doesn’t even know who the mother is. It’s totally different.”

“Would
you go to bat for Farrah?”

“Of
course. That’s why I asked Sifu Doug to call the lawyer. But James is an
officer of the court. He can’t play ‘Let’s Make a Deal’ with a human being.
He’s got to follow the rules.”

“What
do you think will happen?”

I
shrugged. “I know what I’d like to have happen. But we’re talking about Farrah.
She tends to turn left when the sign points right. I’m just hoping she’ll come
around and do what she needs to do. Otherwise, I’m afraid this whole thing
could turn out to be pretty painful.”

“For
everybody,” he said.

“Yeah,
for everybody.”

We
finished our fish and chips in silence. I thanked him again for helping Farrah
move in and then I went to my shop. When I got inside, the phone message light
was blinking. I punched in the code for my voicemail and learned I had a message
from an hour earlier.

It was
Eleanor. “Pali,” she wailed. “Where are you? How could you abandon me in my
hour of need? Get back to me right away.”

I
called the hotel and asked for her room.

When Eleanor
answered, her voice was so cold I thought the phone might ice over “Do you
think you could find time in your
busy
day to see me?” she said.

“Certainly.
Do you want me to come down there or do you want to meet here at the shop?”

“I
think since I’m the
paying
customer you should make the effort to come
to me,” she said.

“No
worries. I’m on my way. Would you like us to meet in the lobby or in your
room?”

“What’s
with all the questions?” she said. “This is an emergency. Get your ass down
here!”

I locked
up and got into my forlorn little green Geo Metro. I’d promised myself over and
over that as soon as I could swing it I’d buy a new ride. A flicker of
recollection of yesterday’s meeting shot through me and I realized I might be able
to go car shopping in the very near future. That put a smile on my face even
though I was on my way to handle my least favorite part of my job: run
interference between a cranky bride and her reluctant groom.

I
pulled up near the Grand King Kamehameha Resort and Spa and parked on the
street. No way would I subject myself to the stares and eye rolls of valet
parking. And besides, I had a hunch after my meeting with Eleanor the last
thing I’d want is to be hanging around waiting for a valet to bring my car
around.

“
Aloha
and welcome to the Grand King Kamehameha,” said the doorman as he pulled the
heavy glass and brass door open for me. “May I direct you to your destination?”

I
wanted to tell him my destination was a rude dressing down by an overwrought
senior citizen and ask him where he’d suggest that take place, but instead I
smiled and said I knew the way.

I
called Eleanor’s room from the house phone.

“It
took you long enough,” she said. “Come on up.”

I took
the elevator to the fourth floor. As I walked down to her room, I realized her
room number was at the very end of the hall. A suite. A really big, really
spendy suite.

She pulled
the door open so quickly I was sure she’d been peering out the peephole as I
came down the hallway. Good thing I hadn’t been picking my nose—not that I’d
ever pick my nose in public, but even so.

“Now
what do you suggest we do?” said Eleanor as she turned and went into the
enormous living area of the suite. She plopped down in an overstuffed armchair while
I took in the view. It was even more beautiful than the view Hatch and I had
had in Poipu. Eleanor’s suite was smack dab on the ocean with the island of
Lana’i clearly outlined on the horizon. The sky was deep blue with only a
single puffy cloud to give it dimension. How in the world could someone be
having a hissy fit with that kind of God-given beauty laid out in front of
them?

“Catch
me up here, Eleanor,” I said. “I’m not exactly sure what’s going on.”

“Charles
won’t sign the pre-nup,” she said.

“Isn’t
it kind of late for a pre-nup?”

“It’s
not too late until I say ‘I do’,” she snapped. “I just got the final papers
from my lawyer yesterday.”

I
tried another tack.  “Did Charles know a pre-nup was coming?”

“Well,
he should have. I mean, think about it. The guy doesn’t have a pot to pee in.
And he’s got five kids! I only have one child.”

“And
you enjoy a considerably more comfortable lifestyle than Charles?” That was the
best I could do in coming up with a tactful way of saying,
You’re loaded and
he’s not
.

