5 Darkness Falls (36 page)

My actions had finally caught up with me. My past had finally taken a chunk out of my present. I was going to lose the only one who ever accepted me as I was. I was going to lose my reason for living. I was going to lose everything I wanted in life, but had been too ignorant and stupid to appreciate.

“I’ve lost her, man,” I cried.

“You gubbed it up, mate. But she loves you. Her pitter won’t patter without you. You got to have faith. You got to bend down and have faith in her love for you.” He patted my back, pulling back to look me in the eye. “Stop blubbering like a doll and grow a pair, mate. She doesn’t want a schl
ep;
she wants the man she knows you are. The girl looks at you like you’re a
slicken
god. Give her time, and then bop her flippers off. You got this, Kel.”

I swallowed hard, trying to suppress
my harsh emotions.
I knew he was right. I knew I needed to just give her time and then go in swinging. I’d have to leave everything on the table and prove to her that I was still worth something. I couldn’t lose her, because if I lost her, then I lost my son too. The
idea
of losing them brought me to my knees, but actually losing them for good would be the stake to my heart that killed me; her back would burn
in
my
consciousness
as she walked away.

***

Lexi

I stretched, immediately feeling my baby boy moving inside me. I smiled, bringing my hands down over him.

I opened my eyes, surprised to find Drexel in the bed beside me. My smile slipped as all that had happened came rushing back to me.

His brows dipped as he stared at me, taking in every emotion that crossed my face.

Given his presence, I knew. But I had to ask. “He didn’t come back, did he?”

“Sorry, sweetie.”

I took a deep breath
, slowly blowing it out.
I nodded. “Okay.”

“You’ve got us though.” Sanders hugged me from behind.

I jumped. These two really had worked in special ops. I didn’t even realize he was there. I didn’t hear him breathing, didn’t feel his presence. It was as if he sprang from nowhere.

I chuckled lightly, over my initial shock. “No offense but you two can’t give me what I need.”

Sanders released me. Drexel kept his
eyes intently
focused on me. They may be lying in a bed, but they were still on the job.

“I’m going to take care of my orders for the day then shower.” And just like that the memory swam into focus. I could easily envision Kai, Drexel and Sanders sitting at the barstools, eating their cherry pies.

Tears pooled in my eyes as I recalled the big smile on Kai’s face when he set down his spoon. He had a look of appreciation; the sparkle in his eyes said he enjoyed every bite. And for just one moment, he seemed free. He wasn’t
bogged
down by the weight of his responsibilities; he wasn’t a worried friend. He was Kai: a carefree, charismatic
,
surfer boy from Hawaii.

I
ran my teeth across
my bottom lip
,
trying to keep the tears where they were, but lost the battle. I would never see that look again. I would never see his smile again. I would never feel his arms wrapped around me or his lips pressed to mine. He was really gone.

And now Kellan was
gone
too.
God.
How had I lost them both?

“Hey.” Drexel’s voice was soft as he used the pads of his thumbs to
chase
away my tears.

I laughed a humorless laugh. “I’m so tired of crying.” I pinched my
forehead.
“I don’t want to cry anymore. I just want the pain to go away.”

The guys wrapped their arms around me, cradling me from both sides. They didn’t say anything. They just held me. They were there, the way Kai was always there; the way Kellan
used to be
there.

“I feel like a blubbering whale.”

“You’re not, baby girl. I promise you’re not.” Sanders kissed my temple.

I took a deep breath as Drexel
caressed my cheek with
one hand
.
“I need to do something. Kellan
may have
had bad delivery, but he was right. I can’t wallow forever.”

“Don’t let him get to you. Everyone grieves in their own way
,
on their own timeline. Never let anyone rush you through it or else you’ll just bury it rather than
face
with it.” Drexel’s face was solemn as he regarded me.

I gazed into his eyes, reading between the lines. “I’ll remember that.”

I swallowed hard, fearing my serum would rise at any moment. I fidgeted as I looked around the room. Anxiety
rushed
my pulse. “I’m sorry, guys, but I have to get up and do something.”

They immediately got up off the bed. Cold air kissed my skin, making me miss the company I’d dismissed, the present, ex and dead ones.

They watched me closely as I slid to the edge and moved off the bed. No sooner had I stood than a knock sounded on the front door.

“I’ll get it,” Sanders and Drex said in unison.

I frowned, eyeing them both. A sinking feeling settled in my gut. As great as they both had been, they were clearly uncomfortable with their new positions in my life.

“I’ll get it,” Sanders stated, escaping quickly.

I gave Drexel a wistful smile. “You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. I’m not going to fall apart without someone.”

“Are you sure about that?” His tone
carried
a
biting
edge.

I considered him for a moment. “Will I break down and cry from time to time? Yes. But I’m not going to shatter into a million pieces.”

The bedroom door flew open. A second later I was being squeezed by two sets of arms.

“Why didn’t you tell me what happened with Kellan? You know I would have come right away,” Mel blurted.

“It should be obvious why she didn’t tell us. Her eyes are still red and puffy. For a vamp, that means she was crying up until a few minutes ago,” Gabi said.

“I’m okay, really.”

They both pulled back and gave me the same look. They clearly didn’t believe me.

Gabi frowned. “I know you have to be hurting,
chica
.”

I shuffled beneath their knowing g
lances.
Why was I so easy to read at the worst times, the times
when
I
really
wanted to hide my feelings?

