50 Ways to Play (7 page)

37. Fetishes

It’s hard to think about fetishes in BDSM since, for most mainstream couples, BDSM is a fetish in and of itself. Nonetheless, it is important for partners to be aware of each other’s favorite fetishes so that these can be incorporated into sex. The result is a tailor-made sexual experience that hits all the right buttons. It doesn’t matter if the things that
arouse you are actual fetishes or just sexual preferences—either way, the more you can exploit them, the better.

Having a strong desire for a particular body part is a popular kind of fetish. Foot fetishes are common, and some people enjoy sucking or being penetrated by a partner’s toe or toes. Footwear such as stockings, stilettos and high-buckled boots are often associated with feet fetishes.
Stomachs are a fetish area also, particularly for male dominants who enjoy ejaculating on their submissive’s tummy. So too are fingernails that can leave a mark (see
#14
). Tattoos and body piercings like belly rings or tongue studs are also popular. Clothing material—from latex to leather—is a fetish that almost all BDSM players have to some extent.

Shower sex (see
#8
) is a fetish for many
couples and especially for men, perhaps because it is so strongly associated with arousal, fantasy and masturbation. BDSM trademarks like domination and submission (see
#2
), restraint (see
#5
and
#34
), pain (see
#11
), rough sex and force fantasies (see
#27
), as well as voyeurism and exhibitionism (see
#24
), round out the most popular sexual preferences of mainstream couples.

38. BDSM & Cunnilingus, Part I

Cunnilingus always feels good, but adding the excitement and novelty of bondage to oral sex can increase its enjoyment multifold. For women who are comfortable with receiving cunnilingus, restraint brings an entirely new dimension to it. For women who are uncomfortable with cunnilingus, restraint can offer a guilt-free way to indulge in an activity
they might not normally partake in out of embarrassment, shame or inhibitions.

The leapfrog and frogtie positions (see
#34
) are two of the best bondage positions for BDSM-style cunnilingus, and each delivers distinct sensations to a woman’s genitals. Each position also allows the male dominant to use different BDSM tactics on his female submissive. With her in the leapfrog position, for example,
he can spread her buttocks to perform cunnilingus from behind. He can also simultaneously stimulate her anal area with a slim vibrating probe (see
#29
). With his submissive restrained in the frogtie position, the male dominant can gently whip her genitals with the rubber tassels of a flogging toy, and then kiss her better with long licks along her labia.

A standing or suspended position (see
#8
) is also a great restraint option for cunnilingus, particularly if a leg-spreader bar is used (see
#29
). This position provides excellent access to a female submissive’s clitoris. The male dominant can lick her labia from below before swirling his tongue around her clitoris and then gently sucking on it. To add internal pleasure, he can thrust inside her with his fingers.

A female dominant
who wants her submissive to perform oral sex can order him to kneel, and then restrain him with either the over-arm tie or elbow bondage (see
#34
). She can then stand above him and tell him precisely what to do with his mouth, without having to worry about his wandering hands.

39. BDSM & Fellatio, Part I

Fellatio is common in mainstream or so-called vanilla sex; however, it is usually a fairly passive experience for men. The domination aspect of BDSM allows a man to be a more selfish, even aggressive participant. With his submissive bound below him, perhaps on an ottoman (see
#7
), he can straddle her and penetrate her mouth without having to worry
about her pleasure. Of course, a man who plays in this way must be keenly aware of his partner’s comfort level, and how deeply or quickly he can thrust without gagging her.

To complete this power play, the dominant can ejaculate on his submissive’s face or on another part of her body. This fulfills a common male fetish (see
#37
). Unfortunately, it can also remind a woman of those stomach-churning
“facials” or “cum shots” often seen in male-focused pornography (see
#45
). If you’re a man who wants to play in this way, you must first have a respectful discussion about this with your woman (see
#2
). She might be willing, for example, to let you ejaculate on her stomach but not her face.