“Oh
c’mon, Pali, I’m not kidding myself. I know I can be somewhat hard to please at
times. But what I’m offering Charles is a life he’s only dreamed of. All he has
to do is sign the pre-nup and agree that the money’s mine. It’s not like I’m
accusing him of anything. But if he won’t sign, it’s like he’s saying he’s only
going to put up with me until he can dump me and take half of everything. It’s
not right.”

I
nodded. “Okay. How can I help?”

“Go down
there and have a word with him. He’ll listen to you.”

I
wasn’t sure how much Charles was willing to listen but I agreed to give it a
go. I took the elevator down to the first floor.

I
knocked and Charles let me in. He said nothing. His room turned out to be a
‘standard’ room with a ‘garden’ view; the cheapest accommodation in the entire hotel.

“You
know why I’m here?” I said.

“I’ve
got a good idea.”

“Well,
why not just sign it?”

He
stared out the window. The view was mostly parking lot. Only a thin strip of
lawn with a single plumeria tree at the far edge stood between Charles’ window
and a half-acre of rental cars baking in the sun. Hardly a ‘garden view’.

“I
don’t mean to be petty,” he said. “But put yourself in my shoes. You’ve met the
woman. She talks a blue streak and most of it is self-centered prattle. She’s
rude to waitresses and she pitches a royal fit if she has to wait for anything.
My life with her will be financially comfortable but emotionally taxing. I
shouldn’t have to sign away my rights. To be frank, there’s no way I’d marry
her if she didn’t have money.”

I
stared at him. He probably thought I was judging his candor, but instead I was
indulging in a bit of my own mental self-centered prattle. Is this what money does
to people? Would my father’s millions turn me into an ‘emotionally taxing’
woman?  Would Hatch resent being a ‘kept man’? Maybe on some level I already knew
the answers and that’s why I hadn’t mentioned my inheritance to anyone.

“Charles,
I think you have a decision to make. You can live the high life with a demanding
woman, knowing that if the marriage ends you’ll get nothing. Or, you can walk
away from it all right now. It’s one-hundred percent up to you.”

“What
would you do?” he said.

“It’s
not for me to say. It’s a tough decision.”

That
was a complete lie. I’d never walk away from Eleanor’s money.

I’d
run.

CHAPTER 13

At
dinnertime I called Hatch at the fire station and gave him an abbreviated
version of how my day had gone. I started off by saying it looked like the
wedding I had scheduled for the Fourth of July might fizzle. He murmured a few
words of consolation. I followed up by telling him someone had dropped off a
baby at Farrah’s store.

“She’s
babysitting?” he said.

“Not
exactly. The mother left the kid at the store and it doesn’t sound like she’s
coming back.”

“Did Farrah
meet the mother?”

“Nope.
The baby was there when she came down to open the store.”

“She
should have brought the kid here to the station. We can take abandoned
newborns, no questions asked. And there’s no blow-back on the mother for
abandonment or anything.”

“Well,
the mother didn’t do that. She left him at Farrah’s.”

“Has
Farrah called the cops?”

“No.
She’s staying up here with me and Steve while she figures out what to do.”

“There’s
nothing to figure out,” he said. “She’s got to report an abandoned baby. If she
doesn’t, she’s breaking all kinds of laws—child endangerment, custodial
interference, you name it.”

“Look,
Hatch, the child isn’t in danger. And Farrah isn’t interfering with anybody’s custodial
rights. The mother left a note saying she wanted Farrah to have him.”

“Was
the note signed?”

“No,
anonymous.”

“Then
how does Farrah know the mother even wrote the note? Maybe somebody snatched
the kid and ditched it at the store to elude the police. She’s got to report
it.”

I
didn’t say anything.

“Pali,
this isn’t the former cop in me talking. I’m speaking as a friend. You’ve got
to get Farrah to report this. She can’t play ‘finders keepers’ with a kid.
She’ll end up in jail.”

I
changed the subject and asked him what I should wear to the firefighter dinner
on Saturday night.

“Wear
a dress,” he said.

“But I
only have the one dress. And it’s starting to look a little shabby.”

“So? Buy
another one.”

I wanted
to say I’d rather bury a chopstick in my inner ear than go shopping, but I kept
quiet.