“Come on, Lex. We’re doing a spa day. You deserve to be pampered
,
and all the girl talk will distract you from what’s going on.” Mel grabbed my hand and turned me towards the door.

“Wait. How did you two find out?”

Mel blushed, giving her shoulders a light shrug. “Kellan showed up at Craig’s.”

“Oh. Of course.” Well, at least I knew where he went. A small weight lifted off my chest knowing Kellan wasn’t out doing something stupid; too bad the tiny bit of breathing room was immediately crushed by a mountain of longing. I missed him. I missed both of them.

“Oh, Lex.” Gabi’s eyes softened as she took me in. “Why don’t we order pizza and watch on-demand movies here instead?”

“Um, yeah. That would be good. I’m sure I have a list of orders to complete.”

“No, you don’t. Jack shut you down.”

“What?” My eyes widened as I waited for a good explanation
to follow
. After all that had happened, it seemed like my business was all I had left at times. It kept me grounded, forced me to get up and do something every day.

“Lex, please don’t argue with me. It’s for your own good.” She placed a hand on her hip and leaned into me a bit. “You’ve been through a lot lately. You lost two men you loved in the same week. You have a baby on the way. You’re running an army and meanwhile have another army after you. You’re not superwoman or supervamp or whatever the hell you
want to
think you are. You need to take care of yourself. Kai would have wanted you to take care of yourself.” She inhaled deep, as if to
reset
herself. “So I had Jack post a note for your customers saying you were going on hiatus for the next six months. That gives you time to get your life together, have your baby and hopefully fix things with Kellan.”

I couldn’t argue with her. I knew deep down that she was right. I guess I felt like I was failing in so many other parts of my life, that by taking a step back, I’d be letting everyone down again; I’d be failing again.

I thought about Kellan. God, I missed him. I had this ache in my chest that didn’t lessen; rather, it worsened as each minute ticked by without him. But what kind of example would I be setting for my son if I accepted his outburst
s
? What did it say about me when he yelled at me in front of someone and I said nothing? What did it say about
us
when he didn’t take my feelings into consideration before he spoke, before he acted?

“As hurt as I am
,
and as much as I miss him, I don’t know if getting back together with Kellan is the best thing for me right now.” Saying the words aloud cemented them in
my mind.
It was out there. My doubts were on the table.

I felt Drexel’s hand on my
shoulder. “I’ll be in my room, B
aby
C
akes.” He kissed my head before walking out.

I faced Mel and Gabi. Their expressions were identical. Stricken. That’s what they were. They couldn’t believe I’d actually said
that.

“I think you should probably give it some time. You’re pregnant; you just lost someone close to you. You’re not yourself.” I could tell Mel was trying to explain away my answer. Based
on
the fear in her eyes, I knew she was afraid that me and Kellan not working
out
meant her and Craig wouldn’t either.

“We can’t tell you what to do, but don’t close any doors just yet, okay?” Gabi’s gaze was wistful, hopeful.

I shook my head in agreement. I had my doubts, but that didn’t mean I’d let go of my faith.

“Let’s stop thinking about this stuff for now. I’m hungry
,
and I could definitely use a mental break.” Mel tugged Gabi and me towards the living room.

At the sight of the closed nursery door I stopped. Happy thoughts and memories of Kai assaulted me. I smiled
thoughtfully,
rubbing my belly. “It’s a boy
!”

They both smiled wide. “Holy sugar plums! I’ve been waiting for this moment! Now I can start buying.” Mel jumped for joy.

“Same here. O.M.G. This is so exciting, Lex! Wait until Jack hears
,
he’ll be having a nephew. Believe it or not, the guy is stoked to have a baby in the family.” Gabi grabbed Mel’s hand, shaking it with the same excitement.

“Speaking of family, how is Imara? I haven’t heard from her.”

“Oh, she’s around.” There was something in Gabi’s eyes that struck a cord with me.

Imara was up to something. And it involved me.

Chapter 34

Lexi

It’d been three days since I’d last seen Kellan. I thought time would make it easier, as with Kai, but it only grew harder. Everything reminded me of one of them.

I was pushing past it today to focus on a meeting with…I sighed. It would be hard to see the Bladangs, minus Kai, today.

Heading into my closet, I got lost in reminiscing about my shopping trip with Kai for a moment. I remembered how great he was, how complimentary he was that whole day. He’d coaxed me through my hesitation. He’d been amazing.

I grabbed a short-sleeved, cream turtleneck and the navy blue cotton maxi dress Kai had loved on me. It had a deep-V front with wide shoulder straps and an empire waist design.

I quickly changed and pulled my hair into a tight knot on top of my head. Stud earrings, the gold bird necklace Kai insisted looked great with the dress, and a pair of gold ballet flats completed my ensemble.

I stuffed my phone in my teal Nine West purse and headed for the door.

Drexel immediately fell into step behind me. “I’ll drive.”

“Thanks.”

As we stepped out into the cool October air, my chest expanded briefly. Gabi had been right. I hadn’t realized how stressful running the business had been while trying to manage everything else. It wasn’t always easy, but sometimes letting go was necessary.

***

The conference room was ready when we arrived at the vamp army headquarters. I had my checkup appointment with Dr. H scheduled immediately after since he would be doing rounds at the army’s offices.

I was immediately pulled back every time to when Rashik was still missing and I was staring out at my dedicated team. We’d been lucky not to lose anyone in the big battle.