Another option is for the dominant male to hogtie (see
#34
) his submissive and hold her hair, thus
“forcing” her to fellate him. This gives a woman more mobility to control the way she takes him into her mouth.

40. BDSM & Cunnilingus, Part II

The classic BDSM spread-eagle position (see
#5
) offers more ways to combine bondage with cunnilingus and erotic aids. Once a male dominant restrains his submissive in this wide-open position, he can slip a pair of vibrating Ben Wa balls inside her vagina (see
#29
). These create a pleasurable, tingling fullness that can dramatically increase
the erotic impact of cunnilingus. A remote-controlled bullet vibrator is another option that can stimulate the inside of the vagina during cunnilingus. This option allows the dominant to choreograph the level of vaginal sensation with the intensity of mouth maneuvers.

To overload his female submissive’s senses, the dominant can add a pair of nipple clamps—the type that are connected by a
chain—to her nipples (see
#15
). As he licks her labia and sucks on her clitoris, he can reach up to pull on the chain, thus skyrocketing the intensity of her experience. Cunnilingus performed in this way on a restrained or bound female submissive provides a perfect background to fantasies about domination (see
#2
) and force (see
#27
).

41. BDSM & Fellatio, Part II

It may seem antithetical to women that fellatio can be a way to simultaneously pleasure and dominate a man. Pornography that centers on male-only pleasure doesn’t paint a pretty picture (see
#39
and
#45
); however, many women realize the power potential of fellatio. Cleopatra, Queen of Egypt, was widely rumored to be a fellatrix without equal who
used her oral-sex skills to seduce two of the world’s most powerful men—Julius Caesar and Mark Antony.

To exert mental and physical control over her male submissive and make him feel “used,” a female dominant can fellate him while he is bound. The spread-eagle (see
#5
) and suspended or standing positions (see
#8
) give her open access to his genitals. To really enjoy her power trip, she can
deprive him of some senses by blindfolding him or making him wear a hood (see
#10
) while simultaneously flooding his other senses by fellating him while he wears a penis ring (see
#29
).

To tend to her own pleasure, a female dominant may wish to self-pleasure with a vibrator (see
#26
and
#29
) while she fellates him. She can then stop and order him to penetrate her in the position and thrusting
style of her choice (see
#36
).

42. Anal Play

Anal play involves pleasurable stimulation of the anal area without engaging in penetrative sex. It is a common practice in BDSM sexplay, although generally considered taboo by vanilla-sex standards; however, the taboo element makes it all the more exciting.

A word of caution about anal play: nothing that touches the anal area—whether a finger or a sex
toy—should ever come in contact with the vagina. Such contact can cause serious urinary tract infections in women. Anal play requires cleanliness and, since the anal area does not have natural lubrication, it also involves the use of an artificial lubricant. Watch out for anal lubricants that contain “desensitizing” ingredients. You need to feel what’s going on, since discomfort is your body’s way
of protecting itself.

To initiate anal play, a male dominant can restrain his submissive in the leapfrog position (see
#34
) and perform oral sex until her arousal builds—a partner who is turned on may be more receptive to experimenting with this type of sexplay. He can then apply gentle pressure to her anus with a lubricated finger, vibrator or anal probe (see
#29
), perhaps letting just the
very tip slip inside. If he wishes, he can penetrate her and begin to thrust as he continues to apply pressure to her anus. The novelty of the act for him, and the sensation for her, can intensify orgasm for both.

A female dominant who wants to initiate anal play can restrain her male submissive in the frogtie position (see
#34
) and perform oral sex until he is erect and aroused. She can
then slip a vibrator under his body to press against and stimulate his anal area as she continues to fellate him, whether to climax or until she wants to do something different (see
#3
and
#28
).

Prostate massage is the most pleasurable aspect of anal play for many men. The prostate gland is part of the male urinary and reproductive systems and is located just below the bladder. It plays a
role in the production of semen and ejaculation. The prostate can be externally stimulated by pressing or massaging the perineum, the small area that extends from behind the scrotum to the anus, to create a deep pleasurable sensation.

To perform prostate stimulation on her submissive, the female dominant can restrain him in the spread-eagle position (see
#5
) and perform oral sex until he
is erect. With the knuckles of one hand, she can press against the perineum as she fellates him, while gently squeezing his scrotum with her other hand. She may want to press a bullet vibrator (see
#29
) against the perineum to add an extra buzz to the experience. Bullet vibrators are less phallic-looking than straight vibrators, which might help a heterosexual man be more receptive to anal play.

43. Anal Sex

Anal sexual penetration can be an enjoyable experience for both women and men, particularly those in the BDSM scene. Many women enjoy double penetration—simultaneous penetration of the vagina and anus—by their partner’s penis and a sex toy. Men enjoy both the novel, taboo element of anal sex as well as the tightness around their shaft.

It is less common
for heterosexual men to allow themselves to be anally penetrated; however, anal probes, butt plugs and strap-on dildos (see
#29
) can accommodate those who are game to try. Many anal probes are designed for internal prostate stimulation, which, when performed in unison with fellatio, can result in a surprisingly powerful orgasm for men.

Slow, sure and slick is the game plan when incorporating
anal sex into BDSM sexplay. Take things slowly and cautiously at first, keeping an open channel of communication between partners and remembering your limits and safe word (see
#2
). Ample anal lubricant without a desensitizer is essential, and there must be no contact or transference of germs between the anus and the vagina. Those new to anal sex should rely on fantasy elements to bring a sense
of domination and submission to the experience—bondage and restraints should not be used until both partners are experienced and comfortable with this type of sexplay.

When partners are familiar and at ease with anal sex, they can begin to incorporate other elements of BDSM into it, including bondage. Anal sex toys (see
#29
) can also be brought into play. Probes and vibrators can be used
in a phallic sense to penetrate and withdraw, while butt plugs and anal beads remain in place to produce a constant sense of pleasurable fullness. Strap-on dildos can be used by a female dominant to punish and penetrate her male submissive. A male dominant may instruct his female submissive to fellate a dildo as a form of mild erotic humiliation (see
#25
) or to masturbate herself with it for his
viewing pleasure (see
#26
).

44. Sex & Mirrors

Mirrors can add amazing visual impact to BDSM sexplay. The dominant partner can place a mirror in front of a restrained submissive and then order the submissive to watch as his or her body is used, abused and aroused involuntarily.

“Suspending” a submissive by the wrists from a shower rod (see
#8
) in the bathroom can easily accommodate this type of
play, providing the vanity mirror is within sight. For BDSM bedroom play, the submissive can be restrained in the standing position with door jam cuffs (see
#8
) and then a full-length dressing mirror can be positioned in front of her or him.

To fully exploit the visual dimension and revel in his domination, the male dominant can make his restrained female submissive watch as he fastens nipple
clamps (see
#15
) to her nipples and slides a bullet vibrator inside her vagina (see
#21
and
#29
), using the remote control to stimulate her at his whim—and against her will. He can subject her to agonizing delayed gratification (see
#3
) by alternating periods of cunnilingus (see
#38
) and vaginal penetration with a straight vibrator.

A female dominant can force her male submissive to watch
every moment of his sexual agony and ecstasy by restraining him in the suspended or standing position as above, and placing a mirror before him in the same way. She may want to apply a penis ring and/or subject him to the excruciating pleasure of a male masturbator (see
#29
and
#30
). She may also want to fellate him while pleasuring herself with a rabbit vibrator or other sex toy (see
#26
and
#29
). This sight is guaranteed to bring any male submissive to the breaking point. A female dominant can also order her submissive to watch as she subjects him to erotic torture (see
#33
) by flogging his body, using the tassels of a whip (see
#13
) to strike his genitals with more pleasure than pain.

A word of warning to men about sex and mirrors: if your woman is self-conscious about her body,
this is more likely to shut her down than turn her on. To segue into the use of mirrors, wait until you’re both aroused and then suggest it. If she says no, don’t ask